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THE  NOVELS 

OF 

CAPTAIN   MARRYAT 

EDITED    BY 

R.  BRIMLEY    JOHNSON 


This  Edition  of  Captain  Marry af  s  Novels^ 

made  exclusively  for  members  of  the 

NEW  YORK  YACHT:  CLUB 

is  strictly  limited  to  one  hundred  copies. 


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PRINTED  FOR 

H.  A.  VAN  HEW,  Esq. 


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NEW  YORK  YACHT  CLUB  EDITION 


PETER  SIMPLE 

AND 

THE  THREE  CUTTERS 

BY 
CAPTAIN   MARRYAT 

VOLUME    I 


NEW  YORK 

CROSCUP  AND   COMPANY 

MDCCCXCVI 


f 

■r  t 


i9 


.JJb 


Contents 


Volume  I 


PAGE 

ix 
xi 


List  of  Marryat's  Works,  etc.  .  .  • 

Biographical  Introduction       .... 
Prefatory    Note    to    Peter  Simple    and  The    Three 

Cutters  ......     xxxiv 


PETER  SIMPLE 


Chapter  i         , 

•            i 

Chapter  ii 

7 

Chapter  hi 

12 

Chapter  iv 

18 

Chapter  v 

24 

Chapter  vi 

30 

Chapter  vii 

37 

Chapter  viii 

43 

Chapter  ix 

52 

Chapter  x 

60 

Chapter  xi 

.         67 

Chapter  xii 

•             i 

74 

VI 


Contents 


Chapter 

XIII 

Chapter 

XIV 

Chapter 

XV 

Chapter 

XVI 

Chapter 

XVII 

Chapter 

XVIII 

Chapter 

XIX 

Chapter 

XX 

Chapter 

XXI 

Chapter 

XXII 

Chapter 

XXIII 

Chapter 

XXIV 

Chapter 

XXV 

Chapter 

XXVI 

Chapter 

XXVII 

Chapter 

XXVIII 

Chapter 

XXIX 

Chapter 

XXX 

PAGE 

87 

98 

III 

124 

139 

I48 

157 
I64 
172 
l8l 
I9I 
197 
203 
212 
219 
228 

239 
247 


List  of  Etchings 


Volume  I 

Portrait  of  Marryat  ....  frontispiece 

Etched  by  H.  Crickmore. 

PETER  SIMPLE 

PAGE 

My  Second  showed  me  how  to  pull  the  Trigger  .         19 

"Pull  Devil,  pull  Baker "     ..  -63 

At  last  my  Father   seized   the    Stool   which   he  had 

been  seated  upon  and  threw  it  at  my  head     .         93 

Celeste  then  commenced  her  work        '.  .  .156 

We    PERCEIVED  A  LITTLE  GIRL  COMING  TOWARDS  US,  SUPPORTED 

BY   A  LARGE    MASTIFF  .  .  .  203 

Drawn  by  W.  Downing. 
Etched  by  W.  Wright-Nooth. 


vtt 


LIST    OF    MARRYAT'S    WORKS. 


IN    THE    ORDER    OF    PUBLICATION. 


By  Frederick  Marryat.     Born,  July  ] 

792.     Died, 

Aug. 

1848. 

^Suggestions  for  the  Abolition  of  the  Present  System 

of  Impressment  in  the  Naval 

Service    . 

1822 

Adventures  of  a  Naval  Officer,  or 

Frank  Mildmay  . 

1829 

The  King's  Own 

.              , 

1830 

Newton  Forster           • 

-           m 

1832 

Peter  Simple    .              .      IKav^C^V^ 

1834 

Jacob  Faithful 

1834 

Pacha  of  Many  Tales 

1835 

Mr  Midshipman  Easy 

1836 

Japhet  in  search  of  a  Father 

1836 

The  Pirate  and  The  Three  Cutters 

1836 

*A  Code  of  Signals  for  the  use  of 

Vessels 

EMPLOYE! 

► 

in  the  Merchant  Service 

#              , 

1837 

Snarley-yow,  or  the  Dog  Fiend 

#              , 

.   1837 

The  Phantom  Ship 

. 

.   1839 

*Diary  in  America       . 

. 

■   1839 

Olla  Podrida  . 

. 

.     1 840 

Poor  Jack 

m 

.     1840 

Masterman  Ready 

1              < 

.    1841 

Joseph  Rushbrook,  or  The  Poacher 

m             , 

.    1841 

Percival  Keene 

#              , 

1842 

Narrative  of  the  Travels  and  Adventures  of  1 

VIonsieuf 

Violet  . 

m 

•   1843 

Settlers  in  Canada 

• 

.    1844 

The  Mission,  or  Scenes  in  Africa 

-   1845 

The  Privateer's  Man  . 

.    1846 

The  Children  of  the  New  Forest 

• 

.   1847 

The  Little  Savage 

1848-49 

Valerie 

• 

.    1849 

x  List  of  Marryat's  Works 

This  edition  will  include  all  the  novels  and  tales,  only 
omitting  the  three  items  marked  in  the  above  list  with  an 
asterisk.  The  text  will  be,  for  the  most  part,  that  of 
the  first  editions,  except  for  the  correction  of  a  few  obvious 
errors  and  some  modernisation  of  spelling.  Rattlin  the 
Reefer,  so  frequently  attributed  to  Marryat,  will  not  be 
reprinted  here.  It  was  written  by  Edward  Howard,  sub- 
editor, under  Marryat,  of  the  The  Metropolitan  Magazine, 
and  author  of  Outward  Bound,  etc.  On  the  title-page  it 
is  described  simply  as  edited  by  Marryat  and,  according 
to  his  daughter,  the  Captain  did  no  more  than  stand 
literary  sponsor  to  the  production.  In  1 850,  Saunders  and 
Otley  published  : — The  Floral  Telegraph,  or,  Affections  Signals 
by  the  late  Captain  Marryat,  R.N.,  but  Mrs  Lean  knows 
nothing  of  the  book,  and  it  is  probably  not  Marryat's 
work. 

The  Life  and  Letters  of  Captain  Marryat:  by  Florence 
Marryat  (Mrs  Lean),  in  2  vols.:  Richard  Bentley  1 872, 
are  the  only  biographical  record  of  the  novelist  extant. 
In  some  matters  they  are  very  detailed  and  personal, 
in  others  reticent.  The  story  has  been  spiritedly  retold, 
with  reflections  and  criticisms,  by  Mr  David  Hannay  in 
the  "Great  Writers"  Series,   1 889. 

The  frontispiece  is  from  a  print,  published  by  Henry 
Colburn  in  1836,  after  the  portrait  by  Simpson,  the 
favourite  pupil  of  Sir  Thomas  Lawrence,  which  was 
"  considered  more  like  him  than  any  other."  Count 
D'Orsay  took  a  portrait  of  Marryat,  in  coloured  crayons, 
about  1840,  but  it  was  not  a  success.  A  portrait,  in 
water  colours,  by  Behnes,  was  engraved  as  a  frontis- 
piece to  The  Pirate  and  The  Three  Cutters.  His  bust 
was  taken  by  Carew. 

R.  B.  J. 


Frederick  Marryat 

Without  yielding  implicit  credence  to  the  handsome 
pedigree  of  the  Marryats  supplied  by  Mrs  Lean,  the 
novelist's  daughter,  we  may  give  a  glance  in  passing 
to  the  first-fruits  of  this  family  tree.  They — naturally 
— came  over  with  the  Conqueror,  and  emerged  from 
obscurity  under  Stephen  as  the  proud  "  possessors  of 
much  lands  at  the  village  of  Meryat,  Ashton  Meryat,  and 
elsewhere  in  Somersetshire  .  .  .  One  Nicotas  de  Maryet 
is  deputed  to  collect  the  ransom  of  Richard  Cceur  de  Leon 
through  the  county  of  Somerset  ...  In  the  reign  of 
Edward  I.,  Sir  John  de  Maryet  is  called  to  attend  the 
Great  Parliament ;  in  that  of  Edward  II.,  his  son  is  ex- 
communicated for  embowelling  his  deceased  wife;  'a 
fancy,'  says  the  county  historian,  '  peculiar  to  the  knightly 
family  of  Meryat.' "  Mrs  Lean  quotes  records  of  other 
Meryat  "  hearts  "  to  which  an  honourable  burial  has  been 
accorded.  The  house  of  Meryat  finally  lost  its  property 
on  the  fall  of  Lady  Jane  Grey,  to  whom  it  had  descended 
through  the  female  line. 

Captain  Marryat  belonged  to  the  Suffolk  branch  of  the 
family,  of  whom  "  one  John  de  Mary  at  had  the  honour 
of  dancing  in  a  masque  before  the  Virgin  Queen  at  Trinity 
College,  Cambridge  .  .  .  was  sent  to  aid  the  Huguenots 
in  their  wars  in  France  .  .  .  escaped  the  massacre  of  St 
Bartholemew  and,  in  1610,  returned  to  England."  Here 
he  married  "  Mary,  the  daughter  and  heiress  of  Daniel 
Luke,  of  the  Covent  Garden  (a  rank  Puritan  family  in 
Hudibras),  and  again  settled  in  his  paternal  county  of 
Suffolk."     Less   partial  biographers  neglect  to  trace  the 


xii  Introduction 

Marryats  beyond  this  Huguenot  officer,  who  is  described 
by  them  as  a  refugee. 

Whatever  may  be  the  truth  of  these  matters,  it  is 
certain  that  during  the  17th  and  1 8th  centuries  the 
Maryats  were  a  respectable,  middle-class  Puritan  family 
— ministers,  doctors,  and  business  men.  In  the  days  of 
the  merry  monarch  a  John  Marryat  became  distinguished 
as  a  "  painful  preacher,"  and  was  twice  expelled  from  his 
livings  for  non-conformity.  Captain  Marryat's  grand- 
father was  a  good  doctor,  and  his  father,  Joseph  Marryat 
of  Wimbledon  House,  was  an  M.P.,  chairman  for  the 
committee  of  Lloyd's,  and  colonial  agent  for  the  island 
of  Grenada — a  substantial  man,  who  refused  a  baronetcy, 
and  was  honoured  by  an  elegy  from  Campbell.  He 
married  Charlotte  Geyer,  or  Von  Geyer,  a  Hessian  of 
good  descent. 

Frederick,  born  July  10,  1792,  was  one  of  fifteen 
sons  and  daughters,  "  of  whom  ten  attained  maturity, 
and  several  have  entered  the  lists  of  literature."  His 
eldest  brother,  Joseph,  was  a  famous  collector  of  china, 
and  author  of  Pottery  and  Porcelain  ;  the  youngest,  Horace, 
wrote  One  Year  in  Sweden,  Jutland  and  the  Danish  Isles; 
and  his  sister,  Mrs  Bury  Palliser,  was  the  author  of  Nature 
and  Art  (not  to  be  confounded  with  Mrs  Inchbald's  novel 
of  that  name),  The  History  of  Lace,  and  Historic  Devices, 
Badges  and  War  Cries.  His  father  and  grandfather 
published  political  and  medical  works,  respectively,  while 
the  generation  below  was  equally  prolific.  Marryat's 
youngest  son,  Frank,  described  his  travels  in  Borneo  and 
the  Eastern  Archipelago  and  Mountains  and  Molehills,  or 
Recollections  of  a  Burnt  Journal ;  and  his  daughter  Florence, 
Mrs  Lean,  the  author  of  his  Life  and  Letters,  has  written 
a  great  many  popular  novels. 

We  can  record  little  of  Marryat's  boyhood  beyond  a 
general  impression  of  his  discontent  with  school-masters 
and  parents.  Mr  Hannay  is  probably  right  in  regarding 
his  hard  pictures  of  home  and  school  life  as  reflections 
of  his  own  experience. 


Introduction  xiii 

It  is  said  that  on  one  occasion  he  was  found  to  be 
engaged  in  the  pursuit  of  knowledge  while  standing  on 
his  head ;  and  that  he  accounted  for  the  circumstance 
with  a  humorous  philosophy  almost  worthy  of  Jack  Easy — 
"  Well !  I've  been  trying  for  three  hours  to  learn  it  on 
my  feet,  but  I  couldn't,  so  I  thought  I  would  try  whether 
it  would  be  easier  to  learn  it  on  my  head."  Another 
anecdote,  of  a  contest  with  his  school-fellow  Babbage, 
is  interesting  and  characteristic.  It  appears  that  the  in- 
ventor of  the  calculating  machine,  unlike  Marry  at,  was 
a  very  diligent  lad  ;  and  that  he  accordingly  arranged, 
with  some  kindred  spirits,  to  begin  work  at  three  in  the 
morning.  The  restless  Marryat  wished  to  join  the  party, 
but  his  motives  were  suspected  and  the  conspirators 
adopted  the  simple  expedient  of  not  waking  him. 
Marryat  rolled  his  bed  across  the  door,  and  Babbage 
pushed  it  away.  Marryat  tied  a  string  from  his  wrist 
to  the  door  handle,  and  Babbage  unfastened  it.  A 
thicker  string  was  cut,  a  chain  was  unlinked  by  pliers, 
but  at  last  the  future  captain  forged  a  chain  that  was 
too  stout  for  the  future  mathematician.  Babbage,  how 
ever,  secured  his  revenge ;  as  soon  as  his  comrade  was 
safely  asleep  he  slipped  a  piece  of  pack  thread  through 
the  chain  and,  carrying  the  other  end  to  his  own  bed, 
was  enabled  by  a  few  rapid  jerks  to  waken  Marryat 
whenever  he  chose.  Apparently  satisfied  with  his 
victory  in  the  gentle  art  of  tormenting,  Babbage  yielded 
voluntarily  upon  the  original  point  of  dispute.  Marryat 
and  others  joined  the  reading  party,  transformed  it 
to  a  scene  of  carnival,  and  were  discovered  by  the 
authorities. 

Meanwhile  Marryat  was  constantly  running  away — to 
sea  ;  according  to  his  own  account  because  he  was  obliged 
to  wear  his  elder  brother's  old  clothes.  On  one  occasion 
his  father  injudiciously  sent  him  back  in  a  carriage  with 
some  money  in  his  pocket.  The  wise  youth  slipped  out, 
and  finding  his  way  home  by  some  quiet  approach,  carried 
off  his  younger  brothers  to  the  theatre.     He  finally  ran 


xiv  Introduction 

away  from  a  private  tutor,  and  Mr  Marryat  recognised 
the  wisdom  of  compliance.  Being  then  fourteen,  that  is 
of  age  to  hold  a  commission,  Frederick  was  allowed  to 
enter  the  navy,  and  on  the  23rd  of  September  1806, 
he  started  on  his  first  voyage  on  board  H.M.S.  Imperieuse, 
Captain  Lord  Cochrane,  for  the  Mediterranean. 

He  could  scarcely  have  entered  upon  his  career  under 
better  auspices.  In  a  line-of-battle  ship  he  would  have  had 
no  chance  of  service  at  this  stage  of  the  war,  when  the 
most  daring  of  the  French  could  not  be  decoyed  out  of 
port ;  but  the  frigates  had  always  more  exciting  work 
on  hand  than  mere  patrolling.  There  were  cruisers  to 
be  captured,  privateers  to  be  cut  off,  convoys  to  be  taken, 
and  work  to  be  done  on  the  coast  among  the  forts.  And 
Lord  Cochrane,  Earl  of  Dundonald,  was  not  the  man  to 
neglect  his  opportunities.  His  daring  gallantry  and  cool 
judgment  are  accredited  to  most  of  Marryat's  captains, 
particularly  in  Frank  Mildmay,  where  the  cruise  of  the 
Imperieuse  along  the  Spanish  coast  is  most  graphically  and 
literally  described.  Cochrane's  Autobiography  betrays  the 
strong,  stern  individuality  of  the  man,  invaluable  in  action, 
somewhat  disturbing  in  civil  life.  As  a  reformer  in  season 
and  out  of  season,  at  the  Admiralty  or  in  the  House  of 
Commons,  his  zeal  became  a  bye-word,  but  Marryat  knew 
him  only  on  board  his  frigate,  as  an  inspiring  leader  of 
men.  He  never  passed  an  opportunity  of  serving  his 
country  and  winning  renown,  but  his  daring  was  not 
reckless. 

"  I  must  here  remark,"  says  Marryat  in  his  private  log,  "  that 
I  never  knew  any  one  so  careful  of  the  lives  of  his  ship's  company 
as  Lord  Cochrane,  or  any  one  who  calculated  so  closely  the  risks 
attending  any  expedition.  Many  of  the  most  brilliant  achievements 
were  performed  without  loss  of  a  single  life,  so  well  did  he  calculate 
the  chances ;  and  one  half  the  merit  which  he  deserves  for 
what  he  did  accomplish  has  never  been  awarded  him,  merely 
because,  in  the  official  despatches,  there  has  not  been  a  long  list 
of  killed  and  wounded  to  please  the  appetite  of  the  English 
public." 


Introduction  xr 

Marryat  has  left  us  a  graphic  account  of  his  first  day  at 
sea: — 

"  The  Imperteuse  sailed  ;  the  Admiral  of  the  port  was  one  who 
would  be  obeyed,  but  would  not  listen  always  to  reason  or  common 
sense.  The  signal  for  sailing  was  enforced  by  gun  after  gun  ;  the 
anchor  was  hove  up,  and,  with  all  her  stores  on  deck,  her  guns  not 
even  mounted,  in  a  state  of  confusion  unparalleled  from  her  being 
obliged  to  hoist  in  faster  than  it  was  possible  she  could  stow  away, 
she  was  driven  out  of  harbour  to  encounter  a  heavy  gale.  A  few 
hours  more  would  have  enabled  her  to  proceed  to  sea  with  security, 
but  they  were  denied ;  the  consequences  were  appalling,  they  might 
have  been  fatal.  In  the  general  confusion  some  iron  too  near  the 
binnacles  had  attracted  the  needle  of  the  compasses  ;  the  ship  was 
steered  out  of  her  course.  At  midnight,  in  a  heavy  gale  at  the  close 
of  November,  so  dark  that  you  could  not  distinguish  any  object, 
however  close,  the  Imperteuse  dashed  upon  the  rocks  between 
Ushant  and  the  Main.  The  cry  of  terror  which  ran  through  the 
lower  decks ;  the  grating  of  the  keel  as  she  was  forced  in ;  the 
violence  of  the  shocks  which  convulsed  the  frame  of  the  vessel ;  the 
hurrying  up  of  the  ship's  company  without  their  clothes  ;  and  then 
the  enormous  wave  which  again  bore  her  up,  and  carried  her  clean 
over  the  reef,  will  never  be  effaced  from  my  memory." 

This,  after  all,  was  not  an  inappropriate  introduction  to 
the  stormy  three  years  which  followed  it.  The  story  is 
written  in  the  novels,  particularly  Frank  Mildmay*  where 
every  item  of  his  varied  and  exciting  experience  is  repro- 
duced with  dramatic  effect.  It  would  be  impossible  to 
rival  Marryat's  narrative  of  episodes,  and  we  shall  gain  no 
sense  of  reality  by  adjusting  the  materials  of  fiction  to  an 
exact  accordance  with  fact.  He  says  that  these  books, 
except  Frank  Mildmay,  are  "  wholly  fictitious  in  characters, 
in  plot,  and  in  events,"  but  they  are  none  the  less  truthful 
pictures  of  his  life  at  sea.  Cochrane's  Autobiography  contains 
a  history  of  the  Imperteuse;  it  is  from  Peter  Simple  and  his 
companions  that  we  must  learn  what  Marryat  thought  and 
suffered  while  on  board. 

*  In  dwelling  upon  the  autobiographical  nature  of  the  incidents  in  Frank 
Mildmay,  it  is  necessary  to  guard  against  the  supposition  that  Marryat's 
character  in  any  way  resembled  his  hero's.     See  further  Preface  to  F.  M. 


xvi  Introduction 

Under  Cochrane  he  cruised  along  the  coast  of  France 
from  Ushant  to  the  mouth  of  the  Gironde,  saw  some 
active  service  in  the  Mediterranean,  and,  after  a  return  to 
the  ocean,  was  finally  engaged  in  the  Basque  Roads.  A 
page  of  his  private  log  contains  a  lively  resume  of  the 
whole  experience : — 

"  The  cruises  of  the  Imperieuse  were  periods  of  continual  excite- 
ment, from  the  hour  in  which  she  hove  up  her  anchor  till  she 
dropped  it  again  in  port ;  the  day  that  passed  without  a  shot  being 
fired  in  anger,  was  to  us  a  blank  day  :  the  boats  were  hardly  secured 
on  the  booms  than  they  were  cast  loose  and  out  again :  the  yard 
and  stay  tackles  were  for  ever  hoisting  up  and  lowering  down. 
The  expedition  with  which  parties  were  formed  for  service ;  the 
rapidity  of  the  frigate's  movements  night  and  day  ;  the  hasty  sleep 
snatched  at  all  hours ;  the  waking  up  at  the  report  of  the  guns, 
which  seemed  the  only  keynote  to  the  hearts  of  those  on  board, 
the  beautiful  precision  of  our  fire,  obtained  by  constant  practice  ;  the 
coolness  and  courage  of  our  captain,  inoculating  the  whole  of  the 
ship's  company ;  the  suddenness  of  our  attacks,  the  gathering  after 
the  combat,  the  killed  lamented,  the  wounded  almost  envied ;  the 
powder  so  burnt  into  our  face  that  years  could  not  remove  it ;  the 
proved  character  of  every  man  and  officer  on  board,  the  implicit 
trust  and  adoration  we  felt  for  our  commander ;  the  ludicrous 
situations  which  would  occur  in  the  extremest  danger  and  create 
mirth  when  death  was  staring  you  in  the  face,  the  hair-breadth 
escapes,  and  the  indifference  to  life  shown  by  all — when  memory 
sweeps  along  these  years  of  excitement  even  now,  my  pulse  beats 
more  quickly  with  the  reminiscence." 

After  some  comparatively  colourless  service  in  other 
frigates,  during  which  he  gained  the  personal  familiarity 
with  West  Indian  life  of  which  his  novels  show  many 
traces,  he  completed  his  time  as  a  midshipman,  and  in 
1812,  returned  home  to  pass.  As  a  lieutenant  his  cruises 
were  uneventful  and,  after  being  several  times  invalided, 
he  was  promoted  Commander  in  18 15,  just  as  the  Great 
War  was  closing.  He  was  now  only  twenty-three,  and 
had  certainly  received  an  admirable  training  for  the  work 
with  which  he  was  soon  to  enchant  the  public.     Though 


Introduction  xvii 

never  present  at  a  great  battle,  and  many  good  officers 
were  in  the  same  position,  he  had  seen  much  smart  service 
and  knew  from  others  what  lay  beyond  his  own  experience. 
He  evidently  took  copious  notes  of  all  he  saw  and  heard. 
He  had  sailed  in  the  North  Sea,  in  the  Channel,  in  the 
Mediterranean,  and  along  the  Eastern  coast  of  America 
from  Nova  Scotia  to  Surinam.  He  had  been  rapidly 
promoted. 

It  is  tolerably  obvious  that,  both  as  midshipman  and 
lieutenant,  he  evinced  the  cool  daring  and  manly  inde- 
pendence that  characterises  his  heroes,  with  a  dash  perhaps 
of  Jack  Easy's  philosophy.  It  was  a  rough  life  and  he 
was  not  naturally  amenable  to  discipline,  but  probably  his 
superiors  made  a  favourite  of  the  dashing  handsome  lad. 
The  habit,  which  helps  to  redeem  Frank  Mildmay  and 
even  graces  Peter  Simple,  of  saving  others  from  drown- 
ing, was  always  his  own.  His  daughter  records,  with 
pardonable  pride,  that  he  was  presented  while  in  the 
navy  with  twenty  -  seven  certificates,  recommendations, 
and  votes  of  thanks  for  having  saved  the  lives  of  others 
at  the  risk  of  his  own,  besides  receiving  a  gold  medal  from 
the  Humane  Society. 

During  the  peace  of  1815  he  "occupied  himself  in 
acquiring  a  perfect  knowledge  of  such  branches  of  science 
as  might  prove  useful  should  the  Lords  of  the  Admiralty 
think  fit  to  employ  him  in  a  voyage  of  discovery  or  survey." 
A  vaguely  projected  expedition  to  Africa  was,  however, 
relinquished  on  account  of  his  marriage  with  "  Catherine, 
second  daughter  of  Sir  Stephen  Shairp,  Knt.,  of  Houston, 
Co.  Linlithgow  (for  many  years  Her  Britannic  Majesty's 
Consul-General,  and  twice  charge  d'affaires  at  the  court  of 
Russia);"  which  took  place  in  January  1819.  In  this 
same  year  he  was  elected  a  Fellow  of  the  Royal  Society, 
according  to  tradition  on  account  of  his  skill  in  drawing 
caricatures. 

He  was  at  sea  again  soon  after  his  marriage  as  com- 
mander of  the  Beaver  sloop,  in  which  commission  he  was 
sent  to  mount  guard  over  Napoleon  at  St  Helena  until  his 

b 


xviii  Introduction 

death.  He  took  a  sketch  of  the  dead  emperor  in  full 
profile,  which  was  engraved  in  England  and  France,  and 
considered  a  striking  likeness.  He  was  meanwhile  no 
doubt  perfecting  the  code  of  signals  for  the  use  of  merchant 
vessels  of  all  nations,  including  the  cipher  for  secret  corre- 
spondence, which  was  immediately  adopted,  and  secured  to 
its  inventor  the  Cross  of  the  Legion  of  Honour  from  Louis 
Philippe.  It  was  not  actually  published  in  book  form  till 
1837,  from  which  date  its  sale  produced  an  appreciable 
income. 

After  returning  in  the  Rosario  with  the  despatches  con- 
cerning Napoleon's  death,  he  was  sent  to  escort  the  body  of 
Queen  Caroline  to  Cuxhaven.  He  was  then  told  off  for 
revenue  duty  in  the  Channel,  and  had  some  smart  cruising 
for  smugglers  until  the  Rosario  was  pronounced  unsea- 
worthy  and  paid  off  on  the  22nd  of  February  1822.  As 
a  result  of  this  experience  he  wrote  a  long  despatch  to  the 
Admiralty,  in  which  he  freely  criticised  the  working  of  the 
preventive  service,  and  made  some  practical  suggestions  for 
its  improvement.  In  1 822  he  also  published  Suggestions 
for  the  abolition  of  the  present  system  of  impressment  in  the 
Naval  Service,  a  pamphlet  which  is  said  to  have  made  him 
unpopular  with  Royalty.  He  frequently  in  his  novels 
urges  the  same  reform,  which  he  very  earnestly  desired. 

He  was  appointed  to  the  Lame  in  March  1823,  and  saw 
some  hard  service  against  the  Burmese,  for  which  he 
received  the  thanks  of  the  general  and  the  Indian  Govern- 
ment, the  Companionship  of  the  Bath,  and  the  command 
of  the  Ariadne,  Two  years  later,  in  November  1830, 
he  resigned  his  ship,  and  quitted  active  service,  according 
to  Mrs  Lean,  because  of  his  appointment  as  equerry  to  His 
Royal  Highness  the  Duke  of  Sussex. 

He  was  probably  influenced,  however,  by  a  distaste  for 
routine  duties  in  time  of  peace,  the  claims  of  a  growing 
family,  and  literary  ambitions.  He  had  already  published 
Frank  Mildmay,  and  received  for  it  the  handsome  sum 
of  ^400,  and  negotiations  were  very  possibly  on  foot 
concerning  The  King's  Own,  of  which  the  composition  had 
been  completed. 


Introduction  xix 

There  is  considerable  difficulty  in  following  the  re- 
mainder of  Marryat's  life,  owing  to  the  silence  of 
our  only  authority,  Mrs  Lean.  No  reasons  can  be 
assigned  for  the  sudden  flittings  in  which  he  constantly 
indulged,  or  for  his  hasty  journeys  to  America  and 
to  the  Continent.  He  was  clearly  impulsive  in  all 
things,  and,  though  occasionally  shrewd,  betrayed  a 
mania  for  speculation.  Moreover,  he  was  naturally  ad- 
dicted to  the  Bohemian  pleasures  of  life,  being  some- 
what promiscuous  in  hospitality,  and  absolutely  prodigal 
in  the  art  of  making  presents.  To  satisfy  these  various 
demands  on  his  pocket,  he  was  often  driven  to  spells 
of  desperate  work,  in  spite  of  the  really  handsome  sums 
he  received  from  the  publishers  and  editors  with  whom 
he  was  always  at  variance. 

His  first  regular  establishment  was  Sussex  House, 
Hampstead,  which  he  soon  "  swapped,"  after  dinner  and 
champagne,  for  a  small  estate  of  iooo  acres  at  Langham, 
Norfolk ;  though  he  did  not  finally  settle  in  the  country 
till  1843.  ^*s  °riginal  occupation  of  Langham,  which 
realised  him  a  steady  annual  deficit,  was  followed  by  a 
return  to  London,  a  visit  to  Brighton  and,  in  1835,  a 
journey  on  the  Continent  to  Brussels  and  Lausanne. 

He  had,  meanwhile,  been  contributing  to  The  Metro- 
politan  Magazine,  which  he  edited  from  1832  to  1835, 
finally  selling  his  proprietary  rights  to  Saunders  and 
Otley  for  ^1050.  His  editorial  work  was  arduous, 
and  many  of  his  own  compositions  were  first  published 
in  The  Metropolitan.  Here  appeared  Newton  Forster,  1 83 2, 
Peter  Simple,  1 83 3,  Jacob  Faithful,  Midshipman  Easy,  and 
Japhet  in  search  of  a  Father  (!)  1 834,  besides  a  comedy  in 
three  acts,  entitled  The  Gipsy,  a  tragedy  called  The  Cavalier 
of  Seville,  and  the  miscellaneous  papers  afterwards  collected 
under  the  title,  Olla  Podrida, 

In  1833  he  stood,  as  a  reformer,  for  Tower  Hamlets, 
but  his  methods  of  canvassing  were  imprudent.  He 
dwelt  upon  his  own  hobbies,  and  disregarded  those  of 
the  electors.     He  apparently  expected  to  carry  the  day 


xx  Introduction 

by  opposing  the  pressgang  in  a  time  of  peace,  and  even 
permitted  himself  to  repudiate  philanthropy  towards  the 
African  negro.  The  gallantry  with  which,  on  one 
occasion,  he  saved  the  lives  of  his  audience  when  the 
floor  of  the  room  had  fallen  in,  was  not  permitted  to 
cover  the  rash  energy  of  his  reply  to  a  persistent 
questioner : — "  If  ever  you,  or  one  of  your  sons,  should 
come  under  my  command  at  sea  and  deserve  punishment, 
if  there  be  no  other  effectual  mode  of  conferring  it,  I 
shall  flog  you"  It  is  hardly  necessary  to  add  that  he  lost 
the  election. 

He  afterwards  failed  in  a  plan  for  the  establishment  of 
brevet  rank  in  the  army,  but  gave  some  valuable  assistance 
in  the  preparation  of  the  Merchant  Shipping  Bill  of  1 834. 

It  was  about  this  time  that  Marryat  is  currently  reported 
to  have  challenged  F.  D.  Maurice  to  a  duel.  The  latter 
had  published  an  anonymous  novel,  called  Eustace  Conway, 
in  which  "  a  prominent  character,  represented  in  no  amiable 
colours,  bore  the  name  of  Captain  Marryat."  The  truth 
of  the  story  seems  to  be  that  the  Captain  went  in  hot 
wrath  to  Bentley,  and  demanded  an  apology  or  a  statement 
that  the  coincidence  was  unintentional.  Maurice  replied, 
through  his  publisher,  that  he  had  never  heard  of  Captain 
Marryat.  It  may  be  questioned  whether  the  apology  was 
not  more  galling  than  the  original  offence. 

In  1834  some  legal  difficulties  arose  in  connection  with 
his  father's  memory,  which  Marryat  accepted  with  admirable 
philosophy  : — 

"  As  for  the  Chancellor's  judgment,"  he  told  his  mother,  "  I 
cannot  say  that  I  thought  anything  about  it,  on  the  contrary,  it 
appears  to  me  that  he  might  have  been  much  more  severe  if  he  had 
thought  proper.  It  is  easy  to  impute  motives,  and  difficult  to 
disprove  them.  I  thought,  considering  his  enmity,  that  he  let  us 
off  cheap ;  as  there  is  no  punishing  a  chancellor,  and  he  might  say 
what  he  pleased  with  impunity.  I  did  not  therefore  roar,  I  only 
smiled.  The  effect  will  be  nugatory.  Not  one  in  a  thousand  will 
read  it ;  those  who  do,  know  it  refers  to  a  person  not  in  this  world ; 
and  of  those,  those  who  knew  my  father  will  not  believe  it,  those 


Introduction  xxi 

who  did  not  will  care  little  about  it,  and  forget  the  name  in 
a  week.  Had  he  given  the  decision  in  our  favour,  I  should  have 
been  better  pleased,  but  it's  no  use  crying;  what's  done  can't  be  helped." 

This  letter  was  written  from  Brighton,  and  the  following 
year  found  Marryat  on  the  Continent,  at  home  in  a  circle  of 
gay  spirits  who  might  almost  be  called  the  outcasts  of 
English  society.  They  were  pleasure-seekers,  by  no 
means  necessarily  depraved  but,  by  narrow  incomes  or 
other  causes,  driven  into  a  cheerful  exile.  The  captain 
was  always  ready  to  give  and  take  in  the  matter  of  enter- 
tainment, and  he  was  invited  everywhere  though,  on  one 
occasion  at  least,  it  is  recorded  that  he  proved  an  uncon- 
genial guest.  Having  dined,  as  a  recognised  lion  among 
lions,  he  "  didn't  make  a  single  joke  during  the  whole 
evening."  His  host  remarked  on  his  silence  the  next 
morning,  and  Marryat  replied  : — 

"  Oh,  if  that's  what  you  wanted  you  should  have  asked  me  when 
you  were  alone.  Why,  did  you  imagine  I  was  going  to  let  out  any 
of  my  jokes  for  those  fellows  to  put  in  their  next  books  ? 
No,  that  is  not  my  plan.  When  I  find  myself  in  such  company  as 
that  I  open  my  ears  and  hold  my  tongue,  glean  all  I  can,  and  give 
them  nothing  in  return." 

He  did  not  always,  however,  play  the  professional  author 
so  offensively,  and  we  hear  of  his  taking  part  in  private 
theatricals  and  dances,  preparing  a  Christmas  tree  for  the 
children,  and  cleverly  packing  his  friends'  portmanteaux. 

Meanwhile,  he  was  writing  The  Pirate  and  Three  Cutters, 
for  which  he  received  £j$o,  as  well  as  Snarley-j/ow  and  the 
Pacha  of  many  Tales,  He  had  been  contributing  to  the 
Metropolitan  at  1 5  guineas  a  sheet,  until  he  paid  a  flying 
visit  to  England  in  1836  in  order  to  transfer  his  allegiance 
to  the  Neiv  Monthly  Magazine,  from  which  he  secured  20 
guineas.  Mrs  Lean  states  that  her  father  received 
^lioo  each  for  Peter  Simple,  Jacob  Faithful,  Japhet,  and 
The  Pacha  of  many  Tales;  ^1200  for  Midshipman  Easy, 
^1300  for  Snarley-yow ;  and  £1600  for  the  Diary  in 
America.      Yet     "  although    Captain     Marryat    and     his 


xxii  Introduction 

publishers  mutually  benefited  by  their  transactions  with 
each  other,  one  would  have  imagined,  from  the  letters 
exchanged  between  them,  that  they  had  been  natural 
enemies."  She  relates  how  one  of  the  fraternity  told 
Marryat  he  was  "  somewhat  eccentric — an  odd  creature," 
and  added,  "  I  am  somewhat  warm-tempered  myself,  and 
therefore  make  allowance  for  yours,  which  is  certainly 
warm  enough." 

Marryat  justified  the  charge  by  replying  : — 

"  There  was  no  occasion  for  you  to  make  the  admission  that  you 
are  somewhat  warm-tempered;  your  letter  establishes  that  fact. 
Considering  your  age,  you  are  a  little  volcano,  and  if  the  insurance 
were  aware  of  your  frequent  visits  at  the  Royal  Exchange,  they 
would  demand  double  premium  for  the  building.  Indeed,  I  have 
my  surmises  now  as  to  the  last  conflagration. 

•  •  •  • 

Your  remark  as  to  the  money  I  have  received  may  sound  well, 
mentioned  as  an  isolated  fact ;  but  how  does  it  sound  when  it  is 
put  in  juxtaposition  with  the  sums  you  have  received  ?  I,  who 
have  found  everything,  receiving  a  pittance,  while  you,  who  have 
found  nothing  but  the  shop  to  sell  in,  receiving  such  a  lion's 
share.  I  assert  again  that  it  is  slavery.  I  am  Sinbad  the  sailor, 
and  you  are  the  old  man  of  the  mountain,  clinging  on  my  back, 
and  you  must  not  be  surprised  at  my  wishing  to  throw  you  off  the 
first  convenient  opportunity. 

The  fact  is,  you  have  the  vice  of  old  age  very  strong  upon  you, 
and  you  are  blinded  by  it ;  but  put  the  question  to  your  sons,  and 
ask  them  whether  they  consider  the  present  agreement  fair.  Let 
them  arrange  with  me,  and  do  you  go  and  read  your  Bible.  We 
all  have  our  ideas  of  Paradise,  and  if  other  authors  think  like  me, 
the  most  pleasurable  portion  of  anticipated  bliss  is  that  there  will 
be  no  publishers  there.  That  idea  often  supports  me  after  an 
interview  with  one  of  your  fraternity." 

Marryat  only  returned  to  England  a  few  months  before 
hurrying  off  to  America  in  April  1 837.  The  reasons  for 
this  move  it  is  impossible  to  conjecture,  as  we  can 
scarcely  accept  the  apparent  significance  of  his  comments 
on  Switzerland  in  the  Diary  on  the  Continent : — 


Introduction  xxiii 

"Do  the  faults  of  these  people  arise  from  the  peculiarity  of 
their  constitutions,  or  from  the  nature  of  their  government  ?  To 
ascertain  this,  one  must  compare  them  with  those  who  live  under 
similar  institutions.     /  must  go  to  America — that  is  decided" 

He  was  received  by  the  Americans  with  a  curious 
mixture  of  suspicion  and  enthusiasm.  English  men  and 
women  of  letters  in  late  years  had  been  visiting  the 
Republic  and  criticising  its  institutions  to  the  mother 
country — with  a  certain  forgetfulness  of  hospitalities 
received  that  was  not,  to  say  the  least  of  it,  in  good 
taste.  Marryat  was  also  an  author,  and  it  seemed  only 
too  probable  that  he  had  come  to  spy  out  the  land.  On 
the  other  hand,  his  books  were  immensely  popular  over 
the  water  and,  but  for  dread  of  possible  consequences, 
Jonathan  was  delighted  to  see  him.  His  arrival  at 
Saratoga  Springs  produced  an  outburst  in  the  local  papers 
of  the  most  pronounced  journalese  : — 

"  This  distinguished  writer  is  at  present  a  sojourner  in  our 
city.  Before  we  knew  the  gallant  Captain  was  respiring  our 
balmy  air,  we  really  did  wonder  what  laughing  gas  had  imbued 
our  atmosphere — every  one  we  met  in  the  streets  appeared  to  be  in 
such  a  state  of  jollification  ;  but  when  we  heard  that  the  author  of 
Peter  Simple  was  actually  puffing  a  cigar  amongst  us  we  no  longer 
marvelled  at  the  pleasant  countenances  of  our  citizens.  He  has 
often  made  them  laugh  when  he  was  thousands  of  miles  away.  Surely 
now  it  is  but  natural  that  they  ought  to  be  tickled  to  death  at  the 
idea  of  having  him  present." 

The  Bostonians  were  proud  to  claim  him  as  a  com- 
patriot through  his  mother,  and  a  nautical  drama  from 
his  pen — The  Ocean  Wolf,  or  the  Channel  Outlaw — was  per- 
formed at  New  York  with  acclamation.  He  had  some 
squabbles  with  American  publishers  concerning  copyright, 
and  was  clever  enough  to  secure  two  thousand  two 
hundred  and  fifty  dollars  from  Messrs  Carey  &  Hart 
for  his  forthcoming  Diary  in  America  and  The  Phantom 
Ship,  which  latter  first  appeared  in  the  New  Monthly,  1 837 
and   1838.     He  evidently  pleased  the  Americans  on  the 


xxiv  Introduction 

whole,  and  was  not  unfavourably  impressed  by  what  he 
saw,  but  the  six  volumes  which  he  produced  on  his  return 
are  only  respectable  specimens  of  bookmaking,  and  do  not 
repay  perusal.  It  was,  indeed,  his  own  opinion  that  he 
had  already  written  enough.  "  If  I  were  not  rather  in 
want  of  money,"  he  says  in  a  letter  to  his  mother,  "  I  cer- 
tainly would  not  write  any  more,  for  I  am  rather  tired  of 
it.  I  should  like  to  disengage  myself  from  the  fraternity 
of  authors,  and  be  known  in  future  only  in  my  profession 
as  a  good  officer  and  seaman."  He  had  hoped  to  see  some 
service  in  Canada,  but  the  opportunity  never  came. 

In  England,  to  which  he  returned  in  1839,  the  want  of 
money  soon  came  to  be  felt  more  seriously.  His  father's 
fortune  had  been  invested  in  the  West  Indies,  and  began 
to  show  diminishing  returns.  For  this  and  other  reasons 
he  led  a  very  wandering  existence,  for  another  four  or 
five  years,  until  1843.  A  year  at  8  Duke  Street,  St 
James,  was  followed  by  a  short  stay  with  his  mother  at 
Wimbledon  House,  from  which  he  took  chambers  at 
120  Piccadilly,  and  then  again  moved  to  Spanish  Place, 
Manchester  Square.  Apparently  at  this  time  he  made 
an  unsuccessful  attempt  to  return  to  active  service.  He 
was  meanwhile  working  hard  at  Poor  Jack,  Masterman 
Ready,  The  Poacher,  Percival  Keene,  etc.,  and  living  hard 
in  the  merry  circle  of  a  literary  Bohemia,  with  Clarkson 
Stanfield,  Rogers,  Dickens,  and  Forster ;  to  whom  were 
sometimes  added  LadyBlessington,  Ainsworth,Cruickshank, 
and  Lytton.  The  rival  interests  served  to  sour  his  spirits 
and  weaken  his  constitution. 

The  publication  of  The  Poacher  in  the  Era  newspaper  in- 
volved its  author  in  a  very  pretty  controversy.  A  foolish 
contributor  to  Fraser*s  Magazine  got  into  a  rage  with 
Harrison  Ainsworth  for  condescending  to  write  in  the  weekly 
papers,  and  expressed  himself  as  follows  : — 

If  writing  monthly  fragments  threatened  to  deteriorate  Mr 
Ainsworth's  productions,  what  must  be  the  result  of  this  hebdomadal 
habit  ?    Captain  Marryat,  we  are  sorry  to  say,  has  taken  to  the  same 


Introduction  xxv 

line.  Both  these  popular  authors  may  rely  upon  our  warning,  that 
they  will  live  to  see  their  laurels  fade  unless  they  more  carefully 
cultivate  a  spirit  of  self-respect.  That  which  was  venial  in  a 
miserable  starveling  of  Grub  Street  is  perfectly  disgusting  in  the 
extravagantly  paid  novelists  of  these  days — the  caressed  of  generous 
booksellers.  Mr  Ainsworth  and  Captain  Marryat  ought  to  disdain 
such  pitiful  peddling.     Let  them  eschew  it  without  delay/ ' 

Marryat's  reply  was  spirited  and  manly.  After  ridicul- 
ing Frasers  attempt  "  to  set  up  a  standard  of  precedency 
and  rank  in  literature,"  and  humorously  proving  that  an 
author's  works  were  not  to  be  esteemed  in  proportion  to 
the  length  of  time  elapsing  between  their  production,  he 
turned  to  the  more  serious  and  entirely  honest  defence 
that,  like  Dickens,  he  was  supplying  the  lower  classes 
with  wholesome  recreation  : — 

"  I  would  rather  write  for  the  instruction,  or  even  the  amuse- 
ment of  the  poor  than  for  the  amusement  of  the  rich  ;  and  I  would 
sooner  raise  a  smile  or  create  an  interest  in  the  honest  mechanic  or 
agricultural  labourer  who  requires  relaxation,  than  I  would  con- 
tribute to  dispel  the  ennui  of  those  who  loll  on  their  couches  and 
wonder  in  their  idleness  what  they  shall  do  next.  Is  the  rich  man 
only  to  be  amused  ?  are  mirth  and  laughter  to  be  made  a  luxury, 
confined  to  the  upper  classes,  and  denied  to  the  honest  and  hard- 
working artisan  ?  .  .  . 

In  a  moral  point  of  view,  I  hold  that  I  am  right.  We  are 
educating  the  lower  classes  ;  generations  have  sprung  up  who  can 
read  and  write ;  and  may  I  enquire  what  it  is  that  they  have 
to  read,  in  the  way  of  amusement  ? — for  I  speak  not  of  the  Bible, 
which  is  for  private  examination.  They  have  scarcely  anything 
but  the  weekly  newspapers,  and,  as  they  cannot  command  amuse- 
ment, they  prefer  those  which  create  the  most  excitement ;  and 
this  I  believe  to  be  the  cause  of  the  great  circulation  of  the  Weekly 
Dispatch,  which  has  but  too  well  succeeded  in  demoralising  the 
public,  in  creating  disaffection  and  ill-will  towards  the  government, 
and  assisting  the  nefarious  views  of  demagogues  and  chartists.  It 
is  certain  that  men  would  rather  laugh  than  cry — would  rather 
be  amused  than  rendered  gloomy  and  discontented — would  sooner 
dwell  upon  the  joys  or  sorrows  of  others  in  a  tale  of  fiction  than 
brood  over  their  own  supposed  wrongs.     If  I  put  good  and  whole- 


xxvi  Introduction 

some  food  (and,  as  I  trust,  sound  moral)  before  the  lower  classes, 
they  will  eventually  eschew  that  which  is  coarse  and  disgusting, 
which  is  only  resorted  to  because  no  better  is  supplied.  Our 
weekly  newspapers  are  at  present  little  better  than  records  of  im- 
morality and  crime,  and  the  effect  which  arises  from  having  no 
other  matter  to  read  and  comment  upon,  is  of  serious  injury  to 
the  morality  of  the  country  ...  I  consider,  therefore,  that  in 
writing  for  the  amusement  and  instruction  of  the  poor  man,  I  am 
doing  that  which  has  but  been  too  much  neglected — that  I  am 
serving  my  country,  and  you  surely  will  agree  with  me  that  to  do 
so  in  not  infra,  dig.  in  the  proudest  Englishman  ;  and,  as  a  Con- 
servative, you  should  commend  rather  than  stigmatise  my  endeavours 
in  the  manner  which  you  have  so  hastily  done." 

It  has  been  said  that  Marryat's  wandering  ceased  in 
1843,  and  it  was  in  that  year  that  he  settled  down  at  Lang- 
ham  to  look  after  his  own  estate.  Langham  is  in  the 
northern  division  of  Norfolk,  half  way  between  Wells- 
next-the-Sea  and  Holt.  The  Manor  House,  says  Mrs  Lean, 
"  without  having  any  great  architectural  pretensions,  had 
a  certain  unconventional  prettiness  of  its  own.  It  was  a 
cottage  in  the  Elizabethan  style,  built  after  the  model  of 
one  at  Virginia  Water  belonging  to  his  late  majesty,  George 
IV.,  with  latticed  windows  opening  on  to  flights  of  stone 
steps  ornamented  with  vases  of  flowers,  and  leading  down 
from  the  long  narrow  dining-room,  where  (surrounded  by 
Clarkson  Stanfield's  illustrations  of  Poor  Jack,  with  which 
the  walls  were  clothed)  Marryat  composed  his  later  works, 
to  the  lawn  behind.  The  house  was  thatched  and  gabled, 
and  its  pinkish  white  walls  and  round  porch  were  covered 
with  roses  and  ivy,  which  in  some  parts  climbed  as  high  as 
the  roof  itself." 

In  the  unpublished  fragment  of  his  Life  of  Lord  Napier 
Marryat  had  declared  that  retired  sailors  naturally  turned 
to  agriculture,  and  frequently  made  good  farmers.  A  sailor 
on  land,  he  rather  quaintly  remarks,  is  "  but  a  sort  of  Adam 
— a  new  creature,  starting  into  existence  as  it  were  in  his 
prime ; "  and  "  the  greatest  pleasures  of  man  consist  in 
imitating  the  Deity  in  his  creative  power."     The  anticipated 


Introduction  xxvii 

pleasure  in  farming  he  did  to  a  great  extent  realise,  but  the 
profits  were  still  to  seek.  It  can  only  be  said  that  his  losses 
were  rather  smaller  that  they  had  been  in  his  absence. 
Thus : — 

1842.  Total  receipts,          •          •          .  ^1 54     2     9 

„      Expenditure,  .          •         •          .  163706 

1846.  Total  receipts,          •          .          .  898    12     6 

„      Expenditure,  ....  2023    10     8 

His  former  tenant  had  indeed  shown  but  little  respect 
for  the  property.  Besides  taking  all  he  could  out  of  the 
land  without  putting  anything  into  it,  he  fitted  up  the 
drawing-room  of  the  manor  (which  in  its  brightest  days  had 
been  known  in  the  village  as  the  "  Room  of  Thousand 
Columns,"  from  an  effect  produced  by  mirrors  set  in  the 
panels  of  folding  doors,  reflecting  trellised  pillars,)  with  rows 
of  beds,  which  he  let  out  to  tramps  at  twopence  a  night ! 

Of  these  latter  years  on  the  farm  we  can  gather  some 
distinctly  pleasant  impressions.  Marryat  was  evidently  a 
good  master  at  all  times.  He  delighted  to  arrange  for 
festivities  in  the  servants'  hall,  but  he  was  also  very  tolerant 
to  poachers,  and  considered  it  his  first  duty  to  find  work 
for  his  men  when  times  were  bad.  His  model  pigsties  and 
cottages  were  unpopular,  but  he  loved  his  animals  and 
understood  them.  The  chief  merit  of  his  lazy  and  some- 
what asinine  pony  Dumpling  consisted  in  his  talent  for 
standing  still.  Upon  this  patient  beast  the  captain  would 
occasionally  sally  forth  to  shoot,  assisting  his  natural  short- 
sightedness by  a  curious  "  invention  of  his  own  ; " — a  plain 
piece  of  crystal  surrounded  by  a  strip  of  whalebone,  hang- 
ing in  front  of  his  right  eye  from  the  brim  of  his  "  shocking 
bad  hat."  He  was  a  careless  dresser,  but  scrupulously 
clean  ;  no  smoker,  but  very  fond  of  snuff.  He  had  a  fancy 
for  pure  white  china  which  had  to  be  procured  from  the 
Continent. 

Cordial  invitations  from  friends  seldom  drew  him  from 
his  self-imposed  labours,  and  it  appears  that,  in  spite  of  his 
son's  debts  and  other  domestic  troubles,  he  led  a  fairly 


xxviii  Introduction 

contented  existence  among  his  dogs  and  his  children.  To 
the  latter,  though  occasionally  passionate,  he  was  "  a  most 
indulgent  father  and  friend."  He  never  locked  anything 
away  from  them,  or  shut  them  out  of  any  room  in  the  house. 
Though  severe  on  falsehood  and  cowardice,  he  was  indif- 
ferent to  mischief,  and  one  is  certainly  driven  to  pity  for 
the  governess  who  was  summoned  to  look  after  them.  His 
methods  in  this  connection  were  original.  "  He  kept  a 
quantity  of  small  articles  for  presents  in  his  secretary  ;  and 
at  the  termination  of  each  week  the  children  and  governess, 
armed  with  a  report  of  their  general  behaviour,  were 
ushered  with  much  solemnity  into  the  library  to  render  up 
an  account.  Those  who  had  behaved  well  during  the 
preceding  seven  days  received  a  prize,  because  they  had 
been  so  good  ;  and  those  who  had  behaved  ill  also  received 
one,  in  hopes  that  they  would  never  be  naughty  again  :  the 
governess  was  also  presented  with  a  gift,  that  her  criticism 
on  the  justice  of  the  transaction  might  be  disarmed."  The 
father  was  not  a  strict  disciplinarian,  and  it  is  related 
that  when  a  little  one  had  made  "  a  large  rent  in  a  new 
frock,"  for  which  she  expected  punishment  from  her 
governess,  and  ran  to  him  for  advice,  he  "  took  hold  of  the 
rent  and  tore  off  the  whole  lower  part  of  the  skirt,"  saying, 
"  Tell  her  I  did  it." 

The  sons  were  seldom  at  home,  but  in  spite  of  a  certain 
constitutional  wildness  and  lack  of  prudence,  they  were 
evidently  a  gallant  couple,  delighting  their  father's  heart. 
Frederick,  the  eldest,  became  a  distinguished  officer,  after 
conquering  a  strong  propensity  to  practical  joking,  and 
was  much  regretted  in  the  service  when  wrecked  at  the 
age  of  twenty-seven.  He  was  last  seen  "  upbraiding, 
in  his  jocular  manner,  some  people  who  were  frightened, 
when  a  sea  swept  over  the  ship  and  took  him  with  it." 
Frank  was  entered  upon  the  roll  of  the  navy  at  the  tender 
age  of  three,  and  presented  to  the  Port  Admiral  of  Ply- 
mouth in  full  costume.  The  officer  patted  him  on  the 
head,  saying  "  Well,  you're  a  fine  little  fellow,"  to  which 
the  youngster  replied,  "  and  you're  a  fine  old  cock,  too." 


Introduction  xxix 

He  became  a  cultivated  and  bold  traveller,  beloved  by  his 
friends,  and  not  unknown  to  fame.  He  only  survived  his 
father  a  few  years,  and  died  at  the  age  of  twenty-eight. 

Marryat  now  began  his  charming  series  of  stories  for 
children,  a  work  to  which  he  turned  for  a  practical  reason 
that  sounds  strangely  from  his  impulsive  lips  : — 

"  I  have  lately  taken  to  a  different  style  of  writing,  that 
is,  for  young  people.  My  former  productions,  like  all 
novels,  have  had  their  day,  and  for  the  present,  at  least, 
will  sell  no  more ;  but  it  is  not  so  with  the  juveniles ;  they 
have  an  annual  demand,  and  become  a  little  income  to  me ; 
which  I  infinitely  prefer  to  receiving  any  sum  in  a  mass, 
which  very  soon  disappears  somehow  or  other."  Save 
for  a  little  tendency  to  preachment,  these  volumes,  par- 
ticularly Masterman  Ready ,  and  The  Children  of  the  New 
Forest,  are  admirably  suited  to  their  purpose  from  the 
genuine  childlikeness  of  their  conception  and  treatment. 

Meanwhile  Marryat's  health  was  rapidly  giving  way, 
and  almost  his  last  appearance  before  the  public  was  in 
1847,  when  he  addressed  a  pathetic,  but  fairly  dignified 
letter  to  the  First  Lord  of  the  Admiralty,  as  a  protest 
against  some  affront,  which  he  suspected,  to  his  pro- 
fessional career.  The  exact  circumstances  of  the  case 
cannot  be  now  discovered,  but  it  may  be  readily  con- 
jectured that  the  formalism  of  official  courtesy  did  not 
match  with  the  Captain's  taste,  and  that  the  necessity  for 
self-control  on  his  own  part  had  irritated  his  resentment. 
The  First  Lord  expressed  his  regret  at  having  wounded 
a  distinguished  officer,  and  bestowed  on  him  a  good 
service  pension. 

It  may  be  said  that  the  pension  came  too  late,  if  indeed 
it  would  at  any  time  have  been  particularly  serviceable. 
Marryat  was  now  engaged  in  that  melancholy  chase  for 
health  which  generally  augurs  the  beginning  of  the  end. 
He  had  ruptured  two  blood  vessels,  and  was  in  great 
danger  from  the  constitutional  weakness  which  had  first 
attacked  him  as  a  young  lieutenant  in  the  West  Indies. 
He  moved  to  his  mother's  house  in  order  to  consult  the 


xxx  Introduction 

London  doctors.  A  mild  climate  was  recommended,  and 
he  went  down  to  Hastings,  where  the  news  of  his  son's 
death  destroyed  his  own  chances  of  recovery.  After  about 
a  month's  trial  of  Brighton,  he  came  back  to  the  London 
doctors  who  told  him  that  "in  six  months  he  would  be 
numbered  with  his  forefathers." 

He  went  home  to  Langham  to  die.  Through  the 
summer  of  1848  he  lingered  on,  "in  the  'room  of  a 
thousand  columns,'  with  the  mimic  sky,  and  birds,  and 
flowers,  above  and  around  him,  where  he  chose  to  lie 
upon  a  mattress,  placed  on  the  ground,  and  there,  almost 
in  darkness,  often  in  pain,  and  without  occupation,  he 
lay  —  cheerful  and  uncomplaining,  and  at  times  even 
humorous."  His  daughters  frequently  read  aloud  to 
him,  and  he  always  asked  for  fresh  flowers.  At  the 
last  he  became  delirious,  though  continuing  to  dictate 
pages  of  talk  and  reflection.  On  the  morning  of  August 
9th,  1848,  he  expired  in  perfect  quiet. 

"  Although  not  handsome,"  says  Mrs  Lean,  "  Captain 
Marryat's  personal  appearance  was  very  prepossessing. 
In  figure  he  was  upright  and  broad  -  shouldered  for 
his  height,  which  measured  $h.  loin.  His  hands, 
without  being  undersized,  were  remarkably  perfect  in 
form,  and  modelled  by  a  sculptor  at  Rome  on  account 
of  their  symmetry.  The  character  of  his  mind  was 
borne  out  by  his  features,  the  most  salient  expression 
of  which  was  the  frankness  of  an  open  heart.  The  firm 
decisive  mouth,  and  massive  thoughtful  forehead  were 
redeemed  from  heaviness  by  the  humorous  light  that 
twinkled  in  his  deep-set  grey  eyes,which,  bright  as  diamonds, 
positively  flashed  out  their  fun,  or  their  reciprocation  of 
the  fun  of  others.  As  a  young  man,  dark  crisp  curls 
covered  his  head ;  but  later  in  life,  when,  having  ex- 
changed the  sword  for  the  pen  and  the  plougshare,  he 
affected  a  soberer  and  more  patriarchal  style  of  dress  and 
manner,  he  wore  his  grey  hair  long,  and  almost  down  to 
his  shoulder.  His  eyebrows  were  not  alike,  one  being 
higher  up  and  more  arched  than  the  other,  which  peculiarity 


Introduction  xxxi 

gave  his  face  a  look  of  enquiry,  even  in  repose.  In  the 
upper  lip  was  a  deep  cleft,  and  in  the  chin  as  deep  a 
dimple." 

Christopher  North  describes  Captain  Marryat  as  "a 
captain  in  the  navy,  and  an  honour  to  it — an  admirable 
sailor,  and  an  admirable  writer — and  would  that  he  were 
with  us  on  the  leads,  my  lads,  for  a  pleasanter  fellow,  to 
those  who  know  himy  never  enlivened  the  social  board."  It 
is  evident,  indeed,  that  an  intimate  knowledge  of  his 
character  was  necessary  to  its  appreciation,  for  his 
daughter  declares  that  "  like  most  warm-hearted  people  he 
was  quick  to  take  offence,  and  no  one  could  have  decided, 
after  an  absence  of  six  months,  with  whom  he  was  friends, 
and  with  whom  he  was  not."  One  of  the  said  friends 
wrote  truly  : — 

"  His  faults  proceeded  from  an  over-active  mind,  which 
could  never  be  quiet — morning,  noon,  or  night.  If  he 
had  no  one  to  love,  he  quarrelled  for  want  of  something 
better  to  do ;  he  planned  for  himself  and  for  everybody, 
and  changed  his  mind  ten  times  a-day." 

"  Many  people  have  asked,"  says  Mrs  Lean  "  whether 
Captain  Marryat,  when  at  home,  was  not  '  very  funny.' 
No,  decidedly  not.  In  society,  with  new  topics  to 
discuss,  and  other  wits  about  him  on  which  to  sharpen 
his  own — or,  like  flint  and  steel,  to  emit  sparks  by  friction 
— he  was  as  gay  and  humorous  as  the  best  of  them ;  but 
at  home  he  was  always  a  thoughtful,  and,  at  times,  a  very 
grave  man  ;  for  he  was  not  exempt  from  those  ills  that  all 
flesh  is  heir  to,  and  had  his  sorrows  and  his  difficulties  and 
moments  of  depression,  like  the  rest  of  us.  At  such 
times  it  was  dangerous  to  thwart  and  disturb  him,  for  he 
was.  a  man  of  strong  passions  and  indomitable  determina- 
tion." 

It  is  not  difficult  to  conceive  the  character  in  outline 
— "  wise  English-hearted  Captain  Marryat,"  Kingsley  calls 
him.  He  was  incapable  of  any  mean  low  vices,  but  his 
zest  for  pleasure  was  keen,  and  never  restrained  by 
motives  of   prudence  or  consideration   for    others.      His 


xxxii  Introduction 

strong  passions  at  times  made  him  disagreeably  selfish 
and  overbearing,  qualities  forgiven  by  acquaintances 
for  his  social  brilliancy,  and  by  friends  for  his  frank 
affection.  With  some  business  talents  and  practical 
shrewdness,  he  was  quite  incapable  of  wisely  conducting 
his  affairs,  by  reason  of  a  mania  for  speculation  and 
originality.  There  was  considerable  waste  of  good 
material  in  his  fiery  composition. 

His  books  reveal  the  higher  standard  of  his  true  nature. 
Their  merits  and  faults  are  alike  on  the  surface.  Lockhart 
declared  that  "  he  stood  second  in  merit  to  no  living 
novelist  but  Miss  Edgeworth.  His  happy  delineations  and 
contrasts  of  character,  and  easy  play  of  native  fun,  redeem 
a  thousand  faults  of  verbosity,  clumsiness,  and  coarseness. 
His  strong  sense,  and  utter  superiority  to  affectation  of  all 
sorts,  command  respect,  and  in  his  quiet  effectiveness  of 
circumstantial  narrative  he  sometimes  approaches  old  Defoe." 

It  is  easy  to  criticise  Marryat,  for  his  grammar  is 
reckless,  he  could  not  construct  a  plot,  he  wrote  too  much 
and  too  rapidly  in  order  to  earn  money.  But  then  he  was 
an  altogether  admirable  racotiteur,  and  for  the  purposes  of 
narration  his  style  was  peculiarly  appropriate — simple,  rapid, 
lucid,  and  vigorous.  He  does  not  tax  our  powers  of 
belief  beyond  endurance,  or  weary  us  with  wonder.  His 
crises  are  the  more  effective  from  the  absence  of  any 
studied  introduction  or  thunderous  comment ;  and  he 
carries  his  readers  through  stirring  adventures  of  storm 
and  battle  with  a  business-like  precision  that  silences  doubt. 
He  breathes  the  spirit  of  the  sea,  himself  a  genuine  sailor, 
almost  as  childlike  and  simple  as  one  of  his  own  creations. 
His  books  are  real  voyages,  in  which  a  day  of  bustle  and 
danger  is  followed  by  peace  and  quiet,  yarns  on  the 
quarter-deck,  and  some  practical  joking  among  the  middies. 

He  delights  in  the  exhibition  of  oddities,  and  the  telling 
of  tall  stories  outside  the  regular  course  of  the  narrative, 
which  bubbles  over  with  somewhat  boisterous  fun.  And 
his  humour  is  genuine  and  spontaneous ;  it  is  farcical 
without  descending   to  buffoonery.     His  comic  types  are 


Introduction  xxxiii 

built  up  on  character,  and,  if  not  subtle,  are  undeniably 
human  and  living.  They  are  drawn,  moreover,  with 
sympathy. 

The  whole  tone  of  Marryat's  work  is  singularly  fresh, 
wholesome,  and  manly.  His  heroes  endure  rough  handling, 
but  they  fight  their  way,  for  the  most  part,  to  the  essential 
qualities  of  gentlemen.  They  are  no  saints  ;  but  excellent 
comrades,  honest  lovers,  and  brave  tars. 

R.    BRIMLEY    JOHNSON. 


PREFATORY     NOTE 

TO 

PETER    SIMPLE    AND    THE    THREE  CUTTERS 

From  Nodes  Ambrosiants  : — 

Shepherd  [Hogg].  Did  Marry  yacht  write  Peter  Simple  ?  Peter  Simple  in 
his  ain  way's  as  gude's  Parson  Adams  .  .  .  He  that  invented  Peter  Simple's 
a  Sea-Fieldin'. 


Peter  Simple  is  printed  from  the  first  edition,  in  three  volumes.  Saunders 
and  Otley,  1834. 

The  Three  Cutters  is  printed  from  the  first  edition.  Longman,  Rees,  Orme, 
Brown,  Green,  and  Longman,  1836. 

The  Three  Cutters  was  first  published  in  one  volume  with  The  Pirate, 
containing  a  portrait  of  Marryat — Drawn  by  W.  Behnes,  engraved  by  H. 
Cook  ;  and  "  illustrated  with  twenty  splendid  engravings  from  drawings  by 
Clarkson  Stanfield,  Esq.,  R.A." 


Peter  Simple 


Chapter  I 

The  great  advantage  of  being  the  fool  of  the  family — My  destiny  is  decided, 
and  1  am  consigned  to  a  stockbroker  as  part  of  His  Majesty's  sea  stock — • 
Unfortunately  for  me  Mr  Handycock  is  a  bear,  and  I  get  very  little 
dinner. 

If  I  cannot  narrate  a  life  of  adventurous  and  daring  ex- 
ploits, fortunately  I  have  no  heavy  crimes  to  confess  ; 
and,  if  I  do  not  rise  in  the  estimation  of  the  reader  for 
acts  of  gallantry  and  devotion  in  my  country's  cause,  at 
least  I  may  claim  the  merit  of  zealous  and  persevering 
continuance  in  my  vocation.  We  are  all  of  us  variously 
gifted  from  Above,  and  he  who  is  content  to  walk,  instead 
of  to  run,  on  his  allotted  path  through  life,  although  he 
may  not  so  rapidly  attain  the  goal,  has  the  advantage  of 
not  being  out  of  breath  upon  his  arrival.  Not  that  I 
mean  to  infer  that  my  life  has  not  been  one  of  adventure. 
I  only  mean  to  say  that,  in  all  which  has  occurred,  I  have 
been  a  passive,  rather  than  an  active,  personage ;  and,  if 
events  of  interest  are  to  be  recorded,  they  certainly  have 
not  been  sought  by  me. 

As  well  as  I  can  recollect  and  analyze  my  early  pro- 
pensities, I  think  that,  had  I  been  permitted  to  select  my 
own  profession,  I  should  in  all  probability  have  bound 
myself  apprentice  to  a  tailor  j  for  I  always  envied  the 
comfortable  seat  which  they  appeared  to  enjoy  upon  the 
shopboard,  and  their  elevated  position,  which  enabled 
them  to  look  down  upon  the  constant  succession  of  the 

A 


2  Peter  Simple 

idle  or  the  busy,  who  passed  in  review  before  them  in  the 
main  street  of  the  country  town,  near  to  which  I  passed 
the  first  fourteen  years  of  my  existence. 

But  my  father,  who  was  a  clergyman  of  the  Church  of 
England,  and  the  youngest  brother  of  a  noble  family,  had 
a  lucrative  living,  and  a  "  soul  above  buttons,"  if  his  son 
had  not.  It  has  been  from  time  immemorial  the  heathenish 
custom  to  sacrifice  the  greatest  fool  of  the  family  to  the 
prosperity  and  naval  superiority  of  the  country,  and,  at 
the  age  of  fourteen,  I  was  selected  as  the  victim.  If  the 
custom  be  judicious,  I  had  no  reason  to  complain.  There 
was  not  one  dissentient  voice,  when  it  was  proposed 
before  all  the  varieties  of  my  aunts  and  cousins,  invited 
to  partake  of  our  new-year's  festival.  I  was  selected  by 
general  acclamation.  Flattered  by  such  an  unanimous 
acknowledgment  of  my  qualification,  and  a  stroke  of  my 
father's  hand  down  my  head  which  accompanied  it,  I 
felt  as  proud,  and,  alas  !  as  unconscious  as  the  calf  with 
gilded  horns,  who  plays  and  mumbles  with  the  flowers 
of  the  garland  which  designates  his  fate  to  every  one  but 
himself.  I  even  felt,  or  thought  I  felt,  a  slight  degree  of 
military  ardour,  and  a  sort  of  vision  of  future  grandeur 
passed  before  me,  in  the  distant  vista  of  which  I  perceived 
a  coach  with  four  horses  and  a  service  of  plate.  It  was, 
however,  driven  away  before  I  could  decipher  it,  by 
positive  bodily  pain,  occasioned  by  my  elder  brother  Tom, 
who,  having  been  directed  by  my  father  to  snuff  the 
candles,  took  the  opportunity  of  my  abstraction  to  insert 
a  piece  of  the  still  ignited  cotton  into  my  left  ear.  But  as 
my  story  is  not  a  very  short  one,  I  must  not  dwell  too 
long  on  its  commencement.  I  shall  therefore  inform  the 
reader,  that  my  father,  who  lived  in  the  north  of  England, 
did  not  think  it  right  to  fit  me  out  at  the  country  town, 
near  to  which  we  resided ;  but  about  a  fortnight  after  the 
decision  which  I  have  referred  to,  he  forwarded  me  to 
London,  on  the  outside  of  the  coach,  with  my  best  suit 
of  bottle-green  and  six  shirts.  To  prevent  mistakes,  I 
was   booked   in   the  way-bill    "to    be    delivered    to   Mr 


Peter  Simple  3 

Thomas  Handycock,  No.  14,  Saint  Clement's  Lane — 
carriage  paid."  My  parting  with  the  family  was  very 
affecting ;  my  mother  cried  bitterly,  for,  like  all  mothers, 
she  liked  the  greatest  fool  which  she  had  presented  to  my 
father,  better  than  all  the  rest ;  my  sisters  cried  because 
my  mother  cried ;  Tom  roared  for  a  short  time  more 
loudly  than  all  the  rest,  having  been  chastised  by  my 
father  for  breaking  his  fourth  window  in  that  week; — 
during  all  which  my  father  walked  up  and  down  the  room 
with  impatience,  because  he  was  kept  from  his  dinner, 
and,  like  all  orthodox  divines,  he  was  tenacious  of  the 
only  sensual  enjoyment  permitted  to  his  cloth. 

At  last  I  tore  myself  away.  I  had  blubbered  till  my 
eyes  were  so  red  and  swollen,  that  the  pupils  were  scarcely 
to  be  distinguished,  and  tears  and  dirt  had  veined  my  cheeks 
like  the  marble  of  the  chimney-piece.  My  handkerchief 
was  soaked  through  with  wiping  my  eyes  and  blowing  my 
nose,  before  the  scene  was  over.  My  brother  Tom,  with 
a  kindness  which  did  honour  to  his  heart,  exchanged  his 
for  mine,  saying,  with  fraternal  regard,  "  Here,  Peter,  take 
mine,  it's  as  dry  as  a  bone."  But  my  father  would  not  wait 
for  a  second  handkerchief  to  perform  its  duty.  He  led  me 
away  through  the  hall,  when,  having  shaken  hands  with 
all  the  men  and  kissed  all  the  maids,  who  stood  in  a  row 
with  their  aprons  to  their  eyes,  I  quitted  my  paternal  roof. 

The  coachman  accompanied  me  to  the  place  from  whence 
the  stage  was  to  start.  Having  seen  me  securely  wedged 
between  two  fat  old  women,  and  having  put  my  parcel 
inside,  he  took  his  leave,  and  in  a  few  minutes  I  was  on 
my  road  to  London. 

I  was  too  much  depressed  to  take  notice  of  anything 
during  my  journey.  When  we  arrived  in  London,  they 
drove  to  the  Blue  Boar  (in  a  street,  the  name  of  which  I 
have  forgotten).  I  had  never  seen  or  heard  of  such  an 
animal,  and  certainly  it  did  appear  very  formidable ;  its 
mouth  was  open  and  teeth  very  large.  What  surprised  me 
still  more  was  to  observe  that  its  teeth  and  hoofs  were  of 
pure  gold.     Who  knows,  thought  I,  that  in  some  of  the 


4  Peter  Simple 

strange  countries  which  I  am  doomed  to  visit,  but  that  I 
may  fall  in  with,  and  shoot  one  of  these  terrific  monsters  ? 
with  what  haste  shall  I  select  those  precious  parts,  and 
with  what  joy  should  I,  on  my  return,  pour  them  as  an 
offering  of  filial  affection  into  my  mother's  lap  ! — and  then, 
as  I  thought  of  my  mother,  the  tears  again  gushed  into  my 
eyes. 

The  coachman  threw  his  whip  to  the  ostler,  and  the 
reins  upon  the  horses'  backs  ;  he  then  dismounted,  and 
calling  to  me,  "  Now,  young  gentleman,  I'se  a-waiting," 
he  put  a  ladder  up  for  me  to  get  down  by ;  then  turning 
to  a  porter,  he  said  to  him,  "Bill,  you  must  take  this  here 
young  gem'man  and  that  ere  parcel  to  this  here  direction. — 
Please  to  remember  the  coachman,  sir."  I  replied  that  I 
certainly  would,  if  he  wished  it,  and  walked  off  with  the 
porter  ;  the  coachman  observing,  as  I  went  away,  "Well, 
he  is  a  fool — that's  sartain."  I  arrived  quite  safe  at  St 
Clement's-lane,  when  the  porter  received  a  shilling  for  his 
trouble  from  the  maid  who  let  me  in,  and  I  was  shown  up 
into  a  parlour,  where  I  found  myself  in  company  with  Mrs 
Handycock. 

Mrs  Handycock  was  a  little  meagre  woman,  who  did 
not  speak  very  good  English,  and  who  appeared  to  me  to 
employ  the  major  part  of  her  time  in  bawling  out  from  the 
top  of  the  stairs  to  the  servants  below.  I  never  saw  her 
either  read  a  book  or  occupy  herself  with  needlework, 
during  the  whole  time  I  was  in  the  house.  She  had  a 
large  grey  parrot,  and  I  really  cannot  tell  which  screamed 
the  worse  of  the  two — but  she  was  very  civil  and  kind  to 
me,  and  asked  me  ten  times  a  day  when  I  had  last  heard 
of  my  grandfather,  Lord  Privilege.  I  observed  that  she 
always  did  so  if  any  company  happened  to  call  in  during 
my  stay  at  her  house.  Before  I  had  been  there  ten 
minutes,  she  told  me  that  she  "hadored  sailors — they 
were  the  defendiours  and  preserviours  of  their  kings  and 
countries,"  and  that  "  Mr  Handycock  would  be  home  by 
four  o'clock,  and  then  we  should  go  to  dinner."  Then 
she  jumped  off  her  chair  to  bawl  to  the  cook  from  the 


Peter  Simple  5 

head  of  the  stairs — "  Jemima,  Jemima  ! — ve'll  ha'e  the 
viting  biled  instead  of  fried."  "  Can't,  marm,"  replied 
Jemima,  "  they  be  all  hegged  and  crumbed,  with  their 
tails  in  their  mouths."  "  Veil,  then,  never  mind,  Jemima," 
replied  the  lady. — "  Don't  put  your  finger  into  the  parrot's 
cage,  my  love — he's  apt  to  be  cross  with  strangers.  Mr 
Handycock  will  be  home  at  four  o'clock,  and  then  we  shall 
have  our  dinner.     Are  you  fond  of  viting  ?  " 

As  I  was  very  anxious  to  see  Mr  Handycock,  and  very 
anxious  to  have  my  dinner,  I  was  not  sorry  to  hear  the 
clock  on  the  stairs  strike  four,  when  Mrs  Handycock  again 
jumped  up,  and  put  her  head  over  the  banisters,  "  Jemima, 
Jemima,  it's  four  o'clock ! "  "I  hear  it,  marm,"  replied 
the  cook  ;  and  she  gave  the  frying-pan  a  twist,  which  made 
the  hissing  and  the  smell  come  flying  up  into  the  parlour, 
and  made  me  more  hungry  than  ever. 

Rap,  tap,  tap !  "  There's  your  master,  Jemima," 
screamed  the  lady.  "  I  hear  him,  marm,"  replied  the  cook. 
"  Run  down,  my  dear,  and  let  Mr  Handycock  in,"  said  his 
wife.     "  He'll  be  so  surprised  at  seeing  you  open  the  door." 

I  ran  down,  as  Mrs  Handycock  desired  me,  and  opened 
the  street-door.  "  Who  the  devil  are  you  ?  "  in  a  gruff 
voice,  cried  Mr  Handycock ;  a  man  about  six  feet  high, 
dressed  in  blue  cotton-net  pantaloons  and  Hessian  boots, 
with  a  black  coat  and  waistcoat.  I  was  a  little  rebuffed,  I 
must  own,  but  I  replied  that  I  was  Mr  Simple.  "  And 
pray,  Mr  Simple,  what  would  your  grandfather  say  if  he 
saw  you  now  ?  I  have  servants  in  plenty  to  open  my  door, 
and  the  parlour  is  the  proper  place  for  young  gentlemen." 

"  Law,  Mr  Handycock,"  said  his  wife,  from  the  top  of 
the  stairs,  "  how  can  you  be  so  cross  ?  I  told  him  to  open 
the  door  to  surprise  you." 

"  And  you  have  surprised  me,"  replied  he,  "  with  your 
cursed  folly." 

While  Mr  Handycock  was  rubbing  his  boots  on  the  mat, 
I  went  upstairs  rather  mortified,  I  must  own,  as  my  father 
had  told  me  that  Mr  Handycock  was  his  stockbroker,  and 
would  do  all  he  could  to  make  me  comfortable  :  indeed,  he 


6  Peter  Simple 

had  written  to  that  effect  in  a  letter,  which  my  father 
showed  to  me  before  I  left  home.  When  I  returned  to 
the  parlour,  Mrs  Handycock  whispered  to  me,  "  Never 
mind,  my  dear,  it's  only  because  there's  something  wrong 
on  'Change.  Mr  Handycock  is  a  bear  just  now."  I  thought 
so  too,  but  I  made  no  answer,  for  Mr  Handycock  came 
upstairs,  and  walking  with  two  strides  from  the  door  of 
the  parlour  to  the  fire-place,  turned  his  back  to  it,  and 
lifting  up  his  coat-tails,  began  to  whistle. 

"Are  you  ready  for  your  dinner,  my  dear?"  said  the 
lady,  almost  trembling. 

"If  the  dinner  is  ready  for  me.  I  believe  we  usually 
dine  at  four,"  answered  her  husband,  gruiny. 

"  Jemima,  Jemima,  dish  up  !  do  you  hear,  Jemima  ? " 
"  Yes,  marm,"  replied  the  cook,  "  directly  I've  thickened 
the  butter  ; "  and  Mrs  Handycock  resumed  her  seat,  with, 
"Well,  Mr  Simple,  and  how  is  your  grandfather,  Lord 
Privilege  ?  "  "  He  is  quite  well,  ma'am,"  answered  I,  for 
the  fifteenth  time  at  least.  But  dinner  put  an  end  to  the 
silence  which  followed  this  remark.  Mr  Handycock 
lowered  his  coat-tails  and  walked  downstairs,  leaving  his 
wife  and  me  to  follow  at  our  leisure. 

"Pray,  ma'am,"  inquired  I,  as  soon  as  he  was  out  of 
hearing,  "  what  is  the  matter  with  Mr  Handycock,  that  he 
is  so  cross  to  you  ?  " 

"  Vy,  my  dear,  it  is  one  of  the  misfortunes  of  mater- 
mony,  that  ven  the  husband's  put  out,  the  vife  is  sure  to 
have  her  share  of  it.  Mr  Handycock  must  have  lost  money 
on  'Change,  and  then  he  always  comes  home  cross.  Ven 
he  vins,  then  he  is  as  merry  as  a  cricket." 

"  Are  you  people  coming  down  to  dinner  ?  "  roared  Mr 
Handycock  from  below.  "  Yes,  my  dear,"  replied  the  lady, 
"I  thought  that  you  were  washing  your  hands."  We 
descended  into  the  dining-room,  where  we  found  that  Mr 
Handycock  had  already  devoured  two  of  the  whitings, 
leaving  only  one  on  the  dish  for  his  wife  and  me.  "  Vould 
you  like  a  little  bit  of  viting,  my  dear  ? "  said  the  lady  to 
me.     "  It's  not  worth  halving,"  observed  the  gentleman,  in 


Peter  Simple  7 

a  surly  tone,  taking  up  the  fish  with  his  own  knife  and 
fork,  and  putting  it  on  his  plate. 

"  Well,  I'm  so  glad  you  like  them,  my  dear,"  replied  the 
lady  meekly ;  then  turning  to  me,  "  there's  some  nice  roast 
iveal  coming,  my  dear." 

The  veal  made  its  appearance,  and  fortunately  for  us, 
Mr  Handycock  could  not  devour  it  all.  He  took  the  lion's 
share,  nevertheless,  cutting  off  all  the  brown,  and  then 
shoving  the  dish  over  to  his  wife  to  help  herself  and  me. 
I  had  not  put  two  pieces  in  my  mouth  before  Mr  Handy- 
cock  desired  me  to  get  up  and  hand  him  the  porter-pot, 
which  stood  on  the  sideboard.  I  thought  that  if  it  was 
not  right  for  me  to  open  a  door,  neither  was  it  for  me  to 
wait  at  table — but  I  obeyed  him  without  making  a 
remark. 

.  After  dinner,  Mr  Handycock  went  down  to  the  cellar  for 
a  bottle  of  wine.  "  O  deary  me  !  "  exclaimed  his  wife,  "  he 
must  have  lost  a  mint  of  money — we  had  better  go  up  stairs 
and  leave  him  alone  j  he'll  be  better  after  a  bottle  of  port, 
perhaps."  I  was  very  glad  to  go  away,  and  being  very 
tired,  I  went  to  bed  without  any  tea,  for  Mrs  Handycock 
dared  not  venture  to  make  it  before  her  husband  came 
up  stairs. 


Chapter  II 

Fitting  out  on  the  shortest  notice — Fortunately  for  me,  this  day  Mr 
Handycock  is  a  bear,  and  I  fare  very  well — I  set  off  for  Portsmouth — 
Behind  the  coach  I  meet  a  man  before  the  mast — He  is  disguised  with 
liquor,  but  is  not  the  only  disguise  I  fall  in  with  in  my  journey. 

The  next  morning  Mr  Handycock  appeared  to  be  in  some- 
what better  humour.  One  of  the  linendrapers  who  fitted 
out  cadets,  &c,  "  on  the  shortest  notice,"  was  sent  for,  and 
orders  given  for  my  equipment,  which  Mr  Handycock  in- 
sisted should  be  ready  on  the  day  afterwards,  or  the  articles 
would  be  left  on  his  hands  ;  adding,  that  my  place  was 
already  taken  in  the  Portsmouth  coach. 


8  Peter  Simple 

"  Really,  sir,"  observed  the  man,  "  I'm  afraid — on  such 
very  short  notice " 

"  Your  card  says,  '  the  shortest  notice,'  "  rejoined  Mr 
Handycock,  with  the  confidence  and  authority  of  a  man 
who  is  enabled  to  correct  another  by  his  own  assertions. 
"  If  you  do  not  choose  to  undertake  the  work,  another 
will." 

This  silenced  the  man,  who  made  his  promise,  took  my 
measure,  and  departed  ;  and  soon  afterwards  Mr  Handy- 
cock  also  quitted  the  house. 

What  with  my  grandfather  and  the  parrot,  and  Mrs 
Handycock  wondering  how  much  money  her  husband  had 
lost,  running  to  the  head  of  the  stairs  and  talking  to  the 
cook,  the  day  passed  away  pretty  well  till  four  o'clock  j 
when,  as  before,  Mrs  Handycock  screamed,  the  cook 
screamed,  the  parrot  screamed,  and  Mr  Handycock  rapped 
at  the  door,  and  was  let  in — but  not  by  me.  He  ascended 
the  stair  swith  three  bounds,  and  coming  into  the  parlour, 
cried,  "  Well,  Nancy,  my  love,  how  are  you  ?  "  Then 
stooping  over  her,  "  Give  me  a  kiss,  old  girl.  I'm  as 
hungry  as  a  hunter.  Mr  Simple,  how  do  you  do  ?  I  hope 
you  have  passed  the  morning  agreeably.  I  must  wash  my 
hands  and  change  my  boots,  my  love  \  I  am  not  fit  to  sit 
down  to  table  with  you  in  this  pickle.  Well,  Polly,  how 
are  you  ?  " 

"I'm  glad  you're  hungry,  my  dear,  I've  such  a  nice 
dinner  for  you,"  replied  the  wife,  all  smiles.  "Jemima,  be 
quick  and  dish  up — Mr  Handycock  is  so  hungry." 

"  Yes,  marm,"  replied  the  cook  ;  and  Mrs  Handycock 
followed  her  husband  into  his  bedroom  on  the  same  floor, 
to  assist  him  at  his  toilet. 

"  By  Jove,  Nancy,  the  bulls  have  been  nicely  taken  in," 
said  Mr  Handycock,  as  we  sat  down  to  dinner. 

"  O,  I  am  so  glad  !  "  replied  his  wife,  giggling  ;  and  so 
I  believe  she  was,  but  why  I  did  not  understand. 

"  Mr  Simple,"  said  he,  "  will  you  allow  me  to  offer  you 
a  little  fish  ?  " 

"  If  you  do  not  want  it  all  yourself,  sir,"  replied  I  politely. 


Peter  Simple  9 

Mrs  Handycock  frowned  and  shook  her  head  at  me, 
while  her  husband  helped  me.     "  My  dove,  a  bit  of  fish  ?  " 

We  both  had  our  share  to-day,  and  I  never  saw  a  man 
more  polite  than  Mr  Handycock.  He  joked  with  his  wife, 
asked  me  to  drink  wine  with  him  two  or  three  times, 
talked  about  my  grandfather  j  and,  in  short,  we  had  a  very 
pleasant  evening. 

The  next  morning  all  my  clothes  came  home,  but  Mr 
Handycock,  who  still  continued  in  good  humour,  said  that 
he  would  not  allow  me  to  travel  by  night,  that  I  should 
sleep  there  and  set  off  the  next  morning  ;  which  I  did  at 
six  o'clock,  and  before  eight  I  had  arrived  at  the  Elephant 
and  Castle,  where  we  stopped  for  a  quarter  of  an  hour.  I 
was  looking  at  the  painting  representing  this  animal  with  a 
castle  on  its  back ;  and  assuming  that  of  Alnwick,  which  I 
had  seen,  as  a  fair  estimate  of  the  size  and  weight  of  that 
which  he  carried,  was  attempting  to  enlarge  my  ideas  so  as 
to  comprehend  the  stupendous  bulk  of  the  elephant,  when 
I  observed  a  crowd  assembled  at  the  corner  ;  and  asking  a 
gentleman  who  sat  by  me  in  a  plaid  cloak,  whether  there 
was  not  something  very  uncommon  to  attract  so  many  people, 
he  replied,  "  Not  very,  for  it  is  only  a  drunken  sailor." 

I  rose  from  my  seat,  which  was  on  the  hinder  part  of  the 
coach,  that  I  might  see  him,  for  it  was  a  new  sight  to  me, 
and  excited  my  curiosity,  when  to  my  astonishment,  he 
staggered  from  the  crowd,  and  swore  that  he'd  go  to  Ports- 
mouth. He  climbed  up  by  the  wheel  of  the  coach,  and  sat 
down  by  me.  I  believe  that  I  stared  at  him  very  much,  for 
he  said  to  me,  "  What  are  you  gaping  at,  you  young 
sculping  ?  Do  you  want  to  catch  flies  ?  or  did  you  never 
see  a  chap  half-seas-over  before  ?  " 

I  replied,  "  That  I  had  never  been  at  sea  in  my  life,  but 
that  I  was  going." 

"  Well,  then,  you're  like  a  young  bear,  all  your  sorrows 
to  come — that's  all,  my  hearty,"  replied  he.  "  When  you 
get  on  board,  you'll  find  monkey's  allowance — more  kicks 
than  half-pence.  I  say,  you  pewter-carrier,  bring  us 
another  pint  of  ale." 


io  Peter  Simple 

The  waiter  of  the  inn,  who  was  attending  the  coach, 
brought  out  the  ale,  half  of  which  the  sailor  drank,  and  the 
other  half  threw  into  the  waiter's  face,  telling  him  that 
was  his  "  allowance  :  and  now,"  said  he,  "  what's  to  pay  ?  " 
The  waiter,  who  looked  very  angry,  but  appeared  too  much 
afraid  of  the  sailor  to  say  anything,  answered  fourpence  •, 
and  the  sailor  pulled  out  a  handful  of  banknotes,  mixed  up 
with  gold,  silver,  and  coppers,  and  was  picking  out  the 
money  to  pay  for  his  beer,  when  the  coachman,  who  was 
impatient,  drove  off. 

"  There's  cut  and  run,"  cried  the  sailor,  thrusting  all 
the  money  into  his  breeches  pocket.  "  That's  what  you'll 
learn  to  do,  my  joker,  before  you've  been  two  cruises  to  sea." 

In  the  meantime  the  gentleman  in  the  plaid  cloak,  who 
was  seated  by  me,  smoked  his  cigar  without  saying  a 
word.  I  commenced  a  conversation  with  him  relative  to 
my  profession,  and  asked  him  whether  it  was  not  very 
difficult  to  learn.  "  Lara,"  cried  the  sailor,  interrupting 
us,  "  no ;  it  may  be  difficult  for  such  chaps  as  me  before 
the  mast  to  larnj  but  you,  I  presume,  is  a  reefer,  and 
they  an't  got  much  to  larn,  'cause  why,  they  pipe-clays 
their  weekly  accounts,  and  walks  up  and  down  with  their 
hands  in  their  pockets.  You  must  larn  to  chaw  baccy, 
drink  grog,  and  call  the  cat  a  beggar,  and  then  you  knows 
all  a  midshipman's  expected  to  know  nowadays.  Ar'n't 
I  right,  sir  ?  "  said  the  sailor,  appealing  to  the  gentleman 
in  a  plaid  cloak.  "  I  axes  you,  because  I  see  you're  a 
sailor  by  the  cut  of  your  jib.  Beg  pardon,  sir,"  continued 
he,  touching  his  hat,  "hope  no  offence." 

"I  am  afraid  that  you  have  nearly  hit  the  mark,  my 
good  fellow,"  replied  the  gentleman. 

The  drunken  fellow  then  entered  into  conversation 
with  him,  stating  that  he  had  been  paid  off  from  the 
Audacious  at  Portsmouth,  and  had  come  up  to  London  to 
spend  his  money  with  his  messmates  ;  but  that  yesterday 
he  had  discovered  that  a  Jew  at  Portsmouth  had  sold  him 
a  seal  as  gold,  for  fifteen  shillings,  which  proved  to  be 
copper,   and  that  he  was  going  back  to   Portsmouth  to 


Peter  Simple  n 

give  the  Jew  a  couple  of  black  eyes  for  his  rascality,  and 
that  when  he  had  done  that  he  was  to  return  to  his  mess- 
mates, who  had  promised  to  drink  success  to  the  expedition  at 
the  Cock  and  Bottle,  St  Martin's  Lane,  until  he  should  return. 

The  gentleman  in  the  plaid  cloak  commended  him  very 
much  for  his  resolution  ;  for  he  said,  "  that  although  the 
journey  to  and  from  Portsmouth  would  cost  twice  the 
value  of  a  gold  seal,  yet,  that  in  the  end  it  might  be  worth 
a  Jews  Eye."    What  he  meant  I  did  not  comprehend. 

Whenever  the  coach  stopped,  the  sailor  called  for  more 
ale,  and  always  threw  the  remainder  which  he  could  not 
drink  into  the  face  of  the  man  who  brought  it  out  for 
him,  just  as  the  coach  was  starting  off,  and  then  tossed 
the  pewter  pot  on  the  ground  for  him  to  pick  up.  He 
became  more  tipsy  every  stage,  and  the  last  from  Ports- 
mouth, when  he  pulled  out  his  money,  he  could  find  no 
silver,  so  he  handed  down  a  note,  and  desired  the  waiter 
to  change  it.  The  waiter  crumpled  it  up  and  put  it  into 
his  pocket,  and  then  returned  the  sailor  the  change  for  a 
one-pound  note ;  but  the  gentleman  in  the  plaid  had 
observed  that  it  was  a  five-pound  note  which  the  sailor 
had  given,  and  insisted  upon  the  waiter  producing  it,  and 
giving  the  proper  change.  The  sailor  took  his  money, 
which  the  waiter  handed  to  him,  begging  pardon  for  the 
mistake,  although  he  coloured  up  very  much  at  being 
detected.  "  I  really  beg  your  pardon,"  said  he  again,  "  it 
was  quite  a  mistake  •, "  whereupon  the  sailor  threw  the 
pewter  pot  at  the  waiter,  saying,  "I  really  beg  your 
pardon,  too," — and  with  such  force,  that  it  flattened  upon 
the  man's  head,  who  fell  senseless  on  the  road.  The 
coachman  drove  off,  and  I  never  heard  whether  the  man 
was  killed  or  not. 

After  the  coach  had  driven  off,  the  sailor  eyed  the 
gentleman  in  the  plaid  cloak  for  a  minute  or  two,  and 
then  said,  "When  I  first  looked  at  you  I  took  you  for 
some  officer  in  mufti ;  but  now  that  I  see  you  look  so 
sharp  after  the  rhino,  it's  my  idea  that  you're  some  poor 
devil  of  a  Scotchman,  mayhap  second  mate  of  a  marchant 


12  Peter  Simple 

vessel — there's  half  a  crown  for  your  services — I'd  give 
you  more  if  I  thought  you  would  spend  it." 

The  gentleman  laughed,  and  took  the  half-crown,  which 
I  afterwards  observed  that  he  gave  to  a  grey-headed  beggar 
at  the  bottom  of  Portsdown  Hill.  I  inquired  of  him  how 
soon  we  should  be  at  Portsmouth ;  he  answered  that  we 
were  passing  the  lines ;  but  I  saw  no  lines,  and  I  was 
ashamed  to  show  my  ignorance.  He  asked  me  what  ship 
I  was  going  to  join.  I  could  not  recollect  her  name,  but 
I  told  him  it  was  painted  on  the  outside  of  my  chest,  which 
was  coming  down  by  the  waggon ;  all  that  I  could  recollect 
was  that  it  was  a  French  name. 

"  Have  you  no  letter  of  introduction  to  the  captain  ? " 
said  he. 

"  Yes  I  have,"  replied  I ;  and  I  pulled  out  my  pocket- 
book  in  which  the  letter  was.  "  Captain  Savage,  H.M. 
ship  Diomede"  continued  I,  reading  to  him. 

To  my  surprise  he  very  coolly  proceeded  to  open  the 
letter,  which,  when  I  perceived  what  he  was  doing,  occa- 
sioned me  immediately  to  snatch  the  letter  from  him,  stating 
my  opinion  at  the  same  time  that  it  was  a  breach  of  honour, 
and  that  in  my  opinion  he  was  no  gentleman. 

"  Just  as  you  please,  youngster,"  replied  he.  "  Recol- 
lect, you  have  told  me  I  am  no  gentleman." 

He  wrapped  his  plaid  around  him,  and  said  no  more  ;  and  I 
was  not  a  little  pleased  at  having  silenced  him  by  my  resolute 
behaviour. 


Chapter  III 

I  am  made  to  look  very  blue  at  the  Blue  Posts — Find  wild  spirits  around, 
and,  soon  after,  hot  spirits  within  me  ;  at  length  my  spirits  overcome  me 
Call  to  pay  my  respects  to  the  Captain,  and  find  that  I  had  had  the 
pleasure  of  meeting  him  before — No  sooner  out  of  one  scrape  than  into 
another. 

When  we  stopped,  I  inquired  of  the  coachman  which  was 
the  best  inn.     He  answered  "  that  it  was  the  Blue  Postesses, 


Peter  Simple  13 

where  the  midshipmen  leave  their  chestesses,  call  for  tea 
and  toastesses,  and  sometimes  forget  to  pay  for  their 
breakfastesses."  He  laughed  when  he  said  it,  and  I  thought 
that  he  was  joking  with  me  ;  but  he  pointed  out  two  large 
blue  posts  at  the  door  next  the  coach-office,  and  told  me 
that  all  the  midshipmen  resorted  to  that  hotel.  He  then 
asked  me  to  remember  the  coachman,  which,  by  this  time 
I  had  found  out  implied  that  I  was  not  to  forget  to  give 
him  a  shilling,  which  I  did,  and  then  went  into  the  inn. 
The  coffee-room  was  full  of  midshipmen,  and,  as  I  was 
anxious  about  my  chest,  I  inquired  of  one  of  them  if  he 
knew  when  the  waggon  would  come  in. 

"  Do  you  expect  your  mother  by  it  ?  "  replied  he. 

"  Oh  no  !  but  I  expect  my  uniforms — I  only  wear  these 
bottle-greens  until  they  come." 

"  And  pray  what  ship  are  you  going  to  join  ?  " 

"  The  Die-a-maid — Captain  Thomas  Kirkwall  Savage." 

"  The  Diomede — I  say,  Robinson,  a'n't  that  the  frigate  in 
which  the  midshipmen  had  four  dozen  apiece  for  not  having 
pipe-clayed  their  weekly  accounts  on  the  Saturday  ? " 

"  To  be  sure  it  is,"  replied  the  other  •  "  why  the  captain 
gave  a  youngster  five  dozen  the  other  day  for  wearing  a 
scarlet  watch-riband." 

"He's  the  greatest  Tartar  in  the  service,"  continued  the 
other ;  "he  flogged  the  whole  starboard  watch  the  last 
time  that  he  was  on  a  cruise,  because  the  ship  would  only 
sail  nine  knots  upon  a  bowline." 

"  Oh  dear,"  said  I,  "  then  I'm  very  sorry  that  I  am  going 
to  join  him." 

"  Ton  my  soul  I  pity  you  :  you'll  be  fagged  to  death: 
for  there's  only  three  midshipmen  in  the  ship  now — all  the 
rest  ran  away.     Didn't  they,  Robinson  ?  " 

"  There's  only  two  left  now  ;  for  poor  Matthews  died  of 
fatigue.  He  was  worked  all  day,  and  kept  watch  all  night 
for  six  weeks,  and  one  morning  he  was  found  dead  upon 
his  chest." 

"God  bless  my  soul!"  cried  I;  "and  yet,  on  shore, 
they  say  he  is  such  a  kind  man  to  his  midshipmen." 


14  Peter  Simple 

"  Yes,"  replied  Robinson,  "  he  spreads  that  report  every 
where.  Now,  observe,  when  you  first  call  upon  him,  and 
report  your  having  come  to  join  his  ship,  he'll  tell  you  that 
he  is  very  happy  to  see  you,  and  that  he  hopes  your  family 
are  well — then  he'll  recommend  you  to  go  on  board  and 
learn  your  duty.  After  that,  stand  clear.  Now,  recollect 
what  I  have  said,  and  see  if  it  does  not  prove  true.  Come, 
sit  down  with  us  and  take  a  glass  of  grog  ;  it  will  keep 
your  spirits  up." 

These  midshipmen  told  me  so  much  about  my  captain, 
and  the  horrid  cruelties  which  he  had  practised,  that  I  had 
some  doubts  whether  I  had  not  better  set  off  home  again. 
"When  I  asked  their  opinion,  they  said,  that  if  I  did,  I 
should  be  taken  up  as  a  deserter  and  hanged  ;  that  my  best 
plan  was  to  beg  his  acceptance  of  a  few  gallons  of  rum,  for 
he  was  very  fond  of  grog,  and  that  then  I  might  perhaps 
be  in  his  good  graces,  as  long  as  the  rum  might  last. 

I  am  sorry  to  state  that  the  midshipmen  made  me  very 
tipsy  that  evening.  I  don't  recollect  being  put  to  bed,  but 
I  found  myself  there  the  next  morning,  with  a  dreadful 
headache,  and  a  very  confused  recollection  of  what  had 
passed.  I  was  very  much  shocked  at  my  having  so  soon 
forgotten  the  injunctions  of  my  parents,  and  was  making 
vows  never  to  be  so  foolish  again,  when  in  came  the  mid- 
shipman who  had  been  so  kind  to  me  the  night  before. 
"  Come,  Mr  Bottlegreen,"  he  bawled  out,  alluding,  I  sup- 
pose, to  the  colour  of  my  clothes,  "  rouse  and  bitt.  There's 
the  captain's  coxswain  waiting  for  you  below.  By  the 
powers,  you're  in  a  pretty  scrape  for  what  you  did  last 
night!" 

"  Did  last  night  !  "  replied  I,  astonished.  "  Why,  does 
the  captain  know  that  I  was  tipsy  ? " 

"  I  think  you  took  devilish  good  care  to  let  him  know  it 
when  you  were  at  the  theatre." 

"  At  the  theatre  !  was  I  at  the  theatre  ?  " 

"To  be  sure  you  were.  You  would  go,  do  all  we 
could  to  prevent  you,  though  you  were  as  drunk  as  David's 
sow.     Your  captain  was  there  with  the  admiral's  daughters. 


Peter  Simple  15 

You  called  him  a  tyrant  and  snapped  your  fingers  at  him. 
Why,  don't  you  recollect  ?  You  told  him  that  you  did  not 
care  a  fig  for  him." 

"  Oh  dear  !  oh  dear  !  what  shall  I  do  ?  what  shall  I  do  ?  " 
cried  I :  "  My  mother  cautioned  me  so  about  drinking  and 
bad  company." 

"  Bad  company,  you  whelp — what  do  you  mean  by  that  ?" 

"  O,  I  did  not  particularly  refer  to  you." 

"  I  should  hope  not !  However,  I  recommend  you,  as  a 
friend,  to  go  to  the  George  Inn  as  fast  as  you  can,  and  see 
your  captain,  for  the  longer  you  stay  away,  the  worse  it 
will  be  for  you.  At  all  events,  it  will  be  decided  whether 
he  receives  you  or  not.  It  is  fortunate  for  you  that  you 
are  not  on  the  ship's  books.  Come,  be  quick,  the  cox- 
swain is  gone  back." 

"  Not  on  the  ship's  books,"  replied  I  sorrowfully. 
"  Now  I  recollect  there  was  a  letter  from  the  captain  to 
my  father,  stating  that  he  had  put  me  on  the  books." 

"Upon  my  honour,  I'm  sorry — very  sorry  indeed," 
replied  the  midshipman  ; — and  he  quitted  the  room,  looking 
as  grave  as  if  the  misfortune  had  happened  to  himself.  I 
got  up  with  a  heavy  head,  and  heavier  heart,  and  as  soon  as 
I  was  dressed,  I  asked  the  way  to  the  George  Inn.  I  took 
my  letter  of  introduction  with  me,  although  I  was  afraid  it 
would  be  of  little  service.  When  I  arrived,  I  asked,  with 
a  trembling  voice,  whether  Captain  Thomas  Kirkwall 
Savage,  of  H.M.  ship  Diomede,  was  staying  there.  The 
waiter  replied,  that  he  was  at  breakfast  with  Captain 
Courtney,  but  that  he  would  take  up  my  name.  I  gave  it 
him,  and  in  a  minute  the  waiter  returned,  and  desired  that 
I  would  walk  up.  O  how  my  heart  beat ! — I  never  was 
so  frightened — I  thought  I  should  have  dropped  on  the 
stairs.  Twice  I  attempted  to  walk  into  the  room,  and  each 
time  my  legs  failed  me ;  at  last  I  wiped  the  perspiration 
from  my  forehead,  and  with  a  desperate  effort  I  went  into 
the  room. 

"  Mr  Simple,  I  am  glad  to  see  you,"  said  a  voice.  I 
had  held  my  head  down,  for  I  was  afraid  to  look  at  him, 


1 6  Peter  Simple 

but  the  voice  was  so  kind  that  I  mustered  up  courage  ;  and, 
when  I  did  look  up,  there  sat  with  his  uniform  and  epaulets, 
and  his  sword  by  his  side,  the  passenger  in  the  plaid  cloak, 
who  wanted  to  open  my  letter,  and  whom  I  had  told  to  his 
face,  that  he  was  no  gentleman, 

I  thought  I  should  have  died  as  the  other  midshipman 
did  upon  his  chest.  I  was  just  sinking  down  upon  my 
knees  to  beg  for  mercy,  when  the  captain  perceiving  my 
confusion,  burst  out  into  a  laugh,  and  said,  "  So  you  know 
me  again,  Mr  Simple  ?  Well,  don't  be  alarmed,  you  did 
your  duty  in  not  permitting  me  to  open  the  letter,  suppos- 
ing me,  as  you  did,  to  be  some  other  person,  and  you  were 
perfectly  right,  under  that  supposition,  to  tell  me  that  I  was 
not  a  gentleman.  I  give  you  credit  for  your  conduct. 
Now  sit  down  and  take  some  breakfast." 

"  Captain  Courtney,"  said  he  to  the  other  captain,  who 
was  at  the  table,  "  this  is  one  of  my  youngsters  just  enter- 
ing the  service.  We  were  passengers  yesterday  by  the 
same  coach."  He  then  told  him  the  circumstance  which 
occurred,  at  which  they  laughed  heartily. 

I  now  recovered  my  spirits  a  little — but  still  there  was 
the  affair  at  the  theatre,  and  I  thought  that  perhaps  he  did 
not  recognize  me.  I  was,  however,  soon  relieved  from  my 
anxiety  by  the  other  captain  inquiring,  "Were  you  at  the 
theatre  last  night,  Savage  ?  " 

"  No  ;  I  dined  at  the  admiral's  ;  there's  no  getting  away 
from  those  girls,  they  are  so  pleasant." 

"  I  rather  think  you  are  a  little — taken  in  that  quarter." 

"  No,  on  my  word  !  I  might  be  if  I  had  time  to  discover 
which  I  liked  best ;  but  my  ship  is  at  present  my  wife,  and 
the  only  wife  I  intend  to  have  until  I  am  laid  on  the  shelf." 

Well,  thought  I,  if  he  was  not  at  the  theatre,  it  could 
not  have  been  him  that  I  insulted.  Now  if  I  can  only  give 
him  the  rum,  and  make  friends  with  him. 

"  Pray,  Mr  Simple,  how  are  your  father  and  mother  ? " 
said  the  captain. 

"  Very  well,  I  thank  you,  sir,  and  desire  me  to  present 
their  compliments." 


Peter  Simple  17 

"  I  am  obliged  to  them.  Now  I  think  the  sooner  you  go 
on  board  and  learn  your  duty  the  better."  (Just  what  the 
midshipman  told  me — the  very  words,  thought  I — then  it's 
all  true — and  I  began  to  tremble  again.) 

"  I  have  a  little  advice  to  offer  you,"  continued  the 
captain.  "  In  the  first  place,  obey  your  superior  officers 
without  hesitation  ;  it  is  for  me,  not  you,  to  decide  whether 
an  order  is  unjust  or  not.  In  the  next  place,  never  swear 
or  drink  spirits.  The  first  is  immoral  and  ungentleman- 
like,  the  second  is  a  vile  habit  which  will  grow  upon  you. 
I  never  touch  spirit  myself,  and  I  expect  that  my  young 
gentlemen  will  refrain  from  it  also.  Now  you  may  go,  and 
as  soon  as  your  uniforms  arrive,  you  will  repair  on  board. 
In  the  meantime,  as  I  had  some  little  insight  into  your  char- 
acter when  we  travelled  together,  let  me  recommend  you 
not  to  be  too  intimate  at  first  sight  with  those  you  meet, 
or  you  may  be  led  into  indiscretions.     Good  morning." 

I  quitted  the  room  with  a  low  bow,  glad  to  have  sur- 
mounted so  easily  what  appeared  to  be  a  chaos  of  difficulty  ; 
but  my  mind  was  confused  with  the  testimony  of  the  mid- 
shipman, so  much  at  variance  with  the  language  and 
behaviour  of  the  captain.  When  I  arrived  at  the  Blue 
Posts,  I  found  all  the  midshipmen  in  the  coffee-room,  and 
I  repeated  to  them  all  that  had  passed.  When  I  had 
finished,  they  burst  out  laughing,  and  said  that  they  had 
only  been  joking  with  me.  "  Well,"  said  I  to  the  one  who 
had  called  me  up  in  the  morning,  "  you  may  call  it  joking, 
but  I  call  it  lying." 

"  Pray,  Mr  Bottlegreen,  do  you  refer  to  me  ? " 

"  Yes,  I  do,"  replied  I. 

"  Then,  sir,  as  a  gentleman,  I  demand  satisfaction. 
Slugs  in  a  saw-pit.     Death  before  dishonour,  d e !  " 

"  I  shall  not  refuse  you,"  replied  I,  "although  I  had 
rather  not  fight  a  duel ;  my  father  cautioned  me  on  the 
subject,  desiring  me,  if  possible,  to  avoid  it,  as  it  was  flying 
in  the  face  of  my  Creator  ;  but  aware  that  I  must  uphold 
my  character  as  an  officer,  he  left  me  to  my  own  discretion, 
should  I  ever  be  so  unfortunate  as  to  be  in  such  a  dilemma." 


1 8  Peter  Simple 

"Well,  we  don't  want  one  of  your  father's  sermons  at 
second-hand,"  replied  the  midshipman,  (for  I  had  told  them 
that  my  father  was  a  clergyman) ;  "  the  plain  question  is, 
will  you  fight,  or  will  you  not  ?  " 

"  Could  not  the  affair  be  arranged  otherwise  ? "  inter- 
rupted another.     "  Will  not  Mr  Bottlegreen  retract  ?  " 

"  My  name  is  Simple,  sir,  and  not  Bottlegreen,"  replied 
I ;  "  and  as  he  did  tell  a  falsehood,  I  will  not  retract." 

"  Then  the  affair  must  go  on,"  said  the  midshipman. 
"  Robinson,  will  you  oblige  me  by  acting  as  my  second  ?  " 

"  It's  an  unpleasant  business,"  replied  the  other  ;  "  you 
are  so  good  a  shot ;  but  as  you  request  it,  I  shall  not  refuse. 
Mr  Simple  is  not,  I  believe,  provided  with  a  friend." 

"  Yes,  he  is,"  replied  another  of  the  midshipmen.  "  He 
is  a  spunky  fellow,  and  I'll  be  his  second." 

It  was  then  arranged  that  we  should  meet  the  next 
morning,  with  pistols.  I  considered  that  as  an  officer  and 
a  gentleman,  I  could  not  well  refuse  ;  but  I  was  very  un- 
happy. Not  three  days  left  to  my  own  guidance,  and  I 
had  become  intoxicated,  and  was  now  to  fight  a  duel.  I 
went  up  into  my  room  and  wrote  a  long  letter  to  my 
mother,  enclosing  a  lock  of  my  hair  ;  and  having  shed  a 
few  tears  at  the  idea  of  how  sorry  she  would  be  if  I  were 
killed,  I  borrowed  a  bible  from  the  waiter,  and  read  it 
during  the  remainder  of  the  day. 


Chapter  IV 

I  am  taught  on  a  cold  morning,  before  breakfast,  how  to  stand  fire,  and  thus 
prove  my  courage — After  breakfast  I  also  prove  my  gallantry — My  proof 
meets  reproof — Woman  at  the  bottom  of  all  mischief — By  one  I  lose  my 
liberty,  and,  by  another,  my  money. 

When  I  began  to  wake  the  next  morning  I  could  not 
think  what  it  was  that  felt  like  a  weight  upon  my  chest, 
but  as  I  roused  and  recalled  my  scattered  thoughts,  1 
remembered  that  in  an  hour  or  two  it  would  be  decided 


Peter  Simple  19 

whether  I  were  to  exist  another  day.  I  prayed  fervently, 
and  made  a  resolution  in  my  own  mind  that  I  would  not 
have  the  blood  of  another  upon  my  conscience,  and  would 
fire  my  pistol  up  in  the  air.  And  after  I  had  made  that 
resolution,  I  no  longer  felt  the  alarm  which  I  did  before. 
Before  I  was  dressed,  the  midshipman  who  had  volunteered 
to  be  my  second,  came  into  my  room,  and  informed  me  that 
the  affair  was  to  be  decided  in  the  garden  behind  the  inn  ; 
that  my  adversary  was  a  very  good  shot,  and  that  I  must 
expect  to  be  winged  if  not  drilled. 

"  And  what  is  winged  and  drilled  ? "  inquired  I.  "I 
have  not  only  never  fought  a  duel,  but  I  have  not  even 
fired  a  pistol  in  my  life." 

He  explained  what  he  meant,  which  was,  that  being 
winged  implied  being  shot  through  the  arm  or  leg, 
whereas  being  drilled  was  to  be  shot  through  the  body. 
"  But,"  continued  he,  "  is  it  possible  that  you  have  never 
fought  a  duel  ?  " 

"  No,"  replied  I ;  "  I  am  not  yet  fifteen  years  old." 

"  Not  fifteen  !  why  I  thought  you  were  eighteen  at  the 
least."  (But  I  was  very  tall  and  stout  for  my  age,  and 
people  generally  thought  me  older  than  I  actually  was.) 

I  dressed  myself  and  followed  my  second  into  the  garden, 
where  I  found  all  the  midshipmen  and  some  of  the  waiters 
of  the  inn.  They  all  seemed  very  merry,  as  if  the  life 
of  a  fellow-creature  was  of  no  consequence.  The  seconds 
talked  apart  for  a  little  while,  and  then  measured  the 
ground,  which  was  twelve  paces  ;  we  then  took  our 
stations.  I  believe  that  I  turned  pale,  for  my  second  came 
to  my  side  and  whispered  that  I  must  not  be  frightened. 
I  replied,  that  I  was  not  frightened,  but  that  I  considered 
that  it  was  an  awful  moment.  The  second  to  my  adversary 
then  came  up  and  asked  me  whether  I  would  make  an 
apology,  which  I  refused  to  do  as  before :  they  handed 
a  pistol  to  each  of  us,  and  my  second  showed  me  how 
I  was  to  pull  the  trigger.  It  was  arranged  that  at  the 
word  given,  we  were  to  fire  at  the  same  time.  I  made 
sure  that  I  should  be  wounded,  if  not  killed,  and  I  shut 


20  Peter  Simple 

my  eyes  as  I  fired  my  pistol  in  the  air.  I  felt  my  head 
swim,  and  thought  I  was  hurt,  but  fortunately  I  was 
not.  The  pistols  were  loaded  again,  and  we  fired  a 
second  time.  The  seconds  then  interfered,  and  it  was 
proposed  that  we  should  shake  hands,  which  I  was  very 
glad  to  do,  for  I  considered  my  life  to  have  been  saved 
by  a  miracle.  We  all  went  back  to  the  coffee-room,  and 
sat  down  to  breakfast.  They  then  told  me  that  they  all 
belonged  to  the  same  ship  that  I  did,  and  that  they  were 
glad  to  see  that  I  could  stand  fire,  for  the  captain  was  a 
terrible  fellow  for  cutting-out  and  running  under  the 
enemy's  batteries. 

The  next  day  my  chest  arrived  by  the  waggon,  and  I 
threw  off  my  "bottle-greens"  and  put  on  my  uniform. 
I  had  no  cocked  hat,  or  dirk,  as  the  warehouse  people 
employed  by  Mr  Handycock  did  not  supply  those  articles, 
and  it  was  arranged  that  I  should  procure  them  at  Ports- 
mouth. When  I  inquired  the  price,  I  found  that  they 
cost  more  money  than  I  had  in  my  pocket,  so  I  tore  up  the 
letter  I  had  written  to  my  mother  before  the  duel,  and 
wrote  another  asking  for  a  remittance,  to  purchase  my 
dirk  and  cocked  hat.  I  then  walked  out  in  my  uniform, 
not  a  little  proud,  I  must  confess.  I  was  now  an  officer 
in  his  Majesty's  service,  not  very  high  in  rank,  certainly, 
but  still  an  officer  and  a  gentleman,  and  I  made  a  vow 
that  I  would  support  the  character,  although  I  was  con- 
sidered the  greatest  fool  of  the  family. 

I  had  arrived  opposite  a  place  called  Sally  Port,  when  a 
young  lady,  very  nicely  dressed,  looked  at  me  very  hard 
and  said,  "Well,  Reefer,  how  are  you  off  for  soap  ?"  I 
was  astonished  at  the  question,  and  more  so  at  the  interest 
which  she  seemed  to  take  in  my  affairs.  I  answered, 
"  Thank  you,  I  am  very  well  off;  I  have  four  cakes  of 
Windsor,  and  two  bars  of  yellow  for  washing."  She 
laughed  at  my  reply,  and  asked  me  whether  I  would 
walk  home  and  take  a  bit  of  dinner  with  her.  I  was 
astonished  at  this  polite  offer,  which  my  modesty  induced 
me  to  ascribe  more  to  my  uniform  than  to  my  own  merits, 


Peter  Simple  21 

and,  as  I  felt  no  inclination  to  refuse  the  compliment,  I 
said  that  I  should  be  most  happy.  I  thought  I  might 
venture  to  offer  my  arm,  which  she  accepted,  and  we  pro- 
ceeded up  High  Street  on  our  way  to  her  home. 

Just  as  we  passed  the  admiral's  house,  I  perceived  my 
captain  walking  with  two  of  the  admiral's  daughters.  I 
was  not  a  little  proud  to  let  him  see  that  I  had  female 
acquaintances  as  well  as  he  had,  and,  as  I  passed  him  with 
the  young  lady  under  my  protection,  I  took  off  my  hat, 
and  made  him  a  low  bow.  To  my  surprise,  not  only  did 
he  not  return  the  salute,  but  he  looked  at  me  with  a  very 
stern  countenance.  I  concluded  that  he  was  a  very  proud 
man,  and  did  not  wish  the  admiral's  daughters  to  suppose 
that  he  knew  midshipmen  by  sight ;  but  I  had  not  exactly 
made  up  my  mind  on  the  subject,  when  the  captain,  having 
seen  the  ladies  into  the  admiral's  house,  sent  one  of  the 
messengers  after  me  to  desire  that  I  would  immediately 
come  to  him  at  the  George  Inn,  which  was  nearly  opposite. 

I  apologised  to  the  young  lady,  and  promised  to  return 
immediately  if  she  would  wait  for  me  *,  but  she  replied,  if 
that  was  my  captain,  it  was  her  idea  that  I  should  have  a 
confounded  wigging  and  be  sent  on  board.  So,  wishing 
me  good-bye,  she  left  me  and  continued  her  way  home. 
I  could  as  little  comprehend  all  this  as  why  the  captain 
looked  so  black  when  I  passed  him ;  but  it  was  soon  ex- 
plained when  I  went  up  to  him  in  the  parlour  at  the 
George  Inn.  "  I  am  sorry,  Mr  Simple,"  said  the  captain, 
when  I  entered,  "  that  a  lad  like  you  should  show  such 
early  symptoms  of  depravity ;  still  more  so,  that  he  should 
not  have  the  grace  which  even  the  most  hardened  are  not 
wholly  destitute  of — I  mean  to  practise  immorality  in 
secret,  and  not  degrade  themselves  and  insult  their  captain 
by  unblushingly  avowing  (I  may  say  glorying  in)  their 
iniquity,  by  exposing  it  in  broad  day,  and  in  the  most 
frequented  street  of  the  town." 

"  Sir,"  replied  I  with  astonishment,  "  O  dear  !  O  dear  ! 
what  have  I  done  ?  " 

The  captain  fixed  his  keen  eyes  upon  me,  so  that  they 


22  Peter  Simple 

appeared  to  pierce  me  through,  and  nail  me  to  the  wall. 
"Do  you  pretend  to  say,  sir,  that  you  were  not  aware 
of  the  character  of  the  person  with  whom  you  were 
walking  just  now  ?  " 

"  No,  sir,"  replied  I ;  "  except  that  she  was  very  kind 
and  good-natured ; "  and  then  I  told  him  how  she  had 
addressed  me,  and  what  subsequently  took  place. 

"  And  is  it  possible,  Mr  Simple,  that  you  are  so  great 
a  fool  ? "  I  replied  that  I  certainly  was  considered  the 
greatest  fool  of  our  family.  "  I  should  think  you  were," 
replied  he,  drily.  He  then  explained  to  me  who  the 
person  was  with  whom  I  was  in  company,  and  how  any 
association  with  her  would  inevitably  lead  to  my  ruin 
and  disgrace. 

I  cried  very  much,  for  I  was  shocked  at  the  narrow 
escape  which  I  had  had,  and  mortified  at  having  fallen 
in  his  good  opinion.  He  asked  me  how  I  had  employed 
my  time  since  I  had  been  at  Portsmouth,  and  I  made  an 
acknowledgment  of  having  been  made  tipsy,  related  all 
that  the  midshipmen  had  told  me,  and  how  I  had  that 
morning  fought  a  duel. 

He  listened  to  my  whole  story  very  attentively,  and  I 
thought  that  occasionally  there  was  a  smile  upon  his  face, 
although  he  bit  his  lips  to  prevent  it.  When  I  had 
finished,  he  said,  "  Mr  Simple,  I  can  no  longer  trust  you 
on  shore  until  you  are  more  experienced  in  the  world. 
I  shall  desire  my  coxswain  not  to  lose  sight  of  you  until 
you  are  safe  on  board  of  the  frigate.  When  you  have 
sailed  a  few  months  with  me,  you  will  then  be  able  to 
decide  whether  I  deserve  the  character  which  the  young 
gentlemen  have  painted,  with,  I  must  say,  I  believe, 
the  sole  intention  of  practising  upon  your  inexperi- 
ence." 

Altogether  I  did  not  feel  sorry  when  it  was  over.  I 
saw  that  the  captain  believed  what  I  had  stated,  and  that 
he  was  disposed  to  be  kind  to  me,  although  he  thought 
me  very  silly.  The  coxswain,  in  obedience  to  his  orders, 
accompanied  me   to   the   Blue   Posts.     I   packed   up   my 


Peter  Simple  23 

clothes,  paid  my  bill,  and  the  porter  wheeled  my  chest 
down  to  the  Sally  Port,  where  the  boat  was  waiting. 

"  Come,  heave  a-head,  my  lads,  be  smart.  The  captain 
says  we  are  to  take  the  young  gentleman  on  board  directly. 
His  liberty's  stopped  for  getting  drunk  and  running  after 
the  Dolly  Mops  !  " 

"  I  should  thank  you  to  be  more  respectful  in  your 
remarks,  Mr  Coxswain,"  said  I  with  displeasure. 

"  Mister  Coxswain  !  thanky,  sir,  for  giving  me  a  handle 
to  my  name,"  replied  he.  "  Come,  be  smart  with  your 
oars,  my  lads  !  " 

"  La,  Bill  Freeman,"  said  a  young  woman  on  the  beach, 
"what  a  nice  young  gentleman  you  have  there!  He 
looks  like  a  sucking  Nelson.  I  say,  my  pretty  young 
officer,  could  you  lend  me  a  shilling  ? " 

I  was  so  pleased  at  the  woman  calling  me  a  young  Nelson, 
that  I  immediately  complied  with  her  request.  "I  have 
not  a  shilling  in  my  pocket,"  said  I,  "  but  here  is  half- 
a-crown,  and  you  can  change  it  and  bring  me  back  the 
eighteen  pence." 

"  Well,  you  are  a  nice  young  man,"  replied  she,  taking 
the  half-crown;  "I'll  be  back  directly,  my  dear." 

The  men  in  the  boat  laughed,  and  the  coxswain  desired 
them  to  shove  off. 

"  No,"  observed  I,  "  you  must  wait  for  my  eighteen 
pence." 

"We  shall  wait  a  devilish  long  while  then,  I  suspect. 
I  know  that  girl,  and  she  has  a  very  bad  memory." 

"  She  cannot  be  so  dishonest  or  ungrateful,"  replied  I. 
"  Coxswain,  I  order  you  to  stay — I  am  an  officer." 

"  I  know  you  are,  sir,  about  six  hours  old :  well,  then, 
I  must  go  up  and  tell  the  captain  that  you  have  another 
girl  in  tow,  and  that  you  won't  go  on  board." 

"  Oh  no,  Mr  Coxswain,  pray  don't ;  shove  off  as  soon 
as  you  please,  and  never  mind  the  eighteen  pence." 

The  boat  then  shoved  off,  and  pulled  towards  the  ship, 
which  lay  at  Spithead. 


24  Peter  Simple 


Chapter  V 

I  am  introduced  to  the  quarter-deck  and  first  lieutenant,  who  pronounces 
me  very  clever — Trotted  below  to  Mrs  Trotter — Connubial  bliss  in  a 
cock-pit — Mr  Trotter  takes  me  in  as  a  mess-mate — Feel  very  much 
surprised  that  so  many  people  know  that  I  am  the  son  of — my  father. 

On  our  arrival  on  board,  the  coxswain  gave  a  note  from 
the  captain  to  the  first  lieutenant,  who  happened  to  be  on 
deck.  He  read  the  note,  looked  at  me  earnestly,  and  then 
I  overheard  him  say  to  another  lieutenant,  "The  service 
is  going  to  the  devil.  As  long  as  it  was  not  popular,  if 
we  had  not  much  education,  we  at  least  had  the  chance 
that  natural  abilities  gave  us ;  but  now  that  great  people 
send  their  sons  for  a  provision  into  the  navy,  we  have  all 
the  refuse  of  their  families,  as  if  anything  was  good  enough 
to  make  a  captain  of  a  man-of-war,  who  has  occasionally 
more  responsibility  on  his  shoulders,  and  is  placed  in 
situations  requiring  more  judgment,  than  any  other  people 
in  existence.  Here's  another  of  the  fools  of  a  family  made 
a  present  of  to  the  country — another  cub  for  me  to  lick 
into  shape.  Well,  I  never  saw  the  one  yet  I  did  not  make 
something  of.     Where's  Mr  Simple  ? 

"lam  Mr  Simple,  sir,"  replied  I,  very  much  frightened 
at  what  I  had  overheard. 

"Now,  Mr  Simple,"  said  the  first  lieutenant,  "observe, 
and  pay  particular  attention  to  what  I  say.  The  captain 
tells  me  in  this  note  that  you  have  been  shamming  stupid. 
Now,  sir,  I  am  not  to  be  taken  in  that  way.  You're 
something  like  the  monkeys,  who  won't  speak  because 
they  are  afraid  they  will  be  made  to  work.  I  have  looked 
attentively  at  your  face,  and  I  see  at  once  that  you  are 
very  clever,  and  if  you  do  not  prove  so  in  a  very  short 
time,  why — you  had  better  jump  overboard,  that's  all. 
Perfectly  understand  me.  I  know  that  you  are  a  very 
clever  fellow,  and  having  told  you  so,  don't  you  pretend 
to  impose  upon  me,  for  it  won't  do." 

I  was  very  much  terrified  at  this  speech,  but  at  the 


Peter  Simple  25 

same  time  I  was  pleased  to  hear  that  he  thought  me 
clever,  and  I  determined  to  do  all  in  my  power  to  keep 
up  such  an  unexpected  reputation. 

"Quarter-master,"  said  the  first  lieutenant,  "tell  Mr 
Trotter  to  come  on  deck." 

The  quarter-master  brought  up  Mr  Trotter,  who  apolo- 
gized for  being  so  dirty,  as  he  was  breaking  casks  out  of 
the  hold.  He  was  a  short,  thick-set  man,  about  thirty 
years  of  age,  with  a  nose  which  had  a  red  club  to  it,  very 
dirty  teeth,  and  large  black  whiskers. 

"  Mr  Trotter,"  said  the  first  lieutenant,  "  here  is  a  young 
gentleman  who  has  joined  the  ship.  Introduce  him  into 
the  berth,  and  see  his  hammock  slung.  You  must  look 
after  him  a  little." 

"  I  really  have  very  little  time  to  look  after  any  of 
them,  sir,"  replied  Mr  Trotter  j  "  but  I  will  do  what  I 
can.  Follow  me,  youngster."  Accordingly,  I  descended 
the  ladder  after  him ;  then  I  went  down  another,  and  then 
to  my  surprise  I  was  desired  by  him  to  go  down  a  third, 
which  when  I  had  done,  he  informed  me  that  I  was  in  the 
cock-pit. 

"  Now,  youngster,"  said  Mr  Trotter,  seating  himself 
upon  a  large  chest,  "you  may  do  as  you  please.  The 
midshipmen's  mess  is  on  the  deck  above  this,  and  if  you 
like  to  join,  why  you  can ;  but  this  I  will  tell  you  as  a 
friend,  that  you  will  be  thrashed  all  day  long,  and  fare 
very  badly ;  the  weakest  always  goes  to  the  wall  there, 
but  perhaps  you  do  not  mind  that.  Now  that  we  are  in 
harbour,  I  mess  here,  because  Mrs  Trotter  is  on  board. 
She  is  a  very  charming  woman,  I  can  assure  you,  and 
will  be  here  directly ;  she  has  just  gone  up  into  the 
galley  to  look  after  a  net  of  potatoes  in  the  copper.  If 
you  like  it  better,  I  will  ask  her  permission  for  you  to 
mess  with  us.  You  will  then  be  away  from  the  midship- 
men, who  are  a  sad  set,  and  will  teach  you  nothing  but 
what  is  immoral  and  improper,  and  you  will  have  the 
advantage  of  being  in  good  society,  for  Mrs  Trotter  has 
kept  the  very  best  in  England.      I  make  you   this,  offer 


26  Peter  Simple 

because  I  want  to  oblige  the  first  lieutenant,  who  appears 
to  take  an  interest  about  you,  otherwise  I  am  not  very 
fond  of  having  any  intrusion  upon  my  domestic  happiness." 

I  replied  that  I  was  much  obliged  to  him  for  his  kind- 
ness, and  that  if  it  would  not  put  Mrs  Trotter  to  an 
inconvenience,  I  should  be  happy  to  accept  of  his  offer ; 
indeed,  I  thought  myself  very  fortunate  in  having  met 
with  such  a  friend.  I  had  scarcely  time  to  reply,  when 
I  perceived  a  pair  of  legs,  cased  in  black  cotton  stockings, 
on  the  ladder  above  us,  and  it  proved  that  they  belonged 
to  Mrs  Trotter,  who  came  down  the  ladder  with  a  net 
full  of  smoking  potatoes. 

"  Upon  my  word,  Mrs  Trotter,  you  must  be  conscious 
of  having  a  very  pretty  ankle,  or  you  would  not  venture 
to  display  it,  as  you  have  to  Mr  Simple,  a  young  gentle- 
man whom  I  beg  to  introduce  to  you,  and  who,  with 
your  permission,  will  join  our  mess." 

"  My  dear  Trotter,  how  cruel  of  you  not  to  give  me 
warning ;  I  thought  that  nobody  was  below.  I  declare 
I'm  so  ashamed,"  continued  the  lady,  simpering,  and 
covering  her  face  with  the  hand  which  was  unemployed. 

"  It  can't  be  helped  now,  my  love,  neither  was  there 
anything  to  be  ashamed  of.  I  trust  Mr  Simple  and  you 
will  be  very  good  friends.  I  believe  I  mentioned  his 
desire  to  join  our  mess." 

"lam  sure  I  shall  be  very  happy  in  his  company.  This 
is  a  strange  place  for  me  to  live  in,  Mr  Simple,  after  the 
society  to  which  I  have  been  accustomed,  but  affection 
can  make  any  sacrifice ;  and  rather  than  lose  the  company 
of  my  dear  Trotter,  who  has  been  unfortunate  in  pecuniary 


"  Say  no  more  about  it,  my  love.  Domestic  happiness 
is  everything,  and  will  enliven  even  the  gloom  of  a 
cock-pit." 

"  And  yet,"  continued  Mrs  Trotter,  "  when  I  think 
of  the  time  when  we  used  to  live  in  London,  and  keep 
our  carriage.  Have  you  ever  been  in  London,  Mr 
Simple  ? " 


Peter  Simple  27 

I  answered  that  I  had. 

"  Then,  probably,  you  may  have  been  acquainted  with, 
or  have  heard  of,  the  Smiths  ?  " 

I  replied  that  the  only  people  that  I  knew  there  were  a 
Mr  and  Mrs  Handycock. 

"Well,  if  I  had  known  that  you  were  in  London,  I 
should  have  been  very  glad  to  have  given  you  a  letter 
of  introduction  to  the  Smiths.  They  are  quite  the  topping 
people  of  the  place." 

"But,  my  dear,"  interrupted  Mr  Trotter,  "is  it  not 
time  to  look  after  our  dinner  ?  " 

"  Yes ;  I  am  going  forward  for  it  now.  We  have 
skewer  pieces  to-day.  Mr  Simple,  will  you  excuse  me  ?  " 
and  then,  with  a  great  deal  of  flirtation  and  laughing  about 
her  ankles,  and  requesting  me,  as  a  favour,  to  turn  my  face 
away,  Mrs  Trotter  ascended  the  ladder. 

As  the  reader  may  wish  to  know  what  sort  of  looking 
personage  she  was,  I  will  take  this  opportunity  to  describe 
her.  Her  figure  was  very  good,  and  at  one  period  of  her 
life  I  thought  her  face  must  have  been  very  handsome ; 
at  the  time  I  was  introduced  to  her,  it  showed  the  ravages 
of  time  or  hardship  very  distinctly ;  in  short,  she  might 
be  termed  a  faded  beauty,  flaunting  in  her  dress,  and 
not  very  clean  in  her  person. 

"  Charming  woman,  Mrs  Trotter,  is  she  not,  Mr 
Simple  ? "  said  the  master's  mate ;  to  which,  of  course, 
I  immediately  acquiesced.  "  Now,  Mr  Simple,"  continued 
he,  "  there  are  a  few  arrangements  which  I  had  better 
mention  while  Mrs  Trotter  is  away,  for  she  would  be 
shocked  at  our  talking  about  such  things.  Of  course, 
the  style  of  living  which  we  indulge  in  is  rather  expensive. 
Mrs  Trotter  cannot  dispense  with  her  tea  and  her  other 
little  comforts ;  at  the  same  time  I  must  put  you  to  no 
extra  expense — I  had  rather  be  out  of  pocket  myself. 
I  propose  that  during  the  time  you  mess  with  us  you 
shall  only  pay  one  guinea  per  week ;  and  as  for  entrance 
money,  why  I  think  I  must  not  charge  you  more  than 
a  couple  of  guineas.     Have  you  any  money  ?  " 


28  Peter  Simple 

"  Yes,"  I  replied,  "  I  have  three  guineas  and  a  half  left." 

"Well,  then,  give  me  the  three  guineas,  and  the  half- 
guinea  you  can  reserve  for  pocket-money.  You  must 
write  to  your  friends  immediately  for  a  further  supply." 

I  handed  him  the  money,  which  he  put  in  his  pocket. 
"  Your  chest,"  continued  he,  "  you  shall  bring  down 
here,  for  Mrs  Trotter  will,  I  am  sure,  if  I  request  it, 
not  only  keep  it  in  order  for  you,  but  see  that  your 
clothes  are  properly  mended.  She  is  a  charming  woman, 
Mrs  Trotter,  and  very  fond  of  young  gentlemen.  How 
old  are  you  ?  " 

I  replied  that  I  was  fifteen. 

"  No  more !  well,  I  am  glad  of  that,  for  Mrs  Trotter  is 
very  particular  after  a  certain  age.  I  should  recommend 
you  on  no  account  to  associate  with  the  other  midshipmen. 
They  are  very  angry  with  me,  because  I  would  not  permit  Mrs 
Trotter  to  join  their  mess,  and  they  are  sad  story-tellers." 

"  That  they  certainly  are,"  replied  I ;  but  here  we  were 
interrupted  by  Mrs  Trotter  coming  down  with  a  piece  of 
stick  in  her  hand  upon  which  were  skewered  about  a  dozen 
small  pieces  of  beef  and  pork,  which  she  first  laid  on  a 
plate,  and  then  began  to  lay  the  cloth  and  prepare  for 
dinner. 

"  Mr  Simple  is  only  fifteen,  my  dear,"  observed  Mr 
Trotter. 

"Dear  me!"  replied  Mrs  Trotter,  "why,  how  tall  he 
is  !  He  is  quite  as  tall  for  his  age  as  young  Lord  Foutre- 
town,  whom  you  used  to  take  out  with  you  in  the  chay.  Do 
you  know  Lord  Foutretown,  Mr  Simple  ?  " 

"  No,  I  do  not,  ma'am,"  replied  I ;  but  wishing  to  let 
them  know  that  I  was  well  connected,  I  continued,  "  but  I 
dare  say  that  my  grandfather,  Lord  Privilege,  does." 

"  God  bless  me  !  is  Lord  Privilege  your  grandfather  ? 
Well,  I  thought  I  saw  a  likeness  somewhere.  Don't  you 
recollect  Lord  Privilege,  my  dear  Trotter,  that  we  met  at 
Lady  Scamp's — an  elderly  person  ?  It's  very  ungrateful  of 
you  not  to  recollect  him,  for  he  sent  you  a  very  fine  haunch 
of  venison." 


Peter  Simple  29 

"Privilege — bless  me,  yes.  Oh,  yes  !  an  old  gentleman, 
is  he  not  ? "  said  Mr  Trotter,  appealing  to  me. 

"  Yes,  sir,"  replied  I,  quite  delighted  to  find  myself 
among  those  who  were  acquainted  with  my  family. 

"Well,  then,  Mr  Simple,"  said  Mrs  Trotter,  "  since  we 
have  the  pleasure  of  being  acquainted  with  your  family,  I 
shall  now  take  you  under  my  own  charge,  and  I  shall  be  so 
fond  of  you  that  Trotter  shall  become  quite  jealous,"  added 
she,  laughing.  "We  have  but  a  poor  dinner  to-day,  for 
the  bumboat  woman  disappointed  me.  I  particularly  re- 
quested her  to  bring  me  off  a  leg  of  lamb,  but  she  says 
that  there  was  none  in  the  market.  It  is  rather  early  for  it, 
that's  true ;  but  Trotter  is  very  nice  in  his  eating.  Now, 
let  us  sit  down  to  dinner." 

I  felt  very  sick,  indeed,  and  could  eat  nothing.  Our 
dinner  consisted  of  the  pieces  of  beef  and  pork,  the  potatoes, 
and  a  baked  pudding  in  a  tin  dish.  Mr  Trotter  went  up 
to  serve  the  spirits  out  to  the  ship's  company,  and  returned 
with  a  bottle  of  rum. 

"  Have  you  got  Mr  Simple's  allowance,  my  love  ? "  in- 
quired Mrs  Trotter. 

"  Yes  5  he  is  victualled  to-day,  as  he  came  on  board 
before  twelve  o'clock.    Do  you  drink  spirits,  Mr  Simple  ? " 

"No,  I  thank  you,"  replied  1 5  for  I  remembered  the 
captain's  injunction. 

"  Taking,  as  I  do,  such  an  interest  in  your  welfare,  I 
must  earnestly  recommend  you  to  abstain  from  them,"  said 
Mr  Trotter.  "It  is  a  very  bad  habit,  and  once  acquired, 
not  easy  to  be  left  off.  I  am  obliged  to  drink  them,  that  I 
may  not  check  the  perspiration  after  working  in  the  hold ; 
I  have,  nevertheless,  a  natural  abhorrence  of  them  ;  but  my 
champagne  and  claret  days  are  gone  by,  and  I  must  submit 
to  circumstances." 

"  My  poor  Trotter  !  "  said  the  lady. 

"Well,"  continued  he,   "it's   a  poor  heart  that  never 
rejoiceth."     He  then  poured  out  half  a  tumbler  of  rum, 
and  filled  the  glass  up  with  water. 
"  My  love,  will  you  taste  it  ?  " 


30  Peter  Simple 

"  Now,  Trotter,  you  know  that  I  never  touch  it,  except 
when  the  water  is  so  bad  that  I  must  have  the  taste  taken 
away.     How  is  the  water  to-day  ?  " 

"  As  usual,  my  dear,  not  drinkable."  After  much  per- 
suasion Mrs  Trotter  agreed  to  sip  a  little  out  of  his  glass. 
I  thought  that  she  took  it  pretty  often,  considering  that  she 
did  not  like  it,  but  I  felt  so  unwell  that  I  was  obliged  to 
go  on  the  main-deck.  There  I  was  met  by  a  midshipman 
whom  I  had  not  seen  before.  He  looked  very  earnestly  in 
my  face,  and  then  asked  my  name.  "  Simple,"  said  he. 
"  What,  are  you  the  son  of  old  Simple  ?  " 

"  Yes,  sir,"  replied  I,  astonished  that  so  many  should 
know  my  family. 

"  Well,  I  thought  so  by  the  likeness.  And  how  is  your 
father  ?  " 

"Very  well,  I  thank  you,  sir." 

"When  you  write  to  him,  make  my  compliments,  and 
tell  him  that  I  desired  to  be  particularly  remembered  to 
him  ; "  and  he  walked  forward,  but  as  he  forgot  to  mention 
his  own  name,  I  could  not  do  it. 

I  went  to  bed  very  tired  ;  Mr  Trotter  had  my  hammock 
hung  up  in  the  cock-pit,  separated  by  a  canvas-screen  from 
the  cot  in  which  he  slept  with  his  wife.  I  thought  this 
very  odd,  but  they  told  me  it  was  the  general  custom  on 
board  ship,  although  Mrs  Trotter's  delicacy  was  very  much 
shocked  by  it.  I  was  very  sick,  but  Mrs  Trotter  was  very 
kind.  When  I  was  in  bed  she  kissed  me,  and  wished  me 
good  night,  and  very  soon  afterwards  I  fell  fast  asleep. 


Chapter  VI 

Puzzled  with  very  common  words — Mrs  Trotter  takes  care  of  my  ward- 
robe— A  matrimonial  duet,  ending  con  strepito. 

I  awoke  the  next  morning  at  daylight  with  a  noise  over  my 
head  which  sounded  like  thunder ;  I  found  it  proceeded 
from  holystoning  and  washing  down  the  main-deck.     I  was 


Peter  Simple  31 

very  much  refreshed  nevertheless,  and  did  not  feel  the 
least  sick  or  giddy.  Mr  Trotter,  who  had  been  up  at  four 
o'clock,  came  down,  and  directed  one  of  the  marines  to 
fetch  me  some  water.  I  washed  myself  on  my  chest,  and 
then  went  on  the  main-deck,  which  they  were  swabbing 
dry.  Standing  by  the  sentry  at  the  cabin-door,  I  met  one 
of  the  midshipmen  with  whom  I  had  been  in  company  at 
the  Blue  Posts. 

"  So,  Master  Simple,  old  Trotter  and  his  faggot  of  a 
wife  have  got  hold  of  you — have  they  ?  "  said  he.  I  replied, 
that  I  did  not  know  the  meaning  of  faggot,  but  that  I  con- 
sidered Mrs  Trotter  a  very  charming  woman.  At  which 
he  burst  into  a  loud  laugh.  "Well,"  said  he,  "I'll  just 
give  you  a  caution.  Take  care,  or  they'll  make  a  clean 
sweep.     Has  Mrs  Trotter  shown  you  her  ankle  yet  ? " 

"  Yes,"  I  replied,  "  and  a  very  pretty  one  it  is." 

"  Ah !  she's  at  her  old  tricks.  You  had  much  better 
have  joined  our  mess  at  once.  You're  not  the  first  green- 
horn that  they  have  plucked.  Well,"  said  he,  as  he  walked 
away,  "  keep  the  key  of  your  own  chest — that's  all." 

But  as  Mr  Trotter  had  warned  me  that  the  midshipmen 
would  abuse  them,  I  paid  very  little  attention  to  what  he 
said.  When  he  left  me  I  went  on  the  quarter-deck.  All 
the  sailors  were  busy  at  work,  and  the  first  lieutenant  cried 
out  to  the  gunner,  "  Now,  Mr  Dispart,  if  you  are  ready, 
we'll  breech  these  guns." 

"Now,  my  lads,"  said  the  first  lieutenant,  "we  must 
slue  (the  part  that  breeches  cover)  more  forward."  As  I 
never  heard  of  a  gun  having  breeches,  I  was  very  anxious 
to  see  what  was  going  on,  and  went  up  close  to  the  first 
lieutenant,  who  said  to  me,  "  Youngster,  hand  me  that 
monkefs  tail"  I  saw  nothing  like  a  monkey  s  tail,  but  I  was 
so  frightened  that  I  snatched  up  the  first  thing  that  I  saw, 
which  was  a  short  bar  of  iron,  and  it  so  happened  that  it 
was  the  very  article  which  he  wanted.  When  I  gave  it  to 
him,  the  first  lieutenant  looked  at  me,  and  said,  "So  you 
know  what  a  monkey's  tail  is  already,  do  you  ?  Now  don't 
you  ever  sham  stupid  after  that." 


32  Peter  Simple 

Thought  I  to  myself,  I'm  very  lucky,  but  if  that's  a 
monkey's  tail  it's  a  very  stiff  one  ! 

I  resolved  to  learn  the  names  of  everything  as  fast  as  I 
could,  that  I  might  be  prepared ;  so  I  listened  attentively 
to  what  was  said ;  but  I  soon  became  quite  confused,  and 
despaired  of  remembering  anything. 

"How  is  this  to  be  finished  off,  sir?"  inquired  a  sailor 
of  the  boatswain. 

"Why,  I  beg  leave  to  hint  to  you,  sir,  in  the  most 
delicate    manner   in    the    world,"    replied    the    boatswain, 

"  that  it  must   be  with   a  double-wall — and  be  d d  to 

you — don't  you  know  that  yet  ?  Captain  of  the  foretop," 
said  he,  "up  on  your  horses,  and  take  your  stirrups  up 
three  inches." — "  Ay,  ay,  sir."  (I  looked  and  looked,  but 
I  could  see  no  horses.) 

"  Mr  Chucks,"  said  the  first  lieutenant  to  the  boatswain, 
"  what  blocks  have  we  below — not  on  charge  ?  " 

"  Let  me  see,  sir,  I've  one  sister,  t'other  we  split  in  half 
the  other  day,  and  I  think  I  have  a  couple  of  monkeys  down 
in  the  store-room. — I  say,  you  Smith,  pass  that  brace 
through  the  bull's  eye,  and  take  the  sheepshank  out  before  you 
come  down." 

And  then  he  asked  the  first  lieutenant  whether  some- 
thing should  not  be  fitted  with  a  mouse  or  only  a  Turk's 
head — told  him  the  goose-neck  must  be  spread  out  by  the 
armourer  as  soon  as  the  forge  was  up.  In  short,  what  with 
dead  eyes  and  shrouds,  cats  and  cat-blocks,  dolphins  and  dolphin- 
strikers,  whips  and  puddings,  I  was  so  puzzled  with  what  I 
heard,  that  I  was  about  to  leave  the  deck  in  absolute 
despair. 

"  And,  Mr  Chucks,  recollect  this  afternoon  that  you  bleed 
all  the  buoys." 

Bleed  the  boys,  thought  I,  what  can  that  be  for  ?  at  all 
events,  the  surgeon  appears  to  be  the  proper  person  to 
perform  that  operation. 

This  last  incomprehensible  remark  drove  me  off  the  deck, 
and  I  retreated  to  the  cock-pit,  where  I  found  Mrs  Trotter. 
"  Oh,  my  dear !  "  said  she,  "I  am  glad  you  are  come,  as  I 


Peter  Simple  33 

wish  to  put  your  clothes  in  order.  Have  you  a  list  of  them 
—where  is  your  key  ?  "  I  replied  that  I  had  not  a  list,  and 
I  handed  her  the  key,  although  I  did  not  forget  the  caution 
of  the  midshipman  ;  yet  I  considered  that  there  could  be 
no  harm  in  her  looking  over  my  clothes  when  I  was  present. 
She  unlocked  my  chest,  and  pulled  everything  out,  and 
then  commenced  telling  me  what  were  likely  to  be  useful 
and  what  were  not. 

"  Now  these  worsted  stockings,"  she  said,  "will  be  very 
comfortable  in  cold  weather,  and  in  the  summer  time  these 
brown  cotton  socks  will  be  delightfully  cool,  and  you  have 
enough  of  each  to  last  you  till  you  outgrow  them  ;  but  as 
for  these  fine  cotton  stockings,  they  are  of  no  use — only 
catch  the  dirt  when  the  decks  are  swept,  and  always  look 
untidy.  I  wonder  how  they  could  be  so  foolish  as  to  send 
them  ;  nobody  wears  them  on  board  ship  nowadays.  They 
are  only  fit  for  women — I  wonder  if  they  would  fit  me." 

She  turned  her  chair  away,  and  put  on  one  of  my 
stockings,  laughing  the  whole  of  the  time.  Then  she 
turned  round  to  me  and  showed  me  how  nicely  they  fitted 
her.  "  Bless  you,  Mr  Simple,  it's  well  that  Trotter  is  in 
the  hold,  he'd  be  so  jealous — do  you  know  what  these 
stockings  cost  ?  They  are  of  no  use  to  you,  and  they  fit 
me.  I  will  speak  to  Trotter,  and  take  them  off  your 
hands."  I  replied,  that  I  could  not  think  of  selling  them, 
and  as  they  were  of  no  use  to  me  and  fitted  her,  I  begged 
that  she  would  accept  of  the  dozen  pairs.  At  first  she 
positively  refused,  but  as  I  pressed  her,  she  at  last 
consented,  and  I  was  very  happy  to  give  them  to  her  as 
she  was  very  kind  to  me,  and  I  thought,  with  her  husband, 
that  she  was  a  very  charming  woman. 

We  had  beef-steaks  and  onions  for  dinner  that  day,  but  I 
could  not  bear  the  smell  of  the  onions.  Mr  Trotter  came 
down  very  cross,  because  the  first  lieutenant  had  found 
fault  with  him.  He  swore  that  he  would  cut  the  service — 
that  he  had  only  remained  to  oblige  the  captain,  who  said 
that  he  would  sooner  part  with  his  right  arm,  and  that  he 
would  demand  satisfaction  of  the  first  lieutenant  as  soon  as 


34  Peter  Simple 

he  could  obtain  his  discharge.  Mrs  Trotter  did  all  she 
could  to  pacify  him,  reminded  him  that  he  had  the  protec- 
tion of  Lord  this  and  Sir  Thomas  that,  who  would  see  him 
righted  ;  but  in  vain.  The  first  lieutenant  had  told  him,  he 
said,  that  he  was  not  worth  his  salt,  and  blood  only  could 
wipe  away  the  insult.  He  drank  glass  of  grog  after  glass  of 
grog,  and  at  each  glass  became  more  violent,  and  Mrs 
Trotter  drank  also,  I  observed,  a  great  deal  more  than  I 
thought  she  ought  to  have  done  ;  but  she  whispered  to  me, 
that  she  drank  it  that  Trotter  might  not,  as  he  would 
certainly  be  tipsy.  I  thought  this  very  devoted  on  her  part ; 
but  they  sat  so  late  that  I  went  to  bed  and  left  them — he 
still  drinking  and  vowing  vengeance  against  the  first 
lieutenant.  I  had  not  been  asleep  above  two  or  three 
hours  when  I  was  awakened  by  a  great  noise  and 
quarrelling,  and  I  discovered  that  Mr  Trotter  was  drunk 
and  beating  his  wife.  Very  much  shocked  that  such  a 
charming  woman  should  be  beaten  and  ill-used,  I  scrambled 
out  of  my  hammock  to  see  if  I  could  be  of  any  assistance, 
but  it  was  dark,  although  they  scuffled  as  much  as  before. 
I  asked  the  marine,  who  was  sentry  at  the  gun-room  door 
above,  to  bring  his  lantern,  and  was  very  much  shocked  at 
his  replying  that  I  had  better  go  to  bed  and  let  them  fight 
it  out. 

Shortly  afterwards  Mrs  Trotter,  who  had  not  taken  off 
her  clothes,  came  from  behind  the  screen.  I  perceived  at 
once  that  the  poor  woman  could  hardly  stand  ;  she  reeled 
to  my  chest,  where  she  sat  down  and  cried.  I  pulled  on 
my  clothes  as  fast  as  I  could,  and  then  went  up  to  her  to 
console  her,  but  she  could  not  speak  intelligibly.  After 
attempting  in  vain  to  comfort  her,  she  made  me  no  answer, 
but  staggered  to  my  hammock,  and,  after  several  attempts, 
succeeded  in  getting  into  it.  I  cannot  say  that  I  much 
liked  that,  but  what  could  I  do  ?  So  I  finished  dressing 
myself,  and  went  up  on  the  quarter-deck. 

The  midshipman  who  had  the  watch  was  the  one  who 
had  cautioned  me  against  the  Trotters ;  he  was  very 
friendly  to  me.     "  Well,  Simple,"  said  he,  "what  brings 


Peter  Simple  35 

you  on  deck  ? "   I  told  him  how  ill  Mr  Trotter  had  behaved 
to  his  wife,  and  how  she  had  turned  into  my  hammock. 

"  The  cursed  drunken  old  catamaran,"  cried  he-,  "I'll  go 
and  cut  her  down  by  the  head ;  "  but  I  requested  he  would 
not,  as  she  was  a  lady. 

"  A  lady  !  "  replied  he  ;  "  yes,  there*s  plenty  of  ladies  of 
her  description;"  and  then  he  informed  me  that  she  had  many 
years  ago  been  the  mistress  of  a  man  of  fortune  who  kept 
a  carriage  for  her ;  but  that  he  grew  tired  of  her,  and  had 
given  Trotter  £200  to  marry  her,  and  that  now  they  did 
nothing  but  get  drunk  together  and  fight  with  each  other. 

I  was  very  much  annoyed  to  hear  all  this  ;  but  as  I 
perceived  that  Mrs  Trotter  was  not  sober,  I  began  to  think 
that  what  the  midshipman  said  was  true.  "  I  hope,"  added 
he,  "  that  she  has  not  had  time  to  wheedle  you  out  of  any 
of  your  clothes." 

I  told  him  that  I  had  given  her  a  dozen  pairs  of  stockings, 
and  had  paid  Mr  Trotter  three  guineas  for  my  mess. 
"  This  must  be  looked  to,"  replied  he  ;  "I  shall  speak  to  the 
first  lieutenant  to-morrow.  In  the  mean  time,  I  shall  get 
your  hammock  for  you.  Quarter-master,  keep  a  good 
look-out."  He  then  went  below,  and  I  followed  him,  to  see 
what  he  would  do.  He  went  to  my  hammock  and  lowered 
it  down  at  one  end,  so  that  Mrs  Trotter  lay  with  her  head  on 
the  deck  in  a  very  uncomfortable  position.  To  my  astonish- 
ment, she  swore  at  him  in  a  dreadful  manner,  but  refused 
to  turn  out.  He  was  abusing  her,  and  shaking  her  in  the 
hammock,  when  Mr  Trotter,  who  had  been  roused  at  the 
noise,  rushed  from  behind  the  screen.  "  You  villain ! 
what  are  you  doing  with  my  wife  ?  "  cried  he,  pommelling 
at  him  as  well  as  he  could,  for  he  was  so  tipsy  that  he  could 
hardly  stand. 

I  thought  the  midshipman  able  to  take  care  of  himself, 
and  did  not  wish  to  interfere ;  so  I  remained  above,  looking 
on — the  sentry  standing  by  me  with  his  lantern  over  the 
coombings  of  the  hatchway  to  give  light  to  the  midshipman, 
and  to  witness  the  fray.  Mr  Trotter  was  soon  knocked 
down,  when  all  of  a  sudden  Mrs  Trotter  jumped  up  from 


36  Peter  Simple 

the  hammock,  and  caught  the  midshipman  by  the  hair,  and 
pulled  at  him.  Then  the  sentry  thought  right  to  interfere  ; 
he  called  out  for  the  master-at-arms,  and  went  down  himself 
to  help  the  midshipman,  who  was  faring  badly  between  the 
two.  But  Mrs  Trotter  snatched  the  lantern  out  of  his  hand 
and  smashed  it  all  to  pieces,  and  then  we  were  all  left  in 
darkness,  and  I  could  not  see  what  took  place,  although 
the  scuffling  continued.  Such  was  the  posture  of  affairs 
when  the  master-at-arms  came  up  with  his  light.  The 
midshipman  and  sentry  went  up  the  ladder,  and  Mr  and 
Mrs  Trotter  continued  beating  each  other.  To  this,  none 
of  them  paid  any  attention,  saying,  as  the  sentry  had  said 
before,  "  Let  them  fight  it  out." 

After  they  had  fought  some  time,  they  retired  behind 
the  screen,  and  I  followed  the  advice  of  the  midshipman,  and 
got  into  my  hammock,  which  the  master-at-arms  hung  up 
again  for  me.  I  heard  Mr  and  Mrs  Trotter  both  crying 
and  kissing  each  other.  "  Cruel,  cruel,  Mr  Trotter,"  said 
she,  blubbering. 

"  My  life,  my  love,  I  was  so  jealous  !  "  replied  he. 

"  D^-n  and  blast  your  jealousy,"  replied  the  lady ; 
"  I've  two  nice  black  eyes  for  the  galley  to-morrow." 
After  about  an  hour  of  kissing  and  scolding,  they  both  fell 
asleep  again. 

The  next  morning  before  breakfast,  the  midshipman 
reported  to  the  first  lieutenant  the  conduct  of  Mr  Trotter 
and  his  wife.  I  was  sent  for  and  obliged  to  acknow- 
ledge that  it  was  all  true.  He  sent  for  Mr  Trotter,  who 
replied  that  he  was  not  well,  and  could  not  come  on  deck. 
Upon  which  the  first  lieutenant  ordered  the  sergeant  of 
marines  to  bring  him  up  directly.  Mr  Trotter  made  his 
appearance,  with  one  eye  closed,  and  his  face  very  much 
scratched. 

"Did  not  I  desire  you,  sir,"  said  the  first  lieutenant, 
"to  introduce  this  young  gentleman  into  the  midshipmen's 
berth  ?  instead  of  which  you  have  introduced  him  to  that 
disgraceful  wife  of  yours,  and  have  swindled  him  out  of  his 
property.     I  order   you  immediately  to  return  the   three 


Peter  Simple  37 

guineas  which  you  received  as  mess-money,  and  also  that 
your  wife  give  back  the  stockings  which  she  cajoled  him 
out  of." 

But  then  I  interposed,  and  told  the  first  lieutenant  that 
the  stockings  had  been  a  free  gift  on  my  part  ;  and  that, 
although  I  had  been  very  foolish,  yet  that  I  considered  that 
I  could  not  in  honour  demand  them  back  again. 

"  Well,  youngster,"  replied  the  first  lieutenant, 
"  perhaps  your  ideas  are  correct,  and  if  you  wish  it, 
I  will  not  enforce  that  part  of  my  order ;  but,"  continued  he 
to  Mr  Trotter,  "I  desire,  sir,  that  your  wife  leave  the  ship 
immediately  ;  and  I  trust  that  when  I  have  reported  your 
conduct  to  the  captain,  he  will  serve  you  in  the  same 
manner.  In  the  meantime,  you  will  consider  yourself 
under  an  arrest  for  drunkenness." 


Chapter  VII 

Scandalum  magnatum  clearly  proved — I  prove  to  the  captain  that  I  consider 
him  a  gentleman,  although  I  had  told  him  the  contrary,  and  I  prove  to 
the  midshipmen  that  I  am  a  gentleman  myself — They  prove  their  grati- 
tude by  practising  upon  me,  because  practice  makes  perfect. 

The  captain  came  on  board  about  twelve  o'clock,  and 
ordered  the  discharge  of  Mr  Trotter  to  be  made  out,  as 
soon  as  the  first  lieutenant  had  reported  what  had  occurred. 
He  then  sent  for  all  the  midshipmen  on  the  quarter-deck. 

"  Gentlemen,"  said  the  captain  to  them,  with  a  stern 
countenance,  "  I  feel  very  much  indebted  to  some  of  you  for 
the  character  which  you  have  been  pleased  to  give  of  me  to 
Mr  Simple.  I  must  now  request  that  you  will  answer 
a  few  questions  which  I  am  about  to  put  in  his  presence. 
Did  I  ever  flog  the  whole  starboard  watch  because  the 
ship  would  only  sail  nine  knots  on  a  bowline  ?  " 

"  No,  sir,  no !  "  replied  they  all,  very  much  frightened. 

"Did  I  ever  give  a  midshipman  four  dozen  for  not 
having  his  weekly  accounts  pipe-clayed;  or  another  five 
dozen  for  wearing  a  scarlet  watch  ribbon  ?  " 


38  Peter  Simple 

"  No,  sir,"  replied  they  all  together, 

"Did  any  midshipman  ever  die  on  his  chest  from 
fatigue  ? " 

They  again  replied  in  the  negative. 

"  Then,  gentlemen,  you  will  oblige  me  by  stating  which 
of  you  thought  proper  to  assert  these  falsehoods  in  a 
public  coffee-room;  and  further,  which  of  you  obliged 
this  youngster  to  risk  his  life  in  a  duel  ?  " 

They  were  all  silent. 

""Will  you  answer  me,  gentlemen  ?" 

"  With  respect  to  the  duel,  sir,"  replied  the  midship- 
man who  had  fought  me,  "I  heard  say,  that  the  pistols 
were  only  charged  with  powder.     It  was  a  joke." 

"Well,  sir,  we'll  allow  that  the  duel  was  only  a  joke, 
(and  I  hope  and  trust  that  your  report  is  correct) ;  is  the 
reputation  of  your  captain  only  a  joke,  allow  me  to  ask  ? 
I  request  to  know  who  of  you  dared  to  propagate  such 
injurious  slander  ?  "  (Here  there  was  a  dead  pause.) 
"  Well,  then,  gentlemen,  since  you  will  not  confess  your- 
selves, I  must  refer  to  my  authority.  Mr  Simple,  have 
the  goodness  to  point  out  the  person  or  persons  who  gave 
you  the  information." 

But  I  thought  this  would  not  be  fair  ;  and  as  they  had 
all  treated  me  very  kindly  after  the  duel,  I  resolved  not 
to  tell ;  so  I  answered,  "  If  you  please,  sir,  I  consider 
that  I  told  you  all  that  in  confidence." 

"Confidence,  sir!"  replied  the  captain;  "who  ever 
heard  of  confidence  between  a  post-captain  and  a  midship- 
man ? " 

"  No,  sir,"  replied  I,  "  not  between  a  post-captain  and 
a  midshipman,  but  between  two  gentlemen." 

The  first  lieutenant,  who  stood  by  the  captain,  put  his 
hand  before  his  face  to  hide  a  laugh.  "  He  may  be  a 
fool,  sir,"  observed  he  to  the  captain,  aside;  "but  I  can 
assure  you  he  is  a  very  straight,  forward  one." 

The  captain  bit  his  lip,  and  then  turning  to  the  midship- 
men, said,  "  You  may  thank  Mr  Simple,  gentlemen,  that 
I  do  not  press  this  matter  further.     I  do  believe  that  you 


Peter  Simple  39 

were  not  serious  when  you  calumniated  me ;  but  recollect, 
that  what  is  said  in  joke  is  too  often  repeated  in  earnest. 
I  trust  that  Mr  Simple's  conduct  will  have  its  effect,  and 
that  you  leave  off  practising  upon  him,  who  has  saved  you 
from  a  very  severe  punishment." 

When  the  midshipmen  went  down  below,  they  all 
shook  hands  with  me,  and  said  that  I  was  a  good  fellow 
for  not  peaching ;  but,  as  for  the  advice  of  the  captain 
that  they  should  not  practise  upon  me,  as  he  termed  it, 
they  forgot  that,  for  they  commenced  again  immediately, 
and  never  left  off  until  they  found  that  I  was  not  to  be 
deceived  any  longer. 

I  had  not  been  ten  minutes  in  the  berth,  before  they 
began  their  remarks  upon  me.  One  said  that  I  looked 
like  a  hardy  fellow,  and  asked  me  whether  I  could  not 
bear  a  great  deal  of  sleep. 

I  replied  that  I  could,  I  dare  say,  if  it  was  necessary 
for  the  good  of  the  service ;  at  which  they  laughed,  and 
I  supposed  that  I  had  said  a  good  thing. 

"  Why  here's  Tomkins,"  said  the  midshipman  ;  "  he'll 
show  you  how  to  perform  that  part  of  your  duty.  He 
inherits  it  from  his  father,  who  was  a  marine  officer.  He 
can  snore  for  fourteen  hours  on  a  stretch  without  once 
turning  round  in  his  hammock,  and  finish  his  nap  on  the 
chest  during  the  whole  of  the  day,  except  meal-times." 

But  Tomkins  defended  himself,  by  saying,  that  "  some 
people  were  very  quick  in  doing  things,  and  others  were 
very  slow;  that  he  was  one  of  the  slow  ones,  and  that 
he  did  not  in  reality  obtain  more  refreshment  from  his 
long  naps  than  other  people  did  in  short  ones,  because 
he  slept  much  slower  than  they  did." 

This  ingenious  argument  was,  however,  overruled  nem. 
con.,  as  it  was  proved  that  he  ate  pudding  faster  than  any 
one  in  the  mess. 

The  postman  came  on  board  with  the  letters,  and  put 
his  head  into  the  midshipman's  berth.  I  was  very  anxious 
to  have  one  from  home,  but  I  was  disappointed.  Some 
had   letters   and   some    had    not.     Those   who   had   not, 


40  Peter  Simple 

declared  that  their  parents  were  very  undutiful,  and  that 
they  would  cut  them  off  with  a  shilling  ;  and  those  who 
had  letters,  after  they  had  read  them,  offered  them  for 
sale  to  the  others,  usually  at  half-price.  I  could  not 
imagine  why  they  sold,  or  why  the  others  bought  them  ; 
but  they  did  do  so  ;  and  one  that  was  full  of  good  advice 
was  sold  three  times,  from  which  circumstance  I  was 
inclined  to  form  a  better  opinion  of  the  morals  of  my 
companions.  The  lowest-priced  letters  sold,  were  those 
written  by  sisters.  I  was  offered  one  for  a  penny,  but 
I  declined  buying,  as  I  had  plenty  of  sisters  of  my  own. 
Directly  I  made  that  observation,  they  immediately  in- 
quired all  their  names  and  ages,  and  whether  they  were 
pretty  or  not.  When  I  had  informed  them,  they  quarrelled 
to  whom  they  should  belong.  One  would  have  Lucy,  and 
another  took  Mary  ;  but  there  was  a  great  dispute  about 
Ellen,  as  I  had  said  that  she  was  the  prettiest  of  the  whole. 
At  last  they  agreed  to  put  her  up  to  auction,  and  she  was 
knocked  down  to  a  master's  mate  of  the  name  of  O'Brien, 
who  bid  seventeen  shillings  and  a  bottle  of  rum.  They 
requested  that  I  would  write  home  to  give  their  love  to 
my  sisters,  and  tell  them  how  they  had  been  disposed  of, 
which  I  thought  very  strange  ;  but  I  ought  to  have  been 
flattered  at  the  price  bid  for  Ellen,  as  I  repeatedly  have 
since  been  witness  to  a  very  pretty  sister  being  sold  for 
a  glass  of  grog. 

I  mentioned  the  reason  why  I  was  so  anxious  for  a 
letter,  viz.,  because  I  wanted  to  buy  my  dirk  and  cocked 
hat ;  upon  which  they  told  me  that  there  was  no  occasion 
for  my  spending  my  money,  as,  by  the  regulations  of  the 
service,  the  purser's  steward  served  them  out  to  all  the 
officers  who  applied  for  them.  As  I  knew  where  the 
purser's  steward's  room  was,  having  seen  it  when  down 
in  the  cock-pit  with  the  Trotters,  I  went  down  immedi- 
ately. "  Mr  Purser's  Steward,"  said  I,  "  let  me  have  a 
cocked  hat  and  a  dirk  immediately." 

"Very  good,  sir,"  replied  he,  and  he  wrote  an  order 
upon  a  slip  of  paper,  which  he  handed  to  me.     "  There 


Peter  Simple  41 

is  the  order  for  it,  sir ;  but  the  cocked  hats  are  kept  in 
the  chest  up  in  the  main-top  ;  and  as  for  the  dirk,  you 
must  apply  to  the  butcher,  who  has  them  under  his 
charge." 

I  went  up  with  the  order,  and  thought  I  would  first 
apply  for  the  dirk  ;  so  I  inquired  for  the  butcher,  whom 
I  found  sitting  in  the  sheep-pen  with  the  sheep,  mending 
his  trousers.  In  reply  to  my  demand,  he  told  me  that  he 
had  not  the  key  of  the  store-room,  which  was  under  the 
charge  of  one  of  the  corporals  of  marines. 

I  inquired  who,  and  he  said,  "  Cheeks  *  the  marine." 

I  went  everywhere  about  the  ship,  inquiring  for  Cheeks 
the  marine,  but  could  not  find  him.  Some  said  that  they 
believed  he  was  in  the  fore-top,  standing  sentry  over  the 
wind,  that  it  might  not  change  ;  others,  that  he  was  in 
the  galley,  to  prevent  the  midshipmen  from  soaking  their 
biscuit  in  the  captain's  dripping-pan.  At  last,  I  inquired 
of  some  of  the  women  who  were  standing  between  the 
guns  on  the  main-deck,  and  one  of  them  answered  that 
it  was  no  use  looking  for  him  among  them,  as  they  all 
had  husbands,  and  Cheeks  was  a  widow  s  man.\ 

As  I  could  not  find  the  marine,  I  thought  I  might  as 
well  go  for  my  cocked  hat,  and  get  my  dirk  afterwards. 
I  did  not  much  like  going  up  the  rigging,  because  I  was 
afraid  of  turning  giddy,  and  if  I  fell  overboard  I  could  not 
swim  ;  but  one  of  the  midshipmen  offered  to  accompany 
me,  stating  that  I  need  not  be  afraid,  if  I  fell  overboard, 
of  sinking  to  the  bottom,  as  if  I  was  giddy,  my  head,  at 
all  events,  would  swim;  so  I  determined  to  venture.  I 
climbed  up  very  near  to  the  main-top,  but  not  without 
missing  the  little  ropes  very  often,  and  grazing  the  skin 
of  my  shins.  Then  I  came  to  large  ropes  stretched  out 
from  the  mast,  so  that  you  must  climb  them  with  your 
head  backwards.     The   midshipman  told  me  these  were 

*  This  celebrated  personage  is  the  prototype  of  Mr  Nobody  on  board 
of  a  man-of-war. 

f  Widows' men  are  imaginary  sailors,  borne  on  the  books,  and  receiving 
pay  and  prize-money,  which  is  appropriated  to  Greenwich  Hospital. 


42  Peter  Simple 

called  the  cat-harpings,  because  they  were  so  difficult  to 
climb,  that  a  cat  would  expostulate  if  ordered  to  go  out 
by  them.  I  was  afraid  to  venture,  and  then  he  proposed 
that  I  should  go  through  lubber's  hole,  which  he  said  had 
been  made  for  people  like  me.  I  agreed  to  attempt  it,  as 
it  appeared  more  easy,  and  at  last  arrived,  quite  out  of 
breath,  and  very  happy  to  find  myself  in  the  main-top. 

The  captain  of  the  main-top  was  there  with  two  other 
sailors.  The  midshipman  introduced  me  very  politely : — 
"  Mr  Jenkins — Mr  Simple,  midshipman, — Mr  Simple,  Mr 
Jenkins,  captain  of  the  main-top.  Mr  Jenkins,  Mr  Simple 
has  come  up  with  an  order  for  a  cocked  hat."  The  captain 
of  the  top  replied  that  he  was  very  sorry  that  he  had  not 
one  in  store,  but  the  last  had  been  served  out  to  the 
captain's  monkey.  This  was  very  provoking.  The 
captain  of  the  top  then  asked  me  if  I  was  ready  with 
my  footing, 

I  replied,  "Not  very,  for  I  had  lost  it  two  or  three 
times  when  coming  up."  He  laughed  and  replied,  that 
I  should  lose  it  altogether  before  I  went  down ;  and 
that  I  must  hand  it  out.  "Hand  out  my  footing !  "  said 
I,  puzzled,  and  appealing  to  the  midshipman ;  "  what 
does  he  mean  ? "  "  He  means  that  you  must  fork  out 
a  seven-shilling  bit."  I  was  just  as  wise  as  ever,  and 
stared  very  much ;  when  Mr  Jenkins  desired  the  other 
men  to  get  half  a  dozen  foxes  and  make  a  spread  eagle 
of  me,  unless  he  had  his  parkisite.  I  never  should  have 
found  out  what  it  all  meant,  had  not  the  midshipman, 
who  laughed  till  he  cried,  at  last  informed  me  that  it 
was  the  custom  to  give  the  men  something  to  drink 
the  first  time  that  I  came  aloft,  and  that  if  I  did  not, 
they  would  tie  me  up  to  the  rigging. 

Having  no  money  in  my  pocket,  I  promised  to  pay  them 
as  soon  as  I  went  below ;  but  Mr  Jenkins  would  not  trust 
me.  I  then  became  very  angry,  and  inquired  of  him  "  if 
he  doubted  my  honour."  He  replied,  "Not  in  the  least, 
but  that  he  must  have  the  seven  shillings  before  I  went 
below."     "  Why,  sir,"  said  I,  "  do  you  know  whom  you 


Peter  Simple  43 

are  speaking  to  ?     I  am  an  officer  and  a  gentleman.     Do 
you  know  who  my  grandfather  is  ? " 
"  O  yes,"  replied  he,  "  very  well." 
"  Then,  who  is  he,  sir  ?  "  replied  I  very  angrily. 
"  Who  is  he  !  why  he's  the  Lord  knows  who" 
"No,"  replied  I,    "that's  not  his   name;    he  is   Lord 
Privilege."     (I  was   very  much    surprised  that  he   knew 
that  my  grandfather  was  a  lord.)    "  And  do  you  suppose," 
continued  I,  "  that  I  would  forfeit  the  honour  of  my  family 
for  a  paltry  seven  shillings  ? " 

This  observation  of  mine,  and  a  promise  on  the  part 
of  the  midshipman,  who  said  he  would  be  bail  for  me, 
satisfied  Mr  Jenkins,  and  he  allowed  me  to  go  down  the 
rigging.  I  went  to  my  chest,  and  paid  the  seven  shillings 
to  one  of  the  top-men  who  followed  me,  and  then  went 
up  on  the  main-deck,  to  learn  as  much  as  I  could  of  my 
profession.  I  asked  a  great  many  questions  of  the  mid- 
shipmen relative  to  the  guns,  and  they  crowded  round 
me  to  answer  them.  One  told  me  they  were  called  the 
frigate's  teeth,  because  they  stopped  the  Frenchman's  jaw. 
Another  midshipman  said  that  he  had  been  so  often  in 
action,  that  he  was  called  the  Fire-eater.  I  asked  him 
how  it  was  that  he  escaped  being  killed.  He  replied 
that  he  always  made  it  a  rule,  upon  the  first  cannon-ball 
coming  through  the  ship's  side,  to  put  his  head  into  the 
hole  which  it  had  made ;  as,  by  a  calculation  made  by 
Professor  Innman,  the  odds  were  32,647,  and  some 
decimals  to  boot,  that  another  ball  would  not  come  in 
at  the  same  hole.  That's  what  I  never  should  have 
thought  of. 

Chapter  VIII 

My  messmates  show  me  the  folly  of  running  in  debt — Duty  carried  on 
politely — I  become  acquainted  with  some  gentlemen  of  the  home  depart- 
ment— The  episode  of  Sholto  M'Foy. 

Now  that  I  have  been  on  board  about  a  month,  I  find  that 
my  life  is  not  disagreeable-     I  don't  smell  the  pitch  and 


44  Peter  Simple 

tar,  and  I  can  get  into  my  hammock  without  tumbling  out 
on  the  other  side.  My  messmates  are  good-tempered, 
although  they  laugh  at  me  very  much;  but  I  must  say 
that  they  are  not  very  nice  in  their  ideas  of  honour 
They  appear  to  consider  that  to  take  you  in  is  a  capital 
joke ;  and  that  because  they  laugh  at  the  time  that  they 
are  cheating  you,  it  then  becomes  no  cheating  at  all. 
Now  I  cannot  think  otherwise  than  that  cheating  is 
cheating,  and  that  a  person  is  not  a  bit  more  honest, 
because  he  laughs  at  you  in  the  bargain.  A  few  days 
after  I  came  on  board,  I  purchased  some  tarts  of  the 
bumboat  woman,  as  she  is  called ;  I  wished  to  pay  for 
them,  but  she  had  no  change,  and  very  civilly  told  me 
she  would  trust  me.  She  produced  a  narrow  book,  and 
said  that  she  would  open  an  account  with  me,  and  I 
could  pay  her  when  I  thought  proper.  To  this  arrange- 
ment I  had  no  objection,  and  I  sent  up  for  different  things 
until  I  thought  that  my  account  must  have  amounted  to 
eleven  or  twelve  shillings.  As  I  promised  my  father 
that  I  never  would  run  in  debt,  I  considered  that  it  was 
then  time  that  it  should  be  settled.  When  I  asked  for 
it,  what  was  my  surprise  to  find  that  it  amounted  to 
£2  14s.  6d.  I  declared  that  it  was  impossible,  and  re- 
quested that  she  would  allow  me  to  look  at  the  items, 
when  I  found  that  I  was  booked  for  at  least  three  or 
four  dozen  tarts  every  day,  ordered  by  the  young  gentle- 
men, "to  be  put  down  to  Mr  Simple's  account."  I  was 
very  much  shocked,  not  only  at  the  sum  of  money  which 
I  had  to  pay,  but  also  at  the  want  of  honesty  on  the  part 
of  my  messmates  ;  but  when  I  complained  of  it  in  the 
berth,  they  all  laughed  at  me. 

At  last  one  of  them  said,  "Peter,  tell  the  truth;  did 
not  your  father  caution  you  not  to  run  in  debt  ?  " 

"  Yes,  he  did,"  replied  I. 

"  I  know  that  very  well,"  replied  he ;  "  all  fathers  do 
the  same  when  their  sons  leave  them  ;  it's  a  matter  of 
course.  Now  observe,  Peter ;  it  is  out  of  regard  to  you, 
that  your  messmates  have  been  eating  tarts  at  your  expense 


Peter  Simple  45 

You  disobeyed  your  father's  injunctions  before  you  had 
been  a  month  from  home ;  and  it  is  to  give  you  a  lesson 
that  may  be  useful  in  after-life,  that  they  have  considered 
it  their  duty  to  order  the  tarts.  I  trust  that  it  will  not 
be  thrown  away  upon  you.  Go  to  the  woman,  pay  your 
bill,  and  never  run  up  another." 

"That  I  certainly  shall  not,"  replied  I;  but  as  I  could 
not  prove  who  ordered  the  tarts,  and  did  not  think  it  fair 
that  the  woman  should  lose  her  money,  I  went  up  and 
paid  the  bill  with  a  determination  never  to  open  an 
account  with  anybody  again. 

But  this  left  my  pockets  quite  empty,  so  I  wrote  to  my 
father,  stating  the  whole  transaction,  and  the  consequent 
state  of  my  finances.  My  father,  in  his  answer,  observed 
that  whatever  might  have  been  their  motives,  my  mess- 
mates had  done  me  a  friendly  act ;  and  that  as  I  had  lost 
my  money  by  my  own  carelessness,  I  must  not  expect 
that  he  would  allow  me  any  more  pocket-money.  But 
my  mother,  who  added  a  postscript  to  his  letter,  slipped 
in  a  five-pound  note,  and  I  do  believe  that  it  was  with 
my  father's  sanction,  although  he  pretended  to  be  very 
angry  at  my  forgetting  his  injunctions.  This  timely 
relief  made  me  quite  comfortable  again.  What  a  pleasure 
it  is  to  receive  a  letter  from  one's  friends  when  far  away, 
especially  when  there  is  some  money  in  it ! 

A  few  days  before  this,  Mr  Falcon,  the  first  lieutenant, 
ordered  me  to  put  on  my  side-arms  to  go  away  on  duty. 
I  replied  that  I  had  neither  dirk  nor  cocked  hat,  although 
I  had  applied  for  them.  He  laughed  at  my  story,  and 
sent  me  on  shore  with  the  master,  who  bought  them, 
and  the  first  lieutenant  sent  up  the  bill  to  my  father, 
who  paid  it,  and  wrote  to  thank  him  for  his  trouble. 
That  morning,  the  first  lieutenant  said  to  me,  "Now, 
Mr  Simple,  we'll  take  the  shine  off  that  cocked  hat  and 
dirk  of  yours.  You  will  go  in  the  boat  with  Mr  O'Brien, 
and  take  care  that  none  of  the  men  slip  away  from  it,  and 
get  drunk  at  the  tap." 

This  was  the  first  time  that  I  had  ever  been  sent  away 


46  Peter  Simple 

on  duty,  and  I  was  very  proud  of  being  an  officer  in 
charge.  I  put  on  my  full  uniform,  and  was  ready  at  the 
gangway  a  quarter  of  an  hour  before  the  men  were  piped 
away.  We  were  ordered  to  the  dockyard  to  draw  sea 
stores.  When  we  arrived  there,  I  was  quite  astonished 
at  the  piles  of  timber,  the  ranges  of  storehouses,  and  the 
immense  anchors  which  lay  on  the  wharf.  There  was 
such  a  bustle,  every  body  appeared  to  be  so  busy,  that 
I  wanted  to  look  every  way  at  once.  Close  to  where 
the  boat  landed,  they  were  hauling  a  large  frigate  out 
of  what  they  called  the  basin  ;  and  I  was  so  interested 
with  the  sight,  that  I  am  sorry  to  say  I  quite  forgot 
all  about  the  boat's  crew,  and  my  orders  to  look  after 
them.  What  surprised  me  most  was,  that  although  the 
men  employed  appeared  to  be  sailors,  their  language  was 
very  different  from  what  I  had  been  lately  accustomed 
to  on  board  of  the  frigate.  Instead  of  damning  and 
swearing,  everybody  was  so  polite.  "  Oblige  me  with 
a  pull  of  the  starboard  bow  hawser,  Mr  Jones." — "  Ease 
off  the  larboard  hawser,  Mr  Jenkins,  if  you  please." — 
"  Side  her  over,  gentlemen,  side  her  over." — "  My  com- 
pliments to  Mr  Tompkins,  and  request  that  he  will  cast 
off  the  quarter-check." — "  Side  her  over,  gentlemen,  side 
her  over,  if  you  please." — "  In  the  boat  there,  pull  to  Mr 
Simmons,  and  beg  he'll  do  me  the  favour  to  check  her  as 
she  swings.  What's  the  matter,  Mr  Johnson?" — "  Vy, 
there's  one  of  them  ere  midshipmites  has  thrown  a  red 
hot  tater  out  of  the  stern-port,  and  hit  our  officer  in  the 
eye." — "Report  him  to  the  commissioner,  Mr  Wiggins; 
and  oblige  me  by  under-running  the  guess-warp.  Tell  Mr 
Simkins,  with  my  compliments,  to  coil  away  upon  the  jetty. 
Side  her  over,  side  her  over,  gentlemen,  if  you  please." 

I  asked  of  a  bystander  who  these  people  were,  and  he 
told  me  that  they  were  dockyard  mateys.  I  certainly 
thought  that  it  appeared  to  be  quite  as  easy  to  say  "  If  you 
please,"  as  "D — n  your  eyes,"  and  that  it  sounded  much 
more  agreeable. 

During  the  time  that  I  was  looking  at  the  frigate  being 


Peter  Simple  47 

hauled  out,  two  of  the  men  belonging  to  the  boat  slipped 
away,  and  on  my  return  they  were  not  to  be  seen.  I  was 
very  much  frightened,  for  I  knew  that  I  had  neglected  my 
duty,  and  that  on  the  first  occasion  on  which  I  had  been 
intrusted  with  a  responsible  service.  What  to  do  I  did  not 
know  I  ran  up  and  down  every  part  of  the  dockyard 
until  I  was  quite  out  of  breath,  asking  everybody  I  met 
whether  they  had  seen  my  two  men.  Many  of  them  said 
that  they  had  seen  plenty  of  men,  but  did  not  exactly  know 
mine ;  some  laughed,  and  called  me  a  greenhorn.  At  last 
I  met  a  midshipman,  who  told  me  that  he  had  seen  two 
men  answering  to  my  description  on  the  roof  of  the  coach 
starting  for  London,  and  that  I  must  be  quick  if  I  wished 
to  catch  them  ;  but  he  would  not  stop  to  answer  any  more 
questions.  I  continued  walking  about  the  yard  until  I  met 
twenty  or  thirty  men  with  grey  jackets  and  breeches,  to 
whom  I  applied  for  information  :  they  told  me  that  they  had 
seen  two  sailors  skulking  behind  the  piles  of  timber.  They 
crowded  round  me,  and  appeared  very  anxious  to  assist  me, 
when  they  were  summoned  away  to  carry  down  a  cable. 
I  observed  that  they  all  had  numbers  on  their  jackets,  and 
either  one  or  two  bright  iron  rings  on  their  legs.  I  could 
not  help  inquiring,  although  I  was  in  such  a  hurry,  why 
the  rings  were  worn.  One  of  them  replied  that  they  were 
orders  of  merit,  given  to  them  for  their  good  behaviour. 

I  was  proceeding  on  very  disconsolately,  when,  as  I 
turned  a  corner,  to  my  great  delight,  I  met  my  two  men, 
who  touched  their  hats  and  said  that  they  had  been  looking 
for  me.  I  did  not  believe  that  they  told  the  truth,  but  I 
was  so  glad  to  recover  them  that  I  did  not  scold,  but  went 
with  them  down  to  the  boat,  which  had  been  waiting  some 
time  for  us.  O'Brien,  the  master's  mate,  called  me  a  young 
sculping,*  a  word  I  never  heard  before.  When  we  arrived 
on  board,  the  first  lieutenant  asked  O'Brien  why  he  had 
remained  so  long.  He  answered  that  two  of  the  men  had 
left  the  boat,  but  that  I  had  found  them.  The  first  lieu- 
tenant appeared  to  be  pleased  with  me,  observing,  as  he 

*  Peter's  memory  is  short,  p.  9 Ed. 


48  Peter  Simple 

had  said  before,  that  I  was  no  fool,  and  I  went  down  below, 
overjoyed  at  my  good  fortune,  and  very  much  obliged  to 
O'Brien  for  not  telling  the  whole  truth.  After  I  had  taken 
off  my  dirk  and  cocked  hat,  I  felt  for  my  pocket-handker- 
chief, and  found  that  it  was  not  in  my  pocket,  having  in  all 
probability  been  taken  out  by  the  men  in  grey  jackets, 
whom,  in  conversation  with  my  messmates,  I  discovered  to 
be  convicts  condemned  to  hard  labour  for  stealing  and 
picking  pockets. 

A  day  or  two  afterwards,  we  had  a  new  messmate  of  the 
name  of  M'Foy.  I  was  on  the  quarter-deck  when  he  came 
on  board  and  presented  a  letter  to  the  captain,  inquiring 
first  if  his  name  was  "  Captain  Sauvage."  He  was  a  florid 
young  man,  nearly  six  feet  high,  with  sandy  hair,  yet  very 
good-looking.  As  his  career  in  the  service  was  very  short, 
I  will  tell  at  once,  what  I  did  not  find  out  till  some  time 
afterwards.  The  captain  had  agreed  to  receive  him  to 
oblige  a  brother  officer,  who  had  retired  from  the  service, 
and  lived  in  the  Highlands  of  Scotland.  The  first  notice 
which  the  captain  had  of  the  arrival  of  Mr  M'Foy,  was 
from  a  letter  written  to  him  by  the  young  man's  uncle. 
This  amused  him  so  much,  that  he  gave  it  to  the  first 
lieutenant  to  read  :  it  ran  as  follows  : — 

"  Glasgow,  April  25,  1 . 

"  Sir, — Our  much  esteemed  and  mutual  friend,  Captain 
M' Alpine,  having  communicated  by  letter,  dated  the  14th 
inst.,  your  kind  intentions  relative  to  my  nephew  Sholto 
M'Foy,  (for  which  you  will  be  pleased  to  accept  my  best 
thanks),  I  write  to  acquaint  you  that  he  is  now  on  his  way 
to  join  your  ship,  the  Diomede,  and  will  arrive,  God  willing, 
twenty-six  hours  after  the  receipt  of  this  letter. 

"  As  I  have  been  given  to  understand  by  those  who  have 
some  acquaintance  with  the  service  of  the  king,  that  his 
equipment  as  an  officer  will  be  somewhat  expensive,  I  have 
considered  it  but  fair  to  ease  your  mind  as  to  any  responsi- 
bility on  that  score,  and  have  therefore  enclosed  the  half  of 
a  Bank  of  England  note  for  ten  pounds  sterling,  No.  3742, 


Peter  Simple  49 

the  other  half  of  which  will  be  duly  forwarded  in  a  frank 
promised  to  me  the  day  after  to-morrow.  I  beg  you  will 
make  the  necessary  purchases,  and  apply  the  balance, 
should  there  be  any,  to  his  mess  account,  or  any  other 
expenses  which  you  may  consider  warrantable  or  justi- 
fiable. 

"  It  is  at  the  same  time  proper  to  inform  you,  that  Sholto 
had  ten  shillings  in  his  pocket  at  the  time  of  his  leaving 
Glasgow  ;  the  satisfactory  expenditure  of  which  I  have  no 
doubt  you  will  inquire  into,  as  it  is  a  large  sum  to  be  placed 
at  the  discretion  of  a  youth  only  fourteen  years  and  five 
months  old.  I  mention  his  age,  as  Sholto  is  so  tall  that 
you  might  be  deceived  by  his  appearance,  and  be  induced 
to  trust  to  his  prudence  in  affairs  of  this  serious  nature. 
Should  he  at  any  time  require  further  assistance  beyond  his 
pay,  which  I  am  told  is  extremely  handsome  to  all  king's 
officers,  I  beg  you  to  consider  that  any  draught  of  yours,  at 
ten  days'  sight,  to  the  amount  of  five  pounds  sterling 
English,  will  be  duly  honoured  by  the  firm  of  Monteith, 
M'Killop,  and  Company,  of  Glasgow.  Sir,  with  many 
thanks  for  your  kindness  and  consideration, 

"I  remain,  your  most  obedient, 

"  Walter  Monteith." 

The  letter  brought  on  board  by  M'Foy  was  to  prove  his 
identity.  While  the  captain  read  it,  M'Foy  stared  about 
him  like  a  wild  stag.  The  captain  welcomed  him  to  the 
ship,  asked  him  one  or  two  questions,  introduced  him  to 
the  first  lieutenant,  and  then  went  on  shore.  The  first 
lieutenant  had  asked  me  to  dine  in  the  gun-room ;  I 
supposed  that  he  was  pleased  with  me  because  I  had  found 
the  men ;  and  when  the  captain  pulled  on  shore,  he  also 
invited  Mr  M'Foy,  when  the  following  conversation  took 
place. 

"Well,  Mr  M'Foy,  you  have  had  a  long  journey;  I 
presume  it  is  the  first  that  you  have  ever  made." 

"  Indeed  it  is,  sir,"  replied  M'Foy  ;  "  and  sorely  I've 
been  pestered.     Had  I  minded  all  they  whispered  in  my 


50  Peter  Simple 

lug  as  I  came  along,  I  had  need  been  made  of  money — 
sax-pence  here,  sax-pence  there,  sax-pence  every  where. 
Sich  extortion  I  ne'er  dreamt  of." 

"  How  did  you  come  from  Glasgow  ?" 

"By  the  wheelboat,  or  steamboat,  as  they  ca'd  it,  to 
Lunnon :  where  they  charged  me  sax-pence  for  taking  my 
baggage  on  shore — a  wee  boxy  nae  bigger  than  yon 
cocked-up  hat.  I  would  fain  carry  it  mysel',  but  they 
wadna  let  me." 

"Well,  where  did  you  go  to  when  you  arrived  in 
London?" 

"  I  went  to  a  place  ca'd  Chichester  Rents,  to  the  house 
of  Storm  and  Mainwaring,  Warehousemen,  and  they  must 
have  another  sax-pence  for  showing  me  the  way.  There  I 
waited  half-an-hour  in  the  counting-house,  till  they  took  me 
to  a  place  ca'd  Bull  and  Mouth,  and  put  me  into  a  coach, 
paying  my  whole  fare  :  nevertheless  they  must  din  me  for 
money  the  whole  of  the  way  down.  There  was  first  the 
guard,  and  then  the  coachman,  and  another  guard,  and 
another  coachman  ;  but  I  wudna  listen  to  them,  and  so  they 
growled  and  abused  me." 

"And  when  did  you  arrive  ?  " 

"  I  came  here  last  night ;  and  I  only  had  a  bed  and  a 
breakfast  at  the  twa  Blue  Pillars'  house,  for  which  they 
extortioned  me  three  shillings  and  sax-pence,  as  I  sit  here. 
And  then  there  was  the  chambermaid  hussy  and  waiter  loon 
axed  me  to  remember  them,  and  wanted  more  siller  ;  but  I 
told  them  as  I  told  the  guard  and  coachman,  that  I  had 
none  for  them." 

"  How  much  of  your  ten  shillings  have  you  left  ? " 
inquired  the  first  lieutenant,  smiling. 

"  Hoot,  sir  lieutenant,  how  came  you  for  to  ken  that  ? 
Eh !  it's  my  uncle  Monteith  at  Glasgow.  Why,  as  I  sit 
here,  I've  but  three  shillings  and  a  penny  of  it  lift.  But 
there's  a  smell  here  that's  no  canny  j  so  I'll  just  go  up 
again  into  the  fresh  air." 

When  Mr  M'Foy  quitted  the  gun-room  they  all  laughed 
very  much.     After  he  had  been  a  short  time  on  deck  he 


Peter  Simple  51 

went  down  into  the  midshipmen's  berth  ;  but  he  made  him- 
self very  unpleasant,  quarrelling  and  wrangling  with  every- 
body. It  did  not,  however,  last  very  long  ;  for  he  would 
not  obey  any  orders  that  were  given  to  him.  On  the  third 
day,  he  quitted  the  ship  without  asking  the  permission  of 
the  first  lieutenant ;  when  he  returned  on  board  the  follow- 
ing day,  the  first  lieutenant  put  him  under  an  arrest,  and  in 
charge  of  the  sentry  at  the  cabin  door.  During  the  after- 
noon I  was  under  the  half-deck,  and  perceived  that  he  was 
sharpening  a  long  clasp-knife  upon  the  after-truck  of  the 
gun.  I  went  up  to  him,  and  asked  him  why  he  was  doing 
so,  and  he  replied,  as  his  eyes  flashed  fire,  that  it  was  to 
revenge  the  insult  offered  to  the  bluid  of  M'Foy.  His  look 
told  me  that  he  was  in  earnest.  "But  what  do  you  mean  ?  " 
inquired  I.  "I  mean,"  said  he,  drawing  the  edge  and 
feeling  the  point  of  his  weapon,  "  to  put  it  into  the  weam 
of  that  man  with  the  gold  podge  on  his  shoulder,  who  has 
dared  to  place  me  here." 

I  was  very  much  alarmed,  and  thought  it  my  duty  to 
state  his  murderous  intentions,  or  worse  might  happen ; 
so  I  walked  up  on  deck  and  told  the  first  lieutenant  what 
M'Foy  was  intending  to  do,  and  how  his  life  was  in 
danger.  Mr  Falcon  laughed,  and  shortly  afterwards  went 
down  on  the  main-deck.  M'Foy's  eyes  glistened,  and  he 
walked  forward  to  where  the  first  lieutenant  was  standing  ; 
but  the  sentry,  who  had  been  cautioned  by  me,  kept  him 
back  with  his  bayonet.  The  first  lieutenant  turned  round, 
and  perceiving  what  was  going  on,  desired  the  sentry  to 
see  if  Mr  M'  Foy  had  a  knife  in  his  hand ;  and  he  had  it 
sure  enough,  open,  and  held  behind  his  back.  He  was 
disarmed,  and  the  first  lieutenant,  perceiving  that  the  lad 
meant  mischief,  reported  his  conduct  to  the  captain,  on 
his  arrival  on  board.  The  captain  sent  for  M'Foy,  who 
was  very  obstinate,  and  when  taxed  with  his  intention 
would  not  deny  it,  or  even  say  that  he  would  not  again 
attempt  it  ;  so  he  was  sent  on  shore  immediately,  and 
returned  to  his  friends  in  the  Highlands.  "We  never  saw 
any  more  of  him ;    but  I  heard  that  he  obtained  a  com- 


52  Peter  Simple 

mission  in  the  army,  and  three  months  after  he  had  joined 
his  regiment,  was  killed  in  a  duel,  resenting  some  fancied 
affront  offered  to  the  bluid  of  M'Foy. 


Chapter  IX 

We  post  up  to  Portsdown  Fair — Consequence  of  disturbing  a  lady  at  supper 
— Natural  affection  of  the  pelican,  proved  at  my  expense — Spontaneous 
combustion  at  Ranelagh  Gardens — Pastry  versus  Piety — Many  are  bid  to 
the  feast ;  but  not  the  halt,  the  lame,  or  the  blind. 

A  few  days  after  M'Foy  quitted  the  ship,  we  all  had 
leave  from  the  first  lieutenant  to  go  to  Portsdown  fair, 
but  he  would  only  allow  the  oldsters  to  sleep  on  shore. 
We  anticipated  so  much  pleasure  from  our  excursion,  that 
some  of  us  were  up  early  enough  to  go  away  in  the  boat 
sent  for  fresh  beef.  This  was  very  foolish.  There  were 
no  carriages  to  take  us  to  the  fair,  nor  indeed  any  fair  so 
early  in  the  morning ;  the  shops  were  all  shut,  and  the 
Blue  Posts,  where  we  always  rendezvoused,  was  hardly 
opened.  We  waited  there  in  the  coffee-room,  until  we 
were  driven  out  by  the  maid  sweeping  away  the  dirt,  and 
were  forced  to  walk  about  until  she  had  finished,  and 
lighted  the  fire,  when  we  ordered  our  breakfast;  but 
how  much  better  would  it  have  been  to  have  taken  our 
breakfast  comfortably  on  board,  and  then  to  have  come  on 
shore,  especially  as  we  had  no  money  to  spare.  Next  to 
being  too  late,  being  too  soon  is  the  worst  plan  in  the 
world.  However,  we  had  our  breakfast,  and  paid  the 
bill  •,  then  we  sallied  forth,  and  went  up  George-street, 
where  we  found  all  sorts  of  vehicles  ready  to  take  us  to  the 
fair.  We  got  into  one  which  they  called  a  dilly.  I  asked 
the  man  who  drove  it  why  it  was  so  called,  and  he  replied, 
because  he  only  charged  a  shilling.  O'Brien,  who  had 
joined  us  after  breakfasting  on  board,  said  that  this  answer 
reminded  him  of  one  given  to  him  by  a  man  who  attended 
the  hackney-coach  stands  in  London.     "Pray,"  said  he, 


Peter  Simple  53 

"  why  are  you  called  Waterman  ? "  "  Waterman,"  replied 
the  man,  "  vy,  sir,  'cause  we  opens  the  hackney-coach 
doors."  At  last,  with  plenty  of  whipping,  and  plenty  of 
swearing,  and  a  great  deal  of  laughing,  the  old  horse, 
whose  back  curved  upwards  like  a  bow,  from  the  difficulty 
of  dragging  so  many,  arrived  at  the  bottom  of  Portsdown 
hill,  where  we  got  out,  and  walked  up  to  the  fair.  It 
really  was  a  most  beautiful  sight.  The  bright  blue  sky, 
and  the  coloured  flags  flapping  about  in  all  directions,  the 
grass  so  green,  and  the  white  tents  and  booths,  the  sun 
shining  so  bright,  and  the  shining  gilt  gingerbread,  the 
variety  of  toys  and  the  variety  of  noise,  the  quantity  of 
people  and  the  quantity  of  sweetmeats  ;  little  boys  so 
happy,  and  shop  -  people  so  polite,  the  music  at  the 
booths,  and  the  bustle  and  eagerness  of  the  people  out- 
side, made  my  heart  quite  jump.  There  was  Richardson, 
with  a  clown  and  harlequin,  and  such  beautiful  women, 
dressed  in  clothes  all  over  gold  spangles,  dancing  reels 
and  waltzes,  and  looking  so  happy !  There  was  Flint 
and  Gyngell,  with  fellows  tumbling  over  head  and  heels, 
playing  such  tricks  —  eating  fire,  and  drawing  yards 
of  tape  out  of  their  mouths.  Then  there  was  the  Royal 
Circus,  all  the  horses  standing  in  a  line,  with  men  and 
women  standing  on  their  backs,  waving  flags,  while  the 
trumpeters  blew  their  trumpets.  And  the  largest  giant  in 
the  world,  and  Mr  Paap,  the  smallest  dwarf  in  the  world, 
and  a  female  dwarf,  who  was  smaller  still,  and  Miss  Biffin, 
who  did  everything  without  legs  or  arms.  There  was  also 
the  learned  pig,  and  the  Herefordshire  ox,  and  a  hundred 
other  sights  which  I  cannot  now  remember.  We  walked 
about  for  an  hour  or  two  seeing  the  outside  of  every  thing  : 
we  determined  to  go  and  see  the  inside.  First  we  went 
into  Richardson's,  where  we  saw  a  bloody  tragedy,  with 
a  ghost  and  thunder,  and  afterwards  a  pantomime,  full  of 
tricks,  and  tumbling  over  one  another.  Then  we  saw  one 
or  two  other  things,  I  forget  what ;  but  this  I  know,  that, 
generally  speaking,  the  outside  was  better  than  the  inside. 
After  this,  feeling  very  hungry,  we  agreed  to  go  into  a 


54  Peter  Simple 

booth  and  have  something  to  eat.  The  tables  were  ranged 
all  round,  and  in  the  centre  there  was  a  boarded  platform 
for  dancing.  The  ladies  were  there  all  ready  dressed  for 
partners  ;  and  the  music  was  so  lively,  that  I  felt  very  much 
inclined  to  dance,  but  we  had  agreed  to  go  and  see  the 
wild  beasts  fed  at  Mr  Polito's  menagerie,  and  as  it  was  now 
almost  eight  o'clock,  we  paid  our  bill  and  set  off.  It  was 
a  very  curious  sight,  and  better  worth  seeing  than  any  thing 
in  the  fair ;  I  never  had  an  idea  that  there  were  so  many 
strange  animals  in  existence.  They  were  all  secured  in 
iron  cages,  and  a  large  chandelier  with  twenty  lights,  hung 
in  the  centre  of  the  booth,  and  lighted  them  up,  while  the 
keeper  went  round  and  stirred  them  up  with  his  long  pole ; 
at  the  same  time  he  gave  us  their  histories,  which  were 
very  interesting.  I  recollect  a  few  of  them.  There  was 
the  tapir,  a  great  pig  with  a  long  nose,  a  variety  of  the 
hiptostamass,  which  the  keeper  said  was  an  amphibilious 
animal,  as  couldn't  live  on  land,  and  dies  in  the  water — 
however,  it  seemed  to  live  very  well  in  a  cage.  Then 
there  was  the  kangaroo  with  its  young  ones  peeping  out  of 
it — a  most  astonishing  animal.  The  keeper  said  that  it 
brought  forth  two  young  ones  at  a  birth,  and  then  took 
them  into  its  stomach  again,  until  they  arrived  at  years  of 
discretion.  Then  there  was  the  pelican  of  the  wilderness, 
(I  shall  not  forget  him),  with  a  large  bag  under  his  throat, 
which  the  man  put  on  his  head  as  a  night-cap  :  this  bird 
feeds  its  young  with  its  own  blood — when  fish  are  scarce. 
And  there  was  the  laughing  hyaena,  who  cries  in  the  wood 
like  a  human  being  in  distress,  and  devours  those  who 
come  to  his  assistance — a  sad  instance  of  the  depravity  of 
human  nature,  as  the  keeper  observed.  There  was  a 
beautiful  creature,  the  royal  Bengal  tiger,  only  three  years 
old,  what  growed  ten  inches  every  year,  and  never  arrived 
at  its  full  growth.  The  one  we  saw,  measured,  as  the 
keeper  told  us,  sixteen  feet  from  the  snout  to  the  tail,  and 
seventeen  from  the  tail  to  the  snout :  but  there  must  have 
been  some  mistake  there.  There  was  a  young  elephant 
and  three  lions,  and  several  other  animals  which  I  forget 


Peter  Simple  $5 

now,  so  I  shall  go  on  to  describe  the  tragical  scene  which 
occurred.  The  keeper  had  poked  up  all  the  animals,  and 
had  commenced  feeding  them.  The  great  lion  was  growl- 
ing and  snarling  over  the  shin-bone  of  an  ox,  cracking  it 
like  a  nut,  when,  by  some  mismanagement,  one  end  of  the 
pole  upon  which  the  chandelier  was  suspended  fell  down, 
striking  the  door  of  the  cage  in  which  the  lioness  was  at 
supper,  and  bursting  it  open.  It  was  all  done  in  a  second ; 
the  chandelier  fell,  the  cage  opened,  and  the  lioness  sprang 
out.  I  remember  to  this  moment  seeing  the  body  of  the 
lioness  in  the  air,  and  then  all  was  dark  as  pitch.  What 
a  change!  not  a  moment  before  all  of  us  staring  with 
delight  and  curiosity,  and  then  to  be  left  in  darkness, 
horror,  and  dismay !  There  was  such  screaming  and 
shrieking,  such  crying,  and  fighting,  and  pushing,  and 
fainting,  nobody  knew  where  to  go,  or  how  to  find  their 
way  out.  The  people  crowded  first  on  one  side,  and  then 
on  the  other,  as  their  fears  instigated  them.  I  was  very 
soon  jammed  up  with  my  back  against  the  bars  of  one  of 
the  cages,  and  feeling  some  beast  lay  hold  of  me  behind, 
made  a  desperate  effort,  and  succeeded  in  climbing  up  to 
the  cage  above,  not  however  without  losing  the  seat  of 
my  trowsers,  which  the  laughing  hyaena  would  not  let  go. 
I  hardly  knew  where  I  was  when  I  climbed  up;  but  I  knew 
the  birds  were  mostly  stationed  above.  However,  that 
I  might  not  have  the  front  of  my  trowsers  torn  as  well  as 
the  behind,  as  soon  as  I  gained  my  footing  I  turned  round, 
with  my  back  to  the  bars  of  the  cage,  but  I  had  not  been  there 
a  minute  before  I  was  attacked  by  something  which  digged 
into  me  like  a  pickaxe,  and  as  the  hyaena  had  torn  my  clothes, 
I  had  no  defence  against  it.  To  turn  round  would  have 
been  worse  still ;  so,  after  having  received  above  a  dozen 
stabs,  I  contrived  by  degrees  to  shift  my  position  until  I  was 
opposite  to  another  cage,  but  not  until  the  pelican,  for  it 
was  that  brute,  had  drawn  as  much  blood  from  me  as  would 
have  fed  his  young  for  a  week.  I  was  surmising  what 
danger  I  should  next  encounter,  when  to  my  joy  I  dis- 
covered that  I  had  gained  the  open  door  from  which  the 


56  Peter  Simple 

lioness  had  escaped.  I  crawled  in,  and  pulled  the  door 
to  after  me,  thinking  myself  very  fortunate :  and  there  I 
sat  very  quietly  in  a  corner  during  the  remainder  of  the 
noise  and  confusion.  I  had  been  there  but  a  few  minutes, 
when  the  beef-eaters,  as  they  were  called,  who  played  the 
music  outside,  came  in  with  torches  and  loaded  muskets. 
The  sight  which  presented  itself  was  truly  shocking, 
twenty  or  thirty  men,  women,  and  children,  lay  on  the 
ground,  and  I  thought  at  first  the  lioness  had  killed  them 
all,  but  they  were  only  in  fits,  or  had  been  trampled  down 
by  the  crowd.  No  one  was  seriously  hurt.  As  for  the 
lioness,  she  was  not  to  be  found :  and  as  soon  as  it  was 
ascertained  that  she  had  escaped,  there  was  as  much  terror 
and  scampering  away  outside  as  there  had  been  in  the 
menagerie.  It  appeared  afterwards,  that  the  animal  had 
been  as  much  frightened  as  we  had  been,  and  had  secreted 
herself  under  one  of  the  waggons.  It  was  some  time  before 
she  could  be  found.  At  last  O'Brien,  who  was  a  very  brave 
fellow,  went  a-head  of  the  beef-eaters,  and  saw  her  eyes 
glaring.  They  borrowed  a  net  or  two  from  the  carts  which 
had  brought  calves  to  the  fair,  and  threw  them  over  her. 
When  she  was  fairly  entangled,  they  dragged  her  by  the 
tail  into  the  menagerie.  All  this  while  I  had  remained  very 
quietly  in  the  den,  but  when  I  perceived  that  its  lawful 
owner  had  come  back  to  retake  possession,  I  thought  it  was 
time  to  come  out ;  so  I  called  to  my  messmates,  who,  with 
O'Brien  were  assisting  the  beef-eaters.  They  had  not  dis- 
covered me,  and  laughed  very  much  when  they  saw  where 
I  was.  One  of  the  midshipmen  shot  the  bolt  of  the  door, 
so  that  I  could  not  jump  out,  and  then  stirred  me  up  with 
a  long  pole.  At  last  I  contrived  to  unbolt  it  again,  and 
got  out,  when  they  laughed  still  more,  at  the  seat  of  my 
trowsers  being  torn  off.  It  was  not  exactly  a  laughing 
matter  to  me,  although  I  had  to  congratulate  myself  upon 
a  very  lucky  escape  ;  and  so  did  my  messmates  think,  when 
I  narrated  my  adventures.  The  pelican  was  the  worst  part 
of  the  business.  O'Brien  lent  me  a  dark  silk  handkerchief, 
which  I  tied  round  my  waist,  and  let  drop  behind,  so  that 


Peter  Simple  sy 

my  misfortunes  might  not  attract  any  notice,  and  then  we 
quitted  the  menagerie  ;  but  I  was  so  stiff  that  I  could 
scarcely  walk. 

We  then  went  to  what  they  called  the  Ranelagh  Gar- 
dens, to  see  the  fireworks,  which  were  to  be  let  off  at  ten 
o'clock.  It  was  exactly  ten  when  we  paid  for  our  admis- 
sion, and  we  waited  very  patiently  for  a  quarter  of  an  hour, 
but  there  were  no  signs  of  the  fireworks  being  displayed. 
The  fact  was,  that  the  man  to  whom  the  gardens  belonged 
waited  until  more  company  should  arrive,  although  the 
place  was  already  very  full  of  people.  Now  the  first 
lieutenant  had  ordered  the  boat  to  wait  for  us  until  twelve 
o'clock,  and  then  return  on  board  ;  and,  as  we  were  seven 
miles  from  Portsmouth,  we  had  not  much  time  to  spare. 
We  waited  another  quarter  of  an  hour,  and  then  it  was 
agreed  that  as  the  fireworks  were  stated  in  the  handbill  to 
commence  precisely  at  ten  o'clock,  we  were  fully  justified 
in  letting  them  off  ourselves.  O'Brien  went  out,  and  re- 
turned with  a  dozen  penny  rattans,  which  he  notched  in  the 
end.  The  fireworks  were  on  the  posts  and  stages,  all  ready, 
and  it  was  agreed  that  we  should  light  them  all  at  once, 
and  then  mix  with  the  crowd.  The  oldsters  lighted  cigars, 
and  fixing  them  in  the  notched  end  of  the  canes,  continued 
to  puff  them  until  they  were  all  well  lighted.  They  handed 
one  to  each  of  us,  and  at  a  signal  we  all  applied  them  to  the 
match  papers,  and  as  soon  as  the  fire  communicated  we 
threw  down  our  canes  and  ran  in  among  the  crowd.  In 
about  half  a  minute,  off  they  all  went,  in  a  most  beautiful 
confusion ;  there  were  silver  stars  and  golden  stars,  blue 
lights  and  Catherine-wheels,  mines  and  bombs,  Grecian- 
fires  and  Roman-candles,  Chinese-trees,  rockets  and 
illuminated  mottoes,  all  firing  away,  cracking,  popping,  and 
fizzing,  at  the  same  time.  It  was  unanimously  agreed  that 
it  was  a  great  improvement  upon  the  intended  show.  The 
man  to  whom  the  gardens  belonged  ran  out  of  a  booth, 
where  he  had  been  drinking  beer  at  his  ease,  while  his 
company  were  waiting,  swearing  vengeance  against  the 
perpetrators ;  indeed,  the  next  day  he  offered  fifty  pounds 


$S  Peter  Simple 

reward  for  the  discovery  of  the  offenders.  But  I  think  that 
he  was  treated  very  properly.  He  was,  in  his  situation,  a 
servant  of  the  public,  an  i  he  had  behaved  as  if  he  was  their 
master.  We  all  escaped  very  cleverly,  and  taking  another 
dilly,  arrived  at  Portsmouth,  and  were  down  to  the  boat  in 
good  time.  The  next  day  I  was  so  stiff  and  in  such  pain, 
that  I  was  obliged  to  go  to  the  doctor,  who  put  me  on  the 
list,  where  I  remained  a  week  before  I  could  return  to  my 
duty.     So  much  for  Portsdown  fair. 

It  was  on  a  Saturday  that  I  returned  to  my  duty,  and 
Sunday  being  a  fine  day,  we  all  went  on  shore  to  church  with 
Mr  Falcon,  the  first  lieutenant.  We  liked  going  to  church 
very  much,  not,  I  am  sorry  to  say,  from  religious  feelings, 
but  for  the  following  reason  : — The  first  lieutenant  sat  in  a 
pew  below,  and  we  were  placed  in  the  gallery  above,  where 
he  could  not  see  us,  nor  indeed  could  we  see  him.  We  all 
remained  very  quiet,  and  I  may  say  very  devout,  during  the 
time  of  the  service ;  but  the  clergyman  who  delivered  the 
sermon  was  so  tedious,  and  had  such  a  bad  voice,  that  we 
generally  slipped  out  as  soon  as  he  went  up  into  the  pulpit, 
and  adjourned  to  a  pastry-cook's  opposite,  to  eat  cakes  and 
tarts  and  drink  cherry-brandy,  which  we  infinitely  pre- 
ferred to  hearing  a  sermon.  Somehow  or  other,  the  first 
lieutenant  had  scent  of  our  proceedings  :  we  believed  that 
the  marine  officer  informed  against  us,  and  this  Sunday  he 
served  us  a  pretty  trick.  We  had  been  at  the  pastry- 
cook's as  usual,  and  as  soon  as  we  perceived  the  people 
coming  out  of  church,  we  put  all  our  tarts  and  sweetmeats 
into  our  hats,  which  we  then  slipped  on  our  heads,  and  took 
our  station  at  the  church-door,  as  if  we  had  just  come 
down  from  the  gallery,  and  had  been  waiting  for  him. 
Instead,  however,  of  appearing  at  the  church-door,  he 
walked  up  the  street,  and  desired  us  to  follow  him  to  the 
boat.  The  fact  was,  he  had  been  in  the  back-room  at  the 
pastry-cook's  watching  our  motions  through  the  green 
blinds.  We  had  no  suspicion,  but  thought  that  he  had 
come  out  of  church  a  little  sooner  than  usual.  When  we 
arrived  on  board  and  followed  him  up  the  side,  he  said  to 


Peter  Simple  59 

us  as  we  came  on  deck, — "  Walk  aft,  young  gentlemen." 
We  did  ;  and  he  desired  us  to  "  toe  a  line,"  which  means 
to  stand  in  a  row.  "  Now,  Mr  Dixon,"  said  he,  "  what 
was  the  text  to-day  ?  "  As  he  very  often  asked  us  that 
question,  we  always  left  one  in  the  church  until  the  text 
was  given  out,  who  brought  it  to  us  in  the  pastry-cook's 
shop,  when  we  all  marked  it  in  our  Bibles r  to  be  ready  if  he 
asked  us.  Dixon  immediately  pulled  out  his  Bible  where 
he  had  marked  down  the  leaf,  and  read  it.  "  O  !  that  was 
it,"  said  Mr  Falcon  ;  "  you  must  have  remarkably  good  ears, 
Mr  Dixon,  to  have  heard  the  clergyman  from  the  pastry- 
cook's shop.  Now,  gentlemen,  hats  off,  if  you  please." 
We  all  slided  off  our  hats,  which,  as  he  expected,  were  full 
of  pastry.  "  Really,  gentlemen,"  said  he,  feeling  the  different 
papers  of  pastry  and  sweetmeats,  "lam  quite  delighted  to 
perceive  that  you  have  not  been  to  church  for  nothing. 
Few  come  away  with  so  many  good  things  pressed  upon 
their  seat  of  memory.  Master-at-arms,  send  all  the  ship's 
boys  aft." 

The  boys  all  came  tumbling  up  the  ladders,  and  the  first 
lieutenant  desired  each  of  them  to  take  a  seat  upon  the 
carronade  slides.  When  they  were  all  stationed,  he 
ordered  us  to  go  round  with  our  hats,  and  request  of  each 
his  acceptance  of  a  tart,  which  we  were  obliged  to  do, 
handing  first  to  one  and  then  to  another,  until  the  hats  were 
all  empty.  What  annoyed  me  more  than  all,  was  the 
grinning  of  the  boys  at  their  being  served  by  us  like  foot- 
men, as  well  as  the  ridicule  and  laughter  of  the  whole 
ship's  company,  who  had  assembled  at  the  gangways. 

When  all  the  pastry  was  devoured,  the  first  lieutenant 
said, 

Xi  There,  gentlemen,  now  that  you  have  had  your  lesson 
for  the  day,  you  may  go  below."  We  could  not  help 
laughing  ourselves,  when  we  went  down  into  the  berth  ; 
Mr  Falcon  always  punished  us  good-humouredly,  and,  in 
some  way  or  other,  his  punishments  were  severally  con- 
nected with  the  description  of  the  offence.  He  always  had 
a  remedy  for  every  thing  that  he  disapproved  of,  and  the 


60  Peter  Simple 

ship's  company  used  to  call  him  "  Remedy  Jack."  I  ought  to 
observe  that  some  of  my  messmates  were  very  severe  upon 
the  ship's  boys  after  that  circumstance,  always  giving  them 
a  kick  or  a  cuff  on  the  head  whenever  they  could,  telling 
them  at  the  same  time,  "  There's  another  tart  for  you,  you 
whelp."  I  believe,  if  the  boys  had  known  what  was  in 
reserve  for  them,  they  would  much  rather  have  left  the 
pastry  alone. 

Chapter  X 

A  pressgang ;  beaten  off  by  one  woman — Dangers  at  Spithead  and  Point— 
A  treat  for  both  parties,  of  pulled  chicken,  at  my  expense — Also  gin  for 
twenty — I  am  made  a  prisoner :  escape  and  rejoin  my  ship. 

I  must  now  relate  what  occurred  to  me  a  few  days  before 
the  ship  sailed,  which  will  prove  that  it  is  not  necessary 
to  encounter  the  winds  and  waves,  or  the  cannon  of  the 
enemy,  to  be  in  danger,  when  you  have  entered  his 
Majesty's  service :  on  the  contrary,  I  have  been  in  action 
since,  and  I  declare,  without  hesitation,  that  I  did  not 
feel  so  much  alarm  on  that  occasion,  as  I  did  on  the 
one  of  which  I  am  about  to  give  the  history.  We  were 
reported  ready  for  sea,  and  the  Admiralty  was  anxious 
that  we  should  proceed.  The  only  obstacle  to  our 
sailing  was,  that  we  had  not  yet  completed  our  com- 
plement of  men.  The  captain  applied  to  the  port-admiral, 
and  obtained  permission  to  send  parties  on  shore  to 
impress  seamen.  The  second  and  third  lieutenants,  and 
the  oldest  midshipman,  were  despatched  on  shore  every 
night,  with  some  of  the  most  trustworthy  men,  and 
generally  brought  on  board  in  the  morning  about  half 
a  dozen  men,  whom  they  had  picked  up  in  the  different 
alehouses,  or  grog-shops,  as  the  sailors  call  them.  Some 
of  them  were  retained,  but  most  of  them  sent  on  shore 
as  unserviceable ;  for  it  is  the  custom,  when  a  man  either 
enters  or  is  impressed,  to  send  him  down  to  the  surgeon 
in   the  cockpit,  where  he  is   stripped  and  examined  all 


Peter  Simple  61 

over,  to  see  if  he  be  sound  and  fit  for  his  majesty's 
service  ;  and  if  not,  he  is  sent  on  shore  again.  Impressing 
appeared  to  be  rather  serious  work,  as  far  as  I  could 
judge  from  the  accounts  which  I  heard,  and  from  the 
way  in  which  our  sailors,  who  were  employed  on  the 
service,  were  occasionally  beaten  and  wounded ;  the  sea- 
men who  were  impressed  appearing  to  fight  as  hard  not 
to  be  forced  into  the  service,  as  they  did  for  the  honour 
of  the  country,  after  they  were  fairly  embarked  in  it. 
I  had  a  great  wish  to  be  one  of  the  party  before  the 
ship  sailed,  and  asked  O'Brien,  who  was  very  kind  to 
me  in  general,  and  allowed  nobody  to  thrash  me  but 
himself,  if  he  would  take  me  with  him,  which  he  did 
on  the  night  after  I  had  made  the  request.  I  put  on 
my  dirk,  that  they  might  know  I  was  an  officer,  as  well 
as  for  my  protection.  About  dusk  we  rowed  on  shore, 
and  landed  on  the  Gosport  side :  the  men  were  all  armed 
with  cutlasses,  and  wore  pea  jackets,  which  are  very 
short  great-coats  made  of  what  they  call  Flushing.  We 
did  not  stop  to  look  at  any  of  the  grog-shops  in  the 
town,  as  it  was  too  early,  but  walked  out  about  three 
miles  in  the  suburbs,  and  went  to  a  house,  the  door  of 
which  was  locked,  but  we  forced  it  open  in  a  minute, 
and  hastened  to  enter  the  passage,  where  we  found  the 
landlady  standing  to  defend  the  entrance.  The  passage 
was  long  and  narrow,  and  she  was  a  very  tall  corpulent 
woman,  so  that  her  body  nearly  filled  it  up,  and  in  her 
hands  she  held  a  long  spit  pointed  at  us,  with  which 
she  kept  us  at  bay.  The  officers,  who  were  the  foremost, 
did  not  like  to  attack  a  woman,  and  she  made  such  drives 
at  them  with  her  spit,  that  had  they  not  retreated,  some 
of  them  would  soon  have  been  ready  for  roasting.  The 
sailors  laughed  and  stood  outside,  leaving  the  officers  to 
settle  the  business  how  they  could.  At  last,  the  landlady 
called  out  to  her  husband,  "  Be  they  all  out,  Jem  ? " 
"  Yes,"  replied  the  husband,  "  they  be  all  safe  gone." 
"  Well,  then,"  replied  she,  "  I'll  soon  have  all  these 
gone  too  5 "  and  with  these  words  she  made  such  a  rush 


62  Peter  Simple 

forward  upon  us  with  her  spit,  that  had  we  not  fallen 
back  and  tumbled  one  over  another,  she  certainly  would 
have  run  it  through  the  second  lieutenant,  who  com- 
manded the  party.  The  passage  was  cleared  in  an  instant, 
and  as  soon  as  we  were  all  in  the  street  she  bolted  us 
out :  so  there  we  were,  three  officers  and  fifteen  armed 
men,  fairly  beat  off  by  a  fat  old  woman ;  the  sailors 
who  had  been  drinking  in  the  house  having  made  their 
escape  to  some  other  place.  But  I  do  not  well  see  how 
it  could  be  otherwise  ;  either  we  must  have  killed  or 
wounded  the  woman,  or  she  would  have  run  us  through, 
she  was  so  resolute.  Had  her  husband  been  in  the 
passage,  he  would  have  been  settled  in  a  very  short 
time;  but  what  can  you  do  with  a  woman  who  fights 
like  a  devil,  and  yet  claims  all  the  rights  and  immunities 
of  the  softer  sex  ?  We  all  walked  away,  looking  very 
foolish;  and  O'Brien  observed  that  the  next  time  he 
called  at  that  house  he  would  weather  the  old  cat,  for 
he  would  take  her  ladyship  in  the  rear. 

We  then  called  at  other  houses,  where  we  picked  up  one 
or  two  men,  but  most  of  them  escaped,  by  getting  out 
at  the  windows  or  the  back  doors,  as  we  entered  the  front. 
Now  there  was  a  grog-shop  which  was  a  very  favourite 
rendezvous  of  the  seamen  belonging  to  the  merchant 
vessels,  and  to  which  they  were  accustomed  to  retreat 
when  they  heard  that  the  pressgangs  were  out.  Our 
officers  were  aware  of  this,  and  were  therefore  indifferent 
as  to  the  escape  of  the  men,  as  they  knew  that  they  would 
all  go  to  that  place,  and  confide  in  their  numbers  for  beat- 
ing us  off.  As  it  was  then  one  o'clock,  they  thought  it 
time  to  go  there  ;  we  proceeded  without  any  noise,  but 
they  had  people  on  the  look-out,  and  as  soon  as  we  turned 
the  corner  of  the  lane  the  alarm  was  given.  I  was  afraid 
that  they  would  all  run  away,  and  we  should  lose  them  ; 
but,  on  the  contrary,  they  mustered  very  strong  on  that 
night,  and  had  resolved  to  "  give  fight."  The  men  re- 
mained in  the  house,  but  an  advanced  guard  of  about 
thirty  of  their  wives  saluted  us  with  a  shower  of  stones 


Peter  Simple  63 

and  mud.  Some  of  our  sailors  were  hurt,  but  they  did 
not  appear  to  mind  what  the  women  did.  They  rushed 
on,  and  then  they  were  attacked  by  the  women  with  their 
fists  and  nails.  Notwithstanding  this,  the  sailors  only 
laughed,  pushing  the  women  on  one  side,  and  saying,  "  Be 
quiet,  Poll  5 "— "  Don't  be  foolish,  Molly  ;  "— "  Out  of  the 
way,  Sukey  ;  we  a'n't  come  to  take  away  your  fancy  man  •, " 
with  expressions  of  that  sort,  although  the  blood  trickled 
down  many  of  their  faces,  from  the  way  in  which  they 
had  been  clawed.  Thus  we  attempted  to  force  our  way 
through  them,  but  I  had  a  very  narrow  escape  even  in 
this  instance.  A  woman  seized  me  by  the  arm,  and  pulled 
me  towards  her  ;  had  it  not  been  for  one  of  the  quarter- 
masters I  should  have  been  separated  from  my  party ; 
but,  just  as  they  dragged  me  away,  she  caught  hold  of  me 
by  the  leg,  and  stopped  them.  "  Clap  on  here,  Peg," 
cried  the  woman  to  another,  "and  let's  have  this  little 
midshipmite  ;  I  wants  a  baby  to  dry  nurse."  Two  more 
women  came  to  her  assistance,  catching  hold  of  my  other 
arm,  and  they  would  have  dragged  me  out  of  the  grasp 
of  the  quarter-master,  had  he  not  called  out  for  more 
help  on  his  side,  upon  which  two  of"  the  seamen  laid  hold 
of  my  other  leg,  and  there  was  such  a  tussle  (all  at  my 
expense),  such  pulling  and  hauling ;  sometimes  the  women 
gained  an  inch  or  two  of  me,  then  the  sailors  got  it  back 
again.  At  one  moment  I  thought  it  was  all  over  with  me, 
and  in  the  next  I  was  with  my  own  men.  "  Pull  devil ; 
pull  baker !  "  cried  the  women,  and  then  they  laughed, 
although  I  did  not,  I  can  assure  you,  for  I  really  think 
that  I  was  pulled  out  an  inch  taller,  and  my  knees  and 
shoulders  pained  me  very  much  indeed.  At  last  the 
women  laughed  so  much  that  they  could  not  hold  on, 
so  I  was  dragged  into  the  middle  of  our  own  sailors, 
where  I  took  care  to  remain;  and,  after  a  little  more 
squeezing  and  fighting,  was  carried  by  the  crowd  into 
the  house.  The  seamen  of  the  merchant  ships  had  armed 
themselves  with  bludgeons  and  other  weapons,  and  had 
taken  a  position  on  the  tables.     They  were  more  than  two 


64  Peter  Simple 

to  one  against  us,  and  there  was  a  dreadful  fight,  as  their 
resistance  was  very  desperate.  Our  sailors  were  obliged 
to  use  their  cutlasses,  and  for  a  few  minutes  I  was  quite 
bewildered  with  the  shouting  and  swearing,  pushing  and 
scuffling,  collaring  and  fighting,  together  with  the  dust 
raised  up,  which  not  only  blinded,  but  nearly  choked  me. 
By  the  time  that  my  breath  was  nearly  squeezed  out  of 
my  body,  our  sailors  got  the  best  of  it,  which  the  land- 
lady and  women  of  the  house  perceiving,  they  put  out 
all  the  lights,  so  that  I  could  not  tell  where  I  was  ;  but 
our  sailors  had  every  one  seized  his  man,  and  contrived  to 
haul  him  out  of  the  street  door,  where  they  were  collected 
together,  and  secured. 

Now  again  I  was  in  great  difficulty ;  I  had  been 
knocked  down  and  trod  upon,  and  when  I  did  contrive 
to  get  up  again,  I  did  not  know  the  direction  in  which 
the  door  lay.  I  felt  about  by  the  wall,  and  at  last  came 
to  a  door,  for  the  room  was  at  that  time  nearly  empty, 
the  women  having  followed  the  men  out  of  the  house. 
I  opened  it,  and  found  that  it  was  not  the  right  one,  but 
led  into  a  little  side  parlour,  where  there  was  a  fire,  but 
no  lights.  I  had  just  discovered  my  mistake,  and  was 
about  to  retreat,  when  I  was  shoved  in  from  behind,  and 
the  key  turned  upon  me  :  there  I  was  all  alone,  and,  I 
must  acknowledge,  very  much  frightened,  as  I  thought 
that  the  vengeance  of  the  women  would  be  wreaked 
upon  me.  I  considered  that  my  death  was  certain,  and 
that,  like  the  man  Orpheus  I  had  read  of  in  my  books, 
I  should  be  torn  to  pieces  by  these  Bacchanals.  How- 
ever, I  reflected  that  I  was  an  officer  in  his  Majesty's 
service,  and  that  it  was  my  duty,  if  necessary,  to  sacrifice 
my  life  for  my  king  and  country.  I  thought  of  my 
poor  mother;  but  as  it  made  me  unhappy,  I  tried  to 
forget  her,  and  call  to  my  memory  all  I  had  read  of  the 
fortitude  and  courage  of  various  brave  men,  when  death 
stared  them  in  the  face.  I  peeped  through  the  key-hole, 
and  perceived  that  the  candles  were  re-lighted,  and  that 
there  were  only  women  in  the  room,  who  were  talking  all 


Peter  Simple  65 

at  once,  and  not  thinking  about  me.  But  in  a  minute  or 
two,  a  woman  came  in  from  the  street,  with  her  long  black 
hair  hanging  about  her  shoulders,  and  her  cap  in  her  hand. 
"  Well,"  cried  she,  "  they've  nabbed  my  husband  ;  but  I'll 
be  dished  if  I  hav'n't  boxed  up  the  midshipmite  in  that  par- 
lour, and  he  shall  take  his  place."  I  thought  I  should  have 
died  when  I  looked  at  the  woman,  and  perceived  her  coming 
up  to  the  door,  followed  by  some  others,  to* unlock  it.  As 
the  door  opened,  I  drew  my  dirk,  resolving  to  die  like  an 
officer,  and  as  they  advanced  I  retreated  to  a  corner, 
brandishing  my  dirk,  without  saying  a  word.  "Veil," 
cried  the  woman  who  had  made  me  a  prisoner,  "  I  do 
declare  I  likes  to  see  a  puddle  in  a  storm — only  look  at 
the  little  biscuit-nibbler  showing  fight !.  Come,  my  lovey, 
you  belongs  to  me." 

"  Never  !  "  exclaimed  I  with  indignation.  "  Keep  off, 
or  I  shall  do  you  mischief"  (and  I  raised  my  dirk  in 
advance)  ;  "  I  am  an  officer  and  a  gentleman." 

"Sail,"  cried  the  odious  woman,  "fetch  a  mop  and  a 
pail  of  dirty  water,  and  I'll  trundle  that  dirk  out  of  his  fist." 

"  No,  no,"  replied  another  rather  good-looking  young 
woman,  "  leave  him  to  me — don't  hurt  him — he  really  is  a 
very  nice  little  man.     Whatrs  your  name,  my  dear  ?  " 

"  Peter  Simple  is  my  name,"  replied  I  ;  "  and  I  am  a 
king's  officer,  so  be  careful  what  you  are  about." 

"  Don't  be  afraid,  Peter,  nobody  shall  hurt  you  ;  but  you 
must  not  draw  your  dirk  before  ladies,  that's  not  like  an 
officer  and  a  gentleman — so  put  up  your  dirk,  that's  a 
good  boy." 

"  I  will  not,"  replied  I,  "  unless  you  promise  me  that  I 
shall  go  away  unmolested." 

"  I  do  promise  you  that  you  shall,  upon  my  word,  Peter 
— upon  my  honour — will  that  content  you  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  replied  I,  "if  everyone  else  will  promise  the  same." 

"  Upon  our  honours,"  they  all  cried  together  ;  upon 
which  I  was  satisfied,  and  putting  my  dirk  into  its  sheath, 
was  about  to  quit  the  room. 

"  Stop,  Peter,"  said  the  young  woman  who  had  taken 

1.  E 


66  Peter  Simple 

my  part;  "I  must  have  a  kiss  before  you  go."  "And 
so  must  I  ;  and  so  must  we  all,"  cried  the  other  women. 

I  was  very  much  shocked,  and  attempted  to  draw  my 
dirk  again,  but  they  had  closed  in  with  me,  and  prevented 
me.  "  Recollect  your  honour,"  cried  I  to  the  young 
woman,  as  I  struggled. 

"  My  honour  ! — Lord  bless  you,  Peter,  the  less  we  say 
about  that  the  better." 

"  But  you  promised  that  I  should  go  away  quietly,"  said 
I,  appealing  to  them. 

"  Well,  and  so  you  shall  ;  but  recollect,  Peter,  that  you 
are  an  officer  and  a  gentleman — you  surely  would  not  be 
so  shabby  as  to  go  away  without  treating  us.  What  money 
have  you  got  in  your  pocket?"  and,  without  giving  me 
time  to  answer,  she  felt  in  my  pocket,  and  pulled  out  my 
purse,  which  she  opened.  "  Why,  Peter,  you  are  as  rich 
as  a  Jew,"  said  she,  as  they  counted  thirty  shillings  on  the 
table.     "  Now,  what  shall  we  have  ?  " 

"  Anything  you  please,"  said  I,  "  provided  that  you  will 
let  me  go." 

"  Well,  then,  it  shall  be  a  gallon  of  gin.  Sail,  call  Mrs 
Flanagan.  Mrs  Flanagan,  we  want  a  gallon  of  gin,  and 
clean  glasses." 

Mrs  Flanagan  received  the  major  part  of  my  money,  and 
in  a  minute  returned  with  the  gin  and  wine-glasses. 

"  Now,  Peter,  my  cove,  let's  all  draw  round  the  table, 
and  make  ourselves  cosy." 

"  O  no,"  replied  I,  "  take  my  money,  drink  the  gin,  but 
pray  let  me  go ; "  but  they  wouldn't  listen  to  me.  Then  I 
was  obliged  to  sit  down  with  them,  the  gin  was  poured 
out,  and  they  made  me  drink  a  glass,  which  nearly  choked 
me.  It  had,  however,  one  good  effect,  it  gave  me  courage, 
and  in  a  minute  or  two,  I  felt  as  if  I  could  fight  them  all. 
The  door  of  the  room  was  on  the  same  side  as  the  fire- 
place, and  I  perceived  that  the  poker  was  between  the 
bars,  and  red  hot.  I  complained  that  I  was  cold,  although 
I  was  in  a  burning  fever  ;  and  they  allowed  me  to  get  up 
to  warm  my  hands.     As  soon  as  I  reached  the  fire-place, 


Peter  Simple  67 

I  snatched  out  the  red-hot  poker,  and,  brandishing  it 
over  my  head,  made  for  the  door.  They  all  jumped  up 
to  detain  me,  but  I  made  a  poke  at  the  foremost,  which 
made  her  run  back  with  a  shriek,  (I  do  believe  that  I 
burnt  her  nose.)  I  seized  my  opportunity,  and  escaped  into 
the  street,  whirling  the  poker  round  my  head,  while  all  the 
women  followed,  hooting  and  shouting  after  me.  I  never 
stopped  running  and  whirling  my  poker  until  I  was  reeking 
with  perspiration,  and  the  poker  was  quite  cold.  Then  I 
looked  back,  and  found  that  I  was  alone.  It  was  very 
dark ;  every  house  was  shut  up,  and  not  a  light  to  be  seen 
anywhere.  I  stopped  at  the  corner,  not  knowing  where  I 
was,  or  what  I  was  to  do.  I  felt  very  miserable  indeed, 
and  was  reflecting  on  my  wisest  plan,  when  who  should 
turn  the  corner,  but  one  of  the  quarter-masters  who  had 
been  left  on  shore  by  accident.  I  knew  him  by  his  pea- 
jacket  and  straw  hat  to  be  one  of  our  men,  and  I  was 
delighted  to  see  him.  I  told  him  what  had  happened,  and 
he  replied  that  he  was  going  to  a  house  where  the  people 
knew  him  and  would  let  him  in.  When  we  arrived  there, 
the  people  of  the  house  were  very  civil ;  the  landlady  made 
us  some  purl,  which  the  quarter-master  ordered,  and  which 
I  thought  very  good  indeed.  After  we  had  finished  the 
jug,  we  both  fell  asleep  in  our  chairs.  I  did  not  awaken 
until  I  was  roused  by  the  quarter-master,  at  past  seven 
o'clock,  when  we  took  a  wherry,  and  went  off  to  the  ship. 


Chapter  XI 

O'Brien  takes  me  under  his  protection — The  ship's  company  are  paid,  so  are 
the  bumboat-women,  the  Jews,  and  the  emancipationist  after  a  fashion — 
We  go  to  sea — Doctor  O'Brien's  cure  for  sea-sickness — One  pill  of  the 
doctor's  more  than  a  dose. 

When  we  arrived,  I  reported  myself  to  the  first  lieutenant, 
and  told  him  the  whole  story  of  the  manner  in  which  I  had 
been  treated,  showing  him  the  poker,  which  I  brought  on 


68  Peter  Simple 

board  with  me.  He  heard  me  very  patiently,  and  then 
said,  "Well,  Mr  Simple,  you  may  be  the  greatest  fool  of 
your  family  for  all  I  know  to  the  contrary,  but  never 
pretend  to  be  a  fool  with  me.  That  poker  proves  the 
contrary :  and  if  your  wit  can  serve  you  upon  your  own 
emergency,  I  expect  that  it  will  be  employed  for  the  benefit 
of  the  service."  He  then  sent  for  O'Brien,  and  gave  him 
a  lecture  for  allowing  me  to  go  with  the  pressgang,  point- 
ing out,  what  was  very  true,,  that  I  could  have  been  of  no 
service,  and  might  have  met  with  a  serious  accident.  I 
went  down  on  the  main  deck,  and  O'Brien  came  to  me. 
"  Peter,"  said  he,,  "  I  have  been  jawed  for  letting  you  go, 
so  it  is  but  fair  that  you  should  be  thrashed  for  having 
asked  me."  I  wished  to  argue  the  point,  but  he  cut  all 
argument  short,  by  kicking  me  down  the  hatchway ;  and 
thus  ended  my  zealous  attempt  to  procure  seamen  for  his 
majesty's  service.. 

At  last  the  frigate  was  full  manned ;  and,  as  we  had 
received  drafts  of  men  from  other  ships,  we  were  ordered 
to  be  paid  previously  to  our  going  to  sea.  The  people  on 
shore  always  find  out  when  a  ship  is  to  be  paid,  and  very 
early  in  the  morning  we  were  surrounded  with  wherries, 
laden  with  Jews  and  other  people,  some  requesting  ad- 
mittance to  sell  their  goods,  others  to  get  paid  for  what 
they  had  allowed  the  sailors  to  take  up  upon  credit.  But 
the  first  lieutenant  would  not  allow  any  of  them  to  come 
on  board  until  after  the  ship  was  paid ;  although  they  were 
so  urgent  that  he  was  forced  to  place  sentries  in  the  chains 
with  cold  shot,  to  stave  the  boats  if  they  came  alongside. 
I  was  standing  at  the  gangway,  looking  at  the  crowd  of 
boats,  when  a  black-looking  fellow  in  one  of  the  wherries 
said  to  me,  "  I  say,  sir,  let  me  slip  in  at  the  port,  and  I 
have  a  very  nice  present  to  make  you  ; "  and  he  displayed  a 
gold  seal,  which  he  held  up  to  me.  I  immediately  ordered 
the  sentry  to  keep  him  further  off,  for  I  was  very  much 
affronted  at  his  supposing  me  capable  of  being  bribed  to 
disobey  my  orders.  About  eleven  o'clock  the  dockyard 
boat,  with  all  the  pay-clerks,  and  the  cashier,  with  his 


Peter  Simple  69 

chest  of  money,  came  on  board,  and  was  shown  into  the 
fore-cabin,  where  the  captain  attended  the  pay-table.  The 
men  were  called  in,  one  by  one,  and,  as  the  amount  of  the 
wages  due  had  been  previously  calculated,  they  were  paid 
very  fast.  The  money  was  always  received  in  their  hats, 
after  it  had  been  counted  out  in  the  presence  of  the  officers 
and  captain.  Outside  the  cabin  door  there  stood  a  tall 
man  in  black,  with  hair  straight  combed,  who  had  obtained 
an  order  from  the  Port  Admiral  to  be  permitted  to  come  on 
board.  He  attacked  every  sailor  as  he  came  out,  with  his 
money  in  his  hat,  for  a  subscription  to  emancipate  the 
slaves  in  the  West  Indies  ;  but  the  sailors  would  not  give 
him  anything,  swearing  that  the  niggers  were  better  off 
than  they  were  ;  for  they  did  not  work  harder  by  day,  and 
had  no  watch  and  watch  to  keep  during  the  night.  "  Sar- 
vitude  is  sarvitude  all  over  the  world,  my  old  psalm- 
singer,"  replied  one.  "They  sarve  their  masters,  as  in 
duty  bound  ;  we  sarve  the  king,  'cause  he  can't  do  without 
us — and  he  never  axes  our  leave,  but  helps  himself." 

"Yes,"  replied  the  straight-haired  gentleman;  "but 
slavery  is  a  very  different  thing." 

"  Can't  say  that  I  see  any  difference  ;  do  you,  Bill  ?  " 

"  Not  I :  and  I  suppose  as  if  they  didn't  like  it  they'd 
run  away." 

"  Run  away  !  poor  Creatures,"  said  the  black  gentleman. 
"  Why,  if  they  did,  they  would  be  flogged." 

"  Flogged — heh ;  well,  and  if  we  run  away,  we  are  to  be 
hanged.  The  nigger's  better  off  nor  we  :  ar'n't  he,  Tom  ?  " 
Then  the  purser's  steward  came  out :  he  was  what  they 
call  a  bit  of  a  lawyer, — that  is,  had  received  more  education 
than  the  seamen  in  general. 

"  I  trust,  sir,"  said  the  man  in  black,  "  that  you  will  con- 
tribute something." 

"  Not  I,  my  hearty  :  I  owe  every  farthing  of  my  money, 
and  more  too,  I'm  afraid." 

"  Still,  sir,  a  small  trifle." 

"  Why,  what  an  infernal  rascal  you  must  be,  to  ask  a 
man  to  give  away  what  is  not  his  own  property  !     Did  I  not 


70  Peter  Simple 

tell  you  that  I  owed  it  all  ?  There's  an  old  proverb — be 
just  before  you're  generous.  Now,  it's  my  opinion  that,  you 
are  a  methodistical,  good-for-nothing  blackguard ;  and  if 
any  one  is  such  a  fool  as  to  give  you  money,  you  will  keep 
it  for  yourself." 

When  the  man  found  that  he  could  obtain  nothing  at  the 
door,  he  went  down  on  the  lower  deck,  in  which  he  did 
not  act  very  wisely  ;  for  now  that  the  men  were  paid,  the 
boats  were  permitted  to  come  alongside,  and  so  much 
spirits  were  smuggled  in,  that  most  of  the  seamen  were 
more  or  less  intoxicated.  As  soon  as  he  went  below,  he 
commenced  distributing  prints  of  a  black  man  kneeling  in 
chains,  and  saying,  "  Am  not  I  your  brother  ? "  Some  of 
the  men  laughed,  and  swore  that  they  would  paste  their 
brother  up  in  the  mess,  to  say  prayers  for  the  ship's  company ; 
but  others  were  very  angry,  and  abused  him.  At  last,  one 
man,  who  was  tipsy,  came  up  to  him.  "Do  you  pretend 
for  to  insinivate  that  this  crying  black  thief  is  my 
brother  ?  " 

"  To  be  sure  I  do,"  replied  the  methodist. 

"  Then  take  that  for  your  infernal  lie,"  said  the  sailor, 
hitting  him  in  the  face  right  and  left,  and  knocking  the 
man  down  into  the  cable  tier,  from  whence  he  climbed  up, 
and  made  his  escape  out  of  the  frigate  as  soon  as  he  was 
able. 

The  ship  was  now  in  a  state  of  confusion  and  uproar  ; 
there  were  Jews  trying  to  sell  clothes,  or  to  obtain  money 
for  clothes  which  they  had  sold ;  bumboat-men  and  bum- 
boat- women  showing  their  long  bills,  and  demanding  or 
coaxing  for  payment ;  other  people  from  the  shore,  with 
hundreds  of  small  debts  ;  and  the  sailors'  wives,  sticking 
close  to  them,  and  disputing  every  bill  presented,  as  an 
extortion  or  a  robbery.  There  was  such  bawling  and 
threatening,  laughing  and  crying — for  the  women  were  all 
to  quit  the  ship  before  sunset— at  one  moment  a  Jew  was 
upset,  and  all  his  hamper  of  clothes  tossed  into  the  hold  ; 
at  another,  a  sailor  was  seen  hunting  everywhere  for  a  Jew 
who  had  cheated  him, — all  squabbling  or  skylarking,  and 


Peter  Simple  71 

many  of  them  very  drunk.  It  appeared  to  me  that  the 
sailors  had  rather  a  difficult  point  to  settle.  They  had  three 
claimants  upon  them,  the  Jew  for  clothes,  the  bumboat-men 
for  their  mess  in  harbour,  and  their  wives  for  their  support 
during  their  absence ;  and  the  money  which  they  received 
was,  generally  speaking,  not  more  than  sufficient  to  meet 
one  of  the  demands.  As  it  may  be  supposed,  the  women 
had  the  best  of  it ;  the  others  were  paid  a  trifle,  and 
promised  the  remainder  when  they  came  back  from  their 
cruise  •,  and  although,  as  the  case  stood  then,  it  might 
appear  that  two  of  the  parties  were  ill-used,  yet  in  the 
long  run  they  were  more  than  indemnified,  for  their 
charges  were  so  extravagant,  that  if  one-third  of  their 
bills  were  paid,  there  would  still  remain  a  profit.  About 
five  o'clock  the  orders  were  given  for  the  ship  to  be 
cleared.  All  disputed  points  were  settled  by  the  sergeant 
of  marines  with  a  party,  who  divided  their  antagonists 
from  the  Jews ;  and  every  description  of  persons  not 
belonging  to  the  ship,  whether  male  or  female,  was  dis- 
missed over  the  side.  The  hammocks  were  piped  down, 
those  who  were  intoxicated  were  put  to  bed,  and  the  ship 
was  once  more  quiet.  Nobody  was  punished  for  having 
been  tipsy,  as  pay-day  is  considered,  on  board  a  man-of- 
war,  as  the  winding-up  of  all  incorrect  behaviour,  and 
from  that  day  the  sailors  turn  over  a  new  leaf;  for, 
although  some  latitude  is  permitted,  and  the  seamen  are 
seldom  flogged  in  harbour,  yet  the  moment  that  the  anchor 
is  at  the  bows,  strict  discipline  is  exacted,  and  intoxication 
must  no  longer  hope  to  be  forgiven. 

The  next  day  everything  was  prepared  for  sea,  and  no 
leave  was  permitted  to  the  officers.  Stock  of  every  kind 
was  brought  on  board,  and  the  large  boats  hoisted  and 
secured.  On  the  morning  after,  at  daylight,  a  signal  from 
the  flag-ship  in  harbour  was  made  for  us  to  unmoor  ;  our 
orders  had  come  down  to  cruise  in  the  Bay  of  Biscay.  The 
captain  came  on  board,  the  anchor  weighed,  and  we  ran 
through  the  Needles  with  a  fine  N.E.  breeze.  I  admired 
the  scenery  of  the  Isle  of  Wight,  looked  with  admiration 


72  Peter  Simple 

at  Alum  Bay,  was  astonished  at  the  Needle  rocks,  and  then 
felt  so  very  ill  that  I  went  down  below.  What  occurred 
for  the  next  six  days  I  cannot  tell.  I  thought  that  I  should 
die  every  moment,  and  lay  in  my  hammock  or  on  the  chests 
for  the  whole  of  that  time,  incapable  of  eating,  drinking, 
or  walking  about.  O'Brien  came  to  me  on  the  seventh 
morning,  and  said,  that  if  I  did  not  exert  myself  I  never 
should  get  well;  that  he  was  very  fond  of  me  and  had 
taken  me  under  his  protection,  and,  to  prove  his  regard, 
he  would  do  for  me  what  he  would  not  take  the  trouble 
to  do  for  any  other  youngster  in  the  ship,  which  was,  to 
give  me  a  good  basting,  which  was  a  sovereign  remedy  for 
sea-sickness.  He  suited  the  action  to  the  word,  and 
drubbed  me  on  the  ribs  without  mercy,  until  I  thought  the 
breath  was  out  of  my  body,  and  then  he  took  out  a  rope's 
end  and  thrashed  me  until  I  obeyed  his  orders  to  go  on 
deck  immediately.  Before  he  came  to  me,  I  could  never 
have  believed  it  possible  that  I  could  have  obeyed  him  ; 
but  somehow  or  other  I  did  contrive  to  crawl  up  the 
ladder  to  the  main-deck,  where  I  sat  down  on  the  shot- 
racks  and  cried  bitterly.  What  would  I  have  given  to  have 
been  at  home  again  !  It  was  not  my  fault  that  I  was  the 
greatest  fool  in  the  family,  yet  how  was  I  punished  for  it  ! 
If  this  was  kindness  from  O'Brien,  what  had  I  to  expect 
from  those  who  were  not  partial  to  me  ?  But,  by  degrees, 
I  recovered  myself,  and  certainly  felt  a  great  deal  better, 
and  that  night  I  slept  very  soundly.  The  next  morning 
O'Brien  came  to  me  again.  "  It's  a  nasty  slow  fever,  that 
sea-sickness,  my  Peter,  and  we  must  drive  it  out  of  you  ; " 
and  then  he  commenced  a  repetition  of  yesterday's  remedy 
until  I  was  almost  a  jelly.  Whether  the  fear  of  being 
thrashed  drove  away  my  sea-sickness,  or  whatever  might 
be  the  real  cause  of  it,  I  do  not  know,  but  this  is  certain, 
that  I  felt  no  more  of  it  after  the  second  beating,  and  the 
next  morning  when  I  awoke  I  was  very  hungry.  I 
hastened  to  dress  myself  before  O'Brien  came  to  me,  and 
did  not  see  him  until  we  met  at  breakfast. 
"Pater,"  said  he,  "let  me  feel  your  pulse." 


Peter  Simple  73 

"  Oh  no  ! "  replied  I,  "  indeed  I'm  quite  well." 

"  Quite  well !     Can  you  eat  biscuit  and  salt  butter  ?  " 

"  Yes,  I  can." 

"  And  a  piece  of  fat  pork  ? " 

"  Yes,  that  I  can." 

"  It's  thanks  to  me  then,  Pater,"  replied  he  ;  "  so  you'll 
have  no  more  of  my  medicine  until  you  fall  sick  again." 

"I  hope  not,"  replied  I,  "  for  it  was  not  very  pleasant." 

"  Pleasant !  you  simple  Simple,  when  did  you  ever  hear 
of  physic  being  pleasant,  unless  a  man  prescribe  for  him- 
self? I  suppose  you'd  be  after  lollipops  for  the  yellow 
fever.  Live  and  larn,  boy,  and  thank  Heaven  that  you've 
found  somebody  who  loves  you  well  enough  to  baste  you 
when  it's  good  for  your  health." 

I  replied,  "  that  I  certainly  hoped  that  much  as  I  felt 
obliged  to  him,  I  should  not  require  any  more  proofs  of 
his  regard." 

"Any  more  such  striking  proofs,  you  mean,  Pater;  but 
let  me  tell  you  that  they  were  sincere  proofs,  for  since 
you've  been  ill  I've  been  eating  your  pork  and  drinking 
your  grog,  which  latter  can't  be  too  plentiful  in  the  Bay  of 
Biscay.  And  now  that  I've  cured  you,  you'll  be  tucking 
all  that  into  your  own  little  breadbasket,  so  that  I'm  no 
gainer,  and  I  think  that  you  may  be  convinced  that  you 
never  had  or  will  have  two  more  disinterested  thumpings 
in  all  your  born  days.  However,  you're  very  welcome, 
so  say  no  more  about  it." 

I  held  my  tongue  and  ate  a  very  hearty  breakfast.  From 
that  day  I  returned  to  my  duty,  and  was  put  into  the  same 
watch  with  O'Brien,  who  spoke  to  the  first  lieutenant,  and 
told  him  that  he  had  taken  me  under  his  charge. 


74  Peter  Simple 


Chapter  XII 

New  theory  of  Mr  Muddle  remarkable  for  having  no  end  to  it — Novel 
practice  of  Mr  Chucks — O'Brien  commences  his  history — There  were 
giants  in  those  days — I  bring  up  the  master's  night-glass. 

As  I  have  already  mentioned  sufficient  of  the  captain  and 
the  first  lieutenant  to  enable  the  reader  to  gain  an  insight 
into  their  characters,  I  shall  now  mention  two  very  odd 
personages  who  were  my  shipmates,  the  carpenter  and 
the  boatswain.  The  carpenter,  whose  name  was  Muddle, 
used  to  go  by  the  appellation  of  Philosopher  Chips,  not 
that  he  followed  any  particular  school,  but  had  formed 
a  theory  of  his  own,  from  which  he  was  not  to  be 
dissuaded.  This  was,  that  the  universe  had  its  cycle 
of  events  turned  round,  so  that  in  a  certain  period 
of  time  everything  was  to  happen  over  again.  I  never 
could  make  him  explain  upon  what  data  his  calculations 
were  founded ;  he  said,  that  if  he  explained  it,  I  was 
too  young  to  comprehend  it  •,  but  the  fact  was  this,  "  that 
in  27,672  years  everything  that  was  going  on  now  would 
be  going  on  again,  with  the  same  people  as  were  existing 
at  this  present  time.'*  He  very  seldom  ventured  to  make 
the  remark  to  Captain  Savage,  but  to  the  first  lieutenant 
he  did  very  often.  "  I've  been  as  close  to  it  as  possible, 
sir,  I  do  assure  you,  although  you  find  fault;  but  27,672 
years  ago  you  were  first  lieutenant  of  this  ship,  and  I 
was  carpenter,  although  we  recollect  nothing  about  it ; 
and  27,672  years  hence  we  shall  both  be  standing  by 
this  boat,  talking  about  the  repairs,  as  we  are  now." 

"I  do  not  doubt  it,  Mr  Muddle,"  replied  the  first 
lieutenant;  "I  dare  say  that  it  is  all  very  true,  but  the 
repairs  must  be  finished  this  night,  and  27,672  years 
hence  you  will  have  the  order  just  as  positive  as  you 
have  it  now,  so  let  it  be  done." 

This  theory  made  him  very  indifferent  as  to  danger, 
or  indeed  as  to  anything.     It  was  of  no  consequence,  the 


Peter  Simple  75 

affair  took  its  station  in  the  course  of  time.  It  had  happened 
at  the  above  period,  and  would  happen  again.  Fate  was 
fate.  But  the  boatswain  was  a  more  amusing  personage. 
He  was  considered  to  be  the  taught  est  (that  is,  the  most 
active  and  severe)  boatswain  in  the  service.  He  went 
by  the  name  of  "  Gentleman  Chucks  " — the  latter  was 
his  surname.  He  appeared  to  have  received  half  an 
education;  sometimes  his  language  was  for  a  few 
sentences  remarkably  well  chosen,  but,  all  of  a  sudden, 
he  would  break  down  at  a  hard  word ;  but  I  shall  be 
able  to  let  the  reader  into  more  of  his  history  as  I  go  on 
with  my  adventures*  He  had  a  very  handsome  person, 
inclined  to  be  stout,  keen  eyes,  and  hair  curling  in 
ringlets.  He  held  his  head  up,  and  strutted  as  he  walked. 
He  declared  "  that  an  officer  should  look  like  an  officer, 
and  comport  himself  accordingly."  In  his  person  he  was 
very  clean,  wore  rings  on  his  great  fingers,  and  a  large 
frill  to  his  bosom,  which  stuck  out  like  the  back  fin  of 
a  perch,  and  the  collar  of  his  shirt  was  always  pulled  up 
to  a  level  with  his  cheek-bones.  He  never  appeared  on 
deck  without  his  "  persuader,"  which  was  three  rattans 
twisted  into  one,  like  a  cable ;  sometimes  he  called  it 
his  Order  of  the  Bath,  or  his  Trie  juncto  in  Uno ;  and 
this  persuader  was  seldom  idle.  He  attempted  to  be 
very  polite,  even  when  addressing  the  common  seamen, 
and,  certainly,  he  always  commenced  his  observations  to 
them  in  a  very  gracious  manner,  but,,  as  he  continued,  he 
became  less  choice  in  his  phraseology.  O'Brien  said  that 
his  speeches  were  like  the  Sin  of  the  poet,  very  fair  at 
the  upper  part  of  them,  but  shocking  at  the  lower  ex- 
tremities. As  a  specimen  of  them,  he  would  say  to  the 
man  on  the  forecastle,  "Allow  me  to  observe,  my  dear 
man,  in  the  most  delicate  way  in  the  world,  that  you  are 
spilling  that  tar  upon  the  deck — a  deck,  sir,  if  I  may 
venture  to  make  the  observation,  I  had  the  duty  of  seeing 
holystoned  this  morning.  You  understand  me,  sir,  you 
have  defiled  his  majesty's  forecastle.  I  must  do  my  duty, 
sir,  if  you  neglect  yours;   so  take  that — and  that — and 


j6  Peter  Simple 

that  —  (thrashing  the  man  with  his  rattan) — you  d — d 
hay-making  son  of  a  sea-cook.  Do  it  again,  d — n  your 
eyes,  and  I'll  cut  your  liver  out." 

I  remember  one  of  the  ship*s  boys  going  forward  with 
a  kid  of  dirty  water  to  empty  in  the  head,  without  putting 
his  hand  up  to  his  hat  as  he  passed  the  boatswain.  "  Stop, 
my  little  friend,"  said  the  boatswain,  pulling  out  his  frill, 
and  raising  up  both  sides  of  his  shirt-collar.  "  Are  you 
aware,  sir,  of  my  rank  and  station  in  society  ?  " 

"  Yes,  sir,"  replied  the  boy,  trembling,  and  eyeing  the 
rattan. 

"  Oh,  you  are  !  "  replied  Mr  Chucks.  "  Had  you  not 
been  aware  of  it,  I  should  have  considered  a  gentle  correc- 
tion necessary,  that  you  might  have  avoided  such  an  error 
in  future  ;  but,  as  you  were  aware  of  it,  why  then,  d — n 
you,  you  have  no  excuse,  so  take  that — and  that — you 
yelping,  half-starved  abortion.  I  really  beg  your  pardon, 
Mr  Simple,"  said  he  to  me,  as  the  boy  went  howling  for- 
ward, for  I  was  walking  with  him  at  the  time  ;  "  but  really 
the  service  makes  brutes  of  us  all.  It  is  hard  to  sacrifice 
our  health,  our  night's  rest,  and  our  comforts  ;  but  still 
more  so,  that  in  my  responsible  situation,  I  am  obliged  too 
often  to  sacrifice  my  gentility." 

The  master  was  the  officer  who  had  charge  of  the  watch 
to  which  I  was  stationed  5  he  was  a  very  rough  sailor,  who 
had  been  brought  up  in  the  merchant  service,  not  much  of 
a  gentleman  in  his  appearance,  very  good-tempered,  and 
very  fond  of  grog.  He  always  quarrelled  with  the  boat- 
swain, and  declared  that  the  service  was  going  to  the 
devil,  now  that  warrant  officers  put  on  white  shirts,  and 
wore  frills  to  them.  But  the  boatswain  did  not  care  for 
him ;  he  knew  his  duty,  he  did  his  duty,  and  if  the  captain 
was  satisfied,  he  said,  that  the  whole  snip's  company  might 
grumble.  As  for  the  master,  he  said,  the  man  was  very 
well,  but  having  been  brought  up  in  a  collier,  he  could  not 
be  expected  to  be  very  refined;  in  fact,  he  observed, 
pulling  up  his  shirt-collar — "it  was  impossible  to  make  a 
silk  purse  out  of  a  sow's  ear."     The  master  was  very  kind 


Peter  Simple  77 

to  me,  and  used  to  send  me  down  to  my  hammock  before 
my  watch  was  half  over.  Until  that  time,  I  walked  the 
deck  with  O'Brien,  who  was  a  very  pleasant  companion, 
and  taught  me  everything  that  he  could,  connected  with  my 
profession.  One  night,  when  he  had  the  middle  watch,  I 
told  him  I  should  like  very  much  if  he  would  give  me  the 
history  of  his  life.  "  That  I  will,  my  honey,"  replied  he, 
"  all  that  I  can  remember  of  it,  though  I  have  no  doubt  but 
that  I've  forgotten  the  best  part  of  it.  It's  now  within  five 
minutes  of  two  bells,  so  we'll  heave  the  log  and  mark  the 
board,  and  then  I'll  spin  you  a  yarn,  which  will  keep  us 
both  from  going  to  sleep."  O'Brien  reported  the  rate  of 
sailing  to  the  master,  marked  it  down  on  the  log-board,  and 
then  returned. 

"  So  now,  my  boy,  I'll  come  to  an  anchor  on  the  topsail 
halyard  rack,  and  you  may  squeeze  your  thread-paper  little 
carcass  under  my  lee,  and  then  I'll  tell  you  all  about  it. 
First  and  foremost,  you  must  know  that  I  am  descended 
from  the  great  O'Brien  Borru,  who  was  king  in  his  time,  as 
the  great  Fingal  was  before  him.  Of  course  you've  heard 
of  Fingal?" 

"  I  can't  say  that  I  ever  did,"  replied  I. 

"Never  heard  of  Fingal! — murder!  Where  must  you 
have  been  all  your  life  ?  Well,  then,  to  give  you  some 
notion  of  Fingal,  I  will  first  tell  you  how  Fingal  bothered 
the  great  Scotch  giant,  and  then  I'll  go  on  with  my  own 
story.  Fingal,  you  must  know,  was  a  giant  himself,  and 
no  fool  of  one,  and  any  one  that  affronted  him  was  as  sure 
of  a  bating,  as  I  am  to  keep  the  middle  watch  to-night. 
But  there  was  a  giant  in  Scotland  as  tall  as  the  mainmast, 
more  or  less,  as  we  say  when  we  a'n't  quite  sure,  as  it  saves 
telling  more  lies  than  there's  occasion  for.  Well,  this 
Scotch  giant  heard  of  Fingal,  and  how  he  had  beaten  every- 
body, and  he  said,  '  Who  is  this  Fingal  ?  By  Jasus,'  says 
he  in  Scotch,  '  I'll  just  walk  over  and  see  what  he's  made 
of.'  So  he  walked  across  the  Irish  Channel,  and  landed 
within  half-a-mile  of  Belfast,  but  whether  he  was  out  of 
his  depth  or  not  I  can't  tell,  although  I  suspect  that  he  was 


78  Peter  Simple 

not  dry-footed.  When  Fingal  heard  that  this  great  chap 
was  coming  over,  he  was  in  a  devil  of  a  fright,  for  they 
told  him  that  the  Scotchman  was  taller  by  a  few  feet  or  so. 
Giants,  you  know,  measure  by  feet,  and  don't  bother  them- 
selves about  the  inches,  as  we  little  devils  are  obliged  to 
do.  So  Fingal  kept  a  sharp  look-out  for  the  Scotchman, 
and  one  fine  morning,  there  he  was,  sure  enough,  coming 
up  the  hill  to  Fingal's  house.  If  Fingal  was  afraid  before, 
he  had  more  reason  to  be  afraid  when  he  saw  the  fellow, 
for  he  looked  for  all  the  world  like  the  Monument  upon  a 
voyage  of  discovery.  So  Fingal  ran  into  his  house,  and 
called  to  his  wife  Shaya,  '  My  vourneen,'  says  he,  '  be  quick 
now  ;  there's  that  big  bully  of  a  Scotchman  coming  up  the 
hill.  Kiver  me  up  with  the  blankets,  and  if  he  asks  who  is 
in  bed,  tell  him  it's  the  child.'  So  Fingal  laid  down  on  the 
bed,  and  his  wife  had  just  time  to  cover  him  up,  when  in 
comes  the  Scotchman,  and  though  he  stooped  low,  he  broke 
his  head  against  the  portal.  *  Where's  that  baste  Fingal  ? ' 
says  he,  rubbing  his  forehead  5  '  show  him  to  me,  that  I  may 
give  him  a  bating.'  *  Whisht,  whisht ! '  cries  Shaya,  '  you'll 
wake  the  babby,  and  then  him  that  you  talk  of  bating  will  be 
the  death  of  you,  if  he  comes  in.'  '  Is  that  the  babby  ? '  cried 
the  Scotchman  with  surprise,  looking  at  the  great  carcass 
muffled  up  in  the  blankets.  *  Sure  it  is,'  replied  Shaya, 
*  and  Fingal's  babby  too ;  so  don't  you  wake  him,  or 
Fingal  will  twist  your  neck  in  a  minute.'  '  By  the  cross 
of  St  Andrew,'  replied  the  giant,  *  then  it's  time  for  me 
to  be  off;  for  if  that's  his  babby,  I'll  be  but  a  mouthful 
to  the  fellow  himself.  Good  morning  to  ye.'  So  the 
Scotch  giant  ran  out  of  the  house,  and  never  stopped  to 
eat  or  drink  until  he  got  back  to  his  own  hills,  foreby  he 
was  nearly  drowned  in  having  mistaken  his  passage  across 
the  Channel  in  his  great  hurry.  Then  Fingal  got  up  and 
laughed,  as  well  he  might,  at  his  own  'cuteness ;  and  so 
ends  my  story  about  Fingal.  And  now  I'll  begin  about 
myself.  As  I  said  before,  I  am  descended  from  the  great 
O'Brien,  who  was  a  king  in  his  time,  but  that  time's  past. 
I    suppose,    as    the   world    turns    round,   my    children's 


Peter  Simple  79 

children's  posterity  may  be  kings  again,  although  there 
seems  but  little  chance  of  it  just  now ;  but  there's  ups 
and  downs  on  a  grand  scale,  as  well  as  in  a  man's  own 
history,  and  the  wheel  of  fortune  keeps  turning  for  the 
comfort  of  those  who  are  at  the  lowest  spoke,  as  I  may 
be  just  now.  To  cut  the  story  a  little  shorter,  I  skip 
down  to  my  great-grandfather,  who  lived  like  a  real 
gentleman,  as  he  was,  upon  his  ten  thousand  a  year.  At 
last  he  died,  and  eight  thousand  of  the  ten  was  buried 
with  him.  My  grandfather  followed  his  father  all  in  good 
course  of  time,  and  only  left  my  father  about  one  hundred 
acres  of  bog,  to  keep  up  the  dignity  of  the  family.  I  am 
the  youngest  of  ten,  and  devil  a  copper  have  I  but  my 
pay,  or  am  I  likely  to  have.  You  may  talk  about  descent, 
but  a  more  descending  family  than  mine  was  never  in  exist- 
ence, for  here  am  I  with  twenty-five  pounds  a-year,  and 
a  half-pay  of  '  nothing  a  day,  and  find  myself,'  when  my 
great  ancestor  did  just  what  he  pleased  with  all  Ireland, 
and  everybody  in  it.  But  this  is  all  nothing,  except  to 
prove  satisfactorily  that  I  am  not  worth  a  skillagalee,  and 
that  is  the  reason  which  induces  me  to  condescend  to 
serve  his  Majesty.  Father  M'Grath,  the  priest,  who 
lived  with  my  father,  taught  me  the  elements,  as  they 
call  them.  I  thought  I  had  enough  of  the  elements  then, 
but  I've  seen  a  deal  more  of  them  since.  '  Terence,'  says 
my  father  to  me  one  day,  *  what  do  you  mane  to  do  ? ' 
*  To  get  my  dinner,  sure,'  replied  I,  for  I  was  not  a  little 
hungry.  '  And  so  you  shall  to-day,  my  vourneen,'  replied 
my  father,  *  but  in  future  you  must  do  something  to  get 
your  own  dinner :  there's  not  praties  enow  for  the  whole 
of  ye.  Will  you  go  to  the  say?9  '  I'll  just  step  down  and 
look  at  it,'  says  I,  for  we  lived  but  sixteen  Irish  miles  from 
the  coast;  so  when  I  had  finished  my  meal,  which  did 
not  take  long,  for  want  of  ammunition,  I  trotted  down  to 
the  Cove  to  see  what  a  ship  might  be  like,  and  I  happened 
upon  a  large  one  sure  enough,  for  there  lay  a  three-decker 
with  an  admiral's  flag  at  the  fore.  '  May  be  you'll  be  so 
civil  as  to  tell  me  what  ship  that  is,'  said  I  to  a  sailor  on 


80  Peter  Simple 

the  pier.  *  It's  the  Queen  Charlotte,'  replied  he,  '  of  one 
hundred  and  twenty  guns.'  Now  when  I  looked  at  her 
size,  and  compared  her  with  all  the  little  smacks  and  hoys 
lying  about  her,  I  very  naturally  asked  how  old  she  was ; 
he  replied,  that  she  was  no  more  than  three  years  old. 
'  But  three  years  old ! '  thought  I  to  myself,  '  it's  a  fine 
vessel  you'll  be  when  you'll  come  of  age,  if  you  grow  at 
that  rate :  you'll  be  as  tall  as  the  top  of  Bencrow,'  (that's 
a  mountain  we  have  in  our  parts).  You  see,  Peter,  I  was 
a  fool  at  that  time,  just  as  you  are  now ;  but  by-and-by, 
when  you've  had  as  many  thrashings  as  I  have  had,  you 
may  chance  to  be  as  clever.  I  went  back  to  my  father, 
and  told  him  all  I  had  seen,  and  he  replied,  that  if  I  liked 
it  I  might  be  a  midshipman  on  board  of  her,  with  nine 
hundred  men  under  my  command.  He  forgot  to  say  how 
many  I  should  have  over  me,  but  I  found  that  out  after- 
wards. I  agreed,  and  my  father  ordered  his  pony  and 
went  to  the  lord-lieutenant,  for  he  had  interest  enough 
for  that.  The  lord-lieutenant  spoke  to  the  admiral,  who 
was  staying  at  the  palace,  and  I  was  ordered  on  board  as 
midshipman.  My  father  fitted  me  out  pretty  handsomely, 
telling  all  the  tradesmen  that  their  bills  should  be  paid 
with  my  first  prize-money,  and  thus,  by  promises  and 
blarney,  he  got  credit  for  all  I  wanted.  At  last  all  was 
ready :  Father  M'Grath  gave  me  his  blessing,  and  told 
me  that  if  I  died  like  an  O'Brien,  he  would  say  a  power 
of  masses  for  the  good  of  my  soul.  '  May  you  never  have 
the  trouble,  sir,'  said  I.  *  Och,  trouble !  a  pleasure,  my 
dear  boy,'  replied  he,  for  he  was  a  very  polite  man ;  so 
off  I  went  with  my  big  chest,  not  quite  so  full  as  it  ought 
to  have  been,  for  my  mother  cribbed  one  half  of  my  stock 
for  my  brothers  and  sisters.  'I  hope  to  be  back  again 
soon,  father,'  said  I  as  I  took  my  leave.  '  I  hope  not,  my 
dear  boy,'  replied  he :  '  a'n't  you  provided  for,  and  what 
more  would  you  have  ? '  So,  after  a  deal  of  bother,  I  was 
fairly  on  board,  and  I  parted  company  with  my  chest,  for 
I  stayed  on  deck,  and  that  went  down  below.  I  stared 
about  with  all  my  eyes  for  some  time,  when  who  should 


Peter  Simple  81 

be  coming  off  but  the  captain,  and  the  officers  were 
ordered  on  deck  to  receive  him.  I  wanted  to  have  a  quiet 
survey  of  him,  so  I  took  up  my  station  on  one  of  the  guns, 
that  I  might  examine  him  at  my  leisure.  The  boatswain 
whistled,  the  marines  presented  arms,  and  the  officers  all 
took  off  their  hats  as  the  captain  came  on  the  deck,  and 
then  the  guard  was  dismissed,  and  they  all  walked  about 
the  deck  as  before  ;  but  I  found  it  very  pleasant  to  be 
astride  on  the  gun,  so  I  remained  where  I  was.  *  What 
do  you  mane  by  that,,  you  big  young  scoundrel  ? '  says 
he,  when  he  saw  me.  *  It's  nothing  at  all  I  mane,'  replied 
I ;  *  but  what  do  you  mane  by  calling  an  O'Brien  a 
scoundrel  ?  '  *  "Who  is  he  ? '  said  the  captain  to  the  first 
lieutenant.  '  Mr  O'Brien,  who  joined  the  ship  about  an 
hour  since.'  '  Don't  you  know  better  than  to  sit  upon 
a  gun  ?  '  said  the  captain.  *  To  be  sure  I  do,' replied  I, 
'  when  there's  anything  better  to  sit  upon.'  'He  knows 
no  better,  sir,'  observed  the  first  lieutenant.  '  Then  he 
must  be  taught,'  replied  the  captain.  ■  Mr  O'Brien,  since 
you  have  perched  yourself  on  that  gun  to  please  yourself, 
you  will  now  continue  there  for  twO  hours  to  please  me. 
Do  you  understand,  sir  ? — you'll  ride  on  that  gun  for  two 
hours.'  'I  understand,  sir,'  replied  I;  'but  I  am  afraid 
that  he  won't  move  without  spurs,,  although  there's  plenty 
of  metal  in  him.'  The  captain  turned  away  and  laughed 
as  he  went  into  his  cabin,  and  all  the  officers  laughed, 
and  I  laughed  too,  for  I  perceived  no?  great  hardship  in 
sitting  down  an  hour  or  two,  any  more  than  I  do  now. 
Well,  I  soon  found  that,  like  a  young  bear,  all  my 
troubles  were  to  come.  The  first  month  was  nothing 
but  fighting  and  squabbling  with  my  messmates  ;  they 
called  me  a  raw  Irishman,  and  raw  I  was,  sure  enough, 
from  the  constant  thrashings  and  cokings  I  received  from 
those  who  were  bigger  and  stronger  than  myself;  but 
nothing  lasts  for  ever — as  they  discovered  that  whenever 
they  found  blows  I  could  find  back,  they  got  tired  of  it, 
and  left  me  and  my  brogue  alone.  We  sailed  for  the 
Toolong  fleet." 

I.  F 

V 
\9 


82  Peter  Simple 

"  What  fleet  ?  "  inquired  I. 

"  Why,  the  Toolong  fleet,  so  called,  I  thought,  because 
they  remained  too  long  in  harbour,  bad  luck  to  them  ; 
and  then  we  were  off  Cape  See-see  (devil  a  bit  could  we 
see  of  them  except  their  mast-heads)  for  I  don't  know 
how  many  months.  But  I  forgot  to  say  that  I  got  into 
another  scrape  just  before  we  left  harbour.  It  was  my 
watch  when  they  piped  to  dinner,  and  I  took  the  liberty 
to  run  below,  as  my  messmates  had  a  knack  of  forgetting 
absent  friends.  Well,  the  captain  came  on  board,  and 
there  were  no  side  boys,  no  side  ropes,  and  no  officers  to 
receive  him.  He  came  on  deck  foaming  with  rage,  for 
his  dignity  was  hurt,  and  he  inquired  who  was  the  mid- 
shipman of  the  watch.  '  Mr  O'Brien,'  said  they  all. 
'Devil  a  bit,'  replied  I,  'it  was  my  forenoon  watch.' 
'  Who  relieved  you,  sir  ?  '  said  the  first  lieutenant.  '  Devil 
a  soul,  sir,'  replied  I ;  '  for  they  were  all  too  busy  with 
their  pork  and  beef.'  '  Then  why  did  you  leave  the  deck 
without  relief  ? '  '  Because,  sir,  my  stomach  would  have 
had  but  little  relief  if  I  had  remained.'  The  captain,  who 
stood  by,  said,  '  Do  you  see  those  cross-trees,  sir  ? '  'Is 
it  those  little  bits  of  wood  that  you  mane,  on  the  top 
there,  captain  ? '  c  Yes,  sir ;  now  just  go  up  there,  and 
stay  until  I  call  you  down.  You  must  be  brought  to 
your  senses,  young  man,  or  you'll  have  but  little  prospect 
in  the  service.'  '  I've  an  idea  that  I'll  have  plenty  of 
prospect  when  I  get  up  there,'  replied  I,  '  but  it's  all  to 
please  you.'  So  up  I  went,  as  I  have  many  a  time  since, 
and  as  you  often  will,  Peter,  just  to  enjoy  the  fresh  air 
and  your  own  pleasant  thoughts,  all  at  one  and  the  same 
time. 

"  At  last  I  became  much  more  used  to  the  manners  and 
customs  of  say-going  people,  and  by  the  time  that  I  had 
been  fourteen  months  off  Cape  See-see,  I  was  considered 
a  very  genteel  young  midshipman,  and  my  messmates 
(that  is,  all  that  I  could  thrash,  which  didn't  leave  out 
many)  had  a  very  great  respect  for  me. 

"  The  first  time  that  I  put  my  foot   on  shore  was  at 


Peter  Simple  83 

Minorca,   and   then   I   put   my  foot  into  it  (as  we  say), 
for  I  was  nearly  killed  for  a  heretic,  and  only  saved  by 
proving  myself  a  true  Catholic,  which  proves  that  religion 
is  a  great  comfort  in    distress,  as   Father  M'Grath  used 
to  say.     Several  of  us  went  on  shore,  and  having  dined 
upon    a    roast    turkey,    stuffed   with    plum-pudding   (for 
everything  else  was  cooked  in  oil,  and  we  could  not  eat 
it),   and  having   drunk   as   much  wine  as  would  float  a 
jolly-boat,  we  ordered  donkeys,   to    take    a  little  eques- 
trian  exercise.     Some  went    off  tail  on   end,   some  with 
their  hind-quarters  uppermost,  and  then    the  riders  went 
off  instead  of  the  donkeys  5  some  wouldn't  go  off  at  all ; 
as  for  mine  he  would  go — and  where  the  devil  do  you 
think   he   went  ?     Why,  into  the    church   where    all   the 
people  were    at   mass ;    the  poor   brute  was    dying  with 
thirst,    and    smelt   water.     As    soon    as   he   was  in,  not- 
withstanding all  my  tugging  and  hauling,  he  ran  his  nose 
into  the  holy-water  font,  and  drank  it  all  up.     Although  I 
thought,  that  seeing  how  few  Christians  have  any  religion, 
you   could  not  expect   much  from  a  donkey,  yet   I  was 
very  much  shocked  at  the  sacrilege,  and  fearful  of  the 
consequences.     Nor  was  it  without  reason,  for  the  people 
in  the  church  were  quite  horrified,   as  well  they  might 
be,  for  the    brute  drank   as  much   holy-water   as  would 
have  purified    the  whole  town   of  Port   Mahon,   suburbs 
and   all  to   boot.     They  rose   up   from  their   knees   and 
seized   me,    calling  upon   all    the   saints  in   the   calendar. 
Although  I  knew  what  they  meant,  not  a  word  of  their 
lingo    could  I  speak,   to    plead   for   my  life,   and   I  was 
almost  torn  to  pieces  before   the   priest  came  up.     Per- 
ceiving the  danger  I  was  in,  I  Wiped  my  finger   across 
the  wet  nose  of  the  donkey,   crossed   myself,  and  then 
went  down  on  my  knees  to  the  priests,  crying  out  Culpa 
mea,  as  all  good  Catholics  do — though  'twas  no  fault  of 
mine,  as  I  said  before,  for  I  tried  all  I  could,  and  tugged 
at  the  brute  till  my  strength  was  gone.     The  priests  per- 
ceived by  the  manner  in  which  I  crossed  myself  that  I 
was  a  good  Catholic,  and  guessed  that  it  was  all  a  mistake 


84  Peter  Simple 

of  the  donkey's.  They  ordered  the  crowd  to  be  quiet, 
and  sent  for  an  interpreter,  when  I  explained  the  whole 
story.  They  gave  me  absolution  for  what  the  donkey 
had  done,  and  after  that,  as  it  was  very  rare  to  meet  an 
English  officer  who  was  a  good  Christian,  I  was  in  great 
favour  during  my  stay  at  Minorca,  and  was  living  in 
plenty,  paying  for  nothing,  and  as  happy  as  a  cricket.  So 
the  jackass  proved  a  very  good  friend,  and,  to  reward 
him,  I  hired  him  every  day,  and  galloped  him  all  over 
the  island.  But,  at  last,  it  occurred  to  me  that  I  had 
broken  my  leave,  for  I  was  so  happy  on  shore  that  I  quite 
forgot  that  I  had  only  permission  for  twenty-four  hours, 
and  I  should  not  have  remembered  it  so  soon,  had  it  not 
been  for  a  party  of  marines,,  headed  by  a  sergeant,  who 
took  me  by  the  colkr,  and  dragged  me  off  my  donkey. 
I  was  taken  on  board,  and  put  under  an  arrest  for  my 
misconduct.  Now,  Peter,.  I  don't  know  anything  more 
agreeable  than  being  put  under  an  arrest.  Nothing  to  do 
all  day  but  eat  and  drink,  and  please  yourself,  only  for- 
bid to  appear  on  the  quarter-deck,  the  only  place  that  a 
midshipman  wishes  to  avoid.  Whether  it  was  to  punish 
me  more  severely,  or  whether  he  forgot  all  about  me,  I 
can't  tell,  but  it  was  nearly  two  months  before  I  was  sent 
for  to  the  cabin  ;  and  the  captain,  with  a  most  terrible 
frown,  said,  that  he  trusted  that  my  punishment  would 
be  a  warning  to  me,  and  that  now  I  might  return  to  my 
duty.  '  Plase  your  honour,'  said  I,  '  I  don't  think  that 
I've  been  punished  enough  yet.'  *  I  am  glad  to  find  that 
you  are  so  penitent,  but  you  are  forgiven,  so  take  care 
that  you  do  not  oblige  me  to  put  you  again  in  con- 
finement.' So,  as  there  was  no  persuading  him,  I  was 
obliged  to  return  to  my  duty  again  ;  but  I  made  a  resolu- 
tion that  I  would  get  into  another  scrape  again  as  soon  as 
I  dared " 

"  Sail  on  the  starboard  bow  !  "  cried  the  look-out  man. 

"Very  well,"  replied  the  master;  "Mr  O'Brien — 
where's  Mr  O'Brien  ?  " 

"Is  it  me  you  mane,  sir?"  said  O'Brien,  walking  up 


Peter  Simple  85 

to  the  master,  for  he  had  sat  down  so  long  in  the  topsail- 
halyard  rack,  that  he  was  wedged  in  and  could  not  get 
out  immediately. 

"  Yes,  sir  ;  go  forward,  and  see  what  that  vessel  is." 

"  Aye,  aye,  sir,"  said  O'Brien.  "  And  Mr  Simple,"  con- 
tinued the  master,  "  go  down  and  bring  me  up  my  night- 
glass." 

"  Yes,  sir,"  replied  I.  I  had  no  idea  of  a  night-glass  » 
and  as  I  observed  that  about  this  time  his  servant  brought 
him  up  a  glass  of  grog,  I  thought  it  very  lucky  that  I 
knew  what  he  meant.  "  Take  care  that  you  don't  break 
it,  Mr  Simple.";  "  Oh,  then,  Fm  all  right,"  thought  I ; 
"  he  means  the  tumbler."  So  down  I  went,  called  up  the 
gunroom  steward,  and  desired  him  to  give  me  a  glass  of 
grog  for  Mr  Doball.  The  steward  tumbled  out  in  his 
shirt,  mixed  the  grog,  and  gave  it  to  me,  and  I  carried 
it  up  very  carefully  to  the  quarter-deck. 

During  my  absence,  the  master  had  called  the  captain, 
and  in  pursuance  of  his  orders,  O'Brien  had  called  the 
first  lieutenant,  and  when  I  came  up  the  ladder,  they  were 
both  on  deck.  As  I  was  ascending,  I  heard  the  master 
say,  "  I  have  sent  young  Simple  down  for  my  night-glass, 
but  he  is  so  long,  that  I  suppose  he  has  made  some  mistake. 
He's  but  half  a  fool."  "  That  I  deny,"  replied  Mr  Falcon, 
the  first  lieutenant,  just  as  I  put  my  foot  on  the  quarter- 
deck ;  "  he's  no  fool."  "  Perhaps  not,"  replied  the  master. 
"  Oh,  here  he  is.  What  made  you  so  long,  Mr  Simple — 
where  is  my  night-glass  ?  " 

"  Here  it  is,  sir,"  replied  I>  handing  him  the  tumbler 
of  grog  ;  "I  told  the  steward  to  make  it  stiiF."  The 
captain  and  the  first  lieutenant  burst  out  into  a  laugh — 
for  Mr  Doball  was  known  to  be  very  fond  of  grog  ;  the 
former  walked  aft  to  conceal  his  mirth  ;  but  the  latter 
remained.  Mr  Doball  was  in  a  great  rage.  "  Did  not  I 
say  that  the  boy  was  half  a  fool  ?  "  cried  he  to  the  first 
lieutenant.  "At  all  events,  I'll  not  allow  that  he  has 
proved  himself  so  in  this  instance,"  replied  Mr  Falcon, 
"  for  he  has  hit  the  right  nail  on  the  head."     Then  the 


86  Peter  Simple 

first  lieutenant  joined  the  captain,  and  they  both  went  off 
laughing.  "  Put  it  on  the  capstan,  sir,"  said  Mr  Doball 
to  me,  in  an  angry  voice.  "  I'll  punish  you  by-and-by." 
I  was  very  much  astonished  \  I  hardly  knew  whether  I 
had  done  right  or  wrong ;  at  all  events,  thought  I  to 
myself,  I  did  for  the  best;  so  I  put  it  on  the  capstan 
and  walked  to  my  own  side  of  the  deck.  The  captain 
and  first  lieutenant  then  went  below,  and  O'Brien  came 
aft.     "  What  vessel  is  it  ?  "  said  I. 

"  To  the  best  of  my  belief,  it's  one  of  your  bathing- 
machines  going  home  with  despatches,"  replied  he. 

"  A  bathing  machine,"  said  I  ;  "  why  I  thought  that 
they  were  hauled  up  on  the  beach." 

"  That's  the  Brighton  sort ;    but  these  are  made  not 
to  go  up  at  all." 
"What  then?" 

"Why,  to  go  down,  to  be  sure;  and  remarkably  well 
they  answer  their  purpose.  I  won't  puzzle  you  any  more, 
my  Peter  —  I'm  spaking  helligorically,  which  I  believe 
means  telling  a  hell  of  a  lie.  It's  one  of  your  ten-gun 
brigs,  to  the  best  of  my  knowledge." 

I  then  told  O'Brien  what  had  occurred,  and  how  the 
master  was  angry  with  me.  O'Brien  laughed  very  heartily, 
and  told  me  never  to  mind,  but  to  keep  in  the  lee-scuppers 
and  watch  him.  "  A  glass  of  grog  is  a  bait  that  he'll 
play  round  till  he  gorges.  When  you  see  it  to  his  lips, 
go  up  to  him  boldly,  and  ask  his  pardon,  if  you  have 
offended  him,  and  then,  if  he's  a  good  Christian,  as  I 
believe  him  to  be,  he'll  not  refuse  it." 

I  thought  this  was  very  good  advice,  and  I  waited  under 
the  bulwark  on  the  lee-side.  I  observed  that  the  master 
made  shorter  and  shorter  turns  every  time,  till  at  last  he 
stopped  at  the  capstan  and  looked  at  the  grog.  He  waited 
about  half  a  minute,  and  then  he  took  up  the  tumbler, 
and  drank  about  half  of  it.  It  was  very  strong,  and  he 
stopped  to  take  breath.  I  thought  this  was  the  right 
time,  and  I  went  up  to  him.  The  tumbler  was  again  to 
his  lips,  and  before  he  saw  me,  I  said,  "  I  hope,  sir,  you'll 


Peter  Simple  87 

forgive  me ;  I  never  heard  of  a  night  telescope,  and 
knowing  that  you  had  walked  so  long,  I  thought  you 
were  tired,  and  wanted  something  to  drink  to  refresh 
you."  "  Well,  Mr  Simple,"  said  he,  after  he  had  finished 
the  glass,  with  a  deep  sigh  of  pleasure,  "  as  you  meant 
kindly,  I  shall  let  you  off  this  time  ;  but  recollect,  that 
whenever  you  bring  me  a  glass  of  grog  again,  it  must 
not  be  in  the  presence  of  the  captain  or  first  lieutenant." 
I  promised  him  very  faithfully,  and  went  away  quite 
delighted  with  my  having  made  my  peace  with  him,  and 
more  so,  that  the  first  lieutenant  had  said  that  I  was  no 
fool  for  what  I  had  done. 

At  last  our  watch  was  over,  and  about  two  bells  I  was 
relieved  by  the  midshipmen  of  the  next  watch.  It  is 
very  unfair  not  to  relieve  in  time,  but  if  I  said  a  word 
I  was  certain  to  be  thrashed  the  next  day  upon  some 
pretence  or  other.  On  the  other  hand,  the  midshipman 
whom  I  relieved  was  also  much  bigger  than  I  was,  and 
if  I  was  not  up  before  one  bell,  I  was  cut  down  and 
thrashed  by  him  :  so  that  between  the  two  I  kept  much 
more  than  my  share  of  the  watch,  except  when  the  master 
sent  me  to  bed  before  it  was  over. 


Chapter  XIII 

The  first  lieutenant  prescribes  for  one  of  his  patients,  his  prescriptions  con- 
sisting of  draughts  only — O'Brien  finishes  the  history  of  his  life,  in  which 
the  proverb  of  "  the  morejthe  merrier  "  is  sadly  disproved — Shipping  a  new 
pair  of  boots  causes  the  unshipping  of  their  owner — Walking  home  after 
a  ball,  O'Brien  meets  with  an  accident. 

The  next  morning  I  was  on  deck  at  seven  bells,  to  see 
the  hammocks  stowed,  when  I  was  witness  to  Mr  Falcon, 
the  first  lieutenant,  having  recourse  to  one  of  his  remedies 
to  cure  a  mizen-top-boy  of  smoking,  a  practice  to  which 
he  had  a  great  aversion.  He  never  interfered  with  the 
men  smoking  in  the  galley,  or  chewing  tobacco  ;  bat  he 


88  Peter  Simple 

prevented  the  boys,  that  is,  lads  under  twenty  or  there- 
abouts, from  indulging  in  the  habit  too  early.  The  first 
lieutenant  smelt  the  tobacco  as  the  boy  passed  him  on 
the  quarter-deck.  "Why,  Neill,  you  have  been  smok- 
ing," said  the  first  lieutenant.  "I  thought  you  were 
aware  that  I  did  not  permit  such  lads  as  you  to  use 
tobacco." 

"  If  you  please,  sir,"  replied  the  mizen-top-man,  touching 
his  hat,  "I'se  got  worms,  and  they  say  that  smoking  be 
good  for  them." 

"  Good  for  them  !  "  said  the  first  lieutenant ;  "  yes,  very 
good  for  them,  but  very  bad  for  you.  Why,  my  good 
fellow,  they'll  thrive  upon  tobacco  until  they  grow  as  large 
as  conger  eels.  Heat  is  what  the  worms  are  fond  of;  but 
cold — cold  will  kill  them.  Now  I'll  cure  you.  Quarter- 
master, come  here.  Walk  this  boy  up  and  down  the 
weather-gangway,  and  every  time  you  get  forward  abreast 
of  the  main-tack  block,  put  his  mouth  to  windward, 
squeeze  him  sharp  by  the  nape  of  the  neck  until  he  opens 
his  mouth  wide,  and  there  keep  him  and  let  the  cold  air 
blow  down  his  throat,  while  you  count  ten  ;  then  walk  him 
aft,  and  when  you  are  forward  again,  proceed  as  before. — 
Cold  kills  worms,  my  poor  boy,  not  tobacco — I  wonder 
that  you  are  not  dead  by  this  time." 

The  quarter-master,  who  liked  the  joke,  as  did  all  the 
seamen,  seized  hold  of  the  lad,  and  as  soon  as  they  arrived 
forward,  gave  him  such  a  squeeze  of  the  neck  as  to  force 
him  to  open  his  mouth,  if  it  were  only  to  cry  with  pain. 
The  wind  was  very  fresh,  and  blew  into  his  mouth  so 
strong,  that  it  actually  whistled  while  he  was  forced  to 
keep  it  open ;  and  thus,  he  was  obliged  to  walk  up  and 
down,  cooling  his  inside,  for  nearly  two  hours,  when  the 
first  lieutenant  sent  for  him,  and  told  him,  that  he  thought 
all  the  worms  must  be  dead  by  that  time ;  but  if  they  were 
not,  the  lad  was  not  to  apply  his  own  remedies,  but  come 
to  him  for  another  dose.  However,  the  boy  was  of  the 
same  opinion  as  the  first  lieutenant,  and  never  complained 
of  worms  again. 


Peter  Simple  89 

A  few  nights  afterwards,  when  we  had  the  middle  watch, 
O'Brien  proceeded  with  his  story. 

"  Where  was  it  that  I  left  off? " 

"  You  left  off  at  the  time  that  you  were  taken  out  of 
confinement." 

"  So  I  did,  sure  enough ;  and  it  was  with  no  good-will 
that  I  went  to  my  duty.  However,  as  there  was  no  help 
for  it,  I  walked  up  and  down  the  deck  as  before,  with  my 
hands  in  my  pockets,  thinking  of  old  Ireland,  and  my  great 
ancestor,  Brien  Borru.  And  so  I  went  on  behaving  myself 
like  a  real  gentleman,  and  getting  into  no  more  scrapes, 
until  the  fleet  put  into  the  Cove  of  Cork,  and  I  found 
myself  within  a  few  miles  of  my  father's  house.  You  may 
suppose  that  the  anchor  had  hardly  kissed  the  mud,  before 
I  went  to  the  first  lieutenant,  and  asked  leave  to  go  on 
shore.  Now  the  first  lieutenant  was  not  in  the  sweetest 
of  tempers,  seeing  as  how  the  captain  had  been  hauling 
him  over  the  coals  for  not  carrying  on  the  duty  according 
to  his  satisfaction.  So  he  answered  me  very  gruffly,  that 
I  should  not  leave  the  ship.  *  Oh,  bother ! '  said  I  to 
myself,  '  this  will  never  do.'  So  up  I  walked  to  the 
captain,  and  touching  my  hat,  reminded  him  that  ' 1  had  a 
father  and  mother,  and  a  pretty  sprinkling  of  brothers  and 
sisters,  who  were  dying  to  see  me,  and  that  I  hoped  that 
he  would  give  me  leave.'  '  Ax  the  first  lieutenant,'  said 
he,  turning  away.  '  I  have,  sir,'  replied  I,  '  and  he  says 
that  the  devil  a  bit  shall  I  put  my  foot  on  shore.'  l  Then 
you  have  misbehaved  yourself,'  said  the  captain.  *  Not 
a  bit  of  it,  Captain  Willis,'  replied  I ;  '  it's  the  first 
lieutenant  who  has  misbehaved.'  '  How,  sir  ?  '  answered 
he,  in  an  angry  tone.  *  Why,  sir,  didn't  he  misbehave 
just  now  in  not  carrying  on  the  duty  according  to  your 
will  and  pleasure  ?  and  didn't  you  serve  him  out  just  as  he 
deserved — and  isn't  he  sulky  because  you  did — and  arn't 
that  the  reason  why  I  am  not  to  go  on  shore  ?  You  see, 
your  honour,  it's  all  true  as  I  said ;  and  the  first  lieutenant 
has  misbehaved  and  not  I.  I  hope  you  will  allow  me  to 
go  on  shore,   captain,   God   bless  you !    and   make  some 


90  Peter  Simple 

allowance  for  my  parental  feelings  towards  the  arthers  of 
my  existence.'  '  Have  you  any  fault  to  find  with  Mr 
O'Brien  ? '  said  the  captain  to  the  first  lieutenant,  as  he 
came  aft.  '  No  more  than  I  have  with  midshipmen  in 
general ;  but  I  believe  it  is  not  the  custom  for  officers  to 
ask  leave  to  go  on  shore  before  the  sails  are  furled  and 
the  yards  squared.'  '  Very  true,'  replied  the  captain ; 
'  therefore,  Mr  O'Brien,  you  must  wait  until  the  watch  is 
called,  and  then,  if  you  ask  the  first  lieutenant,  I  have  no 
doubt  but  you  will  have  leave  granted  to  you  to  go  and 
see  your  friends.'  *  Thank'e  kindly,  sir,'  replied  I ;  and  I 
hoped  that  the  yards  and  sails  would  be  finished  off  as  soon 
as  possible,  for  my  heart  was  in  my  mouth,  and  I  felt  that 
if  I  had  been  kept  much  longer,  it  would  have  flown  on 
shore  before  me. 

"  I  thought  myself  very  clever  in  this  business,  but  I 
was  never  a  greater  fool  in  my  life  ;  for  there  was  no 
such  hurry  to  have  gone  on  shore,  and  the  first  lieutenant 
never  forgave  me  for  appealing  to  the  captain — but  of  that 
by-and-by,  and  all  in  good  time.  At  last  I  obtained  a 
grumbling  assent  to  my  going  on  shore,  and  off  I  went 
like  a  sky-rocket.  Being  in  a  desperate  hurry,  I  hired 
a  jaunting-car  to  take  me  to  my  father's  house.  '  Is  it 
the  O'Brien  of  Ballyhinch  that  you  mane  ? '  inquired  the 
spalpeen  who  drove  the  horse.  'Sure  it  is,'  replied  1 5 
1  and  how  is  he,  and  all  the  noble  family  of  the  O'Briens  ? " 
'  All  well  enough,  bating  the  boy  Tim,  who  caught  a 
bit  of  confusion  in  his  head  the  other  night  at  the  fair, 
and  now  lies  at  home  in  bed  quite  insensible  to  mate  or 
drink ;  but  the  doctors  give  hopes  of  his  recovery,  as  all 
the  O'Briens  are  known  to  have  such  thick  heads.'  '  What 
do  you  mane  by  that,  bad  manners  to  you  ? '  said  I,  '  but 
poor  Tim — how  did  it  happen — was  there  a  fight  ? '  '  Not 
much  of  a  fight — only  a  bit  of  a  skrummage — three 
crowners'  inquests,  no  more.'  '  But  you  are  not  going 
the  straight  road,  you  thief,'  said  I,  seeing  that  he  had 
turned  off  to  the  left.  'I've  my  reasons  for  that, 
your  honour,'   replied  he;    'I  always   turn   away   from 


Peter  Simple  91 

the  Castle  out  of  principle — I  lost  a  friend  there,  and  it 
makes  me  melancholy.'  *  How  came  that  for  to  happen  ? ' 
1  All  by  accident,  your  honour ;  they  hung  my  poor 
brother  Patrick  there,  because  he  was  a  bad  hand  at 
arithmetic.,  *  He  should  have  gone  to  a  better  school 
then,'  said  I.  *  I've  an  idea  that  it  was  a  bad  school  that 
he  was  brought  up  in,'  replied  he,  with  a  sigh.  *  He 
was  a  cattle-dealer,  your  honour,  ajid  one  day,  somehow 
or  another,  he'd  a  cow  too  much — all  for  not  knowing  how 
to  count,  your  honour, — bad  luck  to  his  school-master.' 
'  All  that  may  be  very  true,'  said  I,  '  and  pace  be  to  his 
soul ;  but  I  don't  see  why  you  are  to  drag  me,  that's 
in  such  a  hurry,  two  miles  out  of  my  way,  out  of  prin- 
ciple.' '  Is  your  honour  in  a  hurry  to  get  home  ?  Then 
I'll  be  thinking  they'll  not  be  in  such  a  hurry  to  see  you.' 
*  And  who  told  you  that  my  name  was  O'Brien,  you 
baste  ? — and  do  you  dare  to  say  that  my  friends  won't 
be  glad  to  see  me  ? '  '  Plase  your  honour,  it's  all  an  idea 
of  mine — so  say  no  more  about  it.  Only  this  I  know : 
Father  M'Grath,  who  gives  me  absolution,  tould  me  the 
other  day  that  I  ought  to  pay  him,  and  not  run  in  debt, 
and  then  run  away  like  Terence  O'Brien,  who  went  to 
say  without  paying  for  his  shirts,  and  his  shoes,  and  his 
stockings,  nor  anything  else,  and  who  would  live  to  be 
hanged  as  sure  as  St  Patrick  swam  over  the  Liffey  with 
his  head  under  his  arm.'  '  Bad  luck  to  that  Father 
M'Grath,'  cried  I;  'devil  burn  me,  but  I'll  be  revenged 
upon  him  ! ' 

"  By  that  time  we  had  arrived  at  the  door  of  my  father's 
house.  I  paid  the  rapparee,  and  in  I  popped.  There  was 
my  father  and  mother,  and  all  my  brothers  and  sisters 
(bating  Tim,  who  was  in  bed  sure  enough,  and  died  next 
day),  and  that  baste  Father  M'Grath  to  boot.  When  my 
mother  saw  me  she  ran  to  me  and  hugged  me  as  she 
wept  on  my  neck,  and  then  she  wiped  her  eyes  and 
sat  down  again  ;  but  nobody  else  said  '  How  d'ye  do  ? ' 
or  opened  their  mouths  to  me.  I  said  to  myself,  '  Sure 
there's  some  trifling  mistake  here,'  but  I  held  my  tongue. 


92  Peter  Simple 

At  last  they  all  opened  their  mouths  with  a  vengeance. 
My  father  commenced — '  Ar'n't  you  ashamed  on  yourself, 
Terence  O'Brien  ? '  '  Ar'n't  you  ashamed  on  yourself, 
Terence  O'Brien?'  cried  Father  M'Grath.  'Ar'n't  you 
ashamed  on  yourself?'  cried  out  all  my  brothers  and 
sisters  in  full  chorus,  whilst  my  poor  mother  put  her 
apron  to  her  eyes  and  said  nothing.  '  The  devil  a  bit 
for  myself,  but  very  much  ashamed  for  you  all,'  replied 
I,  '  to  treat  me  in  this  manner.  What's  the  meaning  of 
all  this  ? '  '  Haven't  they  seized  my  two  cows  to  pay 
for  your  toggery,  you  spalpeen  ? '  cried  my  father. 
'  Haven't  they  taken  the  hay  to  pay  for  your  shoes  and 
stockings?'  cried  Father  M'Grath.  'Haven't  they  taken 
the  pig  to  pay  for  that  ugly  hat  of  yours  ? '  cried  my 
eldest  sister.  *  And  haven't  they  taken  my  hens  to  pay 
for  that  dirk  of  yours  ? '  cried  another.  '  And  all  our 
best  furniture  to  pay  for  your  white  shirts  and  black 
cravats  ? '  cried  Murdock,  my  brother.  '  And  haven't 
we  been  starved  to  death  ever  since  ? '  cried  they  all. 
'  Och  hone  ! '  said  my  mother.  '  The  devil  they  have  ! ' 
said  I,  when  they'd  all  done.  *  Sure  I'm  sorry  enough, 
but  it's  no  fault  of  mine.  Father,  didn't  you  send  me 
to  say  ? '  '  Yes,  you  rapparee  ;  but  didn't  you  promise — 
or  didn't  I  promise  for  you,  which  is  all  one  and  the 
same  thing — that  you'd  pay  at  all  back  with  your  prize- 
money — and  where  is  it  ?  answer  that,  Terence  O'Brien.* 
'  Where  is  it,  father  ?  I'll  tell  you ;  it's  where  next 
Christmas  is — coming,  but  not  come  yet.'  '  Spake  to 
him,  Father  M'Grath,'  said  my  father.  '  Is  not  that 
a  lie  of  yours,  Terence  O'Brien,  that  you're  after  telling 
now?'  said  Father  M'Grath}  'give  me  the  money.' 
'  It's  no  lie,  Father  M'Grath ;  if  it  pleased  you  to  die 
to-morrow,  the  devil  of  a  shilling  have  I  to  jingle  on 
your  tombstone  for  good  luck,  bating  those  three  or 
four,  which  you  may  divide  between  you,  and  I  threw 
them  on  the  floor. 

"  'Terence  O'Brien,'  said  Father  M'Grath,  'its  absolu- 
tion that  you'll  be  wanting  to-morrow,  after  all  your  sins 


mm 


Peter  Simple  93 

and  enormities ;  and  the  devil  a  bit  shall  you  have — take 
that  now.' 

"  *  Father  M'Grath,'  replied  I  very  angrily,  '  it's  no 
absolution  that  I'll  want  from  you,  any  how — take  that 
now.' 

"  '  Then  you  have  had  your  share  of  heaven  ;  for  I'll 
keep  you  out  of  it,  you  wicked  monster,'  said  Father 
M'Grath — '  take  that  now.' 

"  '  If  it's  no  better  than  a  midshipman's  berth,'  replied 
I,  '  I'd  just  as  soon  stay  out ;  but  I'll  creep  in  in  spite  of 
you — take  that  now,  Father  M'Grath.' 

" '  And  who's  to  save  your  soul,  and  send  you  to 
heaven,  if  I  don't,  you  wicked  wretch  ?  but  I'll  see  you 
d — d  first — so  take  that  now,  Terence  O'Brien.' 

"  '  Then  I'U  turn  Protestant,  and  damn  the  Pope — take 
that  now,  Father  M'Grath.' 

"  At  this  last  broadside  of  mine,  my  father  and  all  my 
brothers  and  sisters  raised  a  cry  of  horror,  and  my  mother 
burst  into  tears.  Father  M'Grath  seized  hold  of  the  pot 
of  holy  water,  and  dipping  in  the  little  whisk,  began  to 
sprinkle  the  room,  saying  a  Latin  prayer,  while  they  all 
went  on  squalling  at  me.  At  last,  my  father  seized  the 
stool,  which  he  had  been  seated  upon,  and  threw  it  at  my 
head.  I  dodged,  and  it  knocked  down  Father  M'Grath, 
who  had  just  walked  behind  me  in  full  song.  I  knew  that 
it  was  all  over  after  that,  so  I  sprang  over  his  carcass,  and 
gained  the  door.  '  Good  morning  to  ye  all,  and  better 
manners  to  you  next  time  we  meet,'  cried  I,  and  off  I  set 
as  fast  as  I  could  for  the  ship. 

"  I  was  melancholy  enough  as  I  walked  back,  and 
thought  of  what  had  passed.  '  I  need  not  have  been  in 
such  a  confounded  hurry,'  said  I  to  myself,  '  to  ask  leave, 
thereby  affronting  the  first  lieutenant  j '  and  I  was  very 
sorry  for  what  I  had  said  to  the  priest,  for  my  conscience 
thumped  me  very  hard  at  having  even  pretended  that  I'd 
turn  Protestant,  which  I  never  intended  to  do,  nor  never 
will,  but  live  and  die  a  good  Catholic,  as  all  my  posterity 
have  done  before  me,  and,  as  I  trust,  all  my  ancestors  will 


94  Peter  Simple 

for  generations  to  come.  "Well,  I  arrived  on  board,  and  the 
first  lieutenant  was  very  savage.  I  hoped  he  would  get 
over  it,  but  he  never  did  ;  and  he  continued  to  treat  me  so 
ill  that  I  determined  to  quit  the  ship,  which  I  did  as  soon 
as  we  arrived  in  Cawsand  Bay.  The  captain  allowed  me 
to  go,  for  I  told  him  the  whole  truth  of  the  matter,  and 
he  saw  that  it  was  true ;  so  he  recommended  me  to  the 
captain  of  a  jackass  frigate,  who  was  in  want  of  mid- 
shipmen." 

"  What  do  yon  mean  by  a  jackass  frigate  ?  "  inquired  I. 

"I  mean  one  of  your  twenty-eight  gun-ships,  so  called, 
because  there  is  as  much  difference  between  them  and  a 
real  frigate,  like  the  one  we  are  sailing  in,  as  there  is 
between  a  donkey  and  a  racehorse.  Well,  the  ship  was 
no  sooner  brought  down  to  the  dock-yard  to  have  her 
ballast  taken  in,  than  our  captain  came  down  to  her — a 
little,  thin,  spare  man,  but  a  man  of  weight  nevertheless, 
for  he  brought  a  great  pair  of  scales  with  him,  and 
weighed  everything  that  was  put  on  board.  I  forget  his 
real  name,  but  the  sailors  christened  him  Captain  Avoirdu- 
pois. He  had  a  large  book,  and  in  it  he  inserted  the  weight 
of  the  ballast,  and  of  the  shot,  water,  provisions,  coals, 
standing  and  running  rigging,  cables,  and  everything  else. 
Then  he  weighed  all  the  men,  and  all  the  midshipmen,  and 
all  the  midshipmen's  chests,  and  all  the  officers,  with  every- 
thing belonging  to  them  :  lastly,  he  weighed  himself,  which 
did  not  add  much  to  the  sum  total.  I  don't  exactly  know 
what  this  was  for ;  but  he  was  always  talking  about 
centres  of  gravity,  displacement  of  fluid,  and  Lord  knows 
what.  I  believe  it  was  to  find  out  the  longitude,  somehow 
or  other,  but  I  didn't  remain  long  enough  in  her  to  know 
the  end  of  it,  for  one  day  I  brought  on  board  a  pair  of  new 
boots,  which  I  forgot  to  report  that  they  might  be  put 
into  the  scales,  which  swang  on  the  gangway  ;  and  whether 
the  captain  thought  that  they  would  sink  his  ship,  or  for 
what  I  can  not  tell,  but  he  ordered  me  to  quit  her  immedi- 
ately— so,  there  I  was  adrift  again.  I  packed  up  my  traps 
and  went   on  shore,  putting  on  my  new  boots  out  of  spite, 


Peter  Simple  95 

and  trod  into  all  the  mud  and  mire  I  could  meet,  and 
walked  up  and  down  from  Plymouth  to  Dock  until  I  was 
tired,  as  a  punishment  to  them,  until  I  wore  the  scoundrels 
out  in  a  fortnight. 

"  One  day  I  was  in  the  dockyard,  looking  at  a  two- 
decker  in  the  basin,  just  brought  forward  for  service,  and 
I  inquired  who  was  to  be  the  captain.  They  told  me  that 
his  name  was  O'Connor.  Then's  he's  a  countryman  of 
mine,  thought  I,  and  I'll  try  my  luck.  So  I  called  at 
Goud's  Hotel,  where  he  was  lodging,  and  requested  to 
speak  with  him.  I  was  admitted,  and  I  told  him,  with  my 
best  bow,  that  I  had  come  as  a  volunteer  for  his  ship,  and 
that  my  name  was  O'Brien.  As  it  happened,  he  had  some 
vacancies,  and  liking  my  brogue,  he  asked  me  in  what  ships 
I  had  served.  I  told  him,  and  also  my  reason  for  quitting 
my  last — which  was,  because  I  was  turned  out  of  it.  I 
explained  the  story  of  the  boots,  and  he  made  inquiries, 
and  found  that  it  was  all  true ;  and  then  he  gave  me  a 
vacancy  as  master's  mate.  We  were  ordered  to  South 
America,  and  the  trade  winds  took  us  there  in  a  jiffey.  I 
liked  my  captain  and  officers  very  much;  and  what  was 
better,  we  took  some  good  prizes.  But  somehow  or  other, 
I  never  had  the  luck  to  remain  long  in  one  ship,  and  that 
by  no  fault  of  mine ;  at  least,  not  in  this  instance.  All 
went  on  as  smooth  as  possible,  until  one  day  the  captain 
took  us  on  shore  to  a  ball,  at  one  of  the  peaceable  districts. 
We  had  a  very  merry  night  of  it ;  but  as  luck  would  have 
it,  I  had  the  morning  watch  to  keep,  and  see  the  decks 
cleaned,  and  as  I  never  neglected  my  duty,  I  set  off  about 
three  o'clock  in  the  morning,  just  at  break  of  day,  to  go 
on  board  of  the  ship.  I  was  walking  along  the  sands, 
thinking  of  the  pretty  girl  that  I'd  been  dancing  with,  and 
had  got  about  half  way  to  the  ship,  when  three  rapparees 
of  Spanish  soldiers  came  from  behind  a  rock  and  attacked 
me  with  their  swords  and  bayonets.  I  had  only  my  dirk, 
but  I  was  not  to  be  run  through  for  nothing,  so  I  fought 
them  as  long  as  I  could.  I  finished  one  fellow,  but  at  last 
they  finished  me ;  for  a  bayonet  passed  through  my  body, 


g6  Peter  Simple 

and  I  forgot  all  about  it.  Well,  it  appears — for  I  can  only- 
say  to  the  best  of  my  knowledge  and  belief — that  after 
they  had  killed  me,  they  stripped  me  naked  and  buried  me 
in  the  sand,  carrying  away  with  them  the  body  of  their 
comrade.     So  there  I  was — dead  and  buried." 

"  But,  O'Brien,"  said  I 

"Whist — hold  your  tongue — you've  not  heard  the  end 
of  it.  Well,  I  had  been  buried  about  an  hour — but  not 
very  deep  it  appears,  for  they  were  in  too  great  a  hurry — 
when  a  fisherman  and  his  daughter  came  along  the  beach, 
on  their  way  to  the  boat ;  and  the  daughter,  God  bless 
her !  did  me  the  favour  to,  tread  upon  my  nose.  It  was 
clear  that  she  had  never  trod  upon  an  Irishman's  nose 
before,  for  it  surprised  her,  and  she  looked  down  to  see 
what  was  there,  and  not  seeing  anything,  she  tried  it  again 
with  her  foot,  and  then  she  scraped  off  the  sand,  and 
discovered  my  pretty  face..  I  was  quite  warm  and  still 
breathing,  for  the  sand  had  stopped  the  blood,  and  pre- 
vented my  bleeding  to  death.  The  fisherman  pulled  me 
out,  and  took  me  on  his  back  to  the  house  where  the 
captain  and  officers  were  still  dancing.  When  he  brought 
me  in,  there  was  a  great  cry  from  the  ladies,  not  because 
I  was  murdered,  for  they  are  used  to  it  in  those  countries, 
but  because  I  was  naked,  which  they  considered  a  much 
more  serious  affair.  I  was  put  to  bed  and  a  boat  de- 
spatched on  board  for  our  doctor  ;  and  in  a  few  hours  I  was 
able  to  speak,  and  tell  them  how  it  happened.  But  I  was 
too  ill  to  move  when  the  ship  sailed,  which  she  was  obliged 
to  do  in  a  day  or  two  afterwards,  so  the  captain  made  out 
my  discharge,  and  left  me  there.  The  family  were  French, 
and  I  remained  with  them  for  six  months  before  I  could 
obtain  a  passage  home,  during  which  I  learnt  their  language, 
and  a  very  fair  allowance  of  Spanish  to  boot.  When  I 
arrived  in  England,  I  found  that  the  prizes  had  been  sold, 
and  that  the  money  was  ready  for  distribution.  I  produced 
my  certificate,  and  received  ^167  for  my  share.  So  it's 
come  at  last,  thought  I. 

"  I  never  had  such  a  handful  of  money  in  my  life ;  but 


Peter  Simple  97 

I  hope  I  shall  again  very  soon.  I  spread  it  out  on  the 
table  as  soon  as  I  got  home,  and  looked  at  it,  and  then  I 
said  to  myself,  *  Now,  Terence  O'Brien,  will  you  keep  this 
money  to  yourself,  or  send  it  home  ? '  Then  I  thought  of 
Father  M'Grath,  and  the  stool  that  was  thrown  at  my 
head,  and  I  was  very  near  sweeping  it  all  back  into  my 
pocket.  But  then  I  thought  of  my  mother,  and  of  the 
cows,  and  the  pig,  and  the  furniture,  all  gone ;  and  of  my 
brothers  and  sisters  wanting  praties,  and  I  made  a  vow 
that  I'd  send  every  farthing  of  it  to  them,  after  which 
Father  M'Grath  would  no  longer  think  of  not  giving  me 
absolution.  So  I  sent  them  every  doit,  only  reserving  for 
myself  the  pay  which  I  had  received,  amounting  to  about 
^30 :  and  I  never  felt  more  happy  in  my  life  than  when  it 
was  safe  in  the  post-office,  and  fairly  out  of  my  hands.  I 
wrote  a  bit  of  a  letter  to  my  father  at  the  time,  which  was 
to  this  purpose  : — 

"  '  Honoured  Father, — Since  our  last  pleasant  meeting, 
at  which  you  threw  the  stool  at  my  head,  missing  the 
pigeon  and  hitting  the  crow,  I  have  been  dead  and  buried, 
but  am  now  quite  well,  thank  God,  and  want  no  absolu- 
tion from  Father  M'Grath,  bad  luck  to  him.  And  what's 
more  to  the  point,  I  have  just  received  a  batch  of  prize- 
money,  the  first  I  have  handled  since  I  have  served  his 
Majesty,  and  every  farthing  of  which  I  now  send  to  you, 
that  you  may  get  back  your  old  cows,  and  the  pig,  and 
all  the  rest  of  the  articles  seized  to  pay  for  my  fitting  out ; 
so  never  again  ask  me  whether  I  am  not  ashamed  of  my- 
self j  more  shame  to  you  for  abusing  a  dutiful  son  like 
myself,  who  went  to  sea  at  your  bidding,  and  has  never 
had  a  real  good  potato  down  his  throat  ever  since.  I'm 
a  true  O'Brien,  tell  my  mother,  and  don't  mane  to  turn 
Protestant,  but  uphold  the  religion  of  my  country  ;  although 
the  devil  may  take  Father  M'Grath  and  his  holy  water 
to  boot.  I  sha'n't  come  and  see  you,  as  perhaps  you  may 
have  another  stool  ready  for  my  head,  and  may  take  better 
aim  next  time.  So  no  more  at  present  from  your  affec- 
tionate son,  '  Terence  O'Brien.' 

G 


98  Peter  Simple 

"  About  three  weeks  afterwards  I  received  a  letter  from 
my  father,  telling  me  that  I  was  a  real  O'Brien,  and  that 
if  any  one  dared  hint  to  the  contrary,  he  would  break 
every  bone  in  his  body  ;  that  they  had  received  the  money, 
and  thanked  me  for  a  real  gentleman  as  I  was ;  that  I 
should  have  the  best  stool  in  the  house  next  time  I  came, 
not  for  my  head,  but  for  my  tail  5  that  Father  M'Grath 
sent  me  his  blessing,  and  had  given  me  absolution  for  all 
I  had  done,  or  should  do  for  the  next  ten  years  to  come ; 
that  my  mother  had  cried  with  joy  at  my  dutiful  behaviour  ; 
and  that  all  my  brothers  and  sisters  (bating  Tim,  who 
had  died  the  day  after  I  left  them)  wished  me  good  luck, 
and  plenty  more  prize-money  to  send  home  to  them. 

"  This  was  all  very  pleasant ;  and  I  had  nothing  left  on 
my  mind  but  to  get  another  ship ;  so  I  went  to  the  port- 
admiral,  and  told  him  how  it  was  that  I  left  my  last :  and 
he  said,  '  that  being  dead  and  buried  was  quite  sufficient 
reason  for  any  one  leaving  his  ship,  and  that  he  would  procure 
me  another,  now  that  I  had  come  to  life  again.'  I  was 
sent  on  board  of  the  guard-ship,  where  I  remained  about 
ten  days,  and  then  was  sent  round  to  join  this  frigate — 
and  so  my  story's  ended ;  and  there's  eight  bells  striking — 
so  the  watch  is  ended  too ;  jump  down,  Peter,  and  call 
Robinson,  and  tell  him  that  I'll  trouble  him  to  forget  to 
go  to  sleep  again  as  he  did  last  time,  and  leave  me  here 
kicking  my  heels,  contrary  to  the  rules  and  regulations  of. 
the  service." 

Chapter  XIV 

The  first  lieutenant  has  more  patients — Mr  Chucks  the  Boatswain,  lets  me 
into  the  secret  of  his  gentility. 

Before  I  proceed  with  my  narrative,  I  wish  to  explain  to 
the  reader  that  my  history  was  not  written  in  after-life, 
when  I  had  obtained  a  greater  knowledge  of  the  world. 
"When  I  first  went  to  sea,  I  promised  my  mother  that  I 
would  keep  a  journal  of  what  passed,  with  my  reflections 


Peter  Simple  99 

upon  it.  To  this  promise  I  rigidly  adhered,  and  since  I 
have  been  my  own  master,  these  journals  have  remained 
in  my  possession.  In  writing,  therefore,  the  early  part 
of  my  adventures,  everything  is  stated  as  it  was  impressed 
on  my  mind  at  the  time.  Upon  many  points  I  have  since 
had  reason  to  form  a  different  opinion  from  that  which 
is  recorded,  and  upon  many  others  I  have  since  laughed 
heartily  at  my  folly  and  simplicity;  but  still,  I  have 
thought  it  advisable  to  let  the  ideas  of  the  period  remain, 
rather  than  correct  them  by  those  of  dear-bought  ex- 
perience. A  boy  of  fifteen,  brought  up  in  a  secluded 
country  town,  cannot  be  expected  to  reason  and  judge 
as  a  young  man  who  has  seen  much  of  life,  and  passed 
through  a  variety  of  adventures.  The  reader  must  there- 
fore remember,  that  I  have  referred  to  my  journal  for 
the  opinions  and  feelings  which  guided  me  between  each 
distinct  anniversary  of  my  existence. 

We  had  now  been  cruising  for  six  weeks,  and  I  found 
that  my  profession  was  much  more  agreeable  than  I  had 
anticipated.  My  desire  to  please  was  taken  for  the  deed ; 
and,  although  I  occasionally  made  a  blunder,  yet  the 
captain  and  first  lieutenant  seemed  to  think  that  I  was 
attentive  to  my  duty  to  the  best  of  my  ability,  and  only 
smiled  at  my  mistakes.  I  also  discovered,  that,  however 
my  natural  capacity  may  have  been  estimated  by  my  family, 
that  it  was  not  so  depreciated  here  ;  and  every  day  I  felt  more 
confidence  in  myself,  and  hoped,  by  attention  and  diligence, 
to  make  up  for  a  want  of  natural  endowment.  There 
certainly  is  something  in  the  life  of  a  sailor  which  enlarges 
the  mind.  When  I  was  at  home  six  months  before,  I 
allowed  other  people  to  think  for  me,  and  acted  wholly 
on  the  leading-strings  of  their  suggestions ;  on  board, 
to  the  best  of  my  ability,  I  thought  for  myself.  I  became 
happy  with  my  messmates — those  who  were  harsh  upon 
me  left  off,  because  I  never  resented  their  conduct,  and 
those  who  were  kind  to  me  were  even  kinder  than  before. 
The  time  flew  away  quickly,  I  suppose,  because  I  knew 
exactly  what  I  had  to  do,  and  each  day  was  the  forerunner 


ioo  Peter  Simple 

of  the  ensuing.  The  first  lieutenant  was  one  of  the 
most  amusing  men  I  ever  knew,  yet  he  never  relaxed 
from  the  discipline  of  the  service,  or  took  the  least  liberty 
with  either  his  superiors  or  inferiors.  His  humour  was 
principally  shown  in  his  various  modes  of  punishment ; 
and,  however  severe  the  punishment  was  to  the  party, 
the  manner  of  inflicting  it  was  invariably  a  source  of 
amusement  to  the  remainder  of  the  ship's  company.  I 
often  thought,  that  although  no  individual  liked  being 
punished,  yet,  that  all  the  ship's  company  were  quite 
pleased  when  a  punishment  took  place.  He  was  very 
particular  about  his  decks ;  they  were  always  as  white 
as  snow,  and  nothing  displeased  him  so  much  as  their 
being  soiled.  It  was  for  that  reason  that  he  had  such 
an  objection  to  the  use  of  tobacco.  There  were  spitting- 
pans  placed  in  different  parts  of  the  decks  for  the  use  of 
the  men,  that  they  might  not  dirty  the  planks  with  the 
tobacco-juice.  Sometimes  a  man  in  his  hurry  forgot  to 
use  these  pans,  but,  as  the  mess  to  which  the  stain  might 
be  opposite  had  their  grog  stopped  if  the  party  were  not 
found  out,  they  took  good  care  not  only  to  keep  a  look- 
out, but  to  inform  against  the  offender.  Now  the  punish- 
ment for  the  offence  was  as  follows — the  man's  hands 
were  tied  behind  his  back,  and  a  large  tin  spitting-box 
fixed  to  his  chest  by  a  strap  over  the  shoulders.  All  the 
other  boxes  on  the  lower  deck  were  taken  away,  and  he 
was  obliged  to  walk  there,  ready  to  attend  the  summons 
of  any  man  who  might  wish  to  empty  his  mouth  of  the 
tobacco-juice.  The  other  men  were  so  pleased  at  the 
fancy,  that  they  spat  twice  as  much  as  before,  for  the 
pleasure  of  making  him  run  about.  Mr  Chucks,  the 
boatswain,  called  it  "  the  first  lieutenant's  perambulating 
spitting-pan."  He  observed  to  me  one  day,  "  that  really 
Mr  Falcon  was  such  an  epicure  about  his  decks,  that  he 
was  afraid  to  pudding  an  anchor  on  the  forecastle." 

I  was  much  amused  one  morning  watch  that  I  kept. 
We  were  stowing  the  hammocks  in  the  quarter-deck 
nettings,  when  one  of  the  boys  came  up  with  his  hammock 


Peter  Simple  ioi 

on  his  shoulder,  and  as  he  passed  the  first  lieutenant, 
the  latter  perceived  that  he  had  a  quid  of  tobacco  in  his 
cheek.  "What  have  you  got  there,  my  good  lad — a 
gum-boil? — your  cheek  is  very  much  swelled."  "No, 
sir,"  replied  the  boy,  "  there's  nothing  at  all  the  matter." 
"  O  there  must  be ;  it  is  a  bad  tooth,  then.  Open 
your  mouth,  and  let  me  see."  Very  reluctantly  the  boy 
opened  his  mouth,  and  discovered  a  large  roll  of  tobacco- 
leaf.  "  I  see,  I  see,"  said  the  first  lieutenant,  "  your 
mouth  wants  overhauling,  and  your  teeth  cleaning.  I 
wish  we  had  a  dentist  on  board ;  but  as  we  have  not, 
I  will  operate  as  well  as  I  can.  Send  the  armourer  up 
here  with  his  tongs."  When  the  armourer  made  his 
appearance,  the  boy  was  made  to  open  his  mouth,  while 
the  chaw  of  tobacco  was  extracted  with  his  rough  instru- 
ment. "  There  now,"  said  the  first  lieutenant,  "  I'm 
sure  that  you  must  feel  better  already ;  you  never  could 
have  had  any  appetite.  Now,  captain  of  the  afterguard, 
bring  a  piece  of  old  canvas  and  some  sand  here,  and  clean 
his  teeth  nicely."  The  captain  of  the  afterguard  came 
forward,  and  putting  the  boy's  head  between  his  knees, 
scrubbed  his  teeth  well  with  the  sand  and  canvas  for 
two  or  three  minutes.  "There,  that  will  do,"  said  the 
first  lieutenant.  "Now,  my  little  fellow,  your  mouth 
is  nice  and  clean,  and  you'll  enjoy  your  breakfast.  It 
was  impossible  for  you  to  have  eaten  anything  with  your 
mouth  in  such  a  nasty  state.  When  it's  dirty  again,  come 
to  me,  and  I'll  be  your  dentist." 

One  day  I  was  on  the  forecastle  with  Mr  Chucks,  the 
boatswain,  who  was  very  kind  to  me.  He  had  been 
showing  me  how  to  make  the  various  knots  and  bends 
of  rope  which  are  used  in  our  service.  I  am  afraid  that 
I  was  very  stupid,  but  he  showed  me  over  and  over  again, 
until  I  learnt  how  to  make  them.  Amongst  others,  he 
taught  me  a  fisherman's  bend,  which  he  pronounced  to 
be  the  king  of  all  knots ;  "  and,  Mr  Simple,"  continued 
he,  "  there  is  a  moral  in  that  knot.  You  observe,  that 
when  the  parts  are  drawn  the  right  way,  and  together, 


102  Peter  Simple 

the  more  you  pull  the  faster  they  hold,  and  the  more 
impossible  to  untie  them ;  but  see,  by  hauling  them  apart, 
how  a  little  difference,  a  pull  the  other  way,  immediately 
disunites  them,  and  then  how  easy  they  cast  off  in  a 
moment.  That  points  out  the  necessity  of  pulling  to- 
gether in  this  world,  Mr  Simple,  when  we  wish  to  hold 
on,  and  that's  a  piece  of  philosophy  worth  all  the  twenty- 
six  thousand  and  odd  years  of  my  friend  the  carpenter, 
which  leads  to  nothing  but  a  brown  study,  when  he 
ought  to  be  attending  to  his  duty." 

"  Very  true,  Mr  Chucks,  you  are  the  better  philo- 
sopher of  the  two." 

"I  am  the  better  educated,  Mr  Simple,  and  I  trust, 
more  of  a  gentleman.  I  consider  a  gentleman  to  be,  to  a 
certain  degree,  a  philosopher,  for  very  often  he  is  obliged, 
to  support  his  character  as  such,  to  put  up  with  what 
another  person  may  very  properly  fly  in  a  passion  about. 
I  think  coolness  is  the  great  character-stick  of  a  gentleman. 
In  the  service,  Mr  Simple,  one  is  obliged  to  appear  angry 
without  indulging  the  sentiment.  I  can  assure  you,  that 
I  never  lose  my  temper,  even  when  I  use  my  rattan." 

"  Why,  then,  Mr  Chucks,  do  you  swear  so  much  at  the 
men  ?     Surely  that  is  not  gentlemanly  ?  " 

"Most  certainly  not,  sir.  But  I  must  defend  myself 
by  observing  the  very  artificial  state  in  which  we  live  on 
board  of  a  man-of-war.  Necessity,  my  dear  Mr  Simple, 
has  no  law.  You  must  observe  how  gently  I  always 
commence  when  I  have  to  find  fault.  I  do  that  to  prove 
my  gentility  ;  but,  sir,  my  zeal  for  the  service  obliges  me 
to  alter  my  language,  to  prove  in  the  end  that  I  am  in 
earnest.  Nothing  would  afford  me  more  pleasure  than  to 
be  able  to  carry  on  the  duty  as  a  gentleman,  but  that's 
impossible." 

"  I  really  cannot  see  why." 

"Perhaps,  then,  Mr  Simple,  you  will  explain  to  me  why 
the  captain  and  first  lieutenant  swear." 

"  That  I  do  not  pretend  to  answer,  but  they  only  do 
so  upon  an  emergency." 


Peter  Simple  IC3 

"  Exactly  so ;  but,  sir,  their  'mergency  is  my  daily  and 
hourly  duty.  In  the  continual  working  of  the  ship  I  am 
answerable  for  all  that  goes  amiss.  The  life  of  a  boat- 
swain is  a  life  of  'mergency,  and  therefore  I  swear." 

"  I  still  cannot  allow  it  to  be  requisite,  and  certainly  it 
is  sinful." 

"  Excuse  me,  my  dear  sir ;  it  is  absolutely  requisite, 
and  not  at  all  sinful.  There  is  one  language  for  the 
pulpit,  and  another  for  on  board  ship,  and,  in  either  situa- 
tion, a  man  must  make  use  of  those  terms  most  likely  to 
produce  the  necessary  effect  upon  his  listeners.  "Whether 
it  is  from  long  custom  of  the  service,  or  from  the  indiffer- 
ence of  a  sailor  to  all  common  things  and  language  (I  can't 
exactly  explain  myself,  Mr  Simple,  but  I  know  what  I 
mean),  perhaps  constant  excitement  may  do,  and  therefore 
he  requires  more  '  stimilis,'  as  they  call  it,  to  make  him 
move.  Certain  it  is,  that  common  parlancy  won't  do  with 
a  common  seaman.  It  is  not  here  as  in  the  scriptures, 
'Do  this,  and  he  doeth  it'  (by  the  bye,  that  chap  must 
have  had  his  soldiers  in  tight  order) ;  but  it  is,  *  Do  this, 
d — n  your  eyes,'  and  then  it  is  done  directly.  The  order 
to  do  just  carries  the  weight  of  a  cannon-shot,  but  it  wants 
the  perpelling  power — the  d — n  is  the  gunpowder  which 
sets  it  flying  in  the  execution  of  its  duty.  Do  you  com- 
prehend me,  Mr  Simple  ?  " 

"I  perfectly  understand  you,  Mr  Chucks,  and  I  cannot 
help  remarking,  and  that  without  flattery,  that  you  are 
very  different  from  the  rest  of  the  warrant  officers. 
Where  did  you  receive  your  education  ?  " 

"  Mr  Simple,  I  am  here  a  boatswain  with  a  clean  shirt, 
and,  I  say  it  myself,  and  no  one  dare  gainsay  it,  also  with 
a  thorough  knowledge  of  my  duty.  But  although  I  do 
not  say  that  I  ever  was  better  off,  I  can  say  this,  that  I've 
been  in  the  best  society,  in  the  company  of  lords  and  ladies. 
I  once  dined  with  your  grandfather." 

"  That's  more  than  ever  I  did,  for  he  never  asked  me, 
nor  took  the  least  notice  of  me,"  replied  I. 

"What  I  state  is  true.     I  did  not  know  that  he  was 


104  Peter  Simple 

your  grandfather  until  yesterday,  when  I  was  talking  with 
Mr  O'Brien ;  but  I  perfectly  recollect  him,  although  I  was 
very  young  at  that  time.  Now,  Mr  Simple,  if  you  will 
promise  me  as  a  gentleman  (and  I  know  you  are  one),  that 
you  will  not  repeat  what  I  tell  you,  then  I'll  let  you  into 
the  history  of  my  life." 

"  Mr  Chucks,  as  I  am  a  gentleman  I  never  will  divulge 
it  until  you  are  dead  and  buried,  and  not  then  if  you  do 
not  wish  it." 

"When  I  am  dead  and  buried,  you  may  do  as  you  please; 
it  may  then  be  of  service  to  other  people,  although  my 
story  is  not  a  very  long  one." 

Mr  Chucks  then  sat  down  upon  the  fore-end  of  the 
booms  by  the  funnel,  and  I  took  my  place  by  his  side, 
when  he  commenced  as  follows  : — 

"  My  father  was  a  boatswain  before  me — one  of  the  old 
school,  rough  as  a  bear,  and  drunken  as  a  Gosport  fiddler. 
My  mother  was — my  mother,  and  I  shall  say  no  more. 
My  father  was  invalided  for  harbour  duty  after  a  life  of 
intoxication,  and  died  shortly  afterwards.  In  the  mean- 
time I  had  been,  by  the  kindness  of  the  port-admiral's  wife, 
educated  at  a  foundation  school.  I  was  thirteen  when  my 
father  died,  and  my  mother,  not  knowing  what  to  do  with 
me,  wished  to  bind  me  apprentice  to  a  merchant  vessel ; 
but  this  I  refused,  and,  after  six  months'  quarrelling  on 
the  subject,  I  decided  the  point  by  volunteering  in  the 
Narcissus  frigate.  I  believe  that  my  gentlemanly  ideas 
were  innate,  Mr  Simple  ;  I  never,  as  a  child,  could  bear 
the  idea  of  the  merchant  service.  After  I  had  been  a 
week  on  board,  I  was  appointed  servant  to  the  purser, 
where  I  gave  such  satisfaction  by  my  alertness  and 
dexterity,  that  the  first  lieutenant  took  me  away  from  the 
purser  to  attend  upon  himself,  so  that  in  two  months  I 
was  a  person  of  such  consequence  as  to  create  a  disturb- 
ance in  the  gunroom,  for  the  purser  was  very  angry,  and 
many  of  the  officers  took  his  part.  It  was  whispered  that 
I  was  the  son  of  the  first  lieutenant,  and  that  he  was 
aware  of  it.     How  far  that  may  be  true  I  know  not,  but 


Peter  Simple  105 

there  was  a  likeness  between  us ;  and  my  mother,  who 
was  a  very  pretty  woman,  attended  his  ship  many  years 
before  as  a  bumboat  girl.  I  can't  pretend  to  say  anything 
about  it,  but  this  I  do  say,  Mr  Simple — and  many  will 
blame  me  for  it,  but  I  can't  help  my  natural  feelings — that 
I  had  rather  be  the  bye-blow  of  a  gentleman,  than  the 
'gitimate  offspring  of  a  boatswain  and  his  wife.  There's 
no  chance  of  good  blood  in  your  veins  in  the  latter  instance, 
whereas,  in  the  former  you  may  have  stolen  a  drop  or  two. 
It  so  happened,  that  after  I  had  served  the  first  lieutenant 
for  about  a  year,  a  young  lord  (I  must  not  mention  his 
name,  Mr  Simple)  was  sent  to  sea  by  his  friends,  or  by 
his  own  choice,  I  don't  know  which,  but  I  was  told  that 
his  uncle,  who  was  'zeckative,  and  had  an  interest  in  his 
death,  persuaded  him  to  go.  A  lord  at  that  period,  some 
twenty-five  years  ago,  was  a  rarity  in  the  service,  and 
they  used  to  salute  him  when  he  came  on  board.  The 
consequence  was,  that  the  young  lord  must  have  a  servant 
to  himself,  although  all  the  rest  of  the  midshipmen  had 
but  one  servant  between  them.  The  captain  inquired  who 
was  the  best  boy  in  the  ship,  and  the  purser,  to  whom  he 
appealed,  recommended  me.  Accordingly,  much  to  the 
annoyance  of  the  first  lieutenant  (for  first  lieutenants  in 
those  days  did  not  assume  as  they  do  now,  not  that  I  refer 
to  Mr  Falcon,  who  is  a  gentleman),  I  was  immediately 
surrendered  to  his  lordship.  I  had  a  very  easy,  comfort- 
able life  of  it — I  did  little  or  nothing ;  if  inquired  for 
when  all  hands  were  turned  up,  I  was  cleaning  his  lord- 
ship's boots,  or  brushing  his  lordship's  clothes,  and  there 
was  nothing  to  be  said  when  his  lordship's  name  was 
mentioned.  We  went  to  the  Mediterranean  (because  his 
lordship's  mamma  wished  it),  and  we  had  been  there  about 
a  year,  when  his  lordship  ate  so  many  grapes  that  he  was 
seized  with  a  dysentery.  He  was  ill  for  three  weeks,  and 
then  he  requested  to  be  sent  to  Malta  in  a  transport  going 
to  Gibraltar,  or  rather  to  the  Barbary  coast,  for  bullocks. 
He  became  worse  every  day,  and  made  his  will,  leaving 
me  all  his  effects  on  board,  which  I  certainly  deserved  for 


io6  Peter  Simple 

the  kindness  with  which  I  had  nursed  him.  Off  Malta 
we  fell  in  with  a  xebeque,  bound  to  Civita  Vecchia,  and 
the  captain  of  the  transport,  anxious  to  proceed,  advised 
our  going  on  board  of  her,  as  the  wind  was  light  and 
contrary,  and  these  Mediterranean  vessels  sailed  better  on 
a  wind  than  the  transport.  My  master,  who  was  now 
sinking  fast,  consented,  and  we  changed  our  ships.  The 
next  day  he  died,  and  a  gale  of  wind  came  on,  which 
prevented  us  from  gaining  the  port  for  several  days,  and 
the  body  of  his  lordship  not  only  became  so  offensive,  but 
affected  the  superstition  of  the  Catholic  sailors  so  much, 
that  it  was  hove  overboard.  None  of  the  people  could 
speak  English,  nor  could  I  speak  Maltese ;  they  had  no 
idea  who  we  were,  and  I  had  plenty  of  time  for  cogitation. 
I  had  often  thought  what  a  fine  thing  it  was  to  be  a  lord, 
and  as  often  wished  that  I  had  been  born  one.  The  wind 
was  still  against  us,  when  a  merchant  vessel  ran  down  to 
us,  that  had  left  Civita  Vecchia  for  Gibraltar.  I  desired 
the  captain  of  the  xebeque  to  make  a  signal  of  distress, 
or  rather  I  did  myself,  and  the  vessel,  which  proved  to  be 
English,  bore  down  to  us. 

"I  manned  the  boat  to  go  on  board,  and  the  idea  came 
into  my  head,  that,  although  they  might  refuse  to  take  me, 
they  would  not  refuse  a  lord.  I  put  on  the  midshipman's 
uniform  belonging  to  his  lordship  (but  then  certainly  be- 
longing to  me),  and  went  alongside  of  the  merchant  vessel ; 
I  told  them  that  I  had  left  my  ship  for  the  benefit  of  my 
health,  and  wanted  a  passage  to  Gibraltar,  on  my  way  home. 
My  title,  and  immediate  acceptance  of  the  terms  demanded 
for  my  passage,  was  sufficient.  My  property  was  brought 
from  the  xebeque ;  and,  of  course,  as  they  could  not  speak 
English,  they  could  not  contradict,  even  if  they  suspected. 
Here,  Mr  Simple,  I  must  acknowledge  a  slight  flaw  in  my 
early  history,  which  I  impart  to  you  in  confidence ;  or 
otherwise  I  should  not  have  been  able  to  prove  that  I  was 
correct  in  asserting  that  I  had  dined  with  your  grandfather. 
But  the  temptation  was  too  strong,  and  I  could  not  resist. 
Think  yourself,  Mr  Simple,  after  having  served  as  a  ship's 


Peter  Simple  107 

boy — clouted  here,  kicked  there,  damned  by  one,  and  sent 
to  hell  by  another — to  find  myself  treated  with  such  respect 
and  deference,  and  my  lorded  this  and  my  lorded  that, 
every  minute  of  the  day.  During  my  passage  to  Gibraltar, 
I  had  plenty  of  time  for  arranging  my  plans.  I  hardly  need 
say  that  my  lord's  kit  was  valuable  ;  and  what  was  better, 
they  exactly  fitted  me.  I  also  had  his  watches  and  trinkets, 
and  many  other  things,  besides  a  bag  of  dollars.  However, 
they  were  honestly  mine  ;  the  only  thing  that  I  took  was 
his  name,  which  he  had  no  further  occasion  for,  poor 
fellow  !  But  it's  no  use  defending  what  was  wrong — it 
was  dishonest,  and  there's  an  end  of  it. 

"Now  observe,  Mr  Simple,  how  one  thing  leads  to 
another.  I  declare  to  you,  that  my  first  idea  of  making  use 
of  his  lordship's  name,  was  to  procure  a  passage  to  Gibraltar. 
I  then  was  undecided  how  to  act ;  but,  as  I  had  charge  of 
his  papers  and  letters  to  his  mother  and  guardian,  I  think — 
indeed  I  am  almost  sure — that  I  should  have  laid  aside  my 
dignity  and  midshipman's  dress,  and  applied  for  a  passage 
home  to  the  commissioner  of  the  yard.  But  it  was  fated  to 
be  otherwise ;  for  the  master  of  the  transport  went  on 
shore  to  report  and  obtain  pratique,  and  he  told  them  every- 
where that  young  Lord  A was  a  passenger  with  him, 

going  to  England  for  the  benefit  of  his  health.  In  less 
than  half-an-hour,  off  came  the  commissioner's  boat,  and 
another  boat  from  the  governor,  requesting  the  honour  of 
my  company,  and  that  I  would  take  a  bed  at  their  houses 
during  my  stay.  What  could  I  do  ?  I  began  to  be  fright- 
ened ;  but  I  was  more  afraid  to  confess  that  I  was  an 
impostor,  for  I  am  sure  the  master  of  the  transport  alone 
would  have  kicked  me  overboard,  if  I  had  let  him  know 
that  he  had  been  so  confounded  polite  to  a  ship's  boy. 
So  I  blushed  half  from  modesty  and  half  from  guilt,  and 
accepted  the  invitation  of  the  governor ;  sending  a  polite 
verbal  refusal  to  the  commissioner,  upon  the  plea  of  there 
being  no  paper  or  pens  on  board.  I  had  so  often  accom- 
panied my  late  master,  that  I  knew  very  well  how  to  con- 
duct myself,  and  had  borrowed  a  good  deal  of  his  air  and 


io8  Peter  Simple 

appearance — indeed,  I  had  a  natural  taste  for  gentility.  I 
could  write  and  read ;  not  perhaps  so  well  as  I  ought  to 
have  done,  considering  the  education  I  had  received,  but 
still  quite  well  enough  for  a  lord,  and  indeed  much  better 
than  my  late  master.  I  knew  his  signature  well  enough, 
although  the  very  idea  of  being  forced  to  use  it  made  me 
tremble.  However,  the  die  was  cast.  I  ought  to  observe, 
that  in  one  point  we  were  not  unlike — both  had  curly  light 
hair  and  blue  eyes ;  in  other  points  there  was  no  resem- 
blance. I  was  by  far  the  better-looking  chap  of  the  two ; 
and  as  we  had  been  up  the  Mediterranean  for  two  years,  I 
had  no  fear  of  any  doubt  as  to  my  identity  until  I  arrived 
in  England.  Well,  Mr  Simple,  I  dressed  myself  very  care- 
fully, put  on  my  chains  and  rings,  and  a  little  perfume  on 
my  handkerchief,  and  accompanied  the  aide-de-camp  to  the 
governor's,   where  I  was   asked   after  my  mother,  Lady 

,  and  my  uncle,  my  guardian,  and  a  hundred  other 

questions.  At  first  I  was  much  confused,  which  was  attri- 
buted to  bashfulness  ;  and  so  it  was,  but  not  of  the  right 
sort.  But  before  the  day  was  over,  I  had  become  so  accus- 
tomed to  be  called  '  my  lord,'  and  to  my  situation,  that  I 
was  quite  at  my  ease,  and  began  to  watch  the  motions  and 
behaviour  of  the  company,  that  I  might  regulate  my  com- 
portment by  that  of  good  society.  I  remained  at  Gibraltar 
for  a  fortnight,  and  then  was  offered  a  passage  in  a  trans- 
port ordered  to  Portsmouth.  Being  an  officer,  of  course  it 
was  free  to  a  certain  extent.  On  my  passage  to  England, 
I  again  made  up  my  mind  -that  I  would  put  off  my  dress 
and  title  as  soon  as  I  could  escape  from  observation  •,  but  I 
was  prevented  as  before.  The  port-admiral  sent  off  to 
request  the  pleasure  of  my  company  to  dinner.  I  dared 
not  refuse  ;  and  there  I  was,  my  lord,  as  before,  courted 
and  feasted  by  everybody.  Tradesmen  called  to  request 
the  honour  of  my  lordship's  custom ;  my  table  at  the  hotel 
was  covered  with  cards  of  all  descriptions ;  and,  to  confess 
the  truth,  I  liked  my  situation  so  much,  and  had  been  so 
accustomed  to  it,  that  I  now  began  to  dislike  the  idea  that 
one  day  or  other  I  must  resign  it,  which  I  determined  to  do 


Peter  Simple  109 

as  soon  as  I  quitted  the  place.  My  bill  at  the  hotel  was 
very  extravagant,  and  more  than  I  could  pay :  but  the 
master  said  it  was  not  of  the  least  consequence  ;  that  of 
course  his  lordship  had  not  provided  himself  with  cash,  just 
coming  from  foreign  parts,  and  offered  to  supply  me  with 
money  if  I  required  it.  This,  I  will  say,  I  was  honest 
enough  to  refuse.  I  left  my  cards,  P.  P.  C,  as  they  do, 
Mr  Simple,  in  all  well-regulated  society,  and  set  off  in  the 
mail  for  London,  where  I  fully  resolved  to  drop  my  title, 
and  to  proceed  to  Scotland  to  his  lordship's  mother,  with 
the  mournful  intelligence  of  his  death — for  you  see,  Mr 
Simple,  no  one  knew  that  his  lordship  was  dead.  The 
captain  of  the  transport  had  put  him  into  the  xebeque  alive, 
and  the  vessel  bound  to  Gibraltar  had  received  him,  as  they 
imagined.  The  captain  of  the  frigate  had  very  soon  after- 
wards advices  from  Gibraltar,  stating  his  lordship's  re- 
covery and  return  to  England.  Well,  I  had  not  been  in  the 
coach  more  than  five  minutes,  when  who  should  get  in  but 
a  gentleman  whom  I  had  met  at  the  port-admiral's  •,  besides 
which  the  coachman  and  others  knew  me  very  well.  When 
I  arrived  in  London  (I  still  wore  my  midshipman's  uniform), 
I  went  to  an  hotel  recommended  to  me,  as  I  afterwards 
found  out,  the  most  fashionable  in  town,  my  title  still 
following  me.  I  now  determined  to  put  off  my  uniform, 
and  dress  in  plain  clothes — my  farce  was  over.  I  went  to 
bed  that  night,  and  the  next  morning  made  my  appearance 
in  a  suit  of  mufti,  making  inquiry  of  the  waiter  which  was 
the  best  conveyance  to  Scotland. 

"  '  Post  chay  and  four,  my  lord.  At  what  time  shall  I 
order  it  ? ' 

"  *  O,'  replied  I,  *  I  am  not  sure  that  I  shall  go  to- 
morrow.' 

"  Just  at  this  moment  in  came  the  master  of  the  hotel, 
with  the  Morning  Post  in  his  hand,  making  me  a  low  bow, 
and  pointing  to  the  insertion  of  my  arrival  at  his  hotel 
among  the  fashionables.  This  annoyed  me  ;  and  now  that 
I  found  how  difficult  it  was  to  get  rid  of  my  title,  I  became 
particularly   anxious    to   be   William   Chucks,    as    before. 


no  Peter  Simple 

Before  twelve  o'clock,  three  or  four  gentlemen  were  ushered 
into  my  sitting-room,  who  observing  my  arrival  in  that 
damn'd  Morning  Post,  came  to  pay  their  respects  ;  and 
before  the  day  was  over  I  was  invited  and  re-invited  by  a 
dozen  people.  I  found  that  I  could  not  retreat,  and  I  went 
away  with  the  stream,  as  I  did  before  at  Gibraltar  and 
Portsmouth.  For  three  weeks  I  was  everywhere  ;  and  if  I 
found  it  agreeable  at  Portsmouth,  how  much  more  so  in 
London  !  But  I  was  not  happy,  Mr  Simple,  because  I  was 
a  cheat,  every  moment  expecting  to  be  found  out.  But  it 
really  was  a  nice  thing  to  be  a  lord. 

"  At  last  the  play  was  over.  I  had  been  enticed  by  some 
young  men  into  a  gambling-house,  where  they  intended  to 
fleece  me  ;  but,  for  the  first  night,  they  allowed  me  to  win, 
I  think,  about  ^300.  I  was  quite  delighted  with  my  success, 
and  had  agreed  to  meet  them  the  next  evening  ;  but  when 
I  was  at  breakfast,  with  my  legs  crossed,  reading  the 
Morning  Post,  who  should  come  to  see  me  but  my  guardian 
uncle.  He  knew  his  nephew's  features  too  well  to  be 
deceived  ;  and  my  not  recognising  him  proved  at  once  that 
I  was  an  impostor.  You  must  allow  me  to  hasten  over  the 
scene  which  took  place — the  wrath  of  the  uncle,  the  con- 
fusion in  the  hotel,  the  abuse  of  the  waiters,  the  police 
officer,  and  being  dragged  into  a  hackney  coach  to  Bow- 
street.  There  I  was  examined  and  confessed  all.  The 
uncle  was  so  glad  to  find  that  his  nephew  was  really  dead, 
that  he  felt  no  resentment  towards  me  ;  and  as,  after  all,  I 
had  only  assumed  a  name,  but  had  cheated  nobody,  except 
the  landlord  at  Portsmouth,  I  was  sent  on  board  the  tender 
off  the  Tower,  to  be  drafted  into  a  man-of-war.  As  for 
my  ^300,  my  clothes,  &c,  I  never  heard  any  more  of  them  ; 
they  were  seized,  I  presume,  by  the  landlord  of  the  hotel 
for  my  bill,  and  very  handsomely  he  must  have  paid  him- 
self. I  had  two  rings  on  my  fingers,  and  a  watch  in  my 
pocket,  when  I  was  sent  on  board  the  tender,  and  I  stowed 
them  away  very  carefully.  I  had  also  a  few  pounds  in  my 
purse.  I  was  sent  round  to  Plymouth,  where  I  was  drafted 
into  a  frigate.     After  I  had  been  there  some  time,  I  turned 


Peter  Simple  1 1 1 

the  watch  and  rings  into  money,  and  bought  myself  a  good 
kit  of  clothes  ;  for  I  could  not  bear  to  be  dirty.  I  was  put 
into  the  mizen-top,  and  no  one  knew  that  I  had  been  a  lord." 

"  You  found  some  difference,  I  should  think,  in  your 
situation  ? " 

"  Yes,  I  did,  Mr  Simple  ;  but  I  was  much  happier.  I 
could  not  forget  the  ladies,  and  the  dinners,  and  the  opera, 
and  all  the  delights  of  London,  beside  the  respect  paid  to 
my  title,  and  I  often  sighed  for  them  ;  but  the  police  officer 
and  Bow-street  also  came  to  my  recollection,  and  I  shuddered 
at  the  remembrance.  It  had,  however,  one  good  effect ;  I 
determined  to  be  an  officer  if  I  could,  and  learnt  my  duty, 
and  worked  my  way  up  to  quarter-master,  and  thence  to 
boatswain — and  I  know  my  duty,  Mr  Simple.  But  I've 
been  punished  for  my  folly  ever  since.  I  formed  ideas 
above  my  station  in  life,  and  cannot  help  longing  to  be  a 
gentleman.  It's  a  bad  thing  for  a  man  to  have  ideas  above 
his  station." 

"  You  certainly  must  find  some  difference  between  the 
company  in  London  and  that  of  the  warrant  officers." 

"  It's  many  years  back  now,  sir ;  but  I  can't  get  over 
the  feeling.  I  can't  'sociate  with  them  at  all.  A  man  may 
have  the  feelings  of  a  gentleman,  although  in  a  humble 
capacity ;  but  how  can  I  be  intimate  with  such  people  as 
Mr  Dispart  or  Mr  Muddle,  the  carpenter  ?  All  very  well 
in  their  way,  Mr  Simple,  but  what  can  you  expect  from 
officers  who  boil  their  'tators  in  a  cabbage-net  hanging  in 
the  ship's  coppers,  when  they  know  that  there  is  one-third 
of  a  stove  allowed  them  to  cook  their  victuals  on  ?  " 


Chapter   XV 

I  go  on  service  and  am  made  prisoner  by  an  old  lady5  who,  not  able  to 
obtain  my  hand,  takes  part  of  my  finger  as  a  token — O'Brien  rescues  me 
— A  lee  shore  and  narrow  escape 

Two  or  three  days  after  this  conversation  with  Mr  Chucks, 
the  captain  ran  the  frigate  in  shore,  and  when  within  five 


ii2  Peter  Simple 

miles  we  discovered  two  vessels  under  the  land.  "We 
made  all  sail  in  chase,  and  cut  them  off  from  escaping 
round  a  sandy  point  which  they  attempted  to  weather. 
Finding  that  they  could  not  effect  their  purpose,  they  ran 
on  shore  under  a  small  battery  of  two  guns,  which  com- 
menced firing  upon  us.  The  first  shot  which  whizzed 
between  the  masts  had  to  me  a  most  terrific  sound,  but 
the  officers  and  men  laughed  at  it,  so  of  course  I  pretended 
to  do  the  same,  but  in  reality  I  could  see  nothing  to  laugh 
at.  The  captain  ordered  the  starboard  watch  to  be  piped 
to  quarters,  and  the  boats  to  be  cleared,  ready  for  hoisting 
out ;  we  then  anchored  within  a  mile  of  the  battery,  and 
returned  the  fire.  In  the  meantime,  the  remainder  of  the 
ship's  company  hoisted  out  and  lowered  down  four  boats, 
which  were  manned  and  armed  to  storm  the  battery.  I 
was  very  anxious  to  go  on  service,  and  O'Brien,  who  had 
command  of  the  first  cutter,  allowed  me  to  go  with  him, 
on  condition  that  I  stowed  myself  away  under  the  fore- 
sheets,  that  the  captain  might  not  see  me  before  the  boats 
had  shoved  off.  This  I  did,  and  was  not  discovered.  "We 
pulled  in  abreast  towards  the  battery,  and  in  less  than  ten 
minutes  the  boats  were  run  on  the  beach,  and  we  jumped 
out.  The  Frenchmen  fired  a  gun  at  us  as  we  pulled  close 
to  the  shore,  and  then  ran  away,  so  that  we  took  possession 
without  any  fighting,  which,  to  confess  the  truth,  I  was 
not  sorry  for,  as  I  did  not  think  that  I  was  old  or  strong 
enough  to  cope  hand  to  hand  with  a  grown-up  man. 
There  were  a  few  fishermen's  huts  close  to  the  battery, 
and  while  two  of  the  boats  went  on  board  of  the  vessels, 
to  see  if  they  could  be  got  off,  and  others  were  spiking 
the  guns  and  destroying  the  carriages,  I  went  with  O'Brien 
to  examine  them :  they  were  deserted  by  the  people,  as 
might  have  been  supposed,  but  there  was  a  great  quantity 
of  fish  in  them,  apparently  caught  that  morning.  O'Brien 
pointed  to  a  very  large  skate — "  Murder  in  Irish  !  "  cried 
he,  "it's  the  very  ghost  of  my  grandmother !  we'll  have 
her  if  it's  only  for  the  family  likeness.  Peter,  put  your 
finger  into  the  gills,  and  drag  her  down  to  the  boat."     I 


Peter  Simple  L13 

could  not  force  my  finger  into  the  gills,  and  as  the  animal 
appeared  quite  dead,  I  hooked  my  finger  into  its  mouth  ; 
but  I  made  a  sad  mistake,  for  the  animal  was  alive,  and 
immediately  closed  its  jaws,  nipping  my  finger  ta  the  bone,, 
and  holding  it  so  tight  that  I  could  not  withdraw  it,  and 
the  pain  was  too  great  to  allow  me  to  pull  it  away  by  main 
force,  and  tear  my  finger,  which  it  held  so  fast.  There 
I  was,  caught  in  a  trap,  and  made  a  prisoner  by  a  flat-fish. 
Fortunately,  I  hallooed  loud  enough  to  make  O'Brien^  who 
was  close  down  to  the  boats,  with  a  large  codfish  under 
each  arm,  turn  round  and  come  to  my  assistance.  At  first 
he  could  not  help  me,  from  laughing  so  much  ;  but  at  last 
he  forced  open  the  jaw  of  the  fish  with  his  cutlass,  and  I 
got  my  finger  out> ;  but  very  badly  torn  indeed.  I  then 
took  off  my  garter,  tied  it  round  the  tail  of  the  skate,  and 
dragged  it  to  the  boat,  which  was  all  ready  to  shove  ofE, 
The  other  boats  had  found  it  impossible  to  get  the  vessels 
off  without  unloading — so,  in  pursuance  of  the  captain's 
orders,  they  were  set  on  fire,  and  before  we  lost  sight  of 
them,  had  burnt  down  to  the  water's  edge.  My  finger  was 
very  bad  for  three-  weeks,  and  the  officers  laughed  at  me 
very  much,  saying  that  I  narrowly  escaped  being  made  a 
prisoner  of  by  an  "  old  maid." 

We  continued  our  cruise  along  the  coast,  until  we  had 
run  down  into  the  Bay  of  Arcason,  where  we  captured  two 
or  three  vessels,  and  obliged  many  more  to  run  on  silore. 
And  here  we  had  an  instance  showing  how  very  important 
it  is  that  a  captain  of  a  man-of-war  should  be  a  good  sailor, 
and  have  his  ship  in  such  discipline  as  to  be  strictly  obeyed 
by  his  ship's  company.  I  heard  the  officers  unanimously 
assert,  after  the  danger  was  over,  that  nothing  but  the 
presence  of  mind  which  was  shown  by  Captain  Savage 
could  have  saved  the  ship  and  her  crew.  We 'had  chased 
a  convoy  of  vessels  to  the  bottom  of  the  bay:  the  wind 
was  very  fresh  when  we  hauled  off,  after  running  them  on 
shore,  and  the  surf  on  the  beach  even  at  that  time  was  so 
great,  that  they  were  certain  to  go  to  pieces  before  they 
could  be  got  afloat  again.     We  were  obliged  to  double-reef 

H 


ii4  Peter  Simple 

the  topsails  as  soon  as  we  hauled  to  the  wind,  and  the 
weather  looked  very  threatening.  In  an  hour  afterwards, 
the  whole  sky  was  covered  with  one  black  cloud,  which 
sank  so  low  as  nearly  to  touch  our  mast-heads,  and  a 
tremendous  sea,  which  appeared  to  have  risen  up  almost 
by  magic,  rolled  in  upon  us,  setting  the  vessel  on  a  dead 
lee  shore.  As  the  night  closed  in,  it  blew  a  dreadful  gale, 
and  the  ship  was  nearly  buried  with  the  press  of  canvas 
which  she  was  obliged  to  carry  ;  for  had  we  sea-room,  we 
should  have  been  lying-to  under  storm  staysails ;  but  we 
were  forced  to  carry  on  at  all  risks,  that  we  might  claw  off 
shore.  The  sea  broke  over  as  we  lay  in  the  trough, 
deluging  us  with  water  from  the  forecastle,  aft  to  the 
binnacles  ;  and  very  often  as  the  ship  descended  with 
a  plunge,  it  was  with  such  force  that  I  really  thought  she 
would  divide  in  half  with  the  violence  of  the  shock. 
Double  breechings  were  rove  on  the  guns,  and  they  were 
further  secured  with  tackles,  and  strong  cleats  nailed 
behind  the  trunnions,  for  we  heeled  over  so  much  when 
we  lurched,  that  the  guns  were  wholly  supported  by  the 
breechings  and  tackles,  and  had  one  of  them  broken  loose, 
it  must  have  burst  right  through  the  lee  side  of  the  ship, 
and  she  must  have  foundered.  The  captain,  first  lieutenant, 
and  most  of  the  officers,  remained  on  deck  during  the  whole 
of  the  night ;  and  really,  what  with  the  howling  of  the 
wind,  the  violence  of  the  rain,  the  washing  of  the  water 
about  the  decks,  the  working  of  the  chain-pumps,  and  the 
creaking  and  groaning  of  the  timbers,  I  thought  that  we 
must  inevitably  have  been  lost ;  and  I  said  my  prayers 
at  least  a  dozen  times  during  the  night,  for  I  felt  it 
impossible  to  go  to  bed.  I  had  often  wished,  out  of 
curiosity,  that  I  might  be  in  a  gale  of  wind,  but  I  little 
thought  it  was  to  have  been  a  scene  of  this  description,  or 
anything  half  so  dreadful.  What  made  it  more  appalling 
was,  that  we  were  on  a  lee  shore,  and  the  consultations  of 
the  captain  and  officers,  and  the  eagerness  with  which  they 
looked  out  for  daylight,  told  us  that  we  had  other  dangers 
to   encounter   besides    the    storm.     At   last   the  morning 


Peter  Simple  115 

broke,  and  the  look-out  man  upon  the  gangway  called  out, 
"  Land  on  the  lee  beam."  I  perceived  the  master  dash 
his  fist  against  the  hammock-rails,  as  if  with  vexation, 
and  walk  away  without  saying  a  word,  and  looking  very 
grave. 

"  Up,  there,  Mr  Wilson,"  said  the  captain,  to  the  second 
lieutenant,  "  and  see  how  far  the  land  trends  forward,  and 
whether  you  can  distinguish  the  point."  The  second 
lieutenant  went  up  the  main-rigging,  and  pointed  with  his 
hand  to  about  two  points  before  the  beam. 

"  Do  you  see  two  hillocks  inland  ? " 

"  Yes,  sir,"  replied  the  second  lieutenant. 

"Then  it  is  so,"  observed  the  captain  to  the  master, 
"  and  if  we  weather  it,  we  shall  have  more  sea-room. 
Keep  her  full,  and  let  her  go  through  the  water ;  do  you 
hear,  quarter-master  ? " 

"  Ay,  ay,  sir." 

"  Thus,  and  no  nearer,  my  man.  Ease  her  with  a  spoke 
or  two  when  she  sends ;  but  be  careful,  or  she'll  take  the 
wheel  out  of  your  hands." 

It  really  was  a  very  awful  sight.  When  the  ship  was 
in  the  trough  of  the  sea,  you  could  distinguish  nothing  but 
a  waste  of  tumultuous  water;  but  when  she  was  borne  up 
on  the  summit  of  the  enormous  waves,  you  then  looked 
down,  as  it  were,  upon  a  low,  sandy  coast,  close  to  you, 
and  covered  with  foam  and  breakers.  "She  behaves 
nobly,"  observed  the  captain,  stepping  aft  to  the  binnacle, 
and  looking  at  the  compass  ;  "  if  the  wind  does  not  baffle 
us,  we  shall  weather."  The  captain  had  scarcely  time  to 
make  the  observation,  when  the  sails  shivered  and  Happed 
like  thunder.  "Up  with  the  helm;  what  are  you  about, 
quarter-master  ? " 

"  The  wind  has  headed  us,  sir,"  replied  the  quarter- 
master, coolly. 

The  captain  and  master  remained  at  the  binnacle  watch- 
ing the  compass,  and  when  the  sails  were  again  full,  she 
had  broken  off  two  points,  and  the  point  of  land  was  only 
a  little  on  the  lee  bow. 


fi6  Peter  Simple 

"  We  must  wear  her  round,  Mr  Falcon.  Hands,  wear 
ship — ready,  oh,  ready." 

"  She  has  come  up  again,"  cried  the  master,  who  was 
at  the  binnacle. 

"  Hold  fast  there  a  minute.     How's  her  head  now  ?  " 

"  N.N.E.,  as  she  was  before  she  broke  off,  sir." 

"Pipe  belay,"  said  the  captain.  "Falcon,'"  continued 
he,  "  if  she  breaks  off  again  we  may  have  no  room  to 
wear.$  indeed  there  is  so  little  room  now,  that  I  must 
run  the  risk.  Which  cable  was  ranged*  last  night — the 
best  bower  ?  " 

"  Yes,  sir." 

"Jump  down,  then,  and"  see  it  double-bitted  and 
stoppered  at  thirty  fathoms.  See  it  well  done— our  lives 
may  depend  upon  it." 

The  ship  continued  to  hold  her  course  good^,  and  we 
were  within  half  a  mile  of  the  point,  and  fully  expected 
to  weather  it,  when  again  the  wet  and  heavy  sails  flapped 
in  the  wind,  and  the  ship  broke  off  two  points  as  before. 
The  officers  and  seamen  were  aghast,  for  the  ship's  head 
was  right  on  to  the  breakers.  "  Luff  now,  all.  you  can, 
quarter-master,"  cried  the  captain.  "  Send  the  men  aft 
directly.  My  lads,  there  is  no  time  for  words — I  am 
going  to  club-huul  the  ship,  for  there  is  no  room  to  wear. 
The  only  chance  you  have  of  safety  is  to  be  cool,  watch 
my  eye,  and  execute  my  orders  with  precision.  Away 
to  your  stations  for  tacking  ship.  Hands  by  the  best 
bower  anchor.  Mr  Wilson,  attend  below  with  the 
carpenter  and  his  mates,  ready  to  cut  away  the  cable 
at  the  moment  that  I  give  the  order.  Silence,  there,  fore 
and  -aft.  Quarter-master,  .keep  her  full  again  for  stays. 
Mind  you  ease  the  helm  down  when  I  tell  you."  About 
a  minute  passed  before  the  captain  gave  airy  further  orders. 
The  ship  had  closed — to  within  a  quarter  of  a  mile  of  the 
beach,  and  the  waves  curled  and  topped  around  us,  bearing 
us  down  upon  the  shore,  which  presented  one  continued 
surface  of  foam,  extending  to  within  half  a  cable's  length 
of  our  position.     The  captain  waved  his  hand  in  silence 


Peter  Simple  117 

to  the  quarter-master  at  the  wheel,  and  the  helm  was  put 
down.  The  ship  turned  slowly  to  the  wind,  pitching  and 
chopping  as  the  sails  were  spilling.  When  she  had  lost 
her  way,  the  captain  gave  the  order,  "  Let.  go  the  anchor. 
We  will  haul  all  at  once,  Mr  Falcon,"  said  the  captain. 
Not  a  word  was  spoken,  the  men  went  to  the  fore  brace, 
which  had  not  been  manned;  most  of  them  knew,  al- 
though I  did  not,  that  if  the  ship's  head  did  not  go  round 
the  other  way,  we  should  be  on  shore,  and  among  the 
breakers  in  half  a  minute.  I  thought  at  the  time  that  the 
captain  had  said  that  he  would  haul  all  the  yards  at  once, 
there  appeared  to  be  doubt  or  dissent  on  the  countenance 
of  Mr  Falcon  ;  and  I  was  afterwards  told  that  he  had' 
not  agreed  with  the  captain,  but  he  was  too  good  an. 
officer,  and  knew  that  there  was  no  time  for  discussion,. 
to  make  any  remark ;  and  the  event  proved  that  the 
captain  was  right.  At  last  the  ship  was  head  to  wind, 
and  the  captain  gave  the  signal.  The  yards  flew  round 
with  such  a  creaking  noise,  that  I  thought  the  masts  had 
gone  over  the  side,  and  the  next  moment  the  wind  had 
caught  the  sails,  and  the  ship,  which  for  a  moment  or 
two  had  been  on  an  even  keel,  careened  over  to  her 
gunnel  with  its  force.  The  captain,  who  stood  upon  the 
weather-hammock  rails,  holding  by  the  main-rigging, 
ordered  the  helm  amidships,  looked  full  at  the  sails,  and 
then  at  the  cable,  which  grew  broad  upon  the  weather 
bow,  and  held  the  ship  from  nearing  the  shore*  At  last 
he  cried,  "  Cut  away  the  cable  !  "  A  few  strokes  of  the 
axes  were  heard,,  and  then  the  cable  flew  out  of  the  hawse- 
hole  in  a  blaze  of  fire,  from  the  violence  of  the  friction,, 
and  disappeared  under  a  huge  wave,  which  struck  us  on  the 
chess-tree,  and  deluged  us  with  water  fore  and  aft.  But  we 
were  now  on  the  other  tack,  and  the  ship  regained  her  Way 
and  we  had  evidently  increased  our  distance  from  the  land. 
"  My  lads,"  said  the  captain  to  the  ship's  company, 
"  you  have  behaved  well,  and  I  thank  you  ;  trait  I  must 
tell  you  honestly  that  we  have  more  difficulties  to  get 
through.     We  have  to  weather  a  point  of  the  bay  on  this 


n8  Peter  Simple 

tack.  Mr  Falcon,  splice  the  main-brace,  and  call  the 
watch.     How's  her  head,  quarter-master  ?  " 

"S.W.  by  S.     Southerly,  sir." 

"Very  well;  let  her  go  through  the  water;"  and  the 
captain,  beckoning  to  the  master  to  follow  him,  went 
down  into  the  cabin.  As  our  immediate  danger  was 
over,  I  went  down  into  the  berth  to  see  if  I  could  get 
anything  for  breakfast,,  where  I  found  O'Brien  and  two 
or  three  more. 

"  By  the  powers,  it  was  as  nate  a  thing  as  ever  I  saw 
done,"  observed  O'Brien :  "  the  slightest  mistake  as  to 
time  or  management,  and  at  this  moment  the  flatfish  would 
have  been  dubbing  at  our  ugly  carcases.  Peter,  you're 
not  fond  of  flatfish,  are  you,  my  boy  ?  We  may  thank 
Heaven  and  the  captain,  I  can  tell  you  that,  my  lads  ; 
but  now,  where's  the  chart,  Robinson  ?  Hand  me  down 
the  parallel  rules  and  compasses,  Peter;  they  are  in  the 
corner  of  the  shelf.  Here  we  are  now,  a  devilish  sight  too 
near  this  infernal  point.     Who  knows  how  her  head  is  ?  " 

"  I  do,  O'Brien  :  I  heard  the  quarter-master  tell  the 
captain  S.W.  by  S.     Southerly." 

"Let  me  see,"  continued  O'Brien,  "variation  2 J — lee 
way — rather  too  large  an  allowance  of  that,  I'm  afraid; 
but,  however,  we'll  give  her  i\  points ;  the  Diomede 
would  blush  to  make  any  more,  under  any  circumstances. 
Here — the  compass — now  we'll  see ; "  and  O'Brien  ad- 
vanced the  parallel  rule  from  the  compass  to  the  spot 
where  the  ship  was  placed  on  the  chart.  "  Bother  !  you 
see  it's  as  much  as  she'll  do  to  weather  the  other  point  now, 
on  this  tack,  and  that's  what  the  captain  meant,  when  he  told 
us  we  had  more  difficulty.  I  could  have  taken  my  Bible 
oath  that  we  were  clear  of  everything,  if  the  wind  held." 

"  See  what  the  distance  is,  O'Brien,"  said  Robinson. 
It  was  measured,  and  proved  to  be  thirteen  miles.  "  Only 
thirteen  miles ;  and  if  we  do  weather,  we  shall  do  very 
well,  for  the  bay  is  deep  beyond.  It's  a  rocky  point,  you 
see,  just  by  way  of  variety.  Well,  my  lads,  I've  a  piece 
of  comfort  for  you,  anyhow.     It's  not  long  that  you'll  be 


Peter  Simple  119 

kept  in  suspense,  for  by  one  o'clock  this  day,  you'll 
either  be  congratulating  each  other  upon  your  good  luck, 
or  you'll  be  past  praying  for.  Come,  put  up  the  chart, 
for  I  hate  to  look  at  melancholy  prospects  ;  and,  steward, 
see  what  you  can  find  in  the  way  of  comfort."  Some 
bread  and  cheese,  with  the  remains  of  yesterday's  boiled 
pork,  were  put  on  the  table,  with  a  bottle  of  rum,  pro- 
cured at  the  time  they  "spliced  the  mainbrace;"  but  we 
were  all  too  anxious  to  eat  much,  and  one  by  one  returned 
on  deck  to  see  how  the  weather  was,  and  if  the  wind  at 
all  favoured  us.  On  deck  the  superior  officers  were  in 
conversation  with  the  captain,  who  had  expressed  the 
same  fear  that  O'Brien  had  in  our  berth.  The  men,  who 
knew  what  they  had  to  expect — for  this  sort  of  intelligence 
is  soon  communicated  through  a  ship — were  assembled  in 
knots,  looking  very  grave,  but  at  the  same  time  not  wanting 
in  confidence.  They  knew  that  they  could  trust  to  the 
captain,  as  far  as  skill  or  courage  could  avail  them,  and 
sailors  are  too  sanguine  to  despair,  even  at  the  last 
moment.  As  for  myself,  I  felt  such  admiration  for  the 
captain,  after  what  I  had  witnessed  that  morning,  that, 
whenever  the  idea  came  over  me,  that  in  all  probability 
I  should  be  lost  in  a  few  hours,  I  could  not  help  acknow- 
ledging how  much  more  serious  it  was  that  such  a  man 
should  be  lost  to  his  country.  I  do  not  intend  to  say 
that  it  consoled  me  ;  but  it  certainly  made  me  still  more 
regret  the  chances  with  which  we  were  threatened. 

Before  twelve  o'clock,  the  rocky  point  which  we  so 
much  dreaded  was  in  sight,  broad  on  the  lee-bow;  and 
if  the  low  sandy  coast  appeared  terrible,  how  much  more 
did  this,  even  at  a  distance :  the  black  masses  of  rock, 
covered  with  foam,  which  each  minute  dashed  up  in  the 
air,  higher  than  our  lower  mast-heads.  The  captain  eyed 
it  for  some  minutes  in  silence,  as  if  in  calculation. 

"  Mr  Falcon,"  said  he  at  last,  "  we  must  put  the  main- 
sail on  her." 

"  She  never  can  bear  it,  sir." 

"  She  must  bear  it,"  was  the  reply.     "  Send  the  men 


120  Peter  Simple 

aft  to  the  mainsheet.       See  that   careful  men  attend  the 
buntlines." 

The  mainsail  was  set,  and  the  effect  of  it  upon  the 
ship  was  tremendous.  She  careened  over  so  that  her  lee 
channels  were  under  the  water,  and  when  pressed  by  a 
sea,  the  lee-side  of  the  quarter-deck  and  gangway  were 
afloat.  She  now  reminded  me  of  a  goaded  and  fiery 
horse,  mad  with  the  stimulus  applied ;  not  rising  as  before, 
but  forcing  herself  through  whole  seas,  and  dividing  the 
waves,  which  poured  -in  one  continual  torrent  from  the 
forecastle  down  upon  the  decks  below.  Four  men  were 
secured  to  the  wheel — the  sailors  were  obliged  to  cling, 
to  prevent  being  washed  away — the  ropes  were  thrown 
in  confusion  to  leeward,  the  shot  rolled  out  of  the  lockers, 
and  every  eye  was  fixed  aloft,  watching  the  masts,  which 
were  expected  every  moment  to  go  over  the  side.  A 
heavy  sea  struck  us  on  the  broadside,  and  it  was  some 
moments  before  the  ship  appeared  to  recover  herself; 
she  reeled,  trembled,  and  stopped  her  way,  as  if  it  had 
stupefied  her.  The  first  lieutenant  looked  at  the  captain, 
as  if  to  say,  "  This  will  not  do."  "  It  is  our  only  chance," 
answered  the  captain  to  the  appeal.  That  the  ship  went 
faster  through  the  water,  and  held  a  better  wind,  was 
certain  ;  but  just  before  we  arrived  at  the  point  the  gale 
increased  in  force.  "If  anything  starts,  we  are  lost,  sir," 
observed  the  first  lieutenant  again. 

"I  am  perfectly  aware  of  it,"  replied  the  captain,  in  a 
calm  tone;  "but,  as  I  said  before,  and  you  must  now  be 
aware,  it  is  our  only  chance.  The  consequence  of  any  care- 
lessness or  neglect  in  the  fitting  and  securing  of  the  rigging, 
will  be  felt  now  ;  and  this  danger,  if  we  escape  it,  ought  to 
remind  us  how  much  we  have  to  answer  for  if  we  neglect 
our  duty.  The  lives  of  a  whole  ship's  company  may  be 
sacrificed  by  the  neglect  or  incompetence  of  an  officer  when 
in  harbour.  I  will  pay  you  the  compliment,  Falcon,  to  say, 
that  I  feel  convinced  that  the  masts  of  the  ship  are  as  secure 
as  knowledge  and  attention  can  make  them." 

The  first  lieutenant  thanked  the  captain  for  his  good 


Peter  Simple  121 

opinion,  and  hoped  it  would  not  be  the  last  compliment 
which  he  paid  him. 

"I  hope  not  too;  but  a  few  minutes  will  decide  the 
point." 

The  ship  was  now  within  two  cables'  lengths  of  the  rocky 
point ;  some  few  of  the  men  I  observed  to  clasp  their  hands, 
but  most  of  them  were  silently  taking  off  their  jackets,  and 
kicking  off  their  shoes,  that  they  might  not  lose  a  chance  of 
escape  provided  the  ship  struck. 

"  'Twill  be  touch  and  go  indeed,  Falcon,"  observed  the 
captain  (for  I  had  clung  to  the  belaying-pins,  close  to  them, 
for  the  last  half-hour  that  the  mainsail  had  been  set). 
"Come  aft,  you  and  I  must  take  the  helm.  We  shall 
want  nerve  there,  and  only  there,  now." 

The  captain  and  first  lieutenant  went  aft,  and  took  the 
forespokes  of  the  wheel,,  and  O'Brien,  at  a  sign  made  by 
the  captain,  laid  hold  of  the  spokes  behind  him.  An  old 
quarter-master  kept  his  station  at  the  fourth.  The  roaring 
of  the  seas  on  the  rocks,  with  the  howling  of  the  wind, 
were  dreadful ;  but  the  sight  was  more  dreadful  than  the 
noise.  For  a  few  moments  I  shut  my  eyes,  but  anxiety 
forced  me  to  open  them  again.  As  near  as  I  could  judge, 
we  were  not  twenty  yards  from  the  rocks,  at  the  time  that 
the  ship  passed  abreast  of  them.  We  were  in  the  midst  of 
the  foam,  which  boiled  around  us ;  and  as  the  ship  was 
driven  nearer  to  them,  and  careened  with  the  wave,  I 
thought  that  our  main-yard-arm  would  have  touched  the 
rock  j  and  at  this  moment  a  gust  of  wind  came  on,  which 
laid  the  ship  on  her  beam-ends,  and  checked  her  progress 
through  the  water,  while  the  accumulated  noise  was 
deafening.  A  few  moments  more  the  ship  dragged  on, 
another  wave  dashed  over  her  and  spent  itself  upon  the 
rocks,  while  the  spray  was  dashed  back  from  them,  and 
returned  upon  the  decks.  The  main  rock  was  within  ten 
yards  of  her  counter,  when  another  gust  of  wind  laid  us  on 
our  beam-ends,  the  foresail  and  mainsail  split,  and  were 
blown  clean  out  of  the  bolt-ropes — the  ship  righted, 
trembling  fore  and  aft.     I  looked  astern :  the  rocks  were 


122  Peter  Simple 

to  windward  on  our  quarter,  and  we  were  safe.  I 
thought  at  the  time,  that  the  ship,  relieved  of  her  courses, 
and  again  lifting  over  the  waves,  was  not  a  bad  similitude 
of  the  relief  felt  by  us  all  at  that  moment ;  and,  like  her, 
we  trembled  as  we  panted  with  the  sudden  reaction,  and 
felt  the  removal  of  the  intense  anxiety  which  oppressed 
our  breasts. 

The  captain  resigned  the  helm,  and  walked  aft  to  look 
at  the  point,  which  was  now  broad  on  the  weather 
quarter.  In  a  minute  or  two,  he  desired  Mr  Falcon  to 
get  new  sails  up  and  bend  them,  and  then  went  below  to 
his  cabin.  I  am  sure  it  was  to  thank  God  for  our  deliver- 
ance :  I  did  most  fervently,  not  only  then,  but  when  I 
went  to  my  hammock  at  night.  We  were  now  compara- 
tively safe — in  a  few  hours  completely  so ;  for  strange 
to  say,  immediately  after  we  had  weathered  the  rocks, 
the  gale  abated,  and  before  morning  we  had  a  reef  out  of 
the  topsails.  It  was  my  afternoon  watch,  and  perceiving 
Mr  Chucks  on  the  forecastle,  I  went  forward  to  him, 
and  asked  him  what  he  thought  of  it. 

"  Thought  of  it,  sir  !  "  replied  he  ;  "  why,  I  always 
think  bad  of  it  when  the  elements  won't  allow  my  whistle 
to  be  heard  ;  and  I  consider  it  hardly  fair  play.  I  never 
care  if  we  are  left  to  our  own  exertions  ;  but  how  is  it 
possible  for  a  ship's  company  to  do  their  best,  when  they 
cannot  hear  the  boatswain's  pipe  ?  However,  God  be 
thanked,  nevertheless,  and  make  better  Christians  of  us 
all  !  As  for  that  carpenter,  he  is  mad.  Just  before  we 
weathered  the  point,  he  told  me  that  it  was  just  the  same 
27,600  and  odd  years  ago.  I  do  believe  that  on  his  death- 
bed (and  he  was  not  far  from  a  very  hard  one  yesterday), 
he  will  tell  us  how  he  died  so  many  thousand  years  ago,  of 
the  same  complaint.  And  that  gunner  of  ours  is  a  fool. 
"Would  you  believe  it,  Mr  Simple,  he  went  crying  about 
the  decks,  '  O  my  poor  guns,  what  will  become  of  them  if 
they  break  loose  ? '  He  appeared  to  consider  it  of  no 
consequence  if  the  ship  and  ship's  company  were  all  lost, 
provided  that  his  guns  were  safely  landed  on  the  beach. 


Peter  Simple  123 

'  Mr  Dispart,'  said  I,  at  last,  '  allow  me  to  observe,  in  the 
most  delicate  way  in  the  world,  that  you're  a  d — d  old 
fool.'  You  see,  Mr  Simple,  it's  the  duty  of  an  officer  to 
generalise,  and  be  attentive  to  parts,  only  in  consideration 
of  the  safety  of  the  whole.  I  look  after  my  anchors  and 
cables,  as  I  do  after  the  rigging ;  not  that  I  care  for  any  of 
them  in  particular,  but  because  the  safety  of  a  ship  depends 
upon  her  being  well  found.  I  might  just  as  well  cry  be- 
cause we  sacrificed  an  anchor  and  cable  yesterday  morning, 
to  save  the  ship  from  going  on  shore." 

"  Very  true,  Mr  Chucks,"  replied  I. 

"Private  feelings,"  continued  he,  "must  always  be 
sacrificed  for  the  public  service.  As  you  know,  the  lower 
deck  was  full  of  water,  and  all  our  cabins  and  chests  were 
afloat ;  but  I  did  not  think  then  about  my  shirts,  and  look 
at  them  now,  all  blowing  out  in  the  forerigging,  without  a 
particle  of  starch  left  in  the  collars  or  the  frills.  I  shall 
not  be  able  to  appear  as  an  officer  ought  to  do  for  the 
whole  of  the  cruise." 

As  he  said  this,  the  cooper,  going  forward,  passed  by 
him,  and  jostled  him  in  passing.  "  Beg  pardon,  sir,"  said 
the  man,  "  but  the  ship  lurched." 

"The  ship  lurched,  did  it?"  replied  the  boatswain, 
who,  I  am  afraid,  was  not  in  the  best  of  humours  about  his 
wardrobe.  "  And  pray,  Mr  Cooper,  why  has  heaven 
granted  you  two  legs,  with  joints  at  the  knees,  except 
to  enable  you  to  counteract  the  horizontal  deviation  ?  •  Do 
you  suppose  they  were  meant  for  nothing  but  to  work 
round  a  cask  with  ?  Hark,  sir,  did  you  take  me  for  a 
post  to  scrub  your  pig's  hide  against  ?  Allow  me  just  to 
observe,  Mr  Cooper — just  to  insinuate,  that  when  you 
pass  an  officer,  it  is  your  duty  to  keep  at  a  respectable 
distance,  and  not  to  soil  his  clothes  with  your  rusty  iron 
jacket.  Do  you  comprehend  me,  sir ;  or  will  this  make 
you  recollect  in  future  ? "  The  rattan  was  raised,  and 
descended  in  a  shower  of  blows,  until  the  cooper  made 
his  escape  into  the  head.  "There,  take  that,  you  con- 
taminating, stave-dubbing,  gimlet-carrying,  quintessence  of 


124  Peter  Simple 

a  bung-hole  !  I  beg  your  pardon,  Mr  Simple,  for  inter- 
rupting the  conversation,  but  when  duty  calls,  we  must 
obey." 

"  Very  true,  Mr  Chucks.     It's  now  striking  seven  bells, 
and  I  must  call  the  master — so  good-by." 


Chapter   XVI 

News  from  home — A  fatigue  party  employed  at  Gibraltar — More  particulars 
in  the  life  of  Mr  Chucks — A  brush  with  the  enemy— A  court-martial  and 
a  lasting  impression. 

A  few  days  afterwards,,  a  cutter  joined  us  from  Plymouth, 
with  orders  for  the  frigate  to  proceed  forthwith  to  Gibral- 
tar, where  we  should  learn  our  destination.  We  were  all 
very  glad  of  this  :  for  we  had  had  quite  enough  of  cruising 
in  the  Bay  of  Biscay  ;  and,  as  we  understood  that  we  were 
to  be  stationed  in  the  Mediterranean,  we  hoped  to  exchange 
gales  of  wind  and  severe  weather,  for  fine  breezes  and  a 
bright  sky.  The  cutter  brought  out  c*ur  letters  and  news- 
papers. I  never  felt  more  happy  than  I  did  when  I  found 
one  put  into  my  hands.  It  is  necessary  to  be  far  from 
home  and  friends,  to  feel  the  real  delight  of  receiving  a 
letter.  I  went  down  into  the  most  solitary  place  in  the 
steerage,  that  I  might  enjoy  it  without  interruption.  I 
cried  with  pleasure  before  I  opened  itr  but  I  cried  a  great 
deal  more  with  grief,  after  I  had  read  the  contents — for  my 
eldest  brother  Tom  was  dead  of  a  typhus  fever.  Poor 
Tom  !  when  I  called  to  mind  what  tricks  he  used  to  play 
me — how  he  used  to  borrow  my  money  and  never  pay  me 
— and  how  he  used  to  thrash  me  and  make  me  obey  him, 
because  he  was  my  eldest  brother — I  shed  a  torrent  of 
tears  at  his  loss  ;  and  then  I  reflected  how  miserable  my 
poor  mother  must  be,  and  I  cried  still  more. 

"  "What's  the  matter,  spooney  ? "  said  O'Brien,  coming 
up  to  me.     "  Who  has  been  licking  you  now  ?  " 


Peter  Simple  125 

"  O,  nobody,"  replied  I;  "but  my  eldest  brother  Tom 
is  dead,  and  I  have  no  other." 

"  Well,  Peter,  I  dare  say  that  your  brother  was  a  very 
good  brother;  but  I'll  tell  you  a  secret.  When  you've 
lived  long  enough  to  have  a  beard  to  scrape  at,  you'll 
know  better  than  to  make  a  fuss  about  an  elder  brother. 
But  you're  a  good,  innocent  boy  just  now,  so  I  won't 
thrash  you  for  it.  Come,  dry  your  eyes,  Peter,  and  never 
mind  it.  We'll  drink  his  health  and  long  life  to  him,  after 
supper,  and  then  never  think  any  more  about  it." 

I  was  very  melancholy  for  a  few  days ;  but  it  was  so 
delightful  running  down  the  Portuguese  and  Spanish  coasts, 
the  weather  was  so  warm,  and  the  sea  so  smooth,  that  I 
am  afraid  I  forgot  my  brother's  death  sooner  than  I  ought 
to  have  done ;  but  my  spirits  were  cheered  up,  and  the 
novelty  of  the  scene  prevented  me  from  thinking.  Every 
one,  too,  was  so  gay  and  happy,  that  I  could  not  well 
be  otherwise.  In  a  fortnight,  we  anchored  in  Gibraltar 
Bay,  and  the  ship  was  stripped  to  refit.  There  was  so 
much  duty  to  be  done,  that  I  did  not  like  to  go  on  shore. 
Indeed,  Mr  Falcon  had  refused  some  of  my  messmates, 
and  I  thought  it  better  not  to  ask,  although  I  was  very 
anxious  to  see  a  place  which  was  considered  so  extra- 
ordinary. One  afternoon,  I  was  looking  over  the  gang- 
way as  the  people  were  at  supper,  and  Mr  Falcon  came  up 
to  me  and  said,  "  Well,  Mr  Simple,  what  are  you  thinking 
of?"  I  replied,  touching  my  hat,  that  I  was  wondering  how 
they  had  cut  out  the  solid  rock  into  galleries,  and  that  they 
must  be  very  curious. 

"  That  is  to  say,  that  you  are  very  curious  to  see  them. 
Well,  then,  since  you  have  been  very  attentive  to  your 
duty,  and  have  not  asked  to  go  on  shore,  I  will  give  you 
leave  to  go  to-morrow  morning  and  stay  till  gun-fire." 

I  was  very  much  pleased  at  this,  as  the  officers  had  a 
general  invitation  to  dine  with  the  mess,  and  all  who  could 
obtain  leave  being  requested  to  come,  I  was  enabled  to 
join  the  party.  The  first  lieutenant  had  excused  himself 
on  the  plea  of  there  being  so  much  to  attend  to  on  board ; 


126  Peter  Simple 

but  most  of  the  gun-room  officers  and  some  of  the  mid- 
shipmen obtained  leave.  "We  walked  about  the  town  and 
fortifications  until  dinner-time,  and  then  we  proceeded  to 
the  barracks.  The  dinner  was  very  good,  and  we  were  all 
very  merry ;  but  after  the  dessert  had  been  brought  in,  I 
slipped  away  with  a  young  ensign,  who  took  me  all  over 
the  galleries,  and  explained  everything  to  me,  which  was  a 
much  better  way  of  employing  my  time  than  doing  as  the 
others  did,  which  the  reader  will  acknowledge.  I  was  at 
the  sally-port  before  gun-fire — the  boat  was  there,  but  no 
officers  made  their  appearance.  The  gun  fired,  the  draw- 
bridge was  hauled  up,  and  I  was  afraid  that  I  should  be 
blamed ;  but  the  boat  was  not  ordered  to  shove  off,  as  it 
was  waiting  for  commissioned  officers.  About  an  hour 
afterwards,  when  it  was  quite  dark,  the  sentry  pointed  his 
arms  and  challenged  a  person  advancing  with,  "Who 
comes  there  ?  " — "  Naval  officer,  drunk  on  a  wheelbarrow," 
was  the  reply,  in  a  loud  singing  voice.  Upon  which,  the 
sentry  recovered  his  arms,  singing  in  return,  "Pass  naval 
officer,  drunk  on  a  wheelbarrow — and  all's  well ! "  and 
then  appeared  a  soldier  in  his  fatigue  dress,  wheeling  down 
the  third  lieutenant  in  a  wheelbarrow,  so  tipsy  that  he  could 
not  stand  or  speak.  Then  the  sentry  challenged  again,  and 
the  answer  was,  "  Another  naval  officer,  drunk  on  a  wheel- 
barrow;" upon  which  the  sentry  replied  as  before,  "Pass, 
another  naval  officer,  drunk  on  a  wheelbarrow — and  all's 
well."  This  was  my  friend  O'Brien,  almost  as  bad  as  the 
third  lieutenant ;  and  so  they  continued  for  ten  minutes, 
challenging  and  passing,  until  they  wheeled  down  the 
remainder  of  the  party,  with  the  exception  of  the  second 
lieutenant,  who  walked  arm  and  arm  with  the  officer  who 
brought  down  the  order  for  lowering  the  drawbridge.  I 
was  much  shocked,  for  I  considered  it  very  disgraceful; 
but  I  afterwards  was  told,  which  certainly  admitted  of 
some  excuse,  that  the  mess  were  notorious  for  never  per- 
mitting any  of  their  guests  to  leave  the  table  sober.  They 
were  all  safely  put  into  the  boat,  and  I  am  glad  to  say,  the 
first  lieutenant  was  in  bed  and  did  not   see  them  •  but  I 


Peter  Simple  127 

could  not  help  acknowledging  the  truth  of  an  observation 
made  by  one  of  the  men  as  the  officers  were  handed  into 
the  boat,  "  I  say,  Bill,  if  them  were  we,  what  a  precious 
twisting  we  should  get  to-morrow  at  six  bells  !  " 

The  ship  remained  in  Gibraltar  Bay  about  three  weeks, 
during  which  time  we  had  refitted  the  rigging  fore  and  aft, 
restowed  and  cleaned  the  hold,  and  painted  outside.  She 
never  looked  more  beautiful  than  she  did  when,  in  obedience 
to  our  orders,  we  made  sail  to  join  the  admiral.  We 
passed  Europa  Point  with  a  fair  wind,  and  at  sunset  we 
were  sixty  miles  from  the  Rock,  yet  it  was  distinctly  to  be 
seen,  like  a  blue  cloud,  but  the  outline  perfectly  correct. 
I  mention  this,  as  perhaps  my  reader  would  not  have 
believed  that  it  was  possible  to  see  land  at  such  a  distance. 
We  steered  for  Cape  de  Gatte,  and  we  were  next  day  close 
in  shore.  I  was  very  much  delighted  with  the  Spanish 
coast,  mountain  upon  mountain,  hill  upon  hill,  covered  with 
vines  nearly  to  their  summits.  We  might  have  gone  on 
shore  at  some  places,  for  at  that  time  we  were  friendly 
with  the  Spaniards,  but  the  captain  was  in  too  great  a 
hurry  to  join  the  admiral.  We  had  very  light  winds,  and 
a  day  or  two  afterwards  we  were  off  Valencia,  nearly  be- 
calmed. I  was  on  the  gangway,  looking  through  a  tele- 
scope at  the  houses  and  gardens  round  the  city,  when  Mr 
Chucks,  the  boatswain,  came  up  to  me.  "  Mr  Simple, 
oblige  me  with  that  glass  a  moment ;  I  wish  to  see  if  a 
building  remains  there,  which  I  have  some  reason  to 
remember." 

"  What,  were  you  ever  on  shore  there  ?  " 

"  Yes  I  was,  Mr  Simple,  and  nearly  stranded,  but  I  got 
off  again  without  much  damage." 

"  How  do  you  mean — were  you  wrecked,  then  ?  " 

"Not  my  ship,  Mr  Simple,  but  my  peace  of  mind  was 
for  some  time  ;  but  it's  many  years  ago,  when  I  was  first 
made  boatswain  of  a  corvette  (during  this  conversation  he 
was  looking  through  the  telescope) ;  yes,  there  it  is,"  said 
he  ;  "I  have  it  in  the  field.  Look,  Mr  Simple,  do  you  see 
a  small  church,  with  a  spire  of  glazed  tiles,  shining  like  a 
needle  ?  " 


128  Peter  Simple 

"  Yes,  I  do." 

"  "Well,  then,  just  above  it,  a  little  to  the  right,  there  is 
a  long  white  house,  with  four  small  windows — below  the 
grove  of  orange-trees." 

"  I  see  it,"  replied  I;  "  but  what  about  that  house,  Mr 
Chucks  ? " 

"  Why,  thereby  hangs  a  tale,"  replied  he,  giving  a  sigh, 
which  raised  and  then  lowered  the  frill  of  his  shirt  at  least 
six  inches. 

"Why,  what  is  the  mystery,  Mr  Chucks  ?  " 

"  I'll  tell  you,  Mr  Simple.  With  one  who  lived  in  that 
house,  I  was  for  the  first,  and  for  the  last  time,  in  love." 

"  Indeed  !     I  should  like  very  much  to. hear  the  story." 

"  So  you  shall,  Mr  Simple,  but  I  must  beg  that  you  will 
not  mention  it,  as  young  gentlemen  are  apt  to  quiz  ;  and  I 
think  that  being  quizzed  hurts  my  authority  with  the  men. 
It  is  now  about  sixteen  years  back — we  were  then  on  good 
terms  with  the  Spaniards,  as  we  are  now.  I  was  then  little 
more  than  thirty  years  old,  andhad just  received  my  warrant 
as  boatswain.  I  was  considered  a  well-looking  young  man 
at  that  time,  although  lately  I  have,  to  a  certain  degree,  got 
the  better  of  that." 

"  Well,  I  consider  you  a  remarkably  good-looking  man 
now,  Mr  Chucks." 

"  Thank  you,  Mr  Simple,  but  nothing  improves  by  age, 
that  I  know  of,  except  rum.  I  used  to  dress  very  smart, 
and  '  cut  the  boatswain '  when  I  was  on  shore  :  and  perhaps 
I  had  not  lost  so  much  of  the  polish  I  had  picked  up  in 
good  society.  One  evening,  I  was  walking  in  the  Plaza, 
when  I  saw  a  female  ahead,  who  appeared  to  be  the  prettiest 
moulded  little  vessel  that  I  ever  cast  my  eyes  on.  I  followed 
in  her  wake,  and  examined  her :  such  a  clean  run  I  never 
beheld — so  neat,  too,  in  all  her  rigging — everything  so 
nicely  stowed  under  hatches.  And  then,  she  sailed  along  in 
such  a  style,  at  one  moment  lifting  so  lightly,  just  like  a 
frigate,  with  her  topsails  on  the  caps,  that  can't  help  going 
along.  At  another  time,  as  she  turned  a  corner  sharp  up 
in  the  wind — wake  as  straight  as  an  arrow — no  leeway — I 


Peter  Simple  129 

made  all  sail  to  sheer  alongside  of  her,  and,  when  under 
quarter,  examined  her  close.  Never  saw  such  a  fine  swell 
in  the  counter,  and  all  so  trim — no  ropes  towing  overboard. 
Well,  Mr  Simple,  I  said  to  myself,  *  D — n  it,  if  her  figure- 
head and  bows  be  finished  off  by  the  same  builder,  she's 
perfect.'  So  I  shot  ahead,  and  yawed  a  little — caught  a 
peep  at  her  through  her  veil,  and  saw  two  black  eyes^ — as 
bright  as  beads,  and  as  large  as  damsons.  I  saw  quite 
enough,  and  not  wishing  to  frighten  her,  I  dropped  astern. 
Shortly  afterwards  she  altered  her  course,  steering  for  that 
white  house.  Just  as  she  was  abreast  of  it,  and  I  playing 
about  her  weather  quarter,  the  priests  came  by  in  procession, 
taking  the  host  to  somebody  who  was  dying.  My  little 
frigate  lowered  her  top-gallant  sails  out  of  respect,  as  other 
nations  used  to  do,  and  ought  now,  and  be  d — d  to  them, 
whenever  they  pass  the  flag  of  old  England " 

"  How  do  you  mean  ? "  inquired  I. 

"  I  mean  that  she  spread  her  white  handkerchief,  which 
fluttered  in  her  hand  as  she  went  along,  and  knelt  down 
upon  it  on  one  knee.  I  did  the  same,  because  I  was 
obliged  to  heave-to  to  keep  my  station,  and  I  thought,  that 
if  she  saw  me,  it  would  please  her.  When  she  got  up,  I 
was  on  my  legs  also  ;  but  in  my  hurry  I  had  not  chosen  a 
very  clean  place,  and  I  found  out,  when  I  got  up  again, 
that  my  white  jean  trousers  were  in  a  shocking  mess. 
The  young  lady  turned  round,  and  seeing  my  misfortune, 
laughed,  and  then  went  into  the  white  house,  while  I  stood 
there  like  a  fool,  first  looking  at  the  door  of  the  house,  and 
then  at  my  trousers.  However,  I  thought  that  I  might 
make  it  the  means  of  being  acquainted  with  her,  so  I  went 
to  the  door  and  knocked.  An  old  gentleman  in  a  large 
cloak,  who  was  her  father,  came  out ;  I  pointed  to  my 
trousers,  and  requested  him  in  Spanish  to  allow  me  a  little 
water  to  clean  them.  The  daughter  then  came  from  within, 
and  told  her  father  how  the  accident  had  happened.  The 
old  gentleman  was  surprised  that  an  English  officer  was  so 
good  a  Christian,  and  appeared  to  be  pleased.  He  asked 
me  very  politely  to  come  in,  and  sent  an  old  woman  for 

1 


130  Peter  Simple 

some  water.  I  observed  that  he  was  smoking  a  bit  of 
paper,  and  having  very  fortunately  about  a  couple  of 
dozen  of  real  Havannahs  in  my  pocket  (for  I  never  smoke 
anything  else,  Mr  Simple,  it  being  my  opinion  that  no  gentle- 
man can),  I  took  them  out,  and  begged  his  acceptance  of 
them.  His  eyes  glistened  at  the  sight  of  them,  but  he 
refused  to  take  more  than  one  ;  however,  I  insisted  upon 
his  taking  the  whole  bundle,  telling  him  that  I  had  plenty 
more  on  board,  reserving  one  for  myself,  that  I  might 
smoke  it  with  him.  He  then  requested  me  to  sit  down, 
and  the  old  woman  brought  some  sour  wine,  which  I 
declared  was  very  good,  although  it  made  me  quite  ill 
afterwards.  He  inquired  of  me  whether  I  was  a  good 
Christian.  I  replied  that  I  was.  I  knew  that  he  meant  a 
Catholic,  for  they  call  us  heretics,  Mr  Simple.  The 
daughter  then  came  in  without  her  veil,  and  she  was  per- 
fection ;  but  I  did  not  look  at  her,  or  pay  her  any  attention 
after  the  first  salutation,  I  was  so  afraid  of  making  the  old 
gentleman  suspicious.  He  then  asked  what  I  was — what 
sort  of  officer — was  I  captain  ?  I  replied  that  I  was  not. 
Was  I  'tenente  ?  which  means  lieutenant ;  I  answered  that 
I  was  not,  again,  but  with  an  air  of  contempt,  as  if  I  was 
something  better.  What  was  I,  then  ?  I  did  not  know 
the  Spanish  for  boatswain,  and,  to  tell  the  truth,  I  was 
ashamed  of  my  condition.  I  knew  that  there  was  an  officer 
in  Spain  called  corregidor,  which  means  a  corrector  in 
English,  or  one  who  punishes.  Now  I  thought  that  quite 
near  enough  for  my  purpose,  and  I  replied  that  I  was  the 
corregidor.  Now,  Mr  Simple,  a  corregidor  in  Spain  is  a 
person  of  rank  and  consequence,  so  they  imagined  that  I 
must  be  the  same,  and  they  appeared  to  be  pleased.  The 
young  lady  then  inquired  if  I  was  of  good  family — whether 
I  was  a  gentleman  or  not.  I  replied  that  I  hoped  so.  I 
remained  with  them  for  half-an-hour  more,  when  my  segar 
was  finished  j  I  then  rose,  and  thanking  the  old  gentleman 
for  his  civility,  begged  that  I  might  be  allowed  to  bring 
him  a  few  more  segars,  and  took  my  leave.  The  daughter 
opened  the  street  door,  and  I  Could  not  refrain  from  taking 
her  hand  and  kissing  it- — ■ — " 


Peter  Simple  131 

"  "Where's  Mr  Chucks  ?  call  the  boatswain  there  for- 
ward," hallooed  out  the  lieutenant. 

"  Here  I  am,  sir,"  replied  Mr  Chucks,  hastening  aft,  and 
leaving  me  and  his  story. 

"  The  captain  of  the  maintop  reports  the  breast  backstay 
much  chafed  in  the  serving.  Go  up  and  examine  it,"  said 
the  first  lieutenant. 

"  Yes,  sir,"  replied  the  boatswain,  who  immediately  went 
up  the  rigging. 

"  And,  Mr  Simple,  attend  to  the  men  scraping  the  spots 
off  the  quarter-deck." 

"  Yes,  sir,"  replied  I ;  and  thus  our  conversation  was 
broken  up. 

The  weather  changed  that  night,  and  we  had  a  succession 
of  rain  and  baffling  winds  for  six  or  seven  days,  during 
which  I  had  no  opportunity  of  hearing  the  remainder  of  the 
boatswain's  history.  "We  joined  the  fleet  off  Toulon,  closed 
the  admiral's  ship,  and  the  captain  went  on  board  to  pay 
his  respects.  When  he  returned,  we  found  out,  through 
the  first  lieutenant,  that  we  were  to  remain  with  the  fleet 
until  the  arrival  of  another  frigate,  expected  in  about  a 
fortnight,  and  then  the  admiral  had  promised  that  we 
should  have  a  cruise.  The  second  day  after  we  had  joined, 
we  were  ordered  to  form  part  of  the  in-shore  squadron, 
consisting  of  two  line-of-battle  ships  and  four  frigates. 
The  French  fleet  used  to  come  out  and  manoeuvre  within 
range  of  their  batteries,  or,  if  they  proceeded  further 
from  the  shore,  they  took  good  care  that  they  had  a 
leading  wind  to  return  again  into  port.  We  had 
been  in-shore  about  a  week,  every  day  running  close  in, 
and  counting  the  French  fleet  in  the  harbour,  to  see  that 
they  were  all  safe,  and  reporting  it  to  the  admiral  by 
signal,  when  one  fine  morning,  the  whole  of  the  French 
vessels  were  perceived  to  hoist  their  topsails,  and  in  less 
than  an  hour  they  were  under  weigh,  and  came  out  of  the 
harbour.  We  were  always  prepared  for  action,  night  and 
day,  and,  indeed,  often  exchanged  a  shot  or  two  with  the 
batteries  when  we   reconnoitred ;   the   in-shore  squadron 


132  Peter  Simple 

could  not,  of  course,  cope  with  the  whole  French  Meet, 
and  our  own  was  about  twelve  miles  in  the  offing,  but  the 
captain  of  the  line-of-battle  ship  who  commanded  us, 
hove-to,  as  if  in  defiance,  hoping  to  entice  them  further 
out.  This  was  not  very  easy  to  do,  as  the  French  knew 
that  a  shift  of  wind  might  put  it  out  of  their  power  to 
refuse  an  action,  which  was  what  they  would  avoid,  and 
what  we  were  so  anxious  to  bring  about.  I  say  we, 
speaking  of  the  English,  not  of  myself,  for  to  tell  the 
truth,  I  was  not  so  very  anxious.  I  was  not  exactly  afraid, 
but  I  had  an  unpleasant  sensation  at  the  noise  of  a  cannon- 
ball,  which  I  had  not  as  yet  got  over.  However,  four  of 
the  French  frigates  made  sail  towards  us,  and  hove-to, 
when  within  four  miles,  three  or  four  line-of-battle  ships 
following  them,  as  if  to  support  them.  Our  captain  made 
signal  for  permission  to  close  the  enemy,  which  was  granted, 
with  our  pennants,  and  those  of  another  frigate.  We 
immediately  made  all  sail,  beat  to  quarters,  put  out  the 
fires,  and  opened  the  magazines.  The  French  line-of- 
battle  ships  perceiving  that  only  two  of  our  frigates  were 
sent  against  their  four,  hove-to  at  about  the  same  distance 
from  their  frigates,  as  our  line-of-battle  ships  and  other 
frigates  were  from  us.  In  the  meantime  our  main  fleet 
continued  to  work  in  shore  under  a  press  of  sail,  and  the 
French  main  fleet  also  gradually  approached  the  detached 
ships.  The  whole  scene  reminded  me  of  the  tournaments 
I  had  read  of;  it  was  a  challenge  in  the  lists,  only  that  the 
enemy  were  two  to  one ;  a  fair  acknowledgment  on  their 
parts  of  our  superiority.  In  about  an  hour  we  closed  so 
near,  that  the  French  frigates  made  sail  and  commenced 
firing.  We  reserved  our  fire  until  within  a  quarter  of  a 
mile,  when  we  poured  our  broadside  into  the  headmost 
frigate,  exchanging  with  her  on  opposite  tacks.  The  Sea- 
horse, who  followed,  also  gave  her  a  broadside.  In  this 
way  we  exchanged  broadsides  with  the  whole  four,  and 
we  had  the  best  of  it,  for  they  could  not  load  so  fast  as  we 
could.  We  were  both  ready  again  for  the  frigates  as  they 
passed  us,  but  they  were  not  ready  with  their  broadside 


Peter  Simple  133 

for  the  Sea-horse,  who  followed  us  very  closely,  so  that 
they  had  two  broadsides  each,  and  we  had  only  four  in  the 
Diomede,  the  Sea-horse  not  having  one.  Our  rigging  was 
cut  up  a  great  deal,  and  we  had  six  or  seven  men  wounded, 
but  none  killed.  The  French  frigates  suffered  more,  and 
their  admiral  perceiving  that  they  were  cut  up  a  good  deal, 
made  a  signal  of  recall.  In  the  meantime  we  had  both 
tacked,  and  were  ranging  up  on  the  weather  quarter  of  the 
sternmost  frigate :  the  line-of-battle  ships  perceiving  this, 
ran  down  with  the  wind,  two  points  free,  to  support  their 
frigates,  and  our  in-shore  squadron  made  all  sail  to  support 
us,  nearly  laying  up  for  where  we  were.  But  the  wind  was 
what  is  called  at  sea  a  soldier's  wind,  that  is,  blowing  so 
that  the  ships  could  lie  either  way,  so  as  to  run  out  or  into 
the  harbour,  and  the  French  frigates,  in  obedience  to  their 
orders,  made  sail  for  their  fleet  in-shore,  the  line-of-battle 
ships  coming  out  to  support  them.  But  our  captain  would 
not  give  it  up,  although  we  all  continued  to  near  the 
French  line-of-battle  ships  every  minute — we  ran  in  with 
the  frigates,  exchanging  broadsides  with  them  as  fast  as 
we  could.  One  of  them  lost  her  foretopmast,  and  dropped 
astern,  and  we  hoped  to  cut  her  off,  but  the  others 
shortened  sail  to  support  her.  This  continued  for  about 
twenty  minutes,  when  the  French  line-of-battle  ships  were 
not  more  than  a  mile  from  us,  and  our  own  commodore 
had  made  the  signal  of  our  recall,  for  he  thought  that  we 
should  be  overpowered  and  taken.  But  the  Sea-horse,  who 
saw  the  recall  up,  did  not  repeat  it,  and  our  captain  was 
determined  not  to  see  it,  and  ordered  the  signal-man  not 
to  look  that  way.  The  action  continued,  two  of  the 
French  frigates  were  cut  to  pieces,  and  complete  wrecks, 
when  the  French  line-of-battle  ships  commenced  firing.  It 
was  then  high  time  to  be  off.  We  each  of  us  poured  in 
another  broadside,  and  then  wore  round  for  our  own 
squadron,  which  was  about  four  miles  off,  and  rather  to 
leeward,  standing  in  to  our  assistance.  As  we  wore  round, 
our  main-topmast,  which  had  been  badly  wounded,  fell  over 
the  side,  and  the  French  perceiving  this,  made  all  sail,  with 


134  Peter  Simple 

the  hope  of  capturing  us ;  but  the  Sea-horse  remained  with 
us,  and  we  threw  up  in  the  wind,  and  raked  them  until 
they  were  within  two  cables'  lengths  of  us.  Then  we 
stood  on  for  our  own  ships  ;  at  last  one  of  the  line-of- 
battle  ships,  which  sailed  as  well  as  the  frigates,  came 
abreast  of  us,  and  poured  in  a  broadside,  which  brought 
everything  about  our  ears,  and  I  thought  we  must  be 
taken ;  but  on  the  contrary,  although  we  lost  several 
men,  the  captain  said  to  the  first  lieutenant,  "  Now, 
if  they  only  wait  a  little  longer,  they  are  nabbed,  as 
sure  as  fate."  Just  at  this  moment,  our  own  line-of- 
battle  ships  opened  their  fire,  and  then  the  tables  were 
turned.  The  French  tacked,  and  stood  in  as  fast  as  they 
could,  followed  by  the  in-shore  squadron,  with  the 
exception  of  our  ship,  which  was  too  much  crippled 
to  chase  them.  One  of  their  frigates  had  taken  in  tow 
the  other,  who  had  lost  her  top-mast,  and  our  squadron 
came  up  with  her  very  fast.  The  English  fleet  were 
also  within  three  miles,  standing  in,  and  the  French 
fleet  standing  out,  to  the  assistance  of  the  other  ships 
which  had  been  engaged.  I  thought,  and  so  did  every- 
body, that  there  would  be  a  general  action,  but  we  were 
disappointed ;  the  frigate  which  towed  the  other,  finding 
that  she  could  not  escape,  cast  her  off,  and  left  her  to 
her  fate,  which  was  to  haul  down  her  colours  to  the 
commodore  of  the  in-shore  squadron.  The  chase  was 
continued  until  the  whole  of  the  French  vessels  were 
close  under  their  batteries,  and  then  our  fleet  returned 
to  its  station  with  the  prize,  which  proved  to  be  the 
Narcisse,  of  thirty-six  guns,  Captain  Le  Pelleteon.  Our 
captain  obtained  a  great  deal  of  credit  for  his  gallant 
behaviour.  We  had  three  men  killed,  and  Robinson,  the 
midshipman,  and  ten  men  wounded,  some  of  them  severely. 
I  think  this  action  cured  me  of  my  fear  of  a  cannon-ball, 
for  during  the  few  days  we  remained  with  the  fleet,  we 
often  were  fired  at  when  we  reconnoitred,  but  I  did  not 
care  anything  for  them.  About  the  time  she  was  ex- 
pected, the  frigate  joined,  and  we  had  permission  to  part 


Peter  Simple  135 

company.  But  before  I  proceed  with  the  history  of  our 
cruise,  I  shall  mention  the  circumstances  attending  a  court- 
martial,  which  took  place  during  the  time  that  we  were 
with  the  fleet,  our  captain  having  been  recalled  from  the 
in-shore  squadron  to  sit  as  one  of  the  members.  I  was 
the  midshipman  appointed  to  the  captain's  gig,  and  re- 
mained on  board  of  the  admiral's  ship  during  the  whole 
of  the  time  that  the  court  was  sitting.  Two  seamen,  one 
an  Englishman,  and  the  other  a  Frenchman,  were  tried  for 
desertion  from  one  of  our  frigates.  They  had  left  their 
ship  about  three  months,  when  the  frigate  captured  a 
French  privateer,  and  found  them  on  board  as  part  of 
her  crew.  For  the  Englishman,  of  course,  there  was  no 
defence  ;  he  merited  the  punishment  of  death,  to  which 
he  was  immediately  sentenced.  There  may  be  some  excuse 
for  desertion,  when  we  consider  that  the  seamen  are 
taken  into  the  service  by  force,  but  there  could  be  none 
for  fighting  against  his  country.  But  the  case  of  the 
Frenchman  was  different.  He  was  born  and  bred  in 
France,  had  been  one  of  the  crew  of  the  French  gun- 
boats at  Cadiz,  where  he  had  been  made  a  prisoner  by 
the  Spaniards,  and  expecting  his  throat  to  be  cut  every 
day,  had  contrived  to  escape  on  board  of  the  frigate  lying 
in  the  harbour,  and  entered  into  our  service,  I  really 
believe  to  save  his  life.  He  was  nearly  two  years  in 
the  frigate  before  he  could  find  an  opportunity  of  desert- 
ing from  her,  and  returning  to  France,  when  he  joined 
the  French  privateer.  During  the  time  that  he  was  in 
the  frigate,  he  bore  an  excellent  character.  The  greatest 
point  against  him  was,  that  on  his  arrival  at  Gibraltar  he 
had  been  offered,  and  had  received  the  bounty.  When  the 
Englishman  was  asked  what  he  had  to  say  in  his  defence, 
he  replied  that  he  had  been  pressed  out  of  an  American 
ship,  that  he  was  an  American  born,  and  that  he  had 
never  taken  the  bounty.  But  this  was  not  true.  The 
defence  of  the  Frenchman  was  considered  so  very  good 
for  a  person  in  his  station  of  life,  that  I  obtained  a  copy 
of  it,  which  ran  as  follows  : — 


136  Peter  Simple 

"  Mr  President,  and  Officers  of  the  Honourable  Court ; — 
It  is  with  the  greatest  humility  that  I  venture  to  address 
you.  I  shall  be  very  brief,  nor  shall  I  attempt  to  disprove 
the  charges  which  have  been  made  against  me,  but  confine 
myself  to  a  few  facts,  the  consideration  of  which  will, 
I  trust,  operate  upon  your  feelings  in  mitigation  of  the 
punishment  to  which  I  may  be  sentenced  for  my  fault — 
a  fault  which  proceeded,  not  from  any  evil  motive,  but 
from  an  ardent  love  for  my  country.  I  am  by  birth  a 
Frenchman  ;  my  life  has  been  spent  in  the  service  of 
France  until  a  few  months  after  the  revolution  in  Spain, 
when  I,  together  with  those  who  composed  the  French 
squadron  at  Cadiz,  was  made  a  prisoner.  The  hardships 
and  cruel  usage  which  I  endured  became  insupportable. 
I  effected  my  escape,  and  after  wandering  about  the  town 
for  two  or  three  days,  in  hourly  expectation  of  being 
assassinated,  the  fate  of  too  many  of  my  unfortunate 
countrymen ;  desperate  from  famine,  and  perceiving  no 
other  chance  of  escaping  from  the  town,  I  was  reduced  to 
the  necessity  of  offering  myself  as  a  volunteer  on  board 
of  an  English  frigate.  I  dared  not,  as  I  ought  to  have 
done,  acknowledge  myself  to  have  been  a  prisoner,  from 
the  dread  of  being  delivered  up  to  the  Spaniards.  During 
the  period  that  I  served  on  board  of  your  frigate,  I  con- 
fidently rely  upon  the  captain  and  the  officers  for  my 
character. 

"  The  love  of  our  country,  although  dormant  for  a 
time,  will  ultimately  be  roused,  and  peculiar  circumstances 
occurred  which  rendered  the  feeling  irresistible.  I  re- 
turned to  my  duty,  and  for  having  so  done,  am  I  to  be 
debarred  from  again  returning  to  that  country  so  dear 
to  me — from  again  beholding  my  aged  parents,  who  bless 
me  in  my  absence — from  again  embracing  my  brothers 
and  sisters — to  end  my  days  upon  a  scaffold  ;  not  for  the 
crime  which  I  did  commit  in  entering  into  your  service, 
but  for  an  act  of  duty  and  repentance — that  of  returning 
to  my  own  ?  Allow  me  to  observe,  that  the  charge 
against  me  is  not  for  entering  your  service,  but  for  hav- 


Peter  Simple  137 

ing  deserted  from  it.  For  the  former,  not  even  my  misery 
can  be  brought  forward  but  in  extenuation  ;  for  the  latter 
I  have  a  proud  consciousness,  which  will,  I  trust,  be  my 
support  in  my  extremity. 

"  Gentlemen,  I  earnestly  entreat  you  to  consider  my 
situation,  and  I  am  sure  that  your  generous  hearts  will 
pity  me.  Let  that  love  of  your  country,  which  now 
animates  your  breasts,  and  induces  you  to  risk  your  lives 
and  your  all,  now  plead  for  me.  Already  has  British 
humanity  saved  thousands  of  my  countrymen  from  the 
rage  of  the  Spaniards  ;  let  that  same  humanity  be  extended 
now,  and  induce  my  judges  to  add  one  more  to  the  list 
of  those  who,  although  our  nations  are  at  war,  if  they 
are  endowed  with  feeling,  can  have  but  one  sentiment 
towards  their  generous  enemy — a  sentiment  overpowering 
all  other,  that  of  a  deep-felt  gratitude."  * 

Whatever  may  have  been  the  effect  of  the  address  upon 
the  court  individually,  it  appeared  at  the  time  to  have 
none  upon  them  as  a  body.  Both  the  men  were  con- 
demned to  death,  and  the  day  after  the  morrow  was 
fixed  for  their  execution.  I  watched  the  two  prisoners 
as  they  went  down  the  side,  to  be  conducted  on  board 
of  their  own  ship.  The  Englishman  threw  himself  down 
in  the  stern  sheets  of  the  boat,  every  minor  consideration 
apparently  swallowed  up  in  the  thought  of  his  approaching 
end  ;  but  the  Frenchman,  before  he  sat  down,  observing 
that  the  seat  was  a  little  dirty,  took  out  his  silk  hand- 
kerchief, and  spread  it  on  the  seat,  that  he  might  not 
soil  his  nankeen  trowsers. 

I  was  ordered  to  attend  the  punishment  on  the  day 
appointed.  The  sun  shone  so  brightly,  and  the  sky  was 
so  clear,  the  wind  so  gentle  and  mild,  that  it  appeared 
hardly  possible  that  it  was  to  be  a  day  of  such  awe  and 
misery  to  the  two  poor  men,  or  of  such  melancholy  to 
the  fleet  in  general.  I  pulled  up  my  boat  with  the 
others  belonging  to  the  ships  of  the  fleet,  in  obedience 
to  the  orders  of  the  officer  superintending,  close  to  the 
*  This  is  fact. — Author. 


138  Peter  Simple 

fore-chains  of  the  ship.  In  about  half-an-hour  afterwards, 
the  prisoners  made  their  appearance  on  the  scaffold,  the 
caps  were  pulled  over  their  eyes,  and  the  gun  fired 
underneath  them.  When  the  smoke  rolled  away,  the 
Englishman  was  swinging  at  the  yard-arm,  but  the 
Frenchman  was  not  ;  he  had  made  a  spring  when  the 
gun  fired,  hoping  to  break  his  neck  at  once,  and  put 
an  end  to  his  misery  ;  but  he  fell  on  the  edge  of  the 
scaffold,  where  he  lay.  We  thought  that  his  rope  had 
given  way,  and  it  appeared  that  he  did  the  same,  for  he 
made  an  enquiry,  but  they  returned  him  no  answer.  He 
was  kept  on  the  scaffold  during  the  whole  hour  that 
the  Englishman  remained  suspended ;  his  cap  had  been 
removed,  and  he  looked  occasionally  at  his  fellow-sufferer. 
When  the  body  was  lowered  down,  he  considered  that 
his  time  was  come,  and  attempted  to  leap  overboard. 
He  was  restrained  and  led  aft,  where  his  reprieve  was 
read  to  him  and  his  arms  were  unbound.  But  the  effect 
of  the  shock  was  too  much  for  his  mind  ;  he  fell  down 
in  a  swoon,  and  when  he  recovered,  his  senses  had  left 
him,  and  I  heard  that  he  never  recovered  them,  but  was 
sent  home  to  be  confined  as  a  maniac.  I  thought,  and 
the  result  proved,  that  it  was  carried  too  far.  It  is  not 
the  custom,  when  a  man  is  reprieved,  to  tell  him  so, 
until  after  he  is  on  the  scaffold,  with  the  intention  that 
his  awful  situation  at  the  time  may  make  a  lasting  im- 
pression upon  him  during  the  remainder  of  his  life  ;  but, 
as  a  foreigner,  he  was  not  aware  of  our  customs,  and 
the  hour  of  intense  feeling  which  he  underwent  was  too 
much  for  his  reason.  I  must  say,  that  this  circumstance 
was  always  a  source  of  deep  regret  in  the  whole  fleet, 
and  that  his  being  a  Frenchman,  instead  of  an  Englishman, 
increased  the  feeling  of  commiseration. 


Peter  Simple  139 


Chapter  XVII 

Air  Chucks's  opinion   on  proper  names — He  finishes  his   Spanish  tale — 
March  of  intellect  among  the  Warrant  Officers. 

"We  were  all  delighted  when  our  signal  was  hoisted  to 
"  part  company,"  as  we  anticipated  plenty  of  prize-money 
under  such  an  enterprising  captain.  We  steered  for  the 
French  coast,  near  to  its  junction  with  Spain,  the  captain 
having  orders  to  intercept  any  convoys  sent  to  supply  the 
French  army  with  stores  and  provisions. 

The  day  after  we  parted  company  with  the  fleet,  Mr 
Chucks  finished  his  story. 

"Where  was  I,  Mr  Simple,  when  I  left  off?"  said  he, 
as  we  took  a  seat  upon  the  long  eighteen. 

"  You  had  just  left  the  house  after  having  told  them 
that  you  were  a  corregidor,  and  had  kissed  the  lady's 
hand." 

"Very  true.  Well,  Mr  Simple,  I  did  not  call  there 
for  two  or  three  days  afterwards ;  I  did  not  like  to  go  too 
soon,  especially  as  I  saw  the  young  lady  every  day  in  the 
Plaza.  She  would  not  speak  to  me,  but,  to  make  use  of 
their  expression,  '  she  gave  me  her  eyes,'  and  sometimes 
a  sweet  smile.  I  recollect  I  was  so  busy  looking  at  her 
one  day,  that  I  tripped  over  my  sword,  and  nearly  fell  on 
my  nose,  at  which  she  burst  out  a  laughing.'* 

"  Your  sword,  Mr  Chucks  ?  I  thought  boatswains 
never  wore  swords." 

"  Mr  Simple,  a  boatswain  is  an  officer,  and  is  entitled 
to  a  sword  as  well  as  the  captain,  although  we  have  been 
laughed  out  of  it  by  a  set  of  midshipman  monkeys.  I 
always  wore  my  sword  at  that  time  j  but  now-a-days,  a 
boatswain  is  counted  as  nobody,  unless  there  is  hard  work 
to  do,  and  then  it's  Mr  Chucks  this,  and  Mr  Chucks  that. 
But  I'll  explain  to  you  how  it  is,  Mr  Simple,  that  we 
boatswains  have  lost  so  much  of  consequence  and  dignity. 
The  first  lieutenants  are  made  to  do  the  boatswain's  duty 


140  Peter  Simple 

now-a-days,  and  if  they  could  only  wind  the  call,  they 
might  scratch  the  boatswain's  name  off  half  the  ships' 
books  in  his  Majesty's  service.  But  to  go  on  with  my 
yarn.  On  the  fourth  day,  I  called  with  my  handkerchief 
full  of  segars  for  the  father,  but  he  was  at  siesta,  as  they 
called  it.  The  old  serving-woman  would  not  let  me  in 
at  first;  but  I  shoved  a  dollar  between  her  skinny  old 
fingers,  and  that  altered  her  note.  She  put  her  old  head 
out,  and  looked  round  to  see  if  there  was  anybody  in  the 
street  to  watch  us,  and  then  she  let  me  in  and  shut  the 
door.  I  walked  into  the  room,  and  found  myself  alone 
with  Seraphina." 

"  Seraphina  ! — what  a  fine  name  !  " 

"  No  name  can  be  too  fine  for  a  pretty  girl,  or  a  good 
frigate,  Mr  Simple ;  for  my  part,  I'm  very  fond  of  these 
hard  names.  Your  Bess,  and  Poll,  and  Sue,  do  very  well 
for  the  Point,  or  Castle  Rag  ;  but  in  my  opinion,  they 
degrade  a  lady.  Don't  you  observe,  Mr  Simple,  that  all 
our  gun-brigs,  a  sort  of  vessel  that  will  certainly  d — n  the 
inventor  to  all  eternity,  have  nothing  but  low  common 
names,  such  as  Pincher,  Thrasher,  Boxer,  Badger,  and  all 
that  sort,  which  are  quite  good  enough  for  them ;  whereas 
all  our  dashing  saucy  frigates  have  names  as  long  as  the 
main-top  bowling,  and  hard  enough  to  break  your  jaw — 
such  as  Melpomeny,  Terpsichory,  Arethusy,  Bacchanty — 
fine  flourishers,  as  long  as  their  pennants  which  dip  along- 
side in  a  calm." 

"Very  true,"  replied  I;  "  but  do  you  think,  then,  it  is 
the  same  with  family  names  ? " 

"  Most  certainly,  Mr  Simple.  When  I  was  in  good 
society,  I  rarely  fell  in  with  such  names  as  Potts  or  Bell, 
or  Smith  or  Hodges  ;  it  was  always  Mr  Fortescue,  or 
Mr  Fitzgerald,  or  Mr  Fitzherbert — seldom  bowed,  sir, 
to  anything  under  three  syllables." 

"Then  I  presume,  Mr  Chucks,  you  are  not  fond  of 
your  own  name  ?  " 

"  There  you  touch  me,  Mr  Simple  ;  but  it  is  quite  good 
enough  for  a  boatswain,"  replied  Mr  Chucks,  with  a  sigh. 


Peter  Simple  141 

"  I  certainly  did  very  wrong  to  impose  upon  people  as  I 
did,  but  I've  been  severely  punished  for  it — it  has  made 
me  discontented  and  unhappy  ever  since.  Dearly  have  I 
paid  for  my  spree  ;  for  there  is  nothing  so  miserable  as  to 
have  ideas  above  your  station  in  life,  Mr  Simple.  But  I 
must  make  sail  again.  I  was  three  hours  with  Seraphina 
before  her  father  came  home,  and  during  that  time  I  never 
was  quietly  at  an  anchor  for  above  a  minute.  I  was  on 
my  knees,  vowing  and  swearing,  kissing  her  feet  and 
kissing  her  hand,  till  at  last  I  got  to  her  lips,  working  my 
way  up  as  regularly  as  one  who  gets  in  at  the  hawsehole 
and  crawls  aft  to  the  cabin  windows.  She  was  very  kind, 
and  she  smiled,  and  sighed,  and  pushed  me  off,  and 
squeezed  my  hand,  and  was  angry — frowning  till  I  was  in 
despair,  and  then  making  me  happy  again  with  her  melting 
dark  eyes  beaming  kindly,  till  at  last  she  said  that  she 
would  try  to  love  me,  and  asked  me  whether  I  would 
marry  her  and  live  in  Spain.  I  replied  that  I  would ;  and, 
indeed,  I  felt  as  if  I  could,  only  at  the  time  the  thought 
occurred  to  me  where  the  rhino  was  to  come  from,  for  I 
could  not  live,  as  her  father  did,  upon  a  paper  segar  and 
a  piece  of  melon  per  day.  At  all  events,  as  far  as  words 
went,  it  was  a  settled  thing.  "When  her  father  came 
home,  the  old  servant  told  him  that  I  had  just  at  that 
moment  arrived,  and  that  his  daughter  was  in  her  own 
room ;  so  she  was,  for  she  ran  away  as  soon  as  she  heard 
her  father  knock.  I  made  my  bow  to  the  old  gentleman, 
and  gave  him  the  segars.  He  was  serious  at  first,  but  the 
sight  of  them  put  him  into  good  humour,  and  in  a  few 
minutes  Donna  Seraphina  (they  call  a  lady  a  Donna  in 
Spain)  came  in,  saluting  me  ceremoniously,  as  if  we  had 
not  been  kissing  for  the  hour  together.  I  did  not  remain 
long,  as  it  was  getting  late,  so  I  took  a  glass  of  the  old 
gentleman's  sour  wine,  and  walked  off,  with  a  request 
from  him  to  call  again,  the  young  lady  paying  me  little  or 
no  attention  during  the  time  that  I  remained,  or  at  my 
departure." 

"Well,  Mr   Chucks,"  observed   I,  "it  appears  to  me 
that  she  was  a  very  deceitful  young  person." 


142  Peter  Simple 

"  So  she  was,  Mr  Simple ;  but  a  man  in  love  can't  see, 
and  I'll  tell  you  why.  If  he  wins  the  lady,  he  is  as  much 
in  love  with  himself  as  with  her,  because  he  is  so  proud 
of  his  conquest.  That  was  my  case.  If  I  had  had  my 
eyes,  I  might  have  seen  that  she  who  could  cheat  her  old 
father  for  a  mere  stranger,  would  certainly  deceive  him  in 
his  turn.  But  if  love  makes  a  man  blind,  vanity,  Mr 
Simple,  makes  him  blinder.     In  short,  I  was  an  ass." 

"Never  mind,  Mr  Chucks,  there  was  a  good  excuse  for 
it." 

"Well,  Mr  Simple,  I  met  her  again  and  again,  until  I 
was  madly  in  love,  and  the  father  appeared  to  be  aware 
of  what  was  going  on,  and  to  have  no  objection.  How- 
ever, he  sent  for  a  priest  to  talk  with  me,  and  I  again  said 
that  I  was  a  good  Catholic.  I  told  him  that  I  was  in  love 
with  the  young  lady,  and  would  marry  her.  The  father 
made  no  objection  on  my  promising  to  remain  in  Spain, 
for  he  would  not  part  with  his  only  daughter.  And  there 
again  I  was  guilty  of  deceit,  first,  in  making  a  promise  I 
did  not  intend  to  keep,  and  then  in  pretending  that  I  was 
a  Catholic.  Honesty  is  the  best  policy,  Mr  Simple,  in  the 
long  run,  you  may  depend  upon  it." 

"  So  my  father  has  always  told  me,  and  I  have  believed 
him,"  replied  I. 

"Well,  sir,  I  am  ashamed  to  say  that  I  did  worse;  for 
the  priest,  after  the  thing  was  settled,  asked  me  whether 
I  had  confessed  lately.  I  knew  what  he  meant,  and 
answered  that  I  had  not.  He  motioned  me  down  on  my 
knees ;  but,  as  I  could  not  speak  Spanish  enough  for  that, 
I  mumbled-jumbled  something  or  another,  half  Spanish 
and  half  English,  and  ended  with  putting  four  dollars  in 
his  hand  for  carita,  which  means  charity.  He  was  satisfied 
at  the  end  of  my  confession,  whatever  he  might  have  been 
at  the  beginning,  and  gave  me  absolution,  although  he 
could  not  have  understood  what  my  crimes  were ;  but 
four  dollars,  Mr  Simple,  will  pay  for  a  deal  of  crime  in 
that  country.  And  now,  sir,  comes  the  winding  up  of 
this  business.     Seraphina  told  me  that  she  was  going  to 


Peter  Simple  143 

the  opera  with  some  of  her  relations,  and  asked  me  if  I 
would  be  there  ;  that  the  captain  of  the  frigate,  and  all  the 
other  officers  were  going,  and  that  she  wished  me  to  go 
with  her.  You  see,  Mr  Simple,  although  Seraphina's 
father  was  so  poor,  that  a  mouse  would  have  starved  in 
his  house,  still  he  was  of  good  family,  and  connected  with 
those  who  were  much  better  off.  He  was  a  Don  himself, 
and  had  fourteen  or  fifteen  long  names,  which  I  forget 
now.  I  refused  to  go  with  her,  as  I  knew  that  the  service 
would  not  permit  a  boatswain  to  sit  in  an  opera-box,  when 
the  captain  and  first  lieutenant  were  there.  I  told  her 
that  I  had  promised  to  go  on  board  and  look  after  the  men 
while  the  captain  went  on  shore ;  thus,  as  you'll  see,  Mr 
Simple,  making  myself  a  man  of  consequence,  only  to  be 
more  mortified  in  the  end.  After  she  had  gone  to  the 
opera,  I  was  very  uncomfortable :  I  was  afraid  that  the 
captain  would  see  her,  and  take  a  fancy  to  her.  I  walked 
up  and  down,  outside,  until  I  was  so  full  of  love  and 
jealousy  that  I  determined  to  go  into  the  pit  and  see  what 
she  was  about.  I  soon  discovered  her  in  a  box,  with 
some  other  ladies,  and  with  them  were  my  captain  and 
first  lieutenant.  The  captain,  who  spoke  the  language 
well,  was  leaning  over  her,  talking  and  laughing,  and 
she  was  smiling  at  what  he  said.  I  resolved  to  leave 
immediately,  lest  she  should  see  me  and  discover  that  I 
had  told  her  a  falsehood ;  but  they  appeared  so  intimate 
that  I  became  so  jealous  I  could  not  quit  the  theatre. 
At  last  she  perceived  me,  and  beckoned  her  hand ;  I  looked 
very  angry,  and  left  the  theatre  cursing  like  a  madman. 
It  appeared  that  she  pointed  me  out  to  the  captain,  and 
asked  him  who  I  was ;  he  told  her  my  real  situation  on  board, 
and  spoke  of  me  with  contempt.  She  asked  whether  I 
was  not  a  man  of  family ;  at  this  the  captain  and  first 
lieutenant  both  burst  out  laughing,  and  said  that  I  was 
a  common  sailor  who  had  been  promoted  to  a  higher 
rank  for  good  behaviour — not  exactly  an  officer,  and  any- 
thing but  a  gentleman.  In  short,  Mr  Simple,  I  was  blown 
upon ;  and,  although  the  captain  said  more  than  was  correct, 


144  Peter  Simple 

as  I  learnt  afterwards  through  the  officers,  still  I  deserved 
it.  Determined  to  know  the  worst,  I  remained  outside 
till  the  opera  was  over,  when  I  saw  her  come  out,  the 
captain  and  first  lieutenant  walking  with  the  party — so 
that  I  could  not  speak  with  her.  I  walked  to  a  posada 
(that's  an  inn),  and  drank  seven  bottles  of  rosolio  to  keep 
myself  quiet ;  then  I  went  on  board,  and  the  second 
lieutenant,  who  was  commanding  officer,  put  me  under 
arrest  for  being  intoxicated.  It  was  a  week  before  I  was 
released ;  and  you  can't  imagine  what  I  suffered,  Mr 
Simple.  At  last,  I  obtained  leave  to  go  on  shore,  and  I 
went  to  the  house  to  decide  my  fate.  The  old  woman 
opened  the  door,  and  then  calling  me  a  thief,  slammed  it 
in  my  face ;  as  I  retreated,  Donna  Seraphina  came  to  the 
window,  and,  waving  her  hand  with  a  contemptuous  look, 
said,  '  Go,  and  God  be  with  you,  Mr  Gentleman.'  I 
returned  on  board  in  such  a  rage,  that  if  I  could  have 
persuaded  the  gunner  to  have  given  me  a  ball  cartridge, 
I  should  have  shot  myself  through  the  head.  What  made 
the  matter  worse,  I  was  laughed  at  by  everybody  in  the 
ship,  for  the  captain  and  first  lieutenant  had  made  the 
story  public." 

"Well,  Mr  Chucks,"  replied  I,  "I  cannot  help  being 
sorry  for  you,  although  you  certainly  deserved  to  be 
punished  for  your  dishonesty.  Was  that  the  end  of  the 
affair?" 

"  As  far  as  I  was  concerned  it  was,  Mr  Simple ;  but  not 
as  respected  others.  The  captain  took  my  place,  but 
without  the  knowledge  of  the  father.  After  all,  they 
neither  had  great  reason  to  rejoice  at  the  exchange." 

"  How  so,  Mr  Chucks — what  do  you  mean  ?  " 

"Why,  Mr  Simple,  the  captain  did  not  make  an  honest 
woman  of  her,  as  I  would  have  done  ;  and  the  father 
discovered  what  was  going  on,  and  one  night  the  captain 
was  brought  on  board  run  through  the  body.  We  sailed 
immediately  for  Gibraltar,  and  it  was  a  long  while  before 
he  got  round  again :  and  then  he  had  another  misfortune." 

"  What  was  that  ? " 


Peter  Simple  145 

"  Why  he  lost  his  boatswain,  Mr  Simple  ;  for  I  could 
not  bear  the  sight  of  him — and  then  he  lost  (as  you  must 
know,  not  from  your  own  knowledge,  but  from  that  of 
others)  a  boatswain  who  knows  his  duty." 

"  Every  one  says  so,  Mr  Chucks.  I'm  sure  that  our 
captain  would  be  very  sorry  to  part  with  you." 

"  I  trust  that  every  captain  has  been  with  whom  I've 
sailed,  Mr  Simple.  But  that  was  not  all  he  lost,  Mr 
Simple ;  for  the  next  cruise  he  lost  his  masts ;  and  the 
loss  of  his  masts  occasioned  the  loss  of  his  ship,  since 
which  he  has  never  been  trusted  with  another,  but  is 
laid  on  the  shelf.  Now  he  never  carried  away  a  spar  of 
any  consequence  during  the  whole  time  that  I  was  with 
him.  A  mast  itself  is  nothing,  Mr  Simple — only  a  piece 
of  wood — but  fit  your  rigging  properly,  and  then  a  mast 
is  strong  as  a  rock.  Only  ask  Mr  Faulkner,  and  he'll 
tell  you  the  same  j  and  I  never  met  an  officer  who  knew 
better  how  to  support  a  mast." 

"  Did  you  ever  hear  any  more  of  the  young  lady  ?  " 

"  Yes ;  about  a  year  afterwards  I  returned  there  in 
another  ship.  She  had  been  shut  up  in  a  convent,  and 
forced  to  take  the  veil.  Oh,  Mr  Simple  !  if  you  knew 
how  I  loved  that  girl !  I  have  never  been  more  than  polite 
to  a  woman  since,  and  shall  die  a  bachelor.  You  can't 
think  how  I  was  capsized  the  other  day,  when  I  looked 
at  the  house ;  I  have  hardly  touched  beef  or  pork  since, 
and  am  in  debt  two  quarts  of  rum  more  than  my  allowance. 
But,  Mr  Simple,  I  have  told  you  this  in  confidence,  and  I 
trust  you  are  too  much  of  a  gentleman  to  repeat  it ;  for  I 
cannot  bear  quizzing  from  young  midshipmen." 

I  promised  that  I  would  not  mention  it,  and  I  kept  my 
word  ;  but  circumstances  which  the  reader  will  learn  in 
the  sequel  have  freed  me  from  the  condition.  Nobody 
can  quiz  him  now. 

We  gained  our  station  off  the  coast  of  Perpignan ;  and 
as  soon  as  we  made  the  land,  we  were  most  provokingly 
driven  off  by  a  severe  gale.  I  am  not  about  to  make  any 
remarks  about  the  gale,  for  one  storm  is  so  like  another } 

K 


146  Peter  Simple 

but  I  mention  it,  to  account  for  a  conversation  which  took 
place,  and  with  which  I  was  very  much  amused.  I  was 
near  to  the  captain  when  he  sent  for  Mr  Muddle,  the 
carpenter,  who  had  been  up  to  examine  the  main-topsaii 
yard,  which  had  been  reported  as  sprung. 

"Well,  Mr  Muddle,"  said  the  captain. 

"  Sprung,  sir,  most  decidedly ;  but  I  think  we'll  be  able 
to  mitigate  it." 

"Will  you  be  able  to  secure  it  for  the  present,  Mr 
Muddle  ?  "  replied  the  captain,  rather  sharply. 

"We'll  mitigate 'it,  sir,  in  half  an  hour." 

"I  wish  that  you  would  use-common  phrases  when  you 
speak  to  me,  Mr  Muddle.  I  presume,  by  mitigate,  you 
mean  to  say  that  you  can  secure  it.  Do  you  mean  so, 
sir,  or  do  you  not  i  " 

"  Yes,  sir,  that. is  what  I  mean,  most  decidedly.  I  hope 
no  offence,  Captain  Savage ;  but  I  did  not  intend  to 
displease  you  by  my  language." 

"Very  good,  Mr  Muddle,"  replied  the  captain  j  "it's 
the  first  time  that  I  have  spoken  to  you  on  the  subject, 
recollect  that  it  will  be  the  last." 

"  The  first  time !  "  replied  the  carpenter,  who  could 
not  forget  his  philosophy;  "I  beg  your  pardon,  Captain 
Savage,  you  found  just  the  same  fault  with  me  on  this 
quarter-deck  27,672  years  ago,  and " 

"If  I  d?i,  Mr  Muddle,"  interrupted  the  captain,  very 
angrily,  "depend  upon  it  that  at  the  same  time  I  ordered 
you  to  go  aloft,  and  attend  to  your  duty,  instead  of 
talking  nonsense  on  the  quarter-deck ;  and,  although, 
as  you  say,  you  and  I  cannot  recollect  it,  if  you  did 
not  obey  that  order  instantaneously,  I  also  put  you  in 
confinement,  and  obliged  you  to  leave  the  ship  as  soon 
as  she  returned  to  port.     Do  you  understand  me,  sir  ?  " 

"  I  rather  think,  sir,"  replied  the  carpenter,  humbly 
touching  his  hat,  and  walking  to  the  main  rigging,  "  that 
no  such  thing  took  place,  for  I  went  up  immediately,  as 
I    do   now ;    and,"   continued    the    carpenter,    who   was 


Peter  Simple  147 

incurable,  as  he  ascended  the  rigging,  "  as  I  shall  again 
in  another  27,672  years." 

"That  man  is  incorrigible  with  his  confounded  nonsense," 
observed  the  captain  to  the  first  lieutenant.  "  Every  mast 
in  the  ship  would  go  over  the  side,  provided  he  could  get 
any  one  to  listen  to  his  ridiculous  theory." 

"  He  is  not  a  bad  carpenter,  sir,"  replied  the  first 
lieutenant. 

"  He  is  not,"  rejoined  the  captain  ;  "  but  there  is  a 
time  for  all  things." 

Just  at  this  moment,  the  boatswain  Came  down  the  rigging. 

"Well,  Mr  Chucks,  what  do  you  think  of  the  yard? 
Must  we  shift  it  ? "  inquired  the  captain. 

"  At  present,  Captain  Savage,"  replied  the  boatswain, 
"  I  consider  it  to  be  in  a  state  which  may  be  called 
precarious,  and  not  at  all  permanent  5  but,  with  a  little 
human  exertion,  four  fathom  of  three-inch,  and  half-a- 
dozen  tenpenny  nails,  it  may  last,  for  all  I  know,  until 
it  is  time  for  it  to  be  sprung  again." 

"  I  do  not  understand  you,  Mr  Chucks.  I  know  no 
time  when  a  yard  ought  to  be  sprung." 

"  I  did  not  refer  to  our  time,  sir,"  replied  the  boatswain, 
"  but  to  the  27,672  years  of  Mr  Muddle,  when " 

"  Go  forward  immediately,  sir,  and  attend  to  your 
duty,"  cried  the  captain,  in  a  very  angry  voice ;  and 
then  he  said  to  the  first  lieutenant,  "  I  believe  the 
warrant  officers  are  going  mad.  Who  ever  heard  a 
boatswain  use  such  language — *  precarious  and  not  at 
all  permanent  ? '  His  stay  in  the  ship  will  become  so, 
if  he  does  not  mind  what  he  is  about." 

"  He  is  a  very  odd  character,  sir,"  replied  the  first 
lieutenant ;  "  but  I  have  no  hesitation  in  saying  that  he 
is  the  best  boatswain  in  his  majesty's  service." 

"  I  believe  so  too,"  replied  the  captain  ;  "  but — well, 
every  one  has  his  faults.  Mr  Simple,  what  are  you  about, 
sir?" 

"  I  was  listening  to  what  you  said,"  replied  I,  touching 
my  hat. 


148  Peter  Simple 

"  I  admire  youT  candour,  sir,"  replied  he,  "  but  advise 
you  to  discontinue  the  practice.  Walk  over  to  leeward, 
sir,  and  attend  to  your  duty." 

When  I  was  on  the  other  side  of  the  deck,  I  looked 
round,  and  saw  the  captain  and  first  lieutenant  both 
laughing. 

Chapter  XVIII 

I  go  away  on  service,  am  wounded  and  taken  prisoner  with  O'Brien — 
Diamond  cut  diamond  between  the  O'Briens — Get  into  comfortable 
quarters — My  first  interview  with  Celeste. 

And  now  I  have  to  relate  an  event,  which,  young  as  I  was 
at  the  time,  will  be  found  to  have  seriously  affected  me 
in  after  life.  How  little  do  we  know  what  to-morrow 
may  bring  forth !  We  had  regained  our  station,  and  for 
some  days  had  been  standing  off  and  on  the  coast,  when 
one  morning  at  daybreak,  we  found  ourselves  about  four 
miles  from  the  town  of  Cette,  and  a  large  convoy  of 
vessels  coming  round  a  point.  We  made  all  sail  in  chase, 
and  they  anchored  close  in  shore,  under  a  battery,  which 
we  did  not  discover  until  it  opened  fire  upon  us  The 
shot  struck  the  frigate  two  or  three  times,  for  the  watei 
was  smooth,  and  the  battery  nearly  level  with  it.  The 
captain  tacked  the  ship,  and  stood  out  again,  until  the 
boats  were  hoisted  out,  and  all  ready  to  pull  on  shore 
and  storm  the  battery.  O'Brien,  who  was  the  officer 
commanding  the  first  cutter  on  service,  was  in  his  boat, 
and  I  again  obtained  permission  from  him  to  smuggle 
myself  into  it. 

"  Now,  Peter,  let's  see  what  kind  of  a  fish  you'll  bring 
on  board  this  time,"  said  he,  after  we  had  shoved  off:  "or 
may  be,  the  fish  will  not  let  you  off  quite  so  easy."  The 
men  in  the  boat  all  laughed  at  this,  and  I  replied,  "  That 
I  must  be  more  seriously  wounded  than  I  was  last  time, 
to  be  made  a  prisoner."  We  ran  on  shore,  amidst  the 
fire  of  the  gunboats,  who  protected  the  convoy,  by  which 


Peter  Simple  149 

we  lost  three  men,  and  made  for  the  battery,  which  we 
took  without  opposition,  the  French  artillery-men  running 
out  as  we  ran  in.  The  directions  of  the  captain  were 
very  positive,  not  to  remain  in  the  battery  a  minute  after 
it  was  taken,  but  to  board  the  gunboats,  leaving  only  one 
of  the  small  boats,  with  the  armourer  to  spike  the  guns, 
for  the  captain  was  aware  that  there  were  troops  stationed 
along  the  coast,  who  might  come  down  upon  us  and  beat 
us  off.  The  first  lieutenant,  who  commanded,  desired 
O'Brien  to  remain  with  the  first  cutter,  and  after  the 
armourer  had  spiked  the  guns,  as  officer  of  the  boat  he 
was  to  shove  off  immediately.  O'Brien  and  I  remained 
in  the  battery  with  the  armourer,  the  boat's  crew  being 
ordered  down  to  the  boat,  to  keep  her  afloat,  and  ready 
to  shove  off  at  a  moment's  warning.  We  had  spiked 
all  the  guns  but  one,  when  all  of  a  sudden  a  volley 
of  musketry  was  poured  upon  us,  which  killed  the 
armourer,  and  wounded  me  in  the  leg  above  the  knee. 
I  fell  down  by  O'Brien,  who  cried  out,  "  By  the  powers  ! 
here  they  are,  and  one  gun  not  spiked."  He  jumped 
down,  wrenched  the  hammer  from  the  armourer's  hand, 
and  seizing  a  nail  from  the  bag,  in  a  few  moments  he 
had  spiked  the  gun.  At  this  time  I  heard  the  tramping 
of  the  French  soldiers  advancing,  when  O'Brien  threw 
away  the  hammer,  and  lifting  me  upon  his  shoulders, 
cried,  "Come  along,  Peter,  my  boy,"  and  made  for  the 
boat  as  fast  as  he  could ;  but  he  was  too  late ;  he  had 
not  got  half  way  to  the  boat,  before  he  was  collared 
by  two  French  soldiers,  and  dragged  back  into  the 
battery.  The  French  troops  then  advanced,  and  kept 
up  a  smart  fire :  our  cutter  escaped,  and  joined  the 
other  boat,  who  had  captured  the  gun-boats  and  convoy 
with  little  opposition.  Our  large  boats  had  carronades 
mounted  in  their  bows,  and  soon  returned  the  fire 
with  round  and  grape,  which  drove  the  French  troops 
back  into  the  battery,  where  they  remained,  popping  at 
our  men  under  cover,  until  most  of  the  vessels  were 
taken  out ;  those  which  they  could  not  man  were  burnt. 


150  Peter  Simple 

In  the  meantime,  O'Brien  had  been  taken  into  the  battery, 
with  me  on  his  back ;  but  as  soon  as  he  was  there,  he 
laid  me  gently  down,  saying,  "Peter,  my  boy,  as  long 
as  you  were  under  my  charge,  I'd  carry  you  through 
thick  and  thin  ;  but  now-  that  you  are  under  the  charge 
of  these  French  beggars,  why  let  them  carry  you.  Every 
man  his  own  bundle,  Peter,  that's  fair  play,  so  if  they 
think  you're  worth  the  carrying,  let  them  bear  the 
weight  of  ye.'' 

"  And  suppose  they  do  not,  O'Brien,  will  you  leave 
me  here  ?  " 

"  Will  I  lave  you,  Peter  !  not  if  I  can  help  it,  my  boy  ; 
but  they  won't  leave  you,  never  fear  them ;  prisoners  are 
so  scarce  with  them,  that  they  would  not  leave  the  captain's 
monkey,  if  he  were  taken." 

As  soon  as  our  boats  were  clear  of  their  musketry,  the 
commanding  officer  of  the  French  troops  examined  the 
guns  in  the  battery,  with  the  hope  of  reaching  them, 
and  was  very  much  annoyed  to  find  that  every  one 
of  them  was  spiked.  "  He'll  look  sharper  than  a  magpie 
before  he  finds  a  clear  touch-hole,  I  expect,"  said  O'Brien, 
as  he  watched  the  officer.  And  here  I  must  observe,  that 
O'Brien  showed  great  presence  of  mind  ki  spiking  the  last 
gun ;  for  had  they  had  one  gun  to  fire  at  our  boats  towing 
out  the  prizes,  they  must  have  done  a  great  deal  of  mischief 
to  them,  and  we  should  have  lost  a  great  many  men ;  but 
in  so  doing,  and  in  the  attempt  to  save  me,  he  sacrificed 
himself,  and  was  taken  prisoner.  When  the  troops  ceased 
firing,  the  commanding  officer  came  up  to  O'Brien,  and 
looking  at  him,  said,  "  Officer  ?"  to  which  O'Brien  nodded 
his  head.  He  then  pointed  to  me— "  Officer  ?  "  O'Brien 
nodded  his  head  again,  at  which  the  French  troops  laughed, 
as  O'Brien  told  me  afterwards,  because  I  was  what  they 
called  an  enfant,  which  means  an  infant.  I  was  very  stiff, 
and  faint,  and  could  not  walk.  The  officer  who  commanded 
the  troops  left  a  detachment  in  the  battery,  and  prepared 
to  return  to  Cette,  from  whence  they  came.  O'Brien 
walked,  and  I  was  carried  on  three  muskets  by  six  of  the 


Peter  Simple  151 

French  soldiers — not  a  very  pleasant  conveyance  at  any 
time,  but  in  my  state  excessively  painful.  However,  I 
must  say,  that  they  were  very  kind  to  me,  and  put  a  great 
coat  or  something  under  my  wounded  leg,  for  I  was  in  an 
agony,  and  fainted  several  times.  At  last  they  brought  me 
some  water  to  drink.  O  how  delicious  it  was  !  I  have 
often  thought  since,  when  I  have  been  in  company,  where 
people  fond  of  good  living  have  smacked  their  lips  at  their 
claret,  that  if  they  could  only  be  wounded,  and  taste  a  cup 
of  water,  they  would  then  know  what  it  was  to  feel  a  beverage 
grateful.  In  about  an  hour  and  a  half,  which  appeared  to 
me  to  be  five  days  at  the  least,  we  arrived  at  the  town  of 
Cette,  and  I  was  taken  up  to  the  house  of  the  officer  who 
commanded  the  troops,  and  who  had  often  looked  at  me 
as  I  was  carried  there  from  the  battery,  saying,  "  Pauvre 
enfant !  "  I  was  put  on  a  bed,  where  I  again  fainted  away. 
When  I  came  to  my  senses,  I  found  a  surgeon  had 
bandaged  my  leg,  and  that  I  had  been  undressed.  O'Brien 
was  standing  by  me,  and  I  believe  that  he  had  been  crying, 
for  he  thought  that  I  was  dead.  When  I  looked  him  in 
the  face,  he  said,  "Pater,  you  baste,  how  you  frightened 
me :  bad  luck  to  me  if  ever  I  take  charge  of  another 
youngster.     What  did  you  sham  dead  for  ?  " 

"I  am  better  now,  O'Brien,"  replied  I,  "how  much  I 
am  indebted  to  you  :  you  have  been  made  prisoner  in  trying 
to  save  me." 

"  I  have  been  made  prisoner  in  doing  my  duty,  in  one 
shape  or  another.  If  that  fool  of  an  armourer  hadn't  held 
his  hammer  so  tight,  after  he  was  dead,  and  it  was  of  no 
use  to  him,  I  should  have  been  clear  enough,  and  so  would 
you  have  been !  but,  however,  all  this  is  nothing  at  all, 
Peter  ;  as  far  as  I  can  see,  the  life  of  a  man  consists  in 
getting  into  scrapes,  and  getting  out  of  them.  By  the 
blessing  of  God,  we've  managed  the  first,  and  by  the 
blessing  of  God  we'll  manage  the  second  also  ;  so  be  smart, 
my  honey,  and  get  well,  for  although  a  man  may  escape 
by  running  away  on  two  legs,  I  never  heard  of  a  boy  who 
hopped  out  of  a  French  prison  upon  one." 


152  Peter  Simple 

I  squeezed  the  offered  hand  of  O'Brien,  and  looked 
round  me  ;  the  surgeon  stood  at  one  side  of  the  bed,  and 
the  officer  who  commanded  the  troops  at  the  other.  At 
the  head  of  the  bed  was  a  little  girl  about  twelve  years 
old,  who  held  a  cup  in  her  hand,  out  of  which  something 
had  been  poured  down  my  throat.  I  looked  at  her,  and 
she  had  such  pity  in  her  face,  which  was  remarkably  hand- 
some, that  she  appeared  to  me  as  an  angel,  and  I  turned 
round  as  well  as  I  could,  that  I  might  look  at  her  alone. 
She  offered  me  the  cup,  which  I  should  have  refused  from 
any  one  but  her,  and  I  drank  a  little.  Another  person 
then  came  into  the  room,  and  a  conversation  took  place  in 
French. 

"I  wonder  what  they  mean  to  do  with  us,"  said  I  to 
O'Brien. 

"Whist,  hold  your  tongue,"  replied  he  5  and  then  he 
leaned  over  me,  and  said  in  a  whisper,  "  I  understand  all 
they  say  ;  don't  you  recollect,  I  told  you  that  I  learnt  the 
language  after  I  was  kilt  and  buried  in  the  sand,  in  South 
America  ? "  After  a  little  more  conversation,  the  officer 
and  the  others  retired,  leaving  nobody  but  the  little  girl 
and  O'Brien  in  the  room. 

"It's  a  message  from  the  governor,"  said  O'Brien,  as 
soon  as  they  were  gone,  "  wishing  the  prisoners  to  be  sent 
to  the  gaol  in  the  citadel,  to  be  examined  ;  and  the  officer 
says  (and  he's  a  real  gentleman,  as  far  as  I  can  judge)  that 
you're  but  a  baby,  and  badly  wounded  in  the  bargain,  and 
that  it  would  be  a  shame  not  to  leave  you  to  die  in  peace ; 
so  I  presume  that  I'll  part  company  from  you  very  soon." 

"  I  hope  not,  O'Brien,"  replied  I ;  "if  you  go  to  prison, 
I  will  go  also,  for  I  will  not  leave  you,  who  are  my  best 
friend,  to  remain  with  strangers  ;  I  should  not  be  half  so 
happy,  although  I  might  have  more  comforts  in  my  present 
situation." 

"  Pater,  my  boy,  I  am  glad  to  see  that  your  heart  is  in 
the  right  place,  as  I  always  thought  it  was,  or  I  wouldn't 
have  taken  you  under  my  protection.  We'll  go  together 
to  prison,  my  jewel,  and  I'll  fish  at  the  bars  with  a  bag  and 


Peter  Simple  153 

a  long  string,  just  by  way  of  recreation,  and  to  pick  up 
a  little  money  to  buy  you  all  manner  of  nice  things ;  and 
when  you  get  well,  you  shall  do  it  yourself,  mayhap  you'll 
have  better  luck,  as  Peter  your  namesake  had,  who  was 
a  fisherman  before  you.  There's  twice  as  much  room  in 
one  of  the  cells  as  there  is  in  a  midshipman's  berth,  my 
boy ;  and  the  prison  yards,  where  you  are  allowed  to  walk, 
will  make  a  dozen  quarter-decks,  and  no  need  of  touching 
your  hat  out  of  respect  when  you  go  into  it.  When 
a  man  has  been  cramped  up  on  board  of  a  man-of-war, 
where  midshipmen  are  stowed  away  like  pilchards  in  a 
cask,  he  finds  himself  quite  at  liberty  in  a  prison,  Peter. 
But  somehow  or  another,  I  think  we  mayn't  be  parted  yet, 
for  I  heard  the  officer  (who  appears  to  be  a  real  gentleman, 
and  worthy  to  have  been  an  Irishman  born)  say  to  the 
other,  that  he'd  ask  the  governor  for  me  to  stay  with  you 
on  parole,  until  you  are  well  again."  The  little  girl  handed 
me  the  lemonade,  of  which  I  drank  a  little,  and  then  I  felt 
very  faint  again.  I  laid  my  head  on  the  pillow,  and 
O'Brien  having  left  off  talking,  I  was  soon  in  a  comfortable 
sleep.  In  an  hour  I  was  awakened  by  the  return  of  the 
officer,  who  was  accompanied  by  the  surgeon.  The  officer 
addressed  O'Brien  in  French  who  shook  his  head  as  before. 

"  Why  don't  you  answer,  O'Brien,"  said  I,  "  since  you 
understand  him  ?  " 

"Peter,  recollect  that  I  cannot  speak  a  word  of  their 
lingo ;  then  I  shall  know  what  they  say  before  us,  and 
they  won't  mind  what  they  say,  supposing  I  do  not  under- 
stand them." 

"  But  is  that  honest,  O'Brien  ?  " 

"Is  it  honest  you  mean  ?  If  I  had  a  five-pound  note  in 
my  pocket,  and  don't  choose  to  show  it  to  every  fellow 
that  I  meet — is  that  dishonest  ?  " 

"  To  be  sure  it's  not." 

"  And  a'n't  that  what  the  lawyers  call  a  case  in  pint  ?  *? 

"  Well,"  replied  I,  "  if  you  wish  it,  I  shall  of  course  say 
nothing ;  but  I  think  that  I  should  tell  them,  especially  as 
they  are  so  kind  to  us." 


154  Peter  Simple 

During  this  conversation,  the  officer  occasionally  spoke 
to  the  surgeon,  at  the  same  time  eyeing  us,  I  thought,  very 
hard.  Two  other  persons  then  came  into  the  room  •,  one 
of  them  addressed  O'Brien  in  very  bad  English,  saying, 
that  he  was  interpreter,  and  would  beg  him  to  answer 
a  few  questions.  He  then  inquired  the  name  of  our  ship, 
number  of  guns,  and  how  long  we  had  been  cruising. 
After  that,  the  force  of  the  English  fleet,  and  a  great 
many  other  questions  relative  to  them ;  all  of  which  were 
put  in  French  by  the  person  who  came  with  him,  and  the 
answer  translated,  and  taken  down  in  a  book.  Some  of 
the  questions  O'Brien  answered  correctly,  to  others  he 
pleaded  ignorance  j  and  to  some,  he  asserted  what  was  not 
true.  But  I  did  not  blame  him  for  that,  as  it  was  his  duty 
not  to  give  information  to  the  enemy.  At  last  they  asked 
my  name,  and  rank,  which  O'Brien  told  them*.  "Was  I 
noble  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  replied  O'Brien. 

"  Don't  say  so,  O'Brien,"  interrupted  I. 

"  Peter,  you  know  nothing  about  it,  you  are  grandson 
to  a  lord." 

"  I  know  that,  but  still  I  am  not  noble  myself,  although 
descended  from  him ;  therefore  pray  don't  say  so." 

"  Bother !  Pater,  I  have  said  it,  and  I  won't  unsay  it ; 
besides,  Pater,  recollect  it's  a  French  question,  and  in 
France  you  would  be  considered  noble.  At  all  events,  it 
can  do  no  harm." 

"  I  feel  too  ill  to  talk,  O'Brien ;  but  I  wish  you  had  not 
said  so." 

They  then  inquired  OTBrien's  name,  which  he  told  them  j 
his  rank  in  the  service,  and  also,  whether  he  was  noble. 

"I  am  an  O'Brien,"  replied  he ;  "  and  pray  what's  the 
meaning  of  the  O  before  my  name,  if  I'm  not  noble  ? 
However,  Mr  Interpreter,  you  may  add,  that  we  have 
dropped  our  title  because  it's  not  convanient."  The 
French  officer  burst  out  into  a  loud  laugh,  which  surprised 
us  very  much.  The  interpreter  had  great  difficulty  in 
explaining  what  O'Brien  said;  but  as  O'Brien  told  me 
afterwards,  the  answer  was  put  down  doubtful. 


Peter  Simple  155 

They  all  left  the  room  except  the  officer,  who  then,  to 
our  astonishment,  addressed  us  in  good  English.  "  Gentle- 
men, I  have  obtained  permission  from  the  governor  for  you 
to  remain  in  my  house,  until  Mr  Simple  is  recovered.  Mr 
O'Brien,  it  is  necessary  that  I  should  receive  your  parole  of 
honour  that  you  will  not  attempt  to  escape.  Are  you 
willing  to  give  it  ?  " 

O'Brien  was  quite  amazed ;  "  Murder  an'  Irish,"  cried 
he  ;  "so  you  speak  English,  colonel.  It  was  not  very 
genteel  of  you  not  to  say  so,  considering  how  we've  been 
talking  our  little  secrets  together."' 

"  Certainly,  Mr  O'Brien,  not  more  necessary,"  replied  the 
officer,  smiling,  "  than  for  you  to  tell  me  that  you  under- 
stood French." 

"  O,  bother!"  cried  O'Brien,  "how  nicely  I'm  caught 
in  my  own  trap  !     You're  an  Irishman,  sure  ? " 

"  I'm  of  Irish  descent,"  replied  the  officer,  "  and  my 
name,  as  well  as  yours,  is  O'Brien.  I  was  brought  up  in 
this  country,  not  being  permitted  to  serve  my  own,  and 
retain  the  religion  of  my  forefathers.  I  may  now  be  con- 
sidered as  a  Frenchman,  retaining  nothing  of  my  original 
country,  except  the  language,  which  my  mother  taught  me, 
and  a  warm  feeling  towards  the  English  wherever  I  meet 
them.  But  to  the  question,,  Mr  O'Brien,  will  you  give 
your  parole  ?  " 

"  The  word  of  an  Irishman,  and  the  hand  to  boot,"  re- 
plied O'Brien,  shaking  the  colonel  by  the  hand  ;  "  and  you're 
more  than  doubly  sure,  for  I'll  never  go  away  and  leave 
little  Peter  here  ;  and  as  for  carrying  him  on  my  back,  I've 
had  enough  of  that  already." 

"It  is  sufficient,"  replied  the  colonel.  " Mr  O'Brien,  I 
will  make  you  as  comfortable  as  I  can  5-  and  when  you  are 
tired  of  attending  your  friend,  my  little  daughter  shall  take 
your  place.     You'll  find  her  a  kind  little  nurse,  Mr  Simple." 

I  could  not  refrain  from  tears  at  the  colonel's  kindness  : 
he  shook  me  by  the  hand ;  and  telling  O'Brien  that  dinner 
was  ready,  he  called  up  his  daughter,  the  little  girl  who 
had  attended  me  before,  and  desired  her  to  remain  in  the 


156  Peter  Simple 

room.  "Celeste,"  said  he,  "you  understand  a  little 
English ;  quite  enough  to  find  out  what  he  is  in  want  of. 
Go  and  fetch  your  work,  to  amuse  yourself  when  he  is 
asleep."  Celeste  went  out,  and  returning  with  her  em- 
broidery, sat  down  by  the  head  of  the  bed  :  the  colonel  and 
O'Brien  then  quitted  the  room.  Celeste  then  commenced 
her  embroidery,  and  as  her  eyes  were  cast  down  upon  her 
work,  I  was  able  to  look  at  her  without  her  observing  it. 
As  I  said  before,  she  was  a  very  beautiful  little  girl ;  her 
hair  was  light  brown,  eyes  very  large,  and  eyebrows 
drawn  as  with  a  pair  of  compasses ;  her  nose  and  mouth 
were  also  very  pretty ;  but  it  was  not  so  much  her  features 
as  the  expression  of  her  countenance,  which  was  so  beauti- 
ful, so  modest,  so  sweet,  and  so  intelligent.  When  she 
smiled,  which  she  almost  always  did  when  she  spoke,  her 
teeth  were  like  two  rows  of  little  pearls. 

I  had  not  looked  at  her  long,  before  she  raised  her  eyes 
from  her  work,  and  perceiving  that  I  was  looking  at  her, 
said,  "  You  want — something — want  drink — I  speak  very 
little  English." 

"  Nothing,  I  thank  ye,"  replied  I ;  "I  only  want  to  go 
to  sleep." 

"  Then — shut — your — eye,"  replied  she  smiling  ;  and 
she  went  to  the  window,  and  drew  down  the  blinds  to 
darken  the  room.  But  I  could  not  sleep  ;  the  remembrance 
of  what  had  occurred — in  a  few  hours  wounded,  and  a 
prisoner — the  thought  of  my  father  and  mother's  anxiety  ; 
with  the  prospect  of  going  to  a  prison  and  close  confine- 
ment, as  soon  as  I  was  recovered,  passed  in  succession  in 
my  mind,  and,  together  with  the  actual  pain  of  my  wound, 
prevented  me  from  obtaining  any  rest.  The  little  girl 
several  times  opened  the  curtain  to  ascertain  whether  I 
slept  or  wanted  anything,  and  then  as  softly  retired.  In 
the  evening,  the  surgeon  called  again ;  he  felt  my  pulse, 
and  directing  cold  applications  to  my  leg,  which  had  swelled 
considerably,  and  was  becoming  very  painful,  told  Colonel 
O'Brien,  that,  although  I  had  considerable  fever,  I  was 
doing  as  well  as  could  be  expected  under  the  circumstances. 


Peter  Simple  157 

But  I  shall  not  dwell  upon  my  severe  sufferings  for  a  fort- 
night, after  which  the  ball  was  extracted ;  nor  upon  how 
carefully  I  was  watched  by  O'Brien,  the  colonel,  and  little 
Celeste,  during  my  peevishness  and  irritation,  arising  from 
pain  and  fever.  I  feel  grateful  to  them,  but  particularly  to 
Celeste,  who  seldom  quitted  me  for  more  than  half-an-hour, 
and,  as  I  gradually  recovered,  tried  all  she  could  to  amuse 
me. 


Chapter  XIX 

We  remove  to  very  unpleasant  quarters — Birds  of  a  feather  won't  always 
Hock  together — O'Brien  cuts  a  cutter  midshipman,  and  gets  a  taste  of 
French  steel — Altogether^*  work — A  walk  into  the  interior. 

As  soon  as  I  was  well  enough  to  attend  to  my  little  nurse, 
we  became  very  intimate,  as  might  be  expected.  Our 
chief  employment  was  teaching  each  other  French  and 
English.  Having  the  advantage  of  me  in  knowing  a 
little  before  we  met,  and  also  being  much  quicker  of 
apprehension,  she  very  soon  began  to  speak  English 
fluently,  long  before  I  could  make  out  a  short  sentence 
in  French.  However,  as  it  was  our  chief  employment, 
and  both  were  anxious  to  communicate  with  each  other, 
I  learnt  it  very  fast.  In  five  weeks  I  was  out  of  bed, 
and  could  limp  about  the  room  ;  and  before  two  months 
were  over,  I  was  quite  recovered.  The  colonel,  however, 
would  not  report  me  to  the  governor  ;  I  remained  on  a 
sofa  during  the  day,  but  at  dusk  I  stole  out  of  the  house, 
and  walked  about  with  Celeste.  I  never  passed  such 
a  happy  time  as  the  last  fortnight ;  the  only  drawback 
was  the  remembrance  that  I  should  soon  have  to  exchange 
it  for  a  prison.  I  was  more  easy  about  my  father  and 
mother,  as  O'Brien  had  written  to  them,  assuring  them 
that  I  was  doing  well ;  and  besides,  a  few  days  after 
our  capture,  the  frigate  had  run  in,  and  sent  a  flag  of 
truce  to  inquire  if  we  were  alive  or  made  prisoners ; 
at  the  same  time  Captain  Savage  sent  on  shore  all   our 


158  Peter  Simple 

clothes,  and  two  hundred  dollars  in  cash  for  our  use. 
I  knew  that  even  if  O'Brien's  letter  did  not  reach  them, 
they  were  sure  to  hear  from  Captain  Savage  that  I  was 
doing  well.  But  the  idea  of  parting  with  Celeste,  towards 
whom  I  felt  such  gratitude  and  affection,  was  most  pain- 
ful ;  and  when  I  talked  about  it,  poor  Celeste  would  cry 
so  much,  that  I  could  not  help  joining  her,  although  I 
kissed  away  her  tears.  At  the  end  of  twelve  weeks, 
the  surgeon  could  no  longer  withhold  his  report,  and 
we  were  ordered  to  be  ready  in  two  days  to  march  to 
Toulon,  where  we  were  to  join  another  party  of  prisoners, 
to  proceed  with  them  into  the  interior.  I  must  pass  over 
our  parting,  which  the  reader  may  imagine  was  very 
painful.  I  promised  to  write  to  Celeste,  and  she  promised 
that  she  would  answer  my  letters,  if  it  were  permitted. 
We  shook  hands  with  Colonel  O'Brien,  thanking  him 
for  his  kindness,  and,  much  to  his  regret,  we  were  taken 
in  charge  by  two  French  cuirassiers,  who  were  waiting 
at  the  door.  As  we  preferred  being  continued  on  parole 
until  our  arrival  at  Toulon,  the  soldiers  were  not  at  all 
particular  about  watching  us  ;  and  we  set  off  on  horse- 
back, O'Brien  and  I  going  first,  and  the  French  cuirassiers 
following  us  in  the  rear. 

We  trotted  or  walked  along  the  road  very  comfortably. 
The  weather  was  delightful;  we  were  in  high  spirits, 
and  almost  forgot  that  we  were  prisoners*  The  cuirassiers 
followed  us  at  a  distance  of  twenty  yards,  conversing 
with  each  other,  and  O'Brien  observed  that  it  was  amaz- 
ingly genteel  of  the  French  governor  to  provide  us  with 
two  servants  in  such  handsome  liveries.  The  evening 
of  the  second  day  we  arrived  at  Toulon,  and  as  soon  as 
we  entered  the  gates,  we  were  delivered  into  the  custody 
of  an  officer  with  a  very  sinister  cast  of  countenance, 
who,  after  some  conversation  with  the  cuirassiers,  told 
us  in  a  surly  tone  that  our  parole  was  at  an  end,  and 
gave  us  in  charge  of  a  corporal's  guard,  with  directions 
to  conduct  us  to  the  prison  near  the  Arsenal.  We  pre- 
sented the   cuirassiers  with   four   dollars    each,  for  their 


Peter  Simple  159 

civility,  and  were  then  hurried  away  to  our  place  of 
captivity.  I  observed  to  O'Brien,  that  I  was  afraid  that 
we  must  now  bid  farewell  to  anything  like  pleasure. 
"  You're  right  there,  Peter,"  replied  he :  "  but  there's 
a  certain  jewel  called  Hope,  that  somebody  found  at  the 
bottom  of  his  chest,  when  it  was  clean  empty,  and  so 
we  must  not  lose  sight  of  it,  but  try  and  escape  as  soon 
as  we  can ;  but  the  less  we  talk  about  it  the  better." 
In  a  few  minutes  we  arrived  at  our  destination :  the  door 
was  opened,  ourselves  and  our  bundles  (for  we  had  only 
selected  a  few  things  for  our  march,  the  colonel  promising 
to  forward  the  remainder  as  soon  as  we  wrote  to  inform 
him  to  which  depot  we  were  consigned),  were  rudely 
shoved  in  ;  and  as  the  doors  again  closed,  and  the  heavy 
bolts  were  shot,  I  felt  a  creeping,  chilly  sensation  pass 
through  my  whole  body. 

As  soon  as  we  could  see — for  although  the  prison  was 
not  very  dark,  yet  so  suddenly  thrown  in,  after  the  glare 
of  a  bright  sunshiny  day,  at  first  we  could  distinguish 
nothing  —  we  found  ourselves  in  company  with  about 
thirty  English  sailors.  Most  of  them  were  sitting  down 
on  the  pavement,  or  on  boxes,  or  bundles  containing 
their  clothes  that  they  had  secured,  conversing  with  each 
other,  or  playing  at  cards  or  draughts.  Our  entrance 
appeared  to  excite  little  attention ;  after  having  raised 
their  eyes  to  indulge  their  curiosity,  they  continued  their 
pursuits.  I  have  often  thought  what  a  feeling  of  selfish- 
ness appeared  to  pervade  the  whole  of  them.  At  the  time 
I  was  shocked,  as  I  expected  immediate  sympathy  and  com- 
miseration ;  but  afterwards  I  was  not  surprised.  Many  of 
these  poor  fellows  had  been  months  in  the  prison,  and 
a  short  confinement  will  produce  that  indifference  to  the 
misfortunes  of  others,  which  I  then  observed.  Indeed, 
one  man,  who  was  playing  at  cards,  looked  up  for  a 
moment  as  we  came  in,  and  cried  out,  "  Hurrah,  my 
lads  !  the  more  the  merrier,"  as  if  he  really  was  pleased 
to  find  that  there  were  others  who  were  as  unfortunate 
as  himself.     We  stood  looking  at  the  groups  for  about 


160  Peter  Simple 

ten  minutes,  when  O'Brien  observed,  "that  we  might 
as  well  come  to  an  anchor,  foul  ground  being  better  than 
no  bottom;"  so  we  sat  down  in  a  corner,  upon  our 
bundles,  where  we  remained  for  more  than  an  hour, 
surveying  the  scene,  without  speaking  a  word  to  each 
other.  I  could  not  speak — I  felt  so  very  miserable.  I 
thought  of  my  father  and  mother  in  England,  of  my 
captain  and  my  messmates,  who  were  sailing  about  so  happily 
in  the  frigate,  of  the  kind  Colonel  O'Brien,  and  dear 
little  Celeste,  and  the  tears  trickled  down  my  cheeks  as 
these  scenes  of  former  happiness  passed  through  my  mind 
in  quick  succession.  O'Brien  did  not  speak  but  once, 
and  then  he  only  said,  "  This  is  dull  work,  Peter." 

We  had  been  in  the  prison  about  two  hours,  when  a 
lad  in  a  very  greasy,  ragged  jacket,  with  a  pale  emaciated 
face,  came  up  to  us,  and  said,  "I  perceive  by  your 
uniforms  that  you  are  both  officers,  as  well  as  myself." 

O'Brien  stared  at  him  for  a  little  while,  and  then 
answered,  "Upon  my  soul  and  honour,  then,  you've 
the  advantage  of  us,  for  it's  more  than  I  could  perceive 
in  you ;  but  I'll  take  your  word  for  it.  Pray  what  ship 
may  have  had  the  misfortune  of  losing  such  a  credit 
to  the  service  ? " 

"Why,  I  belonged  to  the  Snapper  cutter,"  replied  the 
young  lad;  "I  was  taken  in  a  prize,  which  the  com- 
manding officer  had  given  in  my  charge  to  take  to 
Gibraltar :  but  they  won't  believe  that  I'm  an  officer. 
I  have  applied  for  officer's  allowance  and  rations,  and 
they  won't  give  them  to  me." 

"Well,  but  they  know  that  we  are  officers,"  replied 
O'Brien ;  "  why  do  they  shove  us  in  here,  with  the 
common  seamen  ? " 

"  I  suppose  you  are  only  put  in  here  for  the  present," 
replied  the  cutter's  midshipman  ;  "  but  why  I  cannot  tell." 

Nor  could  we,  until  afterwards,  when  we  found  out, 
as  our  narrative  will  show,  that  the  officer  who  received 
us  from  the  cuirassiers  had  once  quarrelled  with  Colonel 
O'Brien,   who  first  pulled  his   nose,   and  afterwards  ran 


Peter  Simple  161 

him  through  the  body.  Being  told  by  the  cuirassiers 
that  we  were  much  esteemed  by  Colonel  O'Brien,  he 
resolved  to  annoy  us  as  much  as  he  could  -%  and  when 
he  sent  up  the  document  announcing  our  arrival,  he 
left  out  the  word  "  Officers,"  and  put  us  in  confinement 
with  the  common  seamen.  "  It's  very  hard  upon  me 
not  to  have  my  regular  allowance  as  an  officer,"  continued 
the  midshipman.  "  They  only  give  me  a  black  loaf  and 
three  sous  a  day.  If  I  had  had  my  best  uniform  on, 
they  never  would  have  disputed  my  being  an  officer; 
but  the  scoundrels  who  retook  the  prize  stole  all  my 
traps,  and  I  have  nothing  but  this  old  jacket." 

"Why,  then,"  replied  O'Brien,  "you'll  know  the 
value  of  dress  for  the  future.  You  cutter  and.  gun-brig 
midshipmen  go  about  in  such  a  dirty  state,  that  you  are 
hardly  acknowledged  by  us  who  belong  to  frigates  to 
be  officers,  much  less  gentlemen.  You  look  so  dirty 
and  so  slovenly  when  we  pass  you  in  the  dockyard,, 
that  we  give  you  a  wide  berth;  how  then  can  you 
suppose  strangers  to  believe  that  you  are  either  officers 
or  gentlemen  ?  Upon  my  conscience,  I  absolve  the 
Frenchmen  from  all  prejudice,  for,  as  to  your  being 
an  officer,  we,  as  Englishmen,  have  nothing  but  your 
bare  word  for  it." 

"  Well,  it's  very  hard,"  replied  the  lad,  "  to  be  attacked 
this  way  by  a  brother  officer ;  your  coat  will  be  as  shabby 
as  mine,  before  you  have  been  here  long." 

"That's  very  true,  my  darling,"  returned  O'Brien: 
"  but  at  least  I  shall  have  the  pleasant  reflection  that 
I  came  in  as  a  gentleman,  although  I  may  not  exactly 
go  out  under  the  same  appearance.  Good  night,  and 
pleasant  dreams  to  you ! "  I  thought  O'Brien  rather 
cross  in  speaking  in  such  a  way,  but  he  was  himself 
always  as  remarkably  neat  and  well  dressed,  as  he  was 
handsome  and  well  made. 

Fortunately  we  were  not  destined  to  remain  long  in 
this  detestable  hole.  After  a  night  of  misery,  during 
which  we  remained  sitting  on  our  bundles,  and  sleeping 

I.  L 


1 62  Peter  Simple 

how  we  could,  leaning  with  our  backs  against  the  damp 
wall,  we  were  roused  at  daybreak  by  the  unbarring  of 
the  prison  doors,  followed  up  with  an  order  to  go  into 
the  prison  yard.  We  were  huddled  out  like  a  flock  of 
sheep,  by  a  file  of  soldiers  with  loaded  muskets ;  and, 
as  we  went  into  the  yard,  were  ranged  two  and  two. 
The  same  officer  who  ordered  us  into  prison,  commanded 
the  detachment  of  soldiers  who  had  us  in  charge.  O'Brien 
stepped  out  of  the  ranks,  and,  addressing  them,  stated 
that  we  were  officers,  and  had  no  right  to  be  treated 
like  common  sailors.  The  French  officer  replied,  that 
he  had  better  information,  and  that  we  wore  coats  which 
did  not  belong  to  us ;  upon  which  O'Brien  was  in  a 
great  rage,  calling  the  officer  a  liar,  and  demanding 
satisfaction  for  the  insult,  appealing  to  the  French 
soldiers,  and  stating,  that  Colonel  O'Brien,  who  was 
at  Cette,  was  his  countryman,  and  had  received  him 
for  two  months  into  his  house  upon  parole,  which 
was  quite  sufficient  to  establish  his  being  an  officer. 
The  French  soldiers  appeared  to  side  with  O'Brien  after 
they  had  heard  this  explanation,  stating  that  no  common 
English  sailor  could  speak  such  good  French,  and  that 
they  were  present  when  we  were  sent  in  on  parole, 
and  they  asked  the  officer  whether  he  intended  to  give 
satisfaction.  The  officer  stormed,  and  drawing  his  sword 
out  of  the  scabbard,  struck  O'Brien  with  the  flat  of 
the  blade,  looking  at  him  with  contempt,  and  ordering 
him  into  the  ranks.  I  could  not  help  observing  that, 
during  this  scene,  the  men-of-war  sailors  who  were 
among  the  prisoners,  were  very  indignant,  while,  on 
the  contrary,  those  captured  in  merchant  vessels  appeared 
to  be  pleased  with  the  insult  offered  to  O'Brien.  One 
of  the  French  soldiers  then  made  a  sarcastic  remark, 
that  the  French  officer  did  not  much  like  the  name  of 
O'Brien.  This  so  enraged  the  officer,  that  he  flew  at 
O'Brien,  pushed  him  back  into  the  ranks,  and  taking 
out  a  pistol,  threatened  to  shoot  him  through  the  head. 
I  must  do  the  justice  to  the  French  soldiers,  that  they 


Peter  Simple  163 

all  cried  out  "  Shame ! "  They  did  not  appear  to  have 
the  same  discipline,  or  the  same  respect  for  an  officer, 
as  the  soldiers  have  in  our  service,  or  they  would  not 
have  been  so  free  in  their  language ;  yet,  at  the  same 
time,  they  obeyed  all  his  orders  on  service  very  implicitly. 

When  O'Brien  returned  to  the  ranks,  he  looked  defiance 
at  the  officer,  telling  him,  "  That  he  would  pocket  the 
affront  very  carefully,  as  he  intended  to  bring  it  out  again 
upon  a  future  and  more  suitable  occasion."  We  were 
then  marched  out  in  ranks,  two  and  two,  being  met  at  the 
street  by  two  drummers,  and  a  crowd  of  people,  who  had 
gathered  to  witness  our  departure.  The  drums  beat,  and 
away  we  went.  The  officer  who  had  charge  of  us 
mounted  a  small  horse,  galloping  up  and  down  from  one 
end  of  the  ranks  to  the  other,  with  his  sword  drawn, 
bullying,  swearing,  and  striking  with  the  flat  of  the  blade 
at  any  one  of  the  prisoners  who  was  not  in  his  proper 
place.  When  we  were  close  to  the  gates,  we  were 
joined  by  another  detachment  of  prisoners  :  we  were  then 
ordered  to  halt,  and  were  informed,  through  an  inter- 
preter, that  any  one  attempting  to  escape  would  immedi- 
ately be  shot,  after  which  information  we  once  more 
proceeded  on  our  route. 

Nothing  remarkable  occurred  during  our  first  day's 
march,  except  perhaps  a  curious  conversation  between 
O'Brien  and  one  of  the  French  soldiers,  in  which  they 
disputed  about  the  comparative  bravery  of  the  two  nations. 
O'Brien,  in  his  argument,  told  the  Frenchman  that  his 
countrymen  could  not  stand  a  charge  of  English  bayonets. 
The  Frenchman  replied  that  there  was  no  doubt  but  the 
French  were  quite  as  brave  as  the  English — even  more  so ; 
and  that,  as  for  not  standing  the  charge  of  bayonets,  it 
was  not  because  they  were  less  brave ;  but  the  fact  was, 
that  they  were  most  excessively  ticklish.  We  had  black 
bread  and  sour  wine  served  out  to  us  this  day,  when  we 
halted  to  refresh.  O'Brien  persuaded  a  soldier  to  purchase 
something  for  us  more  eatable ;  but  the  French  officer 
heard  of  it,  and  was  very  angry,  ordering  the  soldier  to 
the  rear. 


164  Peter  Simple 


Chapter  XX 

O'Brien  fights  a  duel  with  a  French  officer,  and  proves  that  the  great  art  o£ 
fencing  is  knowing  nothing  about  it — We  arrive  at  our  new  quarters, 
which  we  find  very  secure. 

At  night  we  arrived  at  a  small  town,  the  name  of  which 
I  forget.  Here  we  were  all  put  into  an  old  church  for 
the  night,  and  a  very  bad  night  we  passed.  They  did 
not  even  give  us  a  little  straw  to  lie  down  upon :  the  roof 
of  the  church  had  partly  fallen  in,  and  the  moon  shone 
through  very  brightly.  This  was  some  comfort;  for  to 
have  been  shut  up  in  the  dark,,  seventy-five  in  number, 
would  have  been  very  miserable.  We  were  afraid  to  lie 
down  anywhere,  as,  like  all  ruined  buildings  in  France, 
the  ground  was  covered  with  filth,  and  the  smell  was 
shocking.  O'Brien  was  very  thoughtful,  and  would 
hardly  answer  any  question  that  I  put  to  him ;  it  was 
evident  that  he  was  brooding  over  the  affront  which  he 
had  received  from  the  French  officer.  At  daybreak,  the 
door  of  the  church  was  again  opened  by  the  French 
soldiers,  and  we  were  conducted  to  the  square  of  the 
town,  where  we  found  the  troops  quartered,  drawn  up 
with  their  officers,  to  receive  us  from  the  detachment  who 
had  escorted  us  from  Toulon.  We  were  very  much 
pleased  with  this,  as  we  knew  that  we  should  be  for- 
warded by  another  detachment,  and  thus  be  rid  of  the 
brutal  officer  who  had  hitherto  had  charge  of  the  prisoners. 
But  we  were  rid  of  him  in  another  way.  As  the  French 
officers  walked  along  our  ranks  to  look  at  us,  I  perceived 
among  them  a  captain,  whom  we  had  known  very  inti- 
mately when  we  were  living  at  Cette  with  Colonel  O'Brien. 
I  cried  out  his  name  immediately ;  he  turned  round,  and 
seeing  O'Brien  and  me,  he  came  up  to  us,  shaking  us  by 
the  hand,  and  expressing  his  surprise  at  finding  us  in  such 
a  situation.  O'Brien  explained  to  him  how  we  had  been 
treated,  at  which  he  expressed  his  indignation,  as  did  the 


Peter  Simple  165 

other  officers  who  had  collected  round  us.  The  major 
who  commanded  the  troops  in  the  town  turned  to  the 
French  officer  (he  was  only  a  lieutenant)  who  had  con- 
ducted us  from  Toulon,  and  demanded  of  him  his  reason 
for  behaving  to  us  in  such  an  unworthy  manner.  He 
denied  having  treated  us  ill,  and  said  that  he  had  been 
informed  that  we  had  put  on  officers'  dresses  which  did 
not  belong  to  us.  At  this  O'Brien  declared  that  he  was 
a  liar,  and  a  cowardly  foutre,  that  he  had  struck  him  with 
the  back  of  his  sabre,  which  he  would  not  have  dared  do 
if  he  had  not  been  a  prisoner ;  adding,  that  all  he  requested 
was  satisfaction  for  the  insult  offered  to  him,  and  appealed 
to  the  officers  whether,  if  it  were  refused,  the  lieutenant's 
epaulets  ought  not  to  be  cut  off  his  shoulders.  The 
major  commandant  and  the  officers  retired  to  consult,  and, 
after  a  few  minutes,  they  agreed  that  the  lieutenant  was 
bound  to  give  the  satisfaction  required.  The  lieutenant 
replied  that  he  was  ready ;  but,  at  the  same  time,  did  not 
appear  to  be  very  willing.  The  prisoners  were  left  in 
charge  of  the  soldiers,  under  a  junior  officer,  while  the 
others,  accompanied  by  O'Brien,  myself,  and  the  lieutenant, 
walked  to  a  short  distance  outside  the  town.  As  we  pro- 
ceeded there,  I  asked  O'Brien  with  what  weapons  they 
would  fight. 

"  I  take  it  for  granted,"  replied  he,  "  that  it  will  be 
with  the  small  sword." 

"  But,"  said  I,  "  do  you  know  anything  about  fencing  ?" 

"  Devil  a  bit,  Peter ;  but  that's  all  in  my  favour." 

"  How  can  that  be?  "  replied  I. 

"I'll  tell  you,  Peter.  If  one  man  fences  well,  and 
another  is  but  an  indifferent  hand  at  it,  it  is  clear  that  the 
first  will  run  the  other  through  the  body  ;  but,  if  the 
other  knows  nothing  at  all  about  it,  why  then,  Peter,  the 
case  is  not  quite  so  clear;  because  the  good  fencer  is 
almost  as  much  puzzled  by  your  ignorance  -as  you  are  by 
his  skill,  and  you  become  on  more  equal  terms.  Now, 
Peter,  I've  made  up  my  mind  that  I'll  run  that  fellow 
through  the  body,  and  so  I  will,  as  sure  as  I  am  an 
O'Brien." 


1 66  Peter  Simple 

"Well,  I  hope  you  will ;  but  pray  do  not  be  too  sure." 

"It's  feeling  sure  that  will  make  me  able  to  do  it, 
Peter.  By  the  blood  of  the  O'Briens !  didn't  he  slap  me 
with  his  sword,  as  if  I  were  a  clown  in  the  pantomime. 
Peter,  I'll  kill  the  harlequin  scoundrel,  and  my  word's  as 
good  as  my  bond  !  " 

By  this  time  we  had  arrived  at  the  ground.  The 
French  lieutenant  stripped  to  his  shirt  and  trousers  ; 
O'Brien  did  the  same,  kicking  his  boots  off,  and  standing 
upon  the  wet  grass  in  his  stockings.  The  swords  were 
measured,  and  handed  to  them ;  they  took  their  distance, 
and  set  to.  I  must  say,  that  I  was  breathless  with  anxiety; 
the  idea  of  losing  O'Brien  struck  me  with  grief  and  terror. 
I  then  felt  the  value  of  all  his  kindness  to  me,  and  would 
have  taken  his  place,  and  have  been  run  through  the  body, 
rather  than  he  should  have  been  hurt.  At  first,  O'Brien 
put  himself  in  the  correct  attitude  of  defence,  in  imitation 
of  the  lieutenant,  but  this  was  for  a  very  few  seconds ;  he 
suddenly  made  a  spring,  and  rushed  on  to  his  adversary, 
stabbing  at  him  with  a  velocity  quite  astonishing,  the 
lieutenant  parrying  in  his  defence,  until  at  last  he  had  an 
opportunity  of  lungeing  at  O'Brien.  O'Brien,  who  no 
longer  kept  his  left  arm  raised  in  equipoise,  caught  the 
sword  of  the  lieutenant  at  within  six  inches  of  the  point, 
and  directing  it  under  his  left  arm,  as  he  rushed  in,  passed 
his  own  through  the  lieutenant's  body.  It  was  all  over  in 
less  than  a  minute — the  lieutenant  did  not  live  half  an 
hour  afterwards.  The  French  officers  were  very  much 
surprised  at  the  result,  for  they  perceived  at  once  that 
O'Brien  knew  nothing  of  fencing.  O'Brien  gathered  a 
tuft  of  grass,  wiped  the  sword,  which  he  presented  to  the 
officer  to  whom  it  belonged,  and  thanking  the  major  and 
the  whole  of  them  for  their  impartiality  and  gentlemanlike 
conduct,  led  the  way  to  the  square,  where  he  again  took 
his  station  in  the  ranks  of  the  prisoners. 

Shortly  after,  the  major  commandant  came  up  to  us, 
and  asked  whether  we  would  accept  of  our  parole,  as,  in 
that  case,  we  might  travel  as  we  pleased.     We  consented, 


Peter  Simple  167 

with  many  thanks  for  his  civility  and  kindness  ;  but  I 
could  not  help  thinking  at  the  time,  that  the  French 
officers  were  a  little  mortified  at  O'Brien's  success,  although 
they  were  too  honourable  to  express  the  feeling.  O'Brien 
told  me,  after  we  had  quitted  the  town,  that  had  it  not 
been  for  the  handsome  conduct  of  the  officers,  he  would 
not  have  accepted  our  parole,  as  he  felt  convinced  that  we 
could  have  easily  made  our  escape.  We  talked  over  the 
matter  a  long  while,  and  at  last  agreed  that  there  would 
be  a  better  chance  of  success  by  and  by,  when  more 
closely  guarded,  than  there  would  be  now,  under  con- 
sideration of  all  circumstances,  as  it  required  previously 
concerted  arrangements  to  get  out  of  the  country. 

I  had  almost  forgotten  to  say,  that  on  our  return  after 
the  duel  the  cutter's  midshipman  called  out  to  O'Brien, 
requesting  him  to  state  to  the  commandant  that  he  was 
also  an  officer ;  but  O'Brien  replied,  that  there  was  no 
evidence  for  it  but  his  bare  word.  If  he  was  an  officer 
he  must  prove  it  himself,  as  everything  in  his  appearance 
flatly  contradicted  his  assertion. 

"  It's  very  hard,"  replied  the  midshipman,  "  that  because 
my  jacket's  a  little  tarry  or  so  I  must  lose  my  rank." 

"  My  dear  fellow,"  replied  O'Brien,  "  it's  not  because 
your  jacket's  a  little  tarry ;  it  is  because  what  the  French- 
men call  your  tout  ensemble  is  quite  disgraceful  in  an 
officer.  Look  at  your  face  in  the  first  puddle,  and  you'll 
find  that  it  would  dirty  the  water  you  look  into.  Look 
at  your  shoulders  above  your  ears,  and  your  back  with  a 
bow  like  a  kink  in  a  cable.  Your  trowsers,  sir,  you  have 
pulled  your  legs  too  far  through,  showing  a  foot  and  a  half 
of  worsted  stockings.  In  short,  look  at  yourself  altogether, 
and  then  tell  me,  provided  you  be  an  officer,  whether,  from 
respect  to  the  service,  it  would  not  be  my  duty  to  con- 
tradict it.  It  goes  against  my  conscience,  my  dear  fellow ; 
but  recollect  that  when  we  arrive  at  the  depot,  you  will 
be  able  to  prove  it,  so  it's  only  waiting  a  little  while,  until 
the  captains  will  pass  their  word  for  you,  which  is  more 
than  I  will." 


1 68  Peter  Simple 

"Well,  it's  very  hard,"  replied  the  midshipman,  "that 
I  must  go  on  eating  this  black  rye  bread  ;  and  very  unkind 
of  you." 

"It's  very  kind  of  me,  you  spalpeen  of  the  Snapper. 
Prison  will  be  a  paradise  to  you,  when  you  get  into  good 
commons.  How  you'll  relish  your  grub  by-and-by !  So 
now  shut  your  pan,  or  by  the  tail  of  Jonah's  whale,  I'll 
swear  you're  a  Spaniard." 

I  could  not  help  thinking  that  O'Brien  was  very  severe 
upon  the  poor  lad,  and  I  expostulated  with  him  afterwards. 
He  replied,  "Peter,  if,  as  a  cutter's  midshipman,  he  is  a 
bit  of  an  officer,  the  devil  a  bit  is  he  of  a  gentleman,  either 
born  or  bred :  and  I'm  not  bound  to  bail  every  blackguard- 
looking  chap  that  I  meet.  By  the  head  of  St  Peter,  I 
would  blush  to  be  seen  in  his  company,  if  I  were  in  the 
wildest  bog  in  Ireland,  with  nothing  but  an  old  crow  as 
spectator." 

We  were  now  again  permitted  to  be  on  our  parole,  and 
received  every  attention  and  kindness  from  the  different 
officers  who  commanded  the  detachments  which  passed  the 
prisoners  from  one  town  to  another.  In  a  few  days  we 
arrived  at  Montpelier,  where  we  had  orders  to  remain  a 
short  time  until  directions  were  received  from  Government 
as  to  the  depots  for  prisoners  to  which  we  were  to  be 
sent.  At  this  delightful  town,  we  had  unlimited  parole, 
not  even  a  gendarme  accompanying  us.  We  lived  at  the 
table  d'hote,  were  permitted  to  walk  about  where  we 
pleased,  and  amused  ourselves  every  evening  at  the  theatre. 
During  our  stay  there  we  wrote  to  Colonel  O'Brien  at 
Cette,  thanking  him  for  his  kindness,  and  narrating  what 
had  occurred  since  we  parted.  I  also  wrote  to  Celeste, 
inclosing  my  letter  unsealed  in  the  one  to  Colonel  O'Brien. 
I  told  her  the  history  of  O'Brien's  duel,  and  all  I  could 
think  would  interest  her ;  how  sorry  I  was  to  have  parted 
from  her;  that  I  never  would  forget  her;  and  trusted 
that  some  day,  as  she  was  only  half  a  Frenchwoman,  we 
should  meet  again.  Before  we  left  Montpelier,  we  had 
the   pleasure   of  receiving   answers    to   our   letters :    the 


Peter  Simple  169 

colonel's  letters  were  very  kind,  particularly  the  one  to 
me,  in  which  he  called  me  his  dear  boy,  and  hoped  that  I 
should  soon  rejoin  my  friends,  and  prove  an  ornament  to 
my  country.  In  his  letter  to  O'Brien,  he  requested  him 
not  to  run  me  into  useless  danger — to  recollect  that  I  was 
not  so  well  able  to  undergo  extreme  hardship.  I  have  no 
doubt  but  that  this  caution  referred  to  O'Brien's  intention 
to  escape  from  prison,  which  he  had  not  concealed  from 
the  colonel,  and  the  probability  that  I  would  be  a  partner 
in  the  attempt.  The  answer  from  Celeste  was  written  in 
English ;  but  she  must  have  had  assistance  from  her  father, 
or  she  could  not  have  succeeded  so  well.  It  was  like 
herself,  very  kind  and  affectionate;  and  also  ended  with 
wishing  me  a  speedy  return  to  my  friends,  who  must  (she 
said)  be  so  fond  of  me,  that  she  despaired  of  ever  seeing 
me  more,  but  that  she  consoled  herself  as  well  as  she 
could  with  the  assurance  that  I  should  be  happy.  I  forgot 
to  say,  that  Colonel  O'Brien,  in  his  letter  to  me,  stated  that 
he  expected  immediate  orders  to  leave  Cette,  and  take  the 
command  of  some  military  post  in  the  interior,  or  join  the 
army,  but  which,  he  could  not  tell ;  that  they  had  packed 
up  everything,  and  he  was  afraid  that  our  correspondence 
must  cease,  as  he  could  not  state  to  what  place  we  should 
direct  our  letters.  I  could  not  help  thinking  at  the  time, 
that  it  was  a  delicate  way  of  pointing  out  to  us  that  it  was 
not  right  that  he  should  correspond  with  us  in  our  relative 
situations  ;  but  still,  I  was  sure  that  he  was  about  to  leave 
Cette,  for  he  never  would  have  made  use  of  a  subterfuge. 
I  must  here  acquaint  the  reader  with  a  circumstance 
which  I  forgot  to  mention,  which  was  that  when  Captain 
Savage  sent  in  a  flag  of  truce  with  our  clothes  and  money, 
I  thought  that  it  was  but  justice  to  O'Brien  that  they 
should  know  on  board  of  the  frigate  the  gallant  manner  in 
which  he  had  behaved.  I  knew  that  he  would  never  tell 
himself,  so,  ill  as  I  was  at  the  time,  I  sent  for  Colonel 
O'Brien,  and  requested  him  to  write  down  my  statement  of 
the  affair,  in  which  I  mentioned  how  O'Brien  had  spiked  the 
last  gun,  and  had  been  taken  prisoner  by  so  doing,  together 


170  Peter  Simple 

with  his  attempting  to  save  me.  When  the  colonel  had 
written  all  down,  I  requested  that  he  would  send  for  the 
major,  who  first  entered  the  fort  with  the  troops,  and 
translate  it  to  him  in  French.  This  he  did  in  my  presence, 
and  the  major  declared  every  word  to  be  true.  "  Will  he 
attest  it,  colonel,  as  it  may  be  of  great  service  to  O'Brien  ?  " 
The  major  immediately  assented.  Colonel  O'Brien  then 
enclosed  my  letter,  with  a  short  note  from  himself,  to 
Captain  Savage,  paying  him  a  compliment,  and  assuring 
him  that  his  gallant  young  officers  should  be  treated  with 
every  attention,  and  all  the  kindness  which  the  rules  of 
war  would  admit  of.  O'Brien  never  knew  that  I  had  sent 
that  letter,  as  the  colonel,  at  my  request,  kept  the  secret. 

In  ten  days  we  received  an  order  to  march  on  the 
following  morning.  The  sailors,  among  whom  was  our 
poor  friend  the  midshipman  of  the  Snapper  cutter,  were 
ordered  to  Verdun ;  O'Brien  and  I,  with  eight  masters  of 
merchant  vessels,  who  joined  us  at  Montpelier,  were 
directed  by  the  Government  to  be  sent  to  Givet,  a  fortified 
town  in  the  department  of  Ardennes.  But,  at  the  same 
time,  orders  arrived  from  Government  to  treat  the  prisoners 
with  great  strictness,  and  not  to  allow  any  parole;  the 
reason  of  this,  we  were  informed,  was  that  accounts  had 
been  sent  to  Government  of  the  death  of  the  French  officer 
in  the  duel  with  O'Brien,  and  they  had  expressed  their 
dissatisfaction  at  its  having  been  permitted.  Indeed,  I 
very  much  doubt  whether  it  would  have  been  permitted 
in  our  country,  but  the  French  officers  are  almost  romantic- 
ally chivalrous  in  their  ideas  of  honour ;  in  fact,  as  enemies, 
I  have  always  considered  them  as  worthy  antagonists  to  the 
English,  and  they  appear  more  respectable  in  themselves, 
and  more  demanding  our  goodwill  in  that  situation,  than 
they  do  when  we  meet  them  as  friends,  and  are  acquainted 
with  the  other  points  of  their  character,  which  lessen  them 
in  our  estimation. 

I  shall  not  dwell  upon  a  march  of  three  weeks,  during 
which  we  alternately  received  kind  or  unhandsome  treat- 
ment, according  to  the  dispositions  of  those  who  had  us  in 


Peter  Simple  171 

charge  ;  but  I  must  observe,  that  it  was  invariably  the  case, 
that  officers  who  were  gentlemen  by  birth  treated  us  with 
consideration,  while  those  who  had  sprung  from  nothing 
during  the  Revolution,  were  harsh,  and  sometimes  even 
brutal.  It  was  exactly  four  months  from  the  time  of  our 
capture  that  we  arrived  at  our  destined  prison  at  Givet. 

"Peter,"  said  O'Brien,  as  he  looked  hastily  at  the 
fortifications,  and  the  river  which  divided  the  two  towns, 
"  I  see  no  reason,  either  English  or  French,  that  we  should 
not  eat  our  Christmas  dinner  in  England.  I've  a  bird's  eye 
view  of  the  outside,  and  now,  have  only  to  find  out  where- 
abouts we  may  be  in  the  inside." 

I  must  say  that,  when  I  looked  at  the  ditches  and  high 
ramparts,  I  had  a  different  opinion ;  so  had  a  gendarme 
who  was  walking  by  our  side,  and  who  had  observed 
O'Brien's  scrutiny,  and  who  quietly  said  to  him  in  French, 
"  Vous  le  croyez  possible  !  " 

"  Everything  is  possible  to  a  brave  man — the  French 
armies  have  proved  that,"  answered  O'Brien. 

"  You  are  right,"  replied  the  gendarme,  pleased  with 
the  compliment  to  his  nation ;  "I  wish  you  success,  you 
will  deserve  it ;  but "  and  he  shook  his  head. 

"  If  I  could  but  obtain  a  plan  of  the  fortress,"  said 
O'Brien,  "  I  would  give  five  Napoleons  for  one,"  and  he 
looked  at  the  gendarme. 

"I  cannot  see  any  objection  to  an  officer,  although  a 
prisoner,  studying  fortification,"  replied  the  gendarme. 
"  In  two  hours  you  will  be  within  the  walls ;  and  now 
I  recollect,  in  the  map  of  the  two  towns,  the  fortress  is  laid 
down  sufficiently  accurately  to  give  you  an  idea  of  it.  But 
we  have  conversed  too  long."  So  saying,  the  gendarme 
dropped  into  the  rear. 

In  a  quarter  of  an  hour,  we  arrived  at  the  Place 
d'Armes,  where  we  were  met,  as  usual,  by  another  de- 
tachment of  troops,  and  drummers,  who  paraded  us  through 
the  town  previous  to  our  being  drawn  up  before  the 
governor's  house.  This,  I  ought  to  have  observed,  was, 
by  order  of  Government,  done  at  every  town  we  passed 


172  Peter  Simple 

through  ;  it  was  very  contemptible,  but  prisoners  were  so 
scarce,  that  they  made  all  the  display  of  us  that  they  could. 
As  we  stopped  at  the  governor's  house,  the  gendarme,  who 
had  left  us  in  the  square,  made  a  sign  to  O'Brien,  as  much 
as  to  say,  I  have  it.  O'Brien  took  out  five  Napoleons, 
which  he  wrapped  in  paper,  and  held  in  his  hand.  In 
a  minute  or  two,  the  gendarme  came  up  and  presented 
O'Brien  with  an  old  silk  handkerchief,  saying,  "  Voire 
mouchoir,  monsieur" 

"  Merci,"  replied  O'Brien,  putting  the  handkerchief 
which  contained  the  map  into  his  pocket,  "  void  a  hire,  mon 
ami;"  and  he  slipped  the  paper  with  the  five  Napoleons 
into  the  hand  of  the  gendarme,  who  immediately  retreated. 

This  was  veTy  fortunate  for  us,  as  we  afterwards  dis- 
covered that  a  mark  had  been  put  against  O'Brien's  and 
my  name,  not  to  allow  parole  or  permission  to  leave  the 
fortress,  even  under  surveillance.  Indeed,  even  if  it  had  not 
been  so,  we  never  should  have  obtained  it,  as  the  lieutenant 
killed  by  O'Brien  was  nearly  related  to  the  commandant 
of  the  fortress,  who  was  as  much  a  mauvais  sujet  as  his 
kinsman.  Having  waited  the  usual  hour  before  the 
governor's  house,  to  answer  to  our  muster-roll,  and  to  be 
stared  at,  we  were  dismissed;  and  in  a  few  minutes, 
found  ourselves  shut  up  in  one  of  the  strongest  fortresses 
in  France. 

Chapter  XXI 

O'Brien  receives  his  commission   as  lieutenant,  and  then  we  take  French 
leave  of  Oivet. 

If  I  doubted  the  practicability  of  escape  when  I  examined 
the  exterior,  when  we  were  ushered  into  the  interior  of  the 
fortress,  I  felt  that  it  was  impossible,  and  I  stated  my 
opinion  to  O'Brien.  We  were  conducted  into  a  yard 
surrounded  by  a  high  wall ;  the  buildings  appropriated  for 
the  prisoners  were  built  with  lean-to  roofs  on  one  side,  and 
at  each  side  of  the  square  was  a  sentry  looking  down  upon 


Peter  Simple  173 

us.  It  was  very  much  like  the  dens  which  they  now  build 
for  bears,  only  so  much  larger.  O'Brien  answered  me 
with  a  "  Pish !  Peter,  it's  the  very  security  of  the  place 
which  will  enable  us  to  get  out  of  it.  But  don't  talk,  as 
there  are  always  spies  about  who  understand  English." 

We  were  shown  into  a  room  allotted  to  six  of  us  ;  our 
baggage  was  examined,  and  then  delivered  over  to  us. 
"  Better  and  better,  Peter,"  observed  O'Brien,  "  they've 
not  found  it  out !  " 

"What?"  inquired  I. 

"  Oh,  only  a  little  selection  of  articles,  which  might  be 
useful  to  us  by-and-by." 

He  then  showed  me  what  I  never  before  was  aware  of : 
that  he  had  a  false  bottom  to  his  trunk  ;  but  it  was  papered 
over  like  the  rest,  and  very  ingeniously  concealed.  "  And 
what  is  there,  O'Brien  ?  "  inquired  I. 

"  Never  mind ;  I  had  them  made  at  Montpelier.  You'll 
see  by-and-by." 

The  others,  who  were  lodged  in  the  same  room,  then 
came  in,  and  after  staying  a  quarter  of  an  hour,  went  away 
at  the  sound  of  the  dinner-bell.  "  Now,  Peter,"  said 
O'Brien,  "  I  must  get  rid  of  my  load.     Turn  the  key." 

O'Brien  then  undressed  himself,  and  when  he  threw  off 
his  shirt  and  drawers,  showed  me  a  rope  of  silk,  with  a 
knot  at  every  two  feet,  about  half-an-inch  in  size,  wound 
round  and  round  his  body.  There  were  about  sixty  feet 
of  it  altogether.  As  I  unwound  it,  he,  turning  round  and 
round,  observed,  "  Peter,  I've  worn  this  rope  ever  since  I 
left  Montpelier,  and  you've  no  idea  of  the  pain  I  have 
suffered ;  but  we  must  go  to  England,  that's  decided 
upon." 

When  I  looked  at  O'Brien,  as  the  rope  was  wound  off,  I 
could  easily  imagine  that  he  had  really  been  in  great  pain ; 
in  several  places  his  flesh  was  quite  raw  from  the  continual 
friction,  and  after  it  was  all  unwound,  and  he  had  put  on 
his  clothes,  he  fainted  away.  I  was  very  much  alarmed, 
but  I  recollected  to  put  the  rope  into  the  trunk,  and  take 
out  the  key,  before  I  called  for  assistance.     He  soon  came 


174  Peter  Simple 

to,  and  on  being  asked  what  was  the  matter,  said  that  he 
was  subject  to  fits  from  his  infancy.  He  looked  earnestly 
at  me,  and  I  showed  him  the  key,  which  was  sufficient. 

For  some  days  O'Brien,  who  really  was  not  very  well, 
kept  to  his  room.  During  this  time,  he  often  examined  the 
map  given  him  by  the  gendarme.  One  day  he  said  to  me, 
"  Peter,  can  you  swim  ? " 

"  No,"  replied  I ;  "  but  never  mind  that." 

"  But  I  must  mind  it,  Peter ;  for  observe,  we  shall  have 
to  cross  the  river  Meuse,  and  boats  are  not  always  to  be 
had.  You  observe,  that  this  fortress  is  washed  by  the 
river  on  one  side  :  and  as  it  is  the  strongest  side,  it  is  the 
least  guarded — we  must  escape  by  it.  I  can  see  my  way 
clear  enough  till  we  get  to  the  second  rampart  on  the  river, 
but  when  we  drop  into  the  river,  if  you  cannot  swim,  I 
must  contrive  to  hold  you  up,  somehow  or  another." 

"  Are  you  then  determined  to  escape,  O'Brien  ?  I  cannot 
perceive  how  we  are  even  to  get  up  this  wall,  with  four 
sentries  staring  us  in  the  face." 

"Never  do  you  mind  that,  Peter,  mind  your  own  busi- 
ness ;  and  first  tell  me,  do  you  intend  to  try  your  luck  with 


me  r 


"  Yes,"  replied  I,  "  most  certainly ;  if  you  have  suffi- 
cient confidence  in  me  to  take  me  as  your  companion." 

"  To  tell  you  the  truth,  Peter,  I  would  not  give  a  farthing 
to  escape  without  you.  We  were  taken  together,  and,  please 
God,  we'll  take  ourselves  off  together  ;  but  that  must  not 
be  for  this  month ;  our  greatest  help  will  be  the  dark 
nights  and  foul  weather." 

The  prison  was  by  all  accounts  very  different  from 
Verdun  and  some  others.  We  had  no  parole,  and  but 
little  communication  with  the  townspeople.  Some  were 
permitted  to  come  in  and  supply  us  with  various  articles ; 
but  their  baskets  were  searched  to  see  that  they  contained 
nothing  that  might  lead  to  an  escape  on  the  part  of  the 
prisoners.  Without  the  precautions  that  O'Brien  had  taken, 
any  attempt  would  have  been  useless.  Still,  O'Brien,  as 
soon  as  he  left  his  room,  did  obtain  several  little  articles — 


Peter  Simple  175 

especially  balls  of  twine — for  one  of  the  amusements  ot  the 
prisoners  was  flying  kites.  This,  however,  was  put  a  stop 
to,  in  consequence  of  one  of  the  strings,  whether  purposely 
or  not,  I  cannot  say,  catching  the  lock  of  the  musket 
carried  by  one  of  the  sentries  who  looked  down  upon  us, 
and  twitching  it  out  of  his  hand ;  after  which  an  order  was 
given  by  the  commandant  for  no  kites  to  be  permitted. 
This  was  fortunate  for  us,  as  O'Brien,  by  degrees,  pur- 
chased all  the  twine  belonging  to  the  other  prisoners ;  and, 
as  we  were  more  than  three  hundred  in  number,  it 
amounted  to  sufficient  to  enable  him,  by  stealth,  to  lay  it 
up  into  very  strong  cord,  or  rather,  into  a  sort  of  square 
plait,  known  only  to  sailors.  "  Now,  Peter,"  said  he  one 
day,  "  I  want  nothing  more  than  an  umbrella  for  you." 

"  Why  an  umbrella  for  me  ? " 

"To  keep  you  from  being  drowned  with  too  much 
water,  that's  all." 

"Rain  won't  drown  me." 

"No,  no,  Peter;  but  buy  a  new  one  as  soon  as  you 
can." 

I  did  so.  O'Brien  boiled  up  a  quantity  of  bees'  wax  and 
oil,  and  gave  it  several  coats  of  this  preparation.  He  then 
put  it  carefully  away  in  the  ticking  of  his  bed.  I  asked 
him  whether  he  intended  to  make  known  his  plan  to  any  of 
the  other  prisoners  ;  he  replied  in  the  negative,  saying,  that 
there  were  so  many  of  them  who  could  not  be  trusted,  that 
he  would  trust  no  one.  We  had  been  now  about  two 
months  in  Givet,  when  a  Steel's  List  was  sent  to  a  lieu- 
tenant, who  was  confined  there.  The  lieutenant  came  up 
to  O'Brien,  and  asked  him  his  Christian  name.  "  Terence, 
to  be  sure,"  replied  O'Brien. 

"  Then,"  answered  the  lieutenant,  "I  may  congratulate 
you  on  your  promotion,  for  here  you  are  upon  the  list 
of  August." 

"  Sure  there  must  be  some  trifling  mistake ;  let  me 
look  at  it.  Terence  O'Brien,  sure  enough ;  but  now  the 
question  is,  has  any  other  fellow  robbed  me  of  my  name 
and  promotion  at  the  same  time  ?      Bother,  what  can  it 


176  Peter  Simple 

mane  ?  I  won't  belave  it — not  a  word  of  it.  I've  no 
more  interest  than  a  dog  who  drags  cats'-meat." 

"Really,  O'Brien,"  observed  I,  "I  cannot  see  why 
you  should  not  be  made ;  I  am  sure  you  deserve  your 
promotion  for  your  conduct  when  you  were  taken 
prisoner." 

"  And  what  did  I  do  then,  you  simple  Peter,  but  put 
you  on  my  back  as  the  men  do  their  hammocks  when  they 
are  piped  down ;  but,  barring  all  claim,  how  could  any 
one  know  what  took  place  in  the  battery,  except  you, 
and  I,  and  the  armourer,  who  lay  dead  ?  So  explain  that, 
Peter,  if  you  can." 

"I  think  I  can,"  replied  I,  after  the  lieutenant  had  left 
us.  And  I  then  told  O'Brien  how  I  had  written  to  Captain 
Savage,  and  had  had  the  fact  attested  by  the  major  who 
had  made  us  prisoners. 

"Well,  Peter,"  said  O'Brien,  after  a  pause,  "there's 
a  fable  about  a  lion  and  a  mouse.  If,  by  your  means, 
I  have  obtained  my  promotion,  why  then  the  mouse  is 
a  finer  baste  than  the  lion ;  but  instead  of  being  happy, 
I  shall  now  be  miserable  until  the  truth  is  ascertained 
one  way  or  the  other,  and  that's  another  reason  why  I 
must  set  off  to  England  as  fast  as  I  can." 

For  a  few  days  after  this  O'Brien  was  very  uneasy ; 
but  fortunately  letters  arrived  by  that  time ;  one  to  me 
from  my  father,  in  which  he  requested  me  to  draw  for 
whatever  money  I  might  require,  saying  that  the  whole 
family  would  retrench  in  every  way  to  give  me  all  the 
comfort  which  might  be  obtained  in  my  unfortunate 
situation.  I  wept  at  his  kindness,  and  more  than  ever 
longed  to  throw  myself  in  his  arms,  and  thank  him.  He 
also  told  me  that  my  uncle  William  was  dead,  and  that 
there  was  only  one  between  him  and  the  title,  but  that 
my  grandfather  was  in  good  health,  and  had  been  very 
kind  to  him  lately.  My  mother  was  much  afflicted  at 
my  having  been  made  a  prisoner,  and  requested  I  would 
write  as  often  as  I  could.  O'Brien's  letter  was  from 
Captain  Savage;    the  frigate   had   been  sent  home  with 


Peter  Simple  177 

despatches,  and  O'Brien's  conduct  represented  to  the 
Admiralty,  which  had,  in  consequence,  promoted  him  to 
the  rank  of  lieutenant.  O'Brien  came  to  me  with  the 
letter,  his  countenance  radiant  with  joy  as  he  put  it 
into  my  hands.  In  return  I  put  mine  into  his,  and  he 
read  it  over. 

"Peter,  my  boy,  I'm  under  great  obligations  to  you. 
When  you  were  wounded  and  feverish,  you  thought 
of  me  at  a  time  when  you  had  quite  enough  to  think 
of  yourself;  but  I  never  thank  in  words.  I  see  your 
uncle  William  is  dead.     How  many  more  uncles  have  you  ? " 

"  My  uncle  John,  who  is  married,  and  has  already  two 
daughters." 

"  Blessings  on  him ;  may  he  stick  to  the  female  line  of 
business !  Peter,  my  boy,  you  shall  be  a  lord  before  you 
die." 

"Nonsense,  O'Brien;  I  have  no  chance.  Don't  put 
such  foolish  ideas  in  my  head." 

"What  chance  had  I  of  being  a  lieutenant,  and  am 
I  not  one  ?  Well,  Peter,  you've  helped  to  make  a  lieu- 
tenant of  me,  but  I'll  make  a  man  of  you,  and  that's 
better.  Peter,  I  perceive,  with  all  your  simplicity,  that 
you're  not  over  and  above  simple,  and  that,  with  all 
your  asking  for  advice,  you  can  think  and  act  for  your- 
self on  an  emergency.  Now,  Peter,  these  are  talents 
that  must  not  be  thrown  away  in  this  cursed  hole,  and 
therefore,  my  boy,  prepare  yourself  to  quit  this  place 
in  a  week,  wind  and  weather  permitting  \  that  is  to 
say,  not  fair  wind  and  weather,  but  the  fouler  the 
better.  Will  you  be  ready  at  any  hour  of  any  night 
that  I  call  you  up  ? " 

"  Yes,  O'Brien,  I  will,  and  do  my  best." 

"  No  man  can  do  much  more  that  ever  I  heard  of. 
But,  Peter,  do  me  one  favour,  as  I  am  really  a  lieutenant, 
just  touch  your  hat  to  me  only  once,  that's  all  j  but  I 
wish  the  compliment,  just  to  see  how  it  looks." 

"Lieutenant  O'Brien,"  said  I,  touching  my  hat,  "have 
you  any  further  orders  ?  " 

1.  M 


178  Peter  Simple 

"  Yes,  sir,"  replied  he ;  "  that  you  never  presume  to 
touch  your  hat  to  me  again,  unless  we  sail  together,  and 
then  that's  a  different  sort  of  thing." 

About  a  week  afterwards,  O'Brien  came  to  me,  and 
said,  "The  new  moon's  quartered  in  with  foul  weather; 
if  it  holds,  prepare  for  a  start.  I  have  put  what  is 
necessary  in  your  little  haversack ;  it  may  be  to-night. 
Go  to  bed  now,  and  sleep  for  a  week  if  you  can,  for  you'll 
get  but  little  sleep,  if  we  succeed,  for  the  week  to  come." 

This  was  about  eight  o'clock.  I  went  to  bed,  and 
about  twelve  I  was  roused  by  O'Brien,  who  told  me  to 
dress  myself  carefully,  and  come  down  to  him  in  the 
yard.  I  did  so  without  disturbing  any  body,  and  found 
the  night  as  dark  as  pitch  (it  was  then  November),  and 
raining  in  torrents ;  the  wind  was  high,  howling  round 
the  yard,  and  sweeping  in  the  rain  in  every  direction  as 
it  eddied  to  and  fro.  It  was  some  time  before  I  could 
find  O'Brien,  who  was  hard  at  work;  and,  as  I  had 
already  been  made  acquainted  with  all  his  plans,  I  will 
now  explain  them.  At  Montpelier  he  had  procured  six 
large  pieces  of  iron,  about  eighteen  inches  long,  with 
a  gimlet  at  one  end  of  each,  and  a  square  at  the  other, 
which  fitted  to  a  handle  which  unshipped.  For  pre- 
caution he  had  a  spare  handle,  but  each  handle  fitted 
to  all  the  irons.  O'Brien  had  screwed  one  of  these 
pieces  of  iron  between  the  interstices  of  the  stones  of 
which  the  wall  was  built,  and  sitting  astride  on  that, 
was  fixing  another  about  three  feet  above.  When  he 
had  accomplished  this,  he  stood  upon  the  lower  iron,  and 
supporting  himself  by  the  second,  which  about  met  his 
hip,  he  screwed  in  a  third,  always  fixing  them  about  six 
inches  on  one  side  of  the  other,  and  not  one  above  the 
other.  When  he  had  screwed  in  his  six  irons,  he  was 
about  half  up  the  wall,  and  then  he  fastened  his  rope, 
which  he  had  carried  round  his  neck,  to  the  upper  iron, 
and  lowering  himself  down,  unscrewed  the  four  lower 
irons :  then  ascending  by  the  rope,  he  stood  upon  the 
fifth   iron,   and    supporting   himself  by    the    upper    iron, 


Peter  Simple  179 

recommenced  his  task.  By  these  means  he  arrived  in  the 
course  of  an  hour  and  a  half  to  the  top  of  the  wall,  where 
he  fixed  his  last  iron,  and  making  his  rope  fast,  he  came 
down  again.  "  Now,  Peter,"  said  he,  "  there  is  no  fear  of 
the  sentries  seeing  us ;  if  they  had  the  eyes  of  cats,  they 
could  not  until  we  were  on  the  top  of  the  wall ;  but  then 
we  arrive  at  the  glacis,  and  we  must  creep  to  the  ramparts 
on  our  bellies.  I  am  going  up  with  all  the  materials.  Give 
me  your  haversack — you  will  go  up  lighter  ;  and  recollect, 
should  any  accident  happen  to  me,  you  run  to  bed  again. 
If,  on  the  contrary,  I  pull  the  rope  up  and  down  three 
or  four  times,  you  may  sheer  up  it  as  fast  as  you  can. 
O'Brien  then  loaded  himself  with  the  other  rope,  the  two 
knapsacks,  iron  crows,  and  other  implements  he  had  pro- 
cured ;  and,  last  of  all,  with  the  umbrella.  "Peter,  if 
the  rope  bears  me  with  all  this,  it  is  clear  it  will  bear 
such  a  creature  as  you  are,  therefore  don't  be  afraid." 
So  whispering,  he  commenced  his  ascent ;  in  about  three 
minutes  he  was  up,  and  the  rope  pulled.  I  immediately 
followed  him,  and  found  the  rope  very  easy  to  climb, 
from  the  knots  at  every  two  feet,  which  gave  me  a  hold 
for  my  feet,  and  I  was  up  in  as  short  a  time  as  he  was. 
He  caught  me  by  the  collar,  putting  his  wet  hand  on  my 
mouth,  and  I  lay  down  beside  him  while  he  pulled  up 
the  rope.  We  then  crawled  on  our  stomachs  across  the 
glacis  till  we  arrived  at  the  rampart.  The  wind  blew 
tremendously,  and  the  rain  pattered  down  so  fast,  that 
the  sentries  did  not  perceive  us ;  indeed,  it  was  no  fault 
of  theirs,  for  it  was  impossible  to  have  made  us  out.  It 
was  some  time  before  O'Brien  could  find  out  the  point 
exactly  above  the  drawbridge  of  the  first  ditch ;  at  last 
he  did — he  fixed  his  crow-bar  in,  and  lowered  dow£  the 
rope.  "  Now,  Peter,  I  had  better  go  first  again ;  when 
I  shake  the  rope  from  below,  all's  right."  O'Brien  de- 
scended, and  in  a  few  minutes  the  rope  again  shook  ;  I 
followed  him,  and  found  myself  received  in  his  arms 
upon  the  meeting  of  the  drawbridge  ;  but  the  drawbridge 
itself  was  up.     O'Brien   led  the  way  across  the  chains, 


i So  Peter  Simple 

and  I  followed  him.  When  we  had  crossed  the  moat, 
we  found  a  barrier  gate  locked  ;  this  puzzled  us.  O'Brien 
pulled  out  his  picklocks  to  pick  it,  but  without  success ; 
here  we  were  fast.  "  We  must  undermine  the  gate, 
O'Brien  ;  we  must  pull  up  the  pavement  until  we  can 
creep  under."  "Peter,  you  are  a  fine  fellow-,  I  never 
thought  of  that."  We  worked  very  hard  until  the  hole 
was  large  enough,  using  the  crow-bar  which  was  left, 
and  a  little  wrench  which  O'Brien  had  with  him.  By 
these  means  we  got  under  the  gate  in  the  course  of  an 
hour  or  more.  This  gate  led  to  the  lower  rampart,  but 
we  had  a  covered  way  to  pass  through  before  we  arrived 
at  it.  We  proceeded  very  cautiously,  when  we  heard 
a  noise  :  we  stopped,  and  found  that  it  was  a  sentry,  who 
was  fast  asleep,  and  snoring.  Little  expecting  to  find 
one  here,  we  were  puzzled  ;  pass  him  we  could  not  well, 
as  he  was  stationed  on  the  very  spot  where  we  required 
to  place  our  crow-bar  to  descend  the  lower  rampart  into 
the  river.  O'Brien  thought  for  a  moment.  "Peter,"  said 
he,  "  now  is  the  time  for  you  to  prove  yourself  a  man.  He 
is  fast  asleep,  but  his  noise  must  be  stopped.  I  will  stop 
his  mouth,  but  at  the  very  moment  that  I  do  so  you  must 
throw  open  the  pan  of  his  musket,  and  then  he  cannot 
fire  it."  "I  will,  O'Brien;  don't  fear  me."  We  crept 
cautiously  up  to  him,  and  O'Brien  motioning  to  me  to  put 
my  thumb  upon  the  pan,  I  did  so,  and  the  moment  that 
O'Brien  put  his  hand  upon  the  soldier's  mouth,  I  threw 
open  the  pan.  The  fellow  struggled,  and  snapped  his  lock 
as  a  signal,  but  of  course  without  discharging  his  musket, 
and  in  a  minute  he  was.  not  only  gagged  but  bound  by 
O'Brien,  with  my  assistance.  Leaving  him  there,  we  pro- 
ceeded to  the  rampart,  and  fixing  the  crow-bar  again, 
O'Brien  descended ;  I  followed  him,  and  found  him  in  the 
river,  hanging  on  to  the  rope ;  the  umbrella  was  opened 
and  turned  upwards ;  the  preparation  made  it  resist  the 
water,  and,  as  previously  explained  to  me  by  O'Brien,  I  had 
only  to  hold  on  at  arm's  length  to  two  beckets  which  he 
had  affixed  to  the  point  of  the  umbrella,  which  was  under 


Peter  Simple  181 

water.  To  the  same  part  O'Brien  had  a  tow-line,  which 
taking  in  his  teeth,  he  towed  me  down  with  the  stream  to 
about  a  hundred  yards  clear  of  the  fortress,  where  we 
landed.  O'Brien  was  so  exhausted  that  for  a  few  minutes 
he  remained  quite  motionless ;  I  also  was  benumbed  with 
the  cold.  "Peter,"  said  he,  "thank  God  we  have  suc- 
ceeded so  far ;  now  must  we  push  on  as  far  as  we  can,  for 
we  shall  have  daylight  in  two  hours." 

O'Brien  took  out  his  flask  of  spirits,  and  we  both  drank 
a  half  tumbler  at  least,  but  we  should  not  in  our  state  have 
been  affected  with  a  bottle.  "We  now  walked  along  the 
river-side  till  we  fell  in  with  a  small  craft,  with  a  boat 
towing  astern  :  O'Brien  swam  to  it,  and  cutting  the  painter 
without  getting  in,  towed  it  on  shore.  The  oars  were 
fortunately  in  the  boat.  I  got  in,  we  shoved  off,  and 
rowed  away  down  the  stream  till  the  dawn  of  day.  "  All's 
right,  Peter ;  now  we'll  land.  This  is  the  Forest  of 
Ardennes."  We  landed,  replaced  the  oars  in  the  boat, 
and  pushed  her  off  into  the  stream,  to  induce  people  to 
suppose  that  she  had  broken  adrift,  and  then  hastened  into 
the  thickest  of  the  wood.  It  still  rained  hard ;  I  shivered, 
and  my  teeth  chattered  with  the  cold,  but  there  was  no 
help  for  it.  We  again  took  a  dram  of  spirits,  and,  worn 
out  with  fatigue  and  excitement,  soon  fell  fast  asleep  upon 
a  bed  of  leaves  which  we  had  collected  together. 


Chapter  XXII 

Grave  consequences  of  gravitation — O'Brien  enlists  himself  as  a  gendarme, 
and  takes  charge  of  me — We  are  discovered,  and  obliged  to  run  for  it — 
The  pleasures  of  a  winter  bivouac. 

It  was  not  until  noon  that  I  awoke,  when  I  found  that 
O'Brien  had  covered  me  more  than  a  foot  deep  with  leaves 
to  protect  me  from  the  weather.  I  felt  quite  warm  and 
comfortable  ;  my  clothes  had  dried  on  me,  but  without 
giving  me  cold.  "  How  very  kind  of  you,  O'Brien ! " 
said  I. 


1 82  Peter  Simple 

"  Not  a  bit,  Peter :  you  have  hard  work  to  go  through 
yet,  and  I  must  take  care  of  you.  You're  but  a  bud,  and 
I'm  a  full-blown  rose."  So  saying,  he  put  the  spirit-flask 
to  his  mouth,  and  then  handed  it  to  me.  "Now,  Peter, 
we  must  make  a  start,  for  depend  upon  it  they  will  scour 
the  country  for  us  ;  but  this  is  a  large  wood,  and  they  may 
as  well  attempt  to  find  a  needle  in  a  bundle  of  hay,  if  we 
once  get  into  the  heart  of  it." 

"  I  think,"  said  I,  "  that  this  forest  is  mentioned  by 
Shakespeare,  in  one  of  his  plays." 

"  Very  likely,  Peter,"  replied  O'Brien  ;  "  but  we  are  at 
no  playwork  now ;  and  what  reads  amazing  prettily,  is  no 
joke  in  reality.  I've  often  observed,  that  your  writers 
never  take  the  weather  into  consideration." 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,  O'Brien ;  in  King  Lear  the  weather 
was  tremendous." 

"  Very  likely  -,  but  who  was  the  king  that  went  out  in 
such  weather  ?  " 

"  King  Lear  did,  when  he  was  mad." 

"  So  he  was,  that's  certain,  Peter ;  but  runaway  prisoners 
have  some  excuse ;  so  now  for  a  start." 

We  set  off,  forcing  our  way  through  the  thicket,  for 
about  three  hours,  O'Brien  looking  occasionally  at  his 
pocket  compass  ;  it  then  was  again  nearly  dark,  and  O'Brien 
proposed  a  halt.  We  made  up  a  bed  of  leaves  for  the 
night,  and  slept  much  more  comfortably  than  we  had  the 
night  before.  All  our  bread  was  wet,  but  as  we  had  no 
water,  it  was  rather  a  relief ;  the  meat  we  had  with  us  was 
sufficient  for  a  week.  Once  more  we  laid  down  and  fell 
fast  asleep.  About  five  o'clock  in  the  morning  I  was 
roused  by  O'Brien,  who  at  the  same  time  put  his  hand 
gently  over  my  mouth.  I  sat  up,  and  perceived  a  large 
fire  not  far-  from  us.  "The  Philistines  are  upon  us, 
Peter,"  said  he ;  "I  have  reconnoitred,  and  they  are  the 
gendarmes.  I'm  fearful  of  going  away,  as  we  may 
stumble  upon  some  more  of  them.  I've  been  thinking 
what's  best  before  I  waked  you ;  and  it  appears  to  me, 
that  we  had  better  get  up  the  tree,  and  lie  there." 


Peter  Simple  183 

At  that  time  we  were  hidden  in  a  copse  of  underwood, 
with  a  large  oak  in  the  centre,  covered  with  ivy.  "  I 
think  so  too,  O'Brien ;  shall  we  go  up  now,  or  wait  a 
little?" 

"Now,  to  be  sure,  that  they're  eating  their  prog. 
Mount  you,  Peter,  and  I'll  help  you." 

O'Brien  shoved  me  up  the  tree,  and  then  waiting  a 
little  while  to  bury  our  haversacks  among  the  leaves,  he 
followed  me.  He  desired  me  to  remain  in  a  very  snug 
position,  on  the  first  fork  of  the  tree,  while  he  took 
another,  amongst  a  bunch  of  ivy,  on  the  largest  bough. 
There  we  remained  for  about  an  hour,  when  day  dawned. 
We  observed  the  gendarmes  mustered  at  the  break  of  day, 
by  the  corporal,  and  then  they  all  separated  in  different 
directions,  to  scour  the  wood^  We  were  delighted  to 
perceive  this,  as  we  hoped  soon  to  be  able  to  get  away  ; 
but  there  was  one  gendarme  who  remained.  He  walked 
to  and  fro,  looking  everywhere,  until  he  came  directly 
under  the  tree  in  which  we  were  concealed.  He  poked 
about,  until  at  last  he  came  to  the  bed  of  leaves  upon 
which  we  had  slept ;  these  he  turned  over  and  over  with 
his  bayonet,  until  he  routed  out  our  haversacks.  "Pardi!" 
exclaimed  he,  "  where  the  nest  and  eggs  are,  the  birds  are 
near."  He  then  walked  round  the  tree,  looking  up  into 
every  part,  but  we  were  well  concealed,  and  he  did  not 
discover  us  for  some  time.  At  last  he  saw  me,  and 
ordered  me  to  come  down.  I  paid  no  attention  to  him, 
as  I  had  no  signal  from  O'Brien.  He  walked  round  a 
little  farther,  until  he  was  directly  under  the  branch  on 
which  O'Brien  lay.  Taking  up  this  position,  he  had  a 
fairer  aim  at  me,  and  levelled  his  musket,  saying,  "De- 
scender, ou  je  tire?  Still  I  continued  immoveable,  for  I 
knew  not  what  to  do.  I  shut  my  eyes,  however ;  the 
musket  shortly  afterwards  was  discharged,  and,  whether 
from  fear  or  not  I  can  hardly  tell,  I  lost  my  hold  of  a 
sudden,  and  down  I  came.  I  was  stunned  with  the  fall, 
and  thought  that  I  must  have  been  wounded,  and  was 
very   much   surprised,  when,    instead   of  the   gendarme, 


184  Peter  Simple 

O'Brien  came  up  to  me,  and  asked  whether  I  was  hurt.  I 
answered,  I  believed  not,  and  got  upon  my  legs,  when  I 
found  the  gendarme  lying  on  the  ground,  breathing 
heavily,  but  insensible.  When  O'Brien  perceived  the 
gendarme  level  his  musket  at  me,  he  immediately  dropped 
from  the  bough,  right  upon  his  head  -,  this  occasioned  the 
musket  to  go  off,  without  hitting  me,  and  at  the  same 
time,  the  weight  of  O'Brien's  body  from  such  a  height 
killed  the  gendarme,  for  he  expired  before  we  left  him. 
"Now,  Peter,"  said  O'Brien,  "this  is  the  most  fortunate 
thing  in  the  world,  and  will  take  us  half  through  the 
country  ;  but  we  have  no  time  to  lose."  He  then  stripped 
the  gendarme,  who  still  breathed  heavily,  and  dragging 
him  to  our  bed  of  leaves,  covered  him  up,  threw  off  his 
own  clothes,  which  he  tied  in  a  bundle,  and  gave  to  me 
to  carry,  and  put  on  those  of  the  gendarme.  I  could  not 
help  laughing  at  the  metamorphosis,  and  asked  O'Brien 
what  he  intended.  "  Sure,  I'm  a  gendarme,  bringing 
with  me  a  prisoner,  who  has  escaped."  He  then  tied  my 
hands  with  a  cord,  shouldered  his  musket,  and  off  we  set. 
We  now  quitted  the  wood  as  soon  as  we  could ;  for 
O'Brien  said  that  he  had  no  fear  for  the  next  ten  days ; 
and  so  it  proved.  We  had  one  difficulty,  which  was,  that 
we  were  going  the  wrong  way ;  but  that  was  obviated  by 
travelling  mostly  at  night,  when  no  questions  were  asked, 
except  at  the  cabarets,  where  we  lodged,  and  they  did  not 
know  which  way  we  came.  When  we  stopped  at  night, 
my  youth  excited  a  great  deal  of  commiseration,  especially 
from  the  females  ;  and  in  one  instance  I  was  offered  assist- 
ance to  escape.  I  consented  to  it,  but  at  the  same  time 
informed  O'Brien  of  the  plan  proposed.  O'Brien  kept 
watch — I  dressed  myself,  and  was  at  the  open  window, 
when  he  rushed  in,  seizing  me,  and  declaring  that  he 
would  inform  the  Government  of  the  conduct  of  the  parties. 
Their  confusion  and  distress  were  very  great.  They  offered 
O'Brien  twenty,  thirty,  forty  Napoleons,  if  he  would  hush 
it  up,  for  they  were  aware  of  the  penalty  and  imprison- 
ment.    O'Brien  replied  that  he  would  not  accept  of  any 


Peter  Simple  185 

money  in  compromise  of  his  duty  ;  that  after  he  had  given 
me  into  the  charge  of  the  gendarme  of  the  next  post,  his 
business  was  at  an  end,  and  he  must  return  to  Flushing, 
where  he  was  stationed. 

"I  have  a  sister  there,"  replied  the  hostess,  "who  keeps 
an  inn.  You'll  want  good  quarters,  and  a  friendly  cup ; 
do  not  denounce  us,  and  I'll  give  you  a  letter  to  her, 
which,  if  it  does  not  prove  of  service,  you  can  then  return 
and  give  the  information." 

O'Brien  consented ;  the  letter  was  delivered,  and  read 
to  him,  in  which  the  sister  was  requested,  by  the  love  she 
bore  to  the  writer,  to  do  all  she  could  for  the  bearer,  who 
had  the  power  of  making  the  whole  family  miserable,  but 
had  refused  so  to  do.  O'Brien  pocketed  the  letter,  filled 
his  brandy-flask,  and  saluting  all  the  women,  left  the 
cabaret,  dragging  me  after  him  with  a  cord.  The  only 
difference,  as  O'Brien  observed  after  he  went  out,  was, 
that  he  (O'Brien)  kissed  all  the  women,  and  all  the  women 
kissed  me.  In  this  way,  we  had  proceeded  by  Charleroy 
and  Louvain,  and  were  within  a  few  miles  of  Malines, 
when  a  circumstance  occurred  which  embarrassed  us  not  a 
little.  We  were  following  our  route,  avoiding  Malines, 
which  was  a  fortified  town,  and  at  the  time  were  in  a  narrow 
lane,  with  wide  ditches,  full  of  water,  on  each  side.  At 
the  turning  of  a  sharp  corner,  we  met  the  gendarme  who 
had  supplied  O'Brien  with  a  map  of  the  town  of  Givet. 
"  Good  morning,  comrade,"  said  he  to  O'Brien,  looking 
earnestly  at  him,  "  whom  have  we  here  ?  " 

"  A  young  Englishman,  whom  I  picked  up  close  by, 
escaped  from  prison." 

"Where  from?" 

"  He  will  not  say  ;  but  I  suspect  from  Givet." 

"  There  are  two  who  have  escaped  from  Givet,"  replied 
he  :  "  how  they  escaped  no  one  can  imagine  ;  but,"  continued 
he,  again  looking  at  O'Brien,  "  avec  les  braves,  il  riy  a  rien 
d*  impossible" 

"That  is  true,"  replied  O'Brien;  "I  have  taken  one, 
the  other  cannot  be  far  off.     You  had  better  look  for  him." 


1 86  Peter  Simple 

"  I  should  like  to  find  him,"  replied  the  gendarme,  "  for 
you  know  that  to  retake  a  runaway  prisoner  is  certain 
promotion.     You  will  be  made  a  corporal." 

"So  much  the  better,"  replied  O'Brien;  "adieu,  mon 
ami" 

"  Nay,  I  merely  came  for  a  walk,  and  will  return  with 
you  to  Malines,  where  of  course  you  are  bound." 

"We  shall  not  get  there  to-night,"  said  O'Brien,  "my 
prisoner  is  too  much  fatigued." 

"  Well,  then,  we  will  go  as  far  as  we  can  'y  and  I  will 
assist  you.  Perhaps  we  may  find  the  second,  who,  I 
understand,  obtained  a  map  of  the  fortress  by  some  means 
or  other." 

We  at  once  perceived  that  we  were  discovered.  He  after- 
wards told  us  that  the  body  of  a  gendarme  had  been  found 
in  the  wood,  no  doubt  murdered  by  the  prisoners,  and  that 
the  body  was  stripped  naked.  "  I  wonder,"  continued  he, 
"  whether  one  of  the  prisoners  put  on  his  clothes,  and 
passed  as  a  gendarme." 

"Peter,"  said  O'Brien,  "are  we  to  murder  this  man  or 
not  ? " 

"  I  should  say  not :  pretend  to  trust  him,  and  then  we 
may  give  him  the  slip."  This  was  said  during  the  time 
that  the  gendarme  stopped  a  moment  behind  us. 

"Well,  we'll  try  ;  but  first  I'll  put  him  off  his  guard." 
When  the  gendarme  came  up  with  us,  O'Brien  ob- 
served, that  the  English  prisoners  were  very  liberal ; 
that  he  knew  that  a  hundred  Napoleons  were  often  paid 
for  assistance,  and  he  thought  that  no  corporal's  rank  was 
equal  to  a  sum  that  would  in  France  make  a  man  happy 
and  independent  for  life. 

"  Very  true,"  replied  the  gendarme  ;  "  and  let  me  only 
look  upon  that  sum,  and  I  will  guarantee  a  positive  safety 
out  of  France." 

"  Then  we  understand  each  other,"  replied  O'Brien ; 
"  this  boy  will  give  two  hundred — one  half  shall  be  yours, 
if  you  will  assist." 

"I  will  think  of  it,"  replied  the  gendarme,  who  then 


Peter  Simple  187 

talked  about  indifferent  subjects,  until  we  arrived  at  a 
small  town,  called  Acarchot,  where  we  proceeded  to  a 
cabaret.  The  usual  curiosity  passed  over  we  were 
left  alone,  O'Brien  telling  the  gendarme  that  he  would 
expect  his  reply  that  night  or  to-morrow  morning.  The 
gendarme  said,  to-morrow  morning.  O'Brien  requesting 
him  to  take  charge  of  me,  he  called  the  woman  of  the 
cabaret  to  show  him  a  room ;  she  showed  him  one  or  two, 
which  he  refused,  as  not  sufficiently  safe  for  the  prisoner. 
The  woman  laughed  at  the  idea,  observing,  "  What  had 
he  to  fear  from  a  pauvre  enfant  like  me  I  " 

"  Yet  this  pauvre  enfant  escaped  from  Givet,"  replied 
O'Brien ;  "  these  Englishmen  are  devils  from  their  birth." 
The  last  room  showed  to  O'Brien  suited  him,  and  he  chose 
it — the  woman  not  presuming  to  contradict  a  gendarme. 
As  soon  as  they  came  down  again,,  O'Brien  ordered  me  to 
bed,  and  went  up-stairs  with  me.  He  bolted  the  door,  and 
pulling  me  to  the  large  chimney,  we  put  our  heads  up,  and 
whispered,  that  our  conversation  should  not  be  heard. 
"  This  man  is  not  to  be  trusted,"  said  O'Brien,  "  and  we 
must  give  him  the  slip.  I  know  my  way  out  of  the  inn, 
and  we  must  return  the  way  we  came,  and  thea  strike  off 
in  another  direction." 

"  But  will  he  permit  us  ?  '* 

"  Not  if  he  can  help  it  j  but  I  shall  soon  find  out  his 
manoeuvres." 

O'Brien  then  went  and  stopped  the  key-hole,  by  hang- 
ing his  handkerchief  across  it,  and  stripping  himself  of  his 
gendarme  uniform,  put  on  his  own  clothes ;  then  he  stuffed 
the  blankets  and  pillow  into  the  gendarme's  dress,  and  laid 
it  down  on  the  outside  of  the  bed,  as  if  it  were  a  man 
sleeping  in  his  clothes — indeed,  it  was  an  admirable  de- 
ception. He  laid  his  musket  by  the  side  of  the  image,  and 
then  did  the  same  to  my  bed,  making  it  appear  as  if  there 
was  a  person  asleep  in  it,  of  my  size,  and  putting  my  cap 
on  the  pillow.  "  Now,  Peter,  we'll  see  if  he  is  watch- 
ing us.  He  will  wait  till  he  thinks  we  are  asleep."  The 
light  still  remained  in  the  room,  and  about  an  hour  after- 


1 88  Peter  Simple 

wards  we  heard  a  noise  of  one  treading  on  the  stairs, 
upon  which,  as  agreed,  we  crept  under  the  bed.  The  latch 
of  our  door  was  tried,  and  finding  it  open,  which  he  did 
not  expect,  the  gendarme  entered,  and  looking  at  both 
beds,  went  away.  "  Now,"  said  I,  after  the  gendarme  had 
gone  down-stairs,  "  O'Brien,  ought  we  not  to  escape  ?  " 

"  I've  been  thinking  of  it,  Peter,  and  I  have  come  to  a 
resolution  that  we  can  manage  it  better.  He  is  certain  to 
come  again  in  an  hour  or  two.  It  is  only  eleven.  Now 
I'll  play  him  a  trick."  O'Brien  then  took  one  of  the 
blankets,  make  it  fast  to  the  window,  which  he  left  wide 
open,  and  at  the  same  time  disarranged  the  images  he  had 
made  up,  so  as  to  let  the  gendarme  perceive  that  they  were 
counterfeit.  We  again  crept  under  the  bed,  and  as 
O'Brien  foretold,  in  about  an  hour  more  the  gendarme 
returned ;  our  lamp  was  still  burning,  but  he  had  a  light 
of  his  own.  He  looked  at  the  beds,  perceived  at  once  that 
he  had  been  duped,  went  to  the  open  window,  and  then 
exclaimed,  "  Sacre  Dieu!  Us  mont  echappes  et  je  ne  suis  plus 
caporal.  F — trel  a  la  chassel"  He  rushed  out  of  the 
room,  and  in  a  minute  afterwards  we  heard  him  open  the 
street  door,  and  go  away. 

V  That  will  do,  Peter,"  said  O'Brien,  laughing ;  "  now 
we'll  be  off  also,  although  there's  no  great  hurry." 
O'Brien  then  resumed  his  dress  of  a  gendarme  ;  and  about 
an  hour  afterwards  we  went  down,  and  wishing  the 
hostess  all  happiness,  quitted  the  cabaret,  returning  the 
same  road  by  which  we  had  come.  "  Now,  Peter,"  said 
O'Brien,  "  we're  in  a  bit  of  a  puzzle.  This  dress  won't 
do  any  more,  still  there's  a  respectability  about  it,  which 
will  not  allow  me  to  put  it  off  till  the  last  moment."  We 
walked  on  till  daylight,  when  we  hid  ourselves  in  a  copse 
of  trees.  At  night  we  again  started  for  the  forest  of 
Ardennes,  for  O'Brien  said  our  best  chance  was  to  return, 
until  they  supposed  that  we  had  had  time  to  effect  our 
escape ;  but  we  never  reached  the  forest,  for  on  the  next 
day  a  violent  snowstorm  came  on;  it  continued  without 
intermission  for  four  days,  during  which  we  suffered  much. 


Peter  Simple  189 

Our  money  was  not  exhausted,  as  I  had  drawn  upon  my 
father  for  ^60,  which,  with  the  disadvantageous  exchange, 
had  given  me  fifty  Napoleons.  Occasionally  O'Brien  crept 
into  a  cabaret,  and  obtained  provisions ;  but,  as  we  dared 
not  be  seen  together  as  before,  we  were  always  obliged  to 
sleep  in  the  open  air,  the  ground  being  covered  more  than 
three  feet  with  snow.  On  the  fifth  day,  being  then  six 
days  from  the  forest  of  Ardennes,  we  hid  ourselves  in  a 
small  wood,  about  a  quarter  of  a  mile  from  the  road.  I 
remained  there  while  O'Brien,  as  a  gendarme,  went  to 
obtain  provisions.  As  usual,  I  looked  out  for  the  best 
shelter  during  his  absence,  and  what  was  my  horror  at 
falling  in  with  a  man  and  woman  who  lay  dead  in  the 
snow,  having  evidently  perished  from  the  weather.  Just 
as  I  discovered  them,  O'Brien  returned,  and  I  told  him ;  he 
went  with  me  to  view  the  bodies.  They  were  dressed  in 
a  strange  attire,  ribands  pinned  upon  their  clothes,  and  two 
pairs  of  very  high  stilts  lying  by  their  sides.  O'Brien 
surveyed  them,  and  then  said,  "Peter,  this  is  the  very  best 
thing  that  could  have  happened  to  us.  We  may  now  walk 
through  France  without  soiling  our  feet  with  the  cursed 
country." 

"  How  do  you  mean  ? " 

"I  mean,"  said  he,  "that  these  are  the  people  that  we 
met  near  Montpelier,  who  come  from  the  Landes,  walking 
about  on  their  stilts  for  the  amusement  of  others,  to  obtain 
money.  In  their  own  country  they  are  obliged  to  walk  so. 
Now,  Peter,  it  appears  to  me  that  the  man's  clothes  will 
fit  me,  and  the  girl's  (poor  creature,  how  pretty  she  looks, 
cold  in  death !)  will  fit  you.  All  we  have  to  do  is  to 
practise  a  little,  and  then  away  we  start." 

O'Brien  then,  with  some  difficulty,  pulled  off  the  man's 
jacket  and  trowsers,  and  having  so  done,  buried  him  in  the 
snow.  The  poor  girl  was  despoiled  of  her  gown  and 
upper  petticoat,  with  every  decency,  and  also  buried.  "We 
collected  the  clothes  and  stilts,  and  removed  to  another 
quarter  of  the  wood,  where  we  found  a  well-sheltered 
spot,  and  took  our  meal.     As  we  did  not  travel  that  night 


190  Peter  Simple 

as  usual,  we  had  to  prepare  our  own  bed.  "We  scraped 
away  the  snow,  and  made  ourselves  as  comfortable  as  we 
could  without  a  fire,  but  the  weather  was  dreadful. 

"  Peter,"  said  O'Brien,  "  I'm  melancholy.  Here,  drink 
plenty  ; "  and  he  handed  me  the  flask  of  spirits,  which  had 
never  been  empty. 

"  Drink  more,  Peter." 

"  I  cannot,  O'Brien,  without  being  tipsy." 

"  Never  mind  that,  drink  more  ;  see  how  these  two  poor 
devils  lost  their  lives  by  falling  asleep  in  the  snow.  Peter," 
said  O'Brien,  starting  up,  "  you  sha'n't  sleep  here — follow 
me." 

I  expostulated  in  vain.  It  was  almost  dark,  and  he  led 
me  to  the  village,  near  which  he  pitched  upon  a  hovel  (a 
sort  of  out-house).  "Peter,  here  is  shelter;  lie  down  and 
sleep,  and  I'll  keep  the  watch.  Not  a  word,  I  will  have  it 
— down  at  once." 

I  did  so,  and  in  a  very  few  minutes  was  fast  asleep,  for 
I  was  worn  out  with  cold  and  fatigue.  For  several  days 
we  had  walked  all  night,  and  the  rest  we  gained  by  day  was 
trifling.  Oh  how  I  longed  for  a  warm  bed  with  four  or 
five  blankets  !  Just  as  the  day  broke,  O'Brien  roused  me ; 
he  had  stood  sentry  all  night,  and  looked  very  haggard. 

"  O'Brien,  you  are  ill,"  said  I. 

"  Not  a  bit ;  but  I've  emptied  the  brandy-flask ;  and 
that's  a  bad  job.     However,  it  is  to  be  remedied." 

We  then  returned  to  the  wood  in  a  mizzling  rain  and  fog, 
for  the  weather  had  changed,  and  the  frost  had  broken  up. 
The  thaw  was  even  worse  than  the  frost,  and  we  felt  the 
cold  more.  O'Brien  again  insisted  upon  my  sleeping  in 
the  out-house,  but  this  time  I  positively  refused  without  he 
would  also  sleep  there,  pointing  out  to  him,  that  we  ran  no 
more  risk,  and  perhaps  not  so  much,  as  if  he  stayed  out- 
side. Finding  I  was  positive,  he  at  last  consented,  and  we 
both  gained  it  unperceived.  We  lay  down,  but  I  did  not 
go  to  sleep  for  some  time,  I  was  so  anxious  to  see  O'Brien 
fast  asleep.  He  went  in  and  out  several  times,  during 
which  I  pretended  to  be  fast  asleep ;  at  last  it  rained  in 


Peter  Simple  191 

torrents,  and  then  he  lay  down  again,  and  in  a  few  minutes, 
overpowered  by  nature,  he  fell  fast  asleep,  snoring  so 
loudly,  that  I  was  afraid  some  one  would  hear  us.  I  then 
got  up  and  watched,  occasionally  lying  down  and  slumber- 
ing awhile,  and  then  going  to  the  door. 


Chapter  XXIII 

Exalted  with  our  success,  we  march  through  France  without  touching  the 
ground — I  become  feminine — We  are  voluntary  conscripts. 

At  day-break  I  called  O'Brien,  who  jumped  up  in  a  great 
hurry. 

"  Sure  I've  been  asleep,  Peter." 

"Yes,  you  have,"  replied  I,  "and  I  thank  Heaven  that 
you  have,  for  no  one  could  stand  such  fatigue  as  you  have, 
much  longer  ;  and  if  you  fall  ill,  what  would  become  of  me  ?  " 
This  was  touching  him  on  the  right  point. 

"Well,  Peter,  since  there's  no  harm  come  of  it,  there's 
no  harm  done.  I've  had  sleep  enough  for  the  next  week, 
that's  certain." 

"We  returned  to  the  wood ;  the  snow  had  disappeared, 
and  the  rain  ceased ;  the  sun  shone  out  from  between  the 
clouds,  and  we  felt  warm. 

"Don't  pass  so  near  that  way,"  said  O'Brien,  "we  shall 
see  the  poor  creatures,  now  that  the  snow  is  gone.  Peter, 
we  must  shift  our  quarters  to-night,  for  I  have  been  to 
every  cabaret  in  the  village,  and  I  cannot  go  there  any  more 
without  suspicion,    although  I  am  a  gendarme." 

We  remained  there  till  the  evening,  and  then  set  off,  still 
returning  towards  Givet.  About  an  hour  before  daylight 
we  arrived  at  a  copse  of  trees,  close  to  the  road-side,  and 
surrounded  by  a  ditch,  not  above  a  quarter  of  a  mile  from  a 
village.  "It  appears  to  me,"  said  O'Brien,  "  that  this  will 
do :  I  will  now  put  you  there,  and  then  go  boldly  to  the 
village  and  see  what  I  can  get,  for  here  we  must  stay  at 
least  a  week." 


192  Peter  Simple 

"We  walked  to  the  copse,  and  the  ditch  being  rather  too 
wide  for  me  to  leap,  O'Brien  laid  the  four  stilts  together 
so  as  to  form  a  bridge,  over  which  I  contrived  to  walk. 
Tossing  to  me  all  the  bundles,  and  desiring  me  to  leave 
the  stilts  as  a  bridge  for  him  on  his  return,  he  set  off  to 
the  village  with  his  musket  on  his  shoulder.  He  was 
away  two  hours,  when  he  returned  with  a  large  supply  of 
provisions,  the  best  we  had  ever  had.  French  saucissons, 
seasoned  with  garlic,  which  I  thought  delightful ;  four 
bottles  of  brandy,  besides  his  flask ;  a  piece  of  hung  beef 
and  six  loaves  of  bread,  besides  half  a  baked  goose  and 
part  of  a  large  pie. 

"  There,"  said  he,  "  we  have  enough  for  a  good  week ; 
and  look  here,  Peter,  this  is  better  than  all."  And  he 
showed  me  two  large  horse-rugs. 

"  Excellent,"  replied  I ;  "  now  we  shall  be  comfortable." 

"  I  paid  honestly  for  all  but  these  rugs,"  observed 
O'Brien;  "but  I  was  afraid  to  buy  them,  so  I  stole  them. 
However,  we'll  leave  them  here  for  those  they  belong  to — 
it's  only  borrowing,  after  all." 

"We  now  prepared  a  very  comfortable  shelter  with 
branches,  which  we  wove  together,  and  laying  the  leaves 
in  the  sun  to  dry,  soon  obtained  a  soft  bed  to  put  one 
horse-rug  on,  while  we  covered  ourselves  up  with  the 
other.  Our  bridge  of  stilts  we  had  removed,  so  that  we 
felt  ourselves  quite  secure  from  surprise.  That  evening 
we  did  nothing  but  carouse — the  goose,  the  pie,  the 
saucissons  as  big  as  my  arm,  were  alternately  attacked,  and 
we  went  to  the  ditch  to  drink  water,  and  then  ate  again. 
This  was  quite  happiness  to  what  we  had  suffered, 
especially  with  the  prospect  of  a  good  bed.  At  dark,  to 
bed  we  went,  and  slept  soundly ;  I  never  felt  more  re- 
freshed during  our  wanderings.  At  daylight  O'Brien  got 
up. 

"  Now,  Peter,  a  little  practice  before  breakfast." 

"  What  practice  do  you  mean  ?  " 

"  Mean !  why  on  the  stilts.  I  expect  in  a  week  that 
you'll  be  able  to  dance  a  gavotte  at  least  5  for  mind  me, 


Peter  Simple  193 

Peter,  you  travel  out  of  France  upon  these  stilts,  depend 
upon  it." 

O'Brien  then  took  the  stilts  belonging  to  the  man,  giving 
me  those  of  the  woman.  We  strapped  them  to  oar  thighs, 
and  by  fixing  our  backs  to  a  tree,  contrived  to  get  upright 
upon  them ;  but,  at  the  first  attempt  to  walk,  O'Brien  fell 
to  the  right,  and  I  fell  to  the  left.  O'Brien  fell  against  a 
tree,  but  I  fell  on  my  nose,  and  made  it  bleed  very  much ; 
however,  we  laughed  and  got  up  again,  and  although  we 
had  several  falls,  at  last  we  made  a  better  hand  of  them. 
We  then  had  some  difficulty  in  getting  down  again,  but 
we  found  out  how,  by  again  resorting  to  a  tree.  After 
breakfast  we  strapped  them  on  again,  and  practised,  and  so 
we  continued  to  do  for  the  whole  day,  when  we  again 
attacked  our  provisions,  and  fell  asleep  under  our  horse- 
rug.  This  continued  for  five  days,  by  which  time,  being 
constantly  on  the  stilts,  we  became  very  expert ;  and 
although  I  could  not  dance  a  gavotte — for  I  did  not  know 
what  that  was — I  could  hop  about  with  them  with  the 
greatest  ease. 

"  One  day's  more  practice,"  said  O'Brien,  "  for  our 
provisions  will  last  one  day  more,  and  then  we  start ;  but 
this  time  we  must  rehearse  in  costume." 

O'Brien  then  dressed  me  in  the  poor  girl's  clothes,  and 
himself  in  the  man's ;  they  fitted  very  well,,  and  the  last 
day  we  practised  as  man  and  woman. 

"Peter,  you  make  a  very  pretty  girl,"  said  O'Brien. 
"  Now,  don't  you  allow  the  men  to  take  liberties." 

"  Never  fear,"  replied  I.  "  But,  O'Brien,  as  these  petti- 
coats are  not  very  warm,  I  mean  to  cut  off  my  trowsers  up 
to  my  knees,  and  wear  them  underneath." 

"That's  all  right,"  said  O'Brien,  "for  you  may  have  a 
tumble,  and  then  they  may  find  out  that  you're  not  a  lady." 

The  next  morning  we  made  use  of  our  stilts  to  cross  the 
ditch,  and  carrying  them  in  our  hands  we  boldly  set  off  on 
the  high  road  to  Malines.  We  met  several  people,  gens- 
d'armes  and  others,  but  with  the  exception  of  some  re- 
marks upon  my  good  looks,  we  passed  unnoticed.    Towards 

I.  N 


194  Peter  Simple 

the  evening  we  arrived  at  the  village  where  we  had  slept 
in  the  outhouse,  and  as  soon  as  we  entered  it  we  put  on 
our  stilts,  and  commenced  a  march.  When  the  crowd  had 
gathered  we  held  out  our  caps,  and  receiving  nine  or  ten 
sous,  we  entered  a  cabaret.  Many  questions  were  asked 
us,  as  to  where  we  came  from,  and  O'Brien  answered, 
telling  lies  innumerable.  I  played  the  modest  girl,  and 
O'Brien,  who  stated  I  was  his  sister,  appeared  very  careful 
and  jealous  of  any  attention.  We  slept  well,  and  the  next 
morning  continued  our  route  to  Malines.  We  very  often 
put  on  our  stilts  for  practice  on  the  road,  which  detained 
us  very  much,  and  it  was  not  until  the  eighth  day,  without 
any  variety  or  any  interruption,  that  we  arrived  at  Malines. 
As  we  entered  the  barriers  we  put  on  our  stilts,  and 
marched  boldly  on.  The  guard  at  the  gate  stopped  us, 
not  from  suspicion,  but  to  amuse  themselves,  and  I  was 
forced  to  submit  to  several  kisses  from  their  garlic  lips, 
before  we  were  allowed  to  enter  the  town.  We  again 
mounted  on  our  stilts,  for  the  guard  had  forced  us  to 
dismount,  or  they  could  not  have  kissed  me,  every  now 
and  then  imitating  a  dance,  until  we  arrived  at  the  Grande 
Place,  where  we  stopped  opposite  the  hotel,  and  commenced 
a  sort  of  waltz  which  we  had  practised.  The  people  in 
the  hotel  looked  out  of  the  window  to  see  our  exhibition, 
and  when  we  had  finished  I  went  up  to  the  windows  with 
O'Brien's  cap  to  collect  money.  What  was  my  surprise  to 
perceive  Colonel  O'Brien  looking  full  in  my  face,  and 
staring  very  hard  at  me ; — what  was  my  greater  astonish- 
ment at  seeing  Celeste,  who  immediately  recognised  me, 
and  ran  back  to  the  sofa  in  the  room,  putting  her  hands 
up  to  her  eyes,  and  crying  out  "  Cest  lui,  Jest  luil" 
Fortunately  O'Brien  was  close  to  me,  or  I  should  have 
fallen,  but  he  supported  me.  "  Peter,  ask  the  crowd  for 
money,  or  you  are  lost."  I  did  so,  and  collecting  some 
pence,  then  asked  him  what  I  should  do.  "  Go  back  to 
the  window — you  can  then  judge  of  what  will  happen." 
I  returned  to  the  window ;  Colonel  O'Brien  had  disap- 
peared, but  Celeste  was  there,  as  if  waiting  for  me.  I 
held  out  the  cap  to  her,  and  she  thrust  her  hand  into  it. 


Peter  Simple  195 

The  cap  sank  with  the  weight.  I  took  out  a  purse, 
which  I  kept  closed  in  my  hand,  and  put  it  into  my  bosom. 
Celeste  then  retired  from  the  window,  and  when  she  had 
gone  to  the  back  of  the  room  kissed  her  hand  to  me,  and 
went  out  at  the  door.  I  remained  stupefied  for  a  moment, 
but  O'Brien  roused  me,  and  we  quitted  the  Grande  Place, 
taking  up  our  quarters  at  a  little  cabaret.  On  examining 
the  purse,  I  found  fifty  Napoleons  in  it :  these  must  have 
been  obtained  from  her  father.  I  cried  over  them  with 
delight.  O'Brien  was  also  much  affected  at  the  kindness 
of  the  colonel.  "  He's  a  real  O'Brien,  every  inch  of  him," 
said  he  :  "  even  this  cursed  country  can't  spoil  the  breed." 

At  the  cabaret  where  we  stopped,  we  were  informed, 
that  the  officer  who  was  at  the  hotel  had  been  appointed 
to  the  command  of  the  strong  fort  of  Bergen-op-Zoom, 
and  was  proceeding  thither. 

"  We  must  not  chance  to  meet  him  again,  if  possible," 
said  O'Brien;  "it  would  be  treading  too  close  upon  the 
heels  of  his  duty.  Neither  will  it  do  to  appear  on  stilts 
among  the  dikes  ;  so,  Peter,  we'll  just  jump  on  clear  of  this 
town  and  then  we'll  trust  to  our  wits." 

We  walked  out  of  the  town  early  in  the  morning,  after 
O'Brien  had  made  purchases  of  some  of  the  clothes  usually 
worn  by  the  peasantry.  When  within  a  few  miles  of  St 
Nicholas,  we  threw  away  our  stilts  and  the  clothes  which 
we  had  on,  and  dressed  ourselves  in  those  O'Brien  had 
purchased.  O'Brien  had  not  forgotten  to  provide  us  with 
two  large  brown-coloured  blankets,  which  we  strapped  on 
to  our  shoulders,  as  the  soldiers  do  their  coats. 

"  But  what  are  we  to  pass  for  now,  O'Brien  ? " 

"  Peter,  I  will  settle  that  point  before  night.  My  wits 
are  working,  but  I  like  to  trust  to  chance  for  a  stray  idea 
or  so ;  we  must  walk  fast,  or  we  shall  be  smothered  with 
the  snow." 

It  was  bitter  cold  weather,  and  the  snow  had  fallen 
heavily  during  the  whole  day  ;  but  although  nearly  dusk, 
there  was  a  bright  moon  ready  for  us.  We  walked  very 
fast,  and  soon  observed  persons  ahead  of  us.  "Let  us 
overtake  them,  we  may  obtain  some  information."     As  we 


196  Peter  Simple 

came  up  with  them,  one  of  them  (they  were  both  lads  of 
seventeen  to  eighteen)  said  to  O'Brien,  "  I  thought  we  were 
the  last,  but  I  was  mistaken.  How  far  is  it  now  to  St 
Nicholas?" 

"How  should  I  know?"  replied  O'Brien,  "I  am  a 
stranger  in  these  parts  as  well  as  yourself." 

"  From  what  part  of  France  do  you  come  ? "  demanded  the 
other,  his  teeth  chattering  with  the  cold,  for  he  was  badly 
clothed,  and  with  little  defence  from  the  inclement  weather. 

"  From  Montpelier,"  replied  O'Brien. 

"  And  I  from  Toulouse.  A  sad  change,  comrade,  from 
olives  and  vines  to  such  a  climate  as  this.  Curse  the  con- 
scription :  I  intended  to  have  taken  a  little  wife  next  year." 

O'Brien  gave  me  a  push,  as  if  to  say,  "Here's  something 
that  will  do,"  and  then  continued, — 

"  And  curse  the  conscription  I  say  too,  for  I  had  just 
married,  and  now  my  wife  is  left  to  be  annoyed  by  the 
attention  of  the  fermier  general.  But  it  can't  be  helped. 
Cest  pour  la  France  et  pour  la  gloire." 

"  We  shall  be  too  late  to  get  a  billet,"  replied  the  other, 
"and  not  a  sou  have  I  in  my  pocket.  I  doubt  if  I  get 
up  with  the  main  body  till  they  are  at  Flushing.  By  our 
route,  they  are  at  Axel  to-day." 

"  If  we  arrive  at  St  Nicholas,  we  shall  do  well,"  replied 
O'Brien;  "but  I  have  a  little  money  left,  and  I'll  not 
see  a  comrade  want  a  supper  or  a  bed  who  is  going 
to  serve  his  country.  You  can  repay  me  when  we  meet 
at  Flushing." 

"  That  I  will  with  thanks,"  replied  the  Frenchman ; 
"  and  so  will  Jacques  here,  if  you  will  trust  him." 

"With  pleasure,"  replied  O'Brien,  who  then  entered 
into  a  long  conversation,  by  which  he  drew  out  from 
the  Frenchmen  that  a  party  of  conscripts  had  been  ordered 
to  Flushing,  and  that  they  had  dropped  behind  the  main 
body.  O'Brien  passed  himself  off  as  a  conscript  be- 
longing to  the  party,  and  me  as  his  brother,  who  had 
resolved  to  join  the  army  as  a  drummer,  rather  than 
part   with   him.      In    about    an   hour   we   arrived   at   St 


Peter  Simple  197 

Nicholas,  and  after  some  difficulty  obtained  entrance  into 
a  cabaret.  "Vive  la  France!"  said  O'Brien,  going  up 
to  the  fire,  and  throwing  the  snow  off  his  hat.  In  a 
short  time  we  were  seated  to  a  good  supper  and  very- 
tolerable  wine,  the  hostess  sitting  down  by  us,  and 
listening  to  the  true  narratives  of  the  real  conscripts, 
and  the  false  one  of  O'Brien.  After  supper  the  con- 
script who  first  addressed  us  pulled  out  his  printed 
paper,  with  the  route  laid  down,  and  observed  that 
we  were  two  days  behind  the  others.  O'Brien  read 
it  over,  and  laid  it  on  the  table,  at  the  same  time  calling 
for  more  wine,  having  already  pushed  it  round  very 
freely.  We  did  not  drink  much  ourselves,  but  plied 
them  hard,  and  at  last  the  conscript  commenced  the 
whole  history  of  his  intended  marriage  and  his  dis- 
appointment, tearing  his  hair,  and  crying  now  and 
then.  "Never  mind,"  interrupted  O'Brien,  every  two 
or  three  minutes,  "  buvons  un  autre  coup  pour  la  gloire!" 
and  thus  he  continued  to  make  them  both  drink  until 
they  reeled  away  to  bed,  forgetting  their  printed  paper, 
which  O'Brien  had  some  time  before  slipped  away  from 
the  table.  We  also  retired  to  our  room,  when  O'Brien 
observed  to  me.  "  Peter,  this  description  is  as  much 
like  me  as  I  am  to  Old  Nick ;  but  that's  of  no  consequence, 
as  nobody  goes  willingly  as  a  conscript,  and  therefore 
they  will  never  have  a  doubt  but  that  it  is  all  right. 
We  must  be  off  early  to-morrow,  while  these  good 
people  are  in  bed,  and  steal  a  long  march  upon  them. 
I  consider  that  we  are  now  safe  as  far  as  Flushing." 


Chapter  XXIV 

What  occurred   at  Flushing,  and   what  occurred  when  we  got  out  oi 
Flushing. 

An   hour   before   daybreak   we    started ;    the   snow  was 
thick  on  the  ground,  but  the  sky  was  clear,  and  without 


198  Peter  Simple 

any  difficulty  or  interruption  we  passed  through  the 
towns  of  Axel  and  Halst,  arrived  at  Terneuse  on  the 
fourth  day,  and  went  over  to  Flushing  in  company 
with  about  a  dozen  more  stragglers  from  the  main 
body.  As  we  landed,  the  guard  asked  us  whether 
we  were  conscripts.  O'Brien  replied  that  he  was,  and 
held  out  his  paper.  They  took  his  name,  or  rather 
that  of  the  person  it  belonged  to,  down  in  a  book, 
and  told  him  that  he  must  apply  to  the  etat  major 
before  three  o'clock.  We  passed  on  delighted  with 
our  success,  and  then  O'Brien  pulled  out  the  letter 
which  had  been  given  to  him  by  the  woman  of  the 
cabaret,  who  had  offered  to  assist  me  to  escape,  when 
O'Brien  passed  off  as  a  gendarme,  and  reading  the 
address,  demanded  his  way  to  the  street.  We  soon 
found  out  the  house,  and  entered. 

"  Conscripts  !  "  said  the  woman  of  the  house,  looking 
at  O'Brien ;  "I  am  billeted  full  already.  It  must  be 
a  mistake.     Where  is  your  order  ?  " 

"  Read,"  said  O'Brien,  handing  her  the  letter. 

She  read  the  letter,  and  putting  it  into  her  neckerchief, 
desired  him  to  follow  her.  O'Brien  beckoned  me  to 
come,  and  we  went  into  a  small  room.  "What  can  I 
do  for  you?"  said  the  woman;  "I  will  do  all  in  my 
power :  but,  alas  !  you  will  march  from  here  in  two  or 
three  days." 

"Never  mind,"  replied  O'Brien,  "we  will  talk  the 
matter  over  by-and-by,  but  at  present  only  oblige  us 
by  letting  us  remain  in  this  little  room ;  we  do  not  wish 
to  be  seen." 

11  Comment  done  I — you  a  conscript,  and  not  wish  to  be 
seen  !     Are  you,  then,  intending  to  desert  ?  " 

"  Answer  me  one  question ;  you  have  read  that  letter, 
do  you  intend  to  act  up  to  its  purport,  as  your  sister 
requests  ?  " 

"  As  I  hope  for  mercy  I  will,  if  I  suffer  everything. 
She  is  a  dear  sister,  and  would  not  write  so  earnestly 
if  she  had  not  strong  reason.  My  house  and  everything 
you  command  are  yours — can  I  say  more  ? " 


Peter  Simple  199 

"  But,"  continued  O'Brien,  "  suppose  I  did  intend  to 
desert,  would  you  then  assist  me  ?  " 

"  At  my  peril,"  replied  the  woman :  "  have  you  not 
assisted  my  family  when  in  difficulty  ? " 

"  "Well,  then,  I  will  not  at  present  detain  you  from  your 
business  ;  I  have  heard  you  called  several  times.  Let  us 
have  dinner  when  convenient,  and  we  will  remain  here." 

"  If  I  have  any  knowledge  of  phiz — what  dye  call  it," 
observed  O'Brien,  after  she  left  us,  "  there  is  honesty  in 
that  woman,  and  I  must  trust  her,  but  not  yet ;  we  must 
wait  till  the  conscripts  have  gone."  I  agreed  with  O'Brien, 
and  we  remained  talking  until  an  hour  afterwards,  when 
the  woman  brought  us  our  dinner. 

"  What  is  your  name  ? "  inquired  O'Brien. 

"  Louise  Eustache ;  you  might  have  read  it  on  the 
letter." 

"  Are  you  married  ?  " 

"  Oh  yes,  these  six  years.  My  husband  is  seldom  at 
home ;  he  is  a  Flushing  pilot.  A  hard  life,  harder  even 
than  that  of  a  soldier.     Who  is  this  lad  ?  " 

"  He  is  my  brother,  who,  if  I  go  as  a  soldier,  intends 
to  volunteer  as  a  drummer." 

"  Pauvre  enfant  !  c'est  dotnmage." 

The  cabaret  was  full  of  conscripts  and  other  people,  so 
that  the  hostess  had  enough  to  do.  At  night,  we  were 
shown  by  her  into  a  small  bed-room,  adjoining  the  room 
we  occupied.  "  You  are  quite  alone  here  ;  the  conscripts 
are  to  muster  to-morrow,  I  find,  in  the  Place  d'Armes,  at 
two  o'clock ;  do  you  intend  to  go  ?  " 

"No,"  replied  O'Brien:  "they  will  think  that  I  am 
behind.     It  is  of  no  consequence." 

"  Well,"  replied  the  woman,  "  do  as  you  please,  you 
may  trust  me  :  but  I  am  so  busy,  without  any  one  to  assist 
me,  that  until  they  leave  the  town,  I  can  hardly  find  time 
to  speak  to  you." 

"  That  will  be  soon  enough,  my  good  hostess,"  replied 
O'Brien  :  "  au  revoir" 

The  next  evening,  the  woman  came  in,  in  some  alarm, 


200  Peter  Simple 

stating  that  a  conscript  had  arrived  whose  name  had  been 
given  in  before,  and  that  the  person  who  had  given  it  in, 
had  not  mustered  at  the  place.  That  the  conscript  had 
declared,  that  his  pass  had  been  stolen  from  him  by  a 
person  with  whom  he  had  stopped  at  St  Nicholas,  and 
that  there  were  orders  for  a  strict  search  to  be  made 
through  the  town,  as  it  was  known  that  some  English 
officers  had  escaped,  and  it  was  supposed  that  one  of  them 
had  obtained  the  pass.  "  Surely  you're  not  English  ? " 
inquired  the  woman,  looking  earnestly  at  O'Brien. 

"  Indeed,  but  I  am,  my  dear,"  replied  O'Brien :  "  and 
so  is  this  lad  with  me :  and  the  favour  which  your  sister 
requires  is,  that  you  help  us  over  the  water,  for  which 
service  there  are  one  hundred  louis  ready  to  be  paid  upon 
delivery  of  us." 

"  Oh,  mon  Dieul  mais  Jest  impossible" 

"  Impossible  !  "  replied  O'Brien  ;  "  was  that  the  answer 
I  gave  your  sister  in  her  trouble  ?  " 

"  Au  mains  Jest  fort  difficile" 

"  That's  quite  another  concern ;  but  with  your  husband 
a  pilot,  I  should  think  a  great  part  of  the  difficulty  re- 
moved." 

"  My  husband  !  I've  no  power  over  him,"  replied  the 
woman,  putting  the  apron  up  to  her  eyes. 

"  But  one  hundred  louis  may  have,"  replied  O'Brien. 

"There  is  truth  in  that,"  observed  the  woman,  after  a 
pause,  "  but  what  am  I  to  do,  if  they  come  to  search  the 
house  ? " 

"Send  us  out  of  it,  until  you  can  find  an  opportunity  to 
send  us  to  England.  I  leave  it  all  to  you — your  sister 
expects  it  from  you." 

"  And  she  shall  not  be  disappointed,  if  God  helps  us," 
replied  the  woman,  after  a  short  pause :  "  but  I  fear  you 
must  leave  this  house  and  the  town  also  to-night." 

"  How  are  we  to  leave  the  town  ?  " 

"  I  will  arrange  that ;  be  ready  at  four  o'clock,  for  the 
gates  are  shut  at  dusk.  I  must  go  now,  for  there  is  no 
time  to  be  lost." 


Peter  Simple  201 

"We  are  in  a  nice  mess  now,  O'Brien,"  observed  I, 
after  the  woman  had  quitted  the  room. 

"Devil  a  bit,  Peter  ;  I  feel  no  anxiety  whatever,  except 
at  leaving  such  good  quarters." 

We  packed  up  all  our  effects,  not  forgetting  our  two 
blankets,  and  waited  the  return  of  the  hostess.  In  about 
an  hour  she  entered  the  room.  "  I  have  spoken  to  my 
husband's  sister,  who  lives  about  two  miles  on  the  road  to 
Middelburg.  She  is  in  town  now,  for  it  is  market-day, 
and  you  will  be  safe  where  she  hides  you.  I  told  her,  it 
was  by  my  husband's  request,  or  she  would  not  have 
consented.  Here,  boy,  put  on  these  clothes ;  I  will  assist 
you."  Once  more  I  was  dressed  as  a  girl,  and  when  my 
clothes  were  on,  O'Brien  burst  out  into  laughter  at  my 
blue  stockings  and  short  petticoats.  "77  n'est  pas  mal" 
observed  the  hostess,  as  she  fixed  a  small  cap  on  my  head, 
and  then  tied  a  kerchief  under  my  chin,  which  partly  hid 
my  face.  O'Brien  put  on  a  greatcoat,  which  the  woman 
handed  to  him,  with  a  wide-brimmed  hat.  "Now  follow 
me !  "  She  led  us  into  the  street,  which  was  thronged, 
till  we  arrived  at  the  market-place,  when  she  met  another 
woman,  who  joined  her.  At  the  end  of  the  market-place 
stood  a  small  horse  and  cart,  into  which  the  strange 
woman  and  I  mounted,  while  O'Brien,  by  the  directions 
of  the  landlady,  led  the  horse  through  the  crowd  until  we 
arrived  at  the  barriers,  when  she  wished  us  good  day  in 
a  loud  voice  before  the  guard.  The  guard  took  no  notice 
of  us,  and  we  passed  safely  through,  and  found  ourselves 
upon  a  neatly-paved  road,  as  straight  as  an  arrow,  and  lined 
on  each  side  with  high  trees  and  a  ditch.  In  about  an 
hour,  we  stopped  near  to  the  farmhouse  of  the  woman  who 
was  in  charge  of  us.  "  Do  you  observe  that  wood  ? "  said 
she  to  O'Brien,  pointing  to  one  about  half  a  mile  from  the 
road.  "  I  dare  not  take  you  into  the  house,  my  husband 
is  so  violent  against  the  English,  who  captured  his  schuyt, 
and  made  him  a  poor  man,  that  he  would  inform  against 
you  immediately;  but  go  you  there,  make  yourselves  as 
comfortable  as  you  can  to-night,  and  to-morrow  I  will  send 


202  Peter  Simple 

you  what  you  want.  Adieu  !  Je  vcus  plains,  pauvre  enfant" 
said  she,  looking  at  me,  as  she  drove  off  in  the  cart 
towards  her  own  house. 

"Peter,"  said  O'Brien,  "I  think  that  her  kicking  us  out 
of  her  house  is  a  proof  of  her  sincerity,  and  therefore  I  say 
no  more  about  it ;  we  have  the  brandy-flask  to  keep  up 
our  spirits.  Now  then  for  the  wood,  though,  by  the 
powers,  I  shall  have  no  relish  for  any  of  your  pic-nic 
parties,  as  they  call  them,  for  the  next  twelve  years." 

"  But,  O'Brien,  how  can  I  get  over  this  ditch  in  petti- 
coats ?     I  could  hardly  leap  it  in  my  own  clothes." 

"  You  must  tie  your  petticoats  round  your  waist  and 
make  a  good  run  ;  get  over  as  far  as  you  can,  and  I  will 
drag  you  through  the  rest." 

"  But  you  forget  that  we  are  to  sleep  in  the  wood,  and 
that  it's  no  laughing  matter  to  get  wet  through,  freezing 
so  hard  as  it  does  now." 

"  Very  true,  Peter ;  but  as  the  snow  lies  so  deep  upon 
the  ditch,  perhaps  the  ice  may  bear.  I'll  try ;  if  it  bears 
me,  it  will  not  condescend  to  bend  at  your  shrimp  of  a 
carcass." 

O'Brien  tried  the  ice,  which  was  firm,  and  we  both 
walked  over,  and  making  all  the  haste  we  could,  arrived 
at  the  wood,  as  the  woman  called  it,  but  which  was  not 
more  than  a  clump  of  trees  of  about  half  an  acre.  We 
cleared  away  the  snow  for  about  six  feet  round  a  very 
hollow  part,  and  then  O'Brien  cut  stakes  and  fixed  them 
in  the  earth,  to  which  we  stretched  one  blanket.  The 
snow  being  about  two  feet  deep,  there  was  plenty  of  room 
to  creep  underneath  the  blanket.  We  then  collected  all 
the  leaves  we  could,  beating  the  snow  off  them,  and  laid 
them  at  the  bottom  of  the  hole  ;  over  the  leaves  we  spread 
the  other  blanket,  and  taking  our  bundles  in,  we  then 
stopped  up  with  snow  every  side  of  the  upper  blanket, 
except  the  hole  to  creep  in  at.  It  was  quite  astonishing 
what  a  warm  place  this  became  in  a  short  time  after  we 
had  remained  in  it.  It  was  almost  too  warm,  although  the 
weather  outside  was  piercingly  cold.     After  a  good  meal 


m* 


Peter  Simple  203 

and  a  dose  of  brandy,  we  both  fell  fast  asleep,  but 
not  until  I  had  taken  off  my  woman's  attire  and  resumed 
my  own  clothes.  We  never  slept  better  or  more  warmly 
than  we  did  in  this  hole  which  we  had  made  on  the  ground, 
covered  with  ice  and  snow. 


Chapter  XXV 

O'Brien  parts  company  to  hunt  for  provisions,  and  I  have  other  company  in 
consequence  of  another  hunt — O'Brien  pathetically  mourns  my  death  and 
finds  me  alive — We  escape. 

The  ensuing  morning  we  looked  out  anxiously  for  the 
promised  assistance,  for  we  were  not  very  rich  in  pro- 
visions, although  what  we  had  were  of  a  very  good  quality. 
It  was  not  until  three  o'clock  in  the  afternoon  that  we  per- 
ceived a  little  girl  coming  towards  us,  escorted  by  a  large 
mastiff.  When  she  arrived  at  the  copse  of  trees  where 
we  lay  concealed,  she  cried  out  to  the  dog  in  Dutch, 
who  immediately  scoured  the  wood  until  he  came  to  our 
hiding-place,  when  he  crouched  down  at  the  entrance, 
barking  furiously,  and  putting  us  in  no  small  dread,  lest 
he  should  attack  us  ;  but  the  little  girl  spoke  to  him 
again,  and  he  remained  in  the  same  position,  looking  at 
us,  wagging  his  tail,  with  his  under  jaw  lying  on  the 
snow.  She  soon  came  up,  and  looking  underneath,  put 
a  basket  in,  and  nodded  her  head.  We  emptied  the 
basket.  O'Brien  took  out  a  napoleon  and  offered  it  to 
her  ;  she  refused  it,  but  O'Brien  forced  it  into  her  hand, 
upon  which  she  again  spoke  to  the  dog,  who  commenced 
barking  so  furiously  at  us,  that  we  expected  every  moment 
he  would  fly  upon  us.  The  girl  at  the  same  time  pre- 
sented the  napoleon,  and  pointing  to  the  dog,  I  went 
forward  and  took  the  napoleon  from  her,  at  which  she 
immediately  silenced  the  enormous  brute,  and  laughing 
at  us,  hastened  away. 

"  By  the  powers,  that's  a  fine  little  girl !  "  said  O'Brien  i 


204  Peter  Simple 

"  I'll  back  her  and  her  dog  against  any  man.  Well,  I 
never  had  a  dog  set  at  me  for  giving  money  before,  but 
we  live  and  learn,  Peter  ;  now  let's  see  what  she  brought 
in  the  basket."  We  found  hard-boiled  eggs,  bread,  and  a 
smoked  mutton  ham,  with  a  large  bottle  of  gin.  "  What 
a  nice  little  girl !  I  hope  she  will  often  favour  us  with 
her  company.  I've  been  thinking,  Peter,  that  we're  quite 
as  well  off  here,  as  in  a  midshipman's  berth." 

"  You  forget  you  are  a  lieutenant." 

"  Well,  so  I  did,  Peter,  and  that's  the  truth,  but  it's 
the  force  of  habit.  Now  let's  make  our  dinner.  It's  a 
new-fashioned  way  though,  of  making  a  meal,  lying  down ; 
but  however,  it's  economical,  for  it  must  take  longer  to 
swallow  the  victuals." 

"  The  Romans  used  to  eat  their  meals  lying  down, 
so  I  have  read,  O'Brien." 

"  I  can't  say  that  I  ever  heard  it  mentioned  in  Ireland, 
but  that  don't  prove  that  it  was  not  the  case  ;  so,  Peter, 
I'll  take  your  word  for  it.  Murder  !  how  fast  it  snows 
again  !  I  wonder  what  my  father's  thinking  on  just  at 
this  moment." 

This  observation  of  O'Brien  induced  us  to  talk  about  our 
friends  and  relations  in  England,  and  after  much  conversa- 
tion we  fell  fast  asleep.  The  next  morning  we  found  the 
snow  had  fallen  about  eight  inches,  and  weighed  down  our 
upper  blanket  so  much,  that  we  were  obliged  to  go  out 
and  cut  stakes  to  support  it  up  from  the  inside.  While 
we  were  thus  employed,  we  heard  a  loud  noise  and  shout- 
ing, and  perceived  several  men,  apparently  armed  and 
accompanied  with  dogs,  running  straight  in  the  direction 
of  the  wood  where  we  were  encamped.  We  were  much 
alarmed,  thinking  that  they  were  in  search  of  us,  but  on 
a  sudden  they  turned  off  in  another  direction,  continuing 
with  the  same  speed  as  before.  "What  could  it  be?" 
said  I,  to  O'Brien.  "  I  can't  exactly  say,  Peter ;  but  I 
should  think  that  they  were  hunting  something,  and  the 
only  game  that  I  think  likely  to  be  in  such  a  place  as 
this  are  otters."     I  was  of  the  same  opinion.     We  ex- 


Peter  Simple  205 

pected  the  little  girl,  but  she  did  not  come,  and  after 
looking  out  for  her  till  dark,  we  crawled  into  our  hole 
and  supped  upon  the  remainder  of  our  provisions. 

The  next  day,  as  may  be  supposed,  we  were  very 
anxious  for  her  arrival,  but  she  did  not  appear  at  the 
time  expected.  Night  again  came  on,  and  we  went  to 
bed  without  having  any  sustenance,  except  a  small  piece 
of  bread  that  was  left,  and  some  gin  which  was  remaining 
in  the  flask.  "Peter,"  said  O'Brien,  "if  she  don't 
come  again  to-morrow,  I'll  try  what  I  can  do;  for  I've 
no  idea  of  our  dying  of  hunger  here,  like  the  two  babes 
in  the  wood,  and  being  found  covered  up  with  dead 
leaves.  If  she  does  not  appear  at  three  o'clock,  I'm 
off  for  provisions,  and  I  don't  see  much  danger,  for  in 
this  dress  I  look  as  much  of  a  boor  as  any  man  in 
Holland." 

"We  passed  an  uneasy  night,  as  we  felt  convinced,  either 
that  the  danger  was  so  great  that  they  dared  not  venture 
to  assist  us,  or,  that  being  over-ruled,  they  had  betrayed 
us,  and  left  us  to  manage  how  we  could.  The  next  morn- 
ing I  climbed  up  the  only  large  tree  in  the  copse  and 
looked  round,  especially  in  the  direction  of  the  farm-house 
belonging  to  the  woman  who  had  pointed  out  to  us  our 
place  of  concealment ;  but  nothing  was  to  be  seen  but 
one  vast  tract  of  flat  country  covered  with  snow,  and 
now  and  then  a  vehicle  passing  at  a  distance  on  the 
Middelburg  road.  I  descended,  and  found  O'Brien  pre- 
paring for  a  start.  He  was  very  melancholy,  and  said 
to  me,  "  Peter,  if  I  am  taken,  you  must,  at  all  risks, 
put  on  your  girl's  clothes  and  go  to  Flushing  to  the 
cabaret.  The  women  there,  I  am  sure,  will  protect 
you,  and  send  you  back  to  England.  I  only  want  two 
napoleons  ;  take  all  the  rest,  you  will  require  them.  If 
I  am  not  back  by  to-night,  set  off  for  Flushing  to-morrow 
morning."  O'Brien  waited  some  time  longer,  talking 
with  me,  and  it  then  being  past  four  o'clock,  he  shook 
me  by  the  hand,  and,  without  speaking,  left  the  wood.  I 
never  felt  more  miserable  during  the  whole  time  since  we 


2o6  Peter  Simple 

were  first  put  into  prison  at  Toulon,  till  that  moment,  and, 
when  he  was  a  hundred  yards  off,  I  knelt  down  and  prayed. 
He  had  been  absent  two  hours,  and  it  was  quite  dusk, 
when  I  heard  a  noise  at  a  distance :  it  advanced  every 
moment  nearer  and  nearer.  On  a  sudden,  I  heard  a  rustling 
of  the  bushes,  and  hastened  under  the  blanket,  which  was 
covered  with  snow,  in  hopes  that  they  might  not  perceive 
the  entrance ;  but  I  was  hardly  there  before  in  dashed  after 
me  an  enormous  wolf.  I  cried  out,  expecting  to  be  torn 
to  pieces  every  moment,  but  the  creature  lay  on  his  belly, 
his  mouth  wide  open,  his  eyes  glaring,  and  his  long  tongue 
hanging  out  of  his  mouth,  and  although  he  touched  me,  he 
was  so  exhausted  that  he  did  not  attack  me.  The  noise 
increased,  and  I  immediately  perceived  that  it  was  the 
hunters  in  pursuit  of  him.  I  had  crawled  in  feet  first,  the 
wolf  ran  in  head  foremost,  so  that  we  lay  head  and  tail. 
I  crept  out  as  fast  as  I  could,  and  perceived  men  and  dogs 
not  two  hundred  yards  off  in  full  chase.  I  hastened  to  the 
large  tree,  and  had  not  ascended  six  feet  when  they  came 
up ;  the  dogs  flew  to  the  hole,  and  in  a  very  short  time  the 
wolf  was  killed.  The  hunters  being  too  busy  to  observe 
me,  I  had  in  the  meantime  climbed  up  the  trunk  of  the  tree, 
and  hidden  myself  as  well  as  I  could.  Being  not  fifteen 
yards  from  them,  I  heard  their  expressions  of  surprise  as 
they  lifted  up  the  blanket  and  dragged  out  the  dead  wolf, 
which  they  carried  away  with  them ;  their  conversation 
being  in  Dutch,  I  could  not  understand  it,  but  I  was  certain 
that  they  made  use  of  the  word  " English"  The  hunters 
and  dogs  quitted  the  copse,  and  I  was  about  to  descend, 
when  one  of  them  returned,  and  pulling  up  the  blankets, 
rolled  them  together  and  walked  away  with  them.  For- 
tunately he  did  not  perceive  our  bundles  by  the  little  light 
given  by  the  moon.  I  waited  a  short  time  and  then  came 
down.  What  to  do  I  knew  not.  If  I  did  not  remain  and 
O'Brien  returned,  what  would  he  think  ?  If  I  did,  I  should 
be  dead  with  cold  before  the  morning.  I  looked  for  our 
bundles,  and  found  that  in  the  conflict  between  the  dogs 
and  the  wolf,  they  had  been  buried  among  the  leaves.     I 


Peter  Simple  207 

recollected  O'Brien's  advice,  and  dressed  myself  in  the  girl's 
clothes,  but  I  could  not  make  up  my  mind  to  go  to  Flushing. 
So  I  resolved  to  walk  towards  the  farmhouse,  which,  being 
close  to  the  road,  would  give  me  a  chance  of  meeting  with 
O'Brien.  I  soon  arrived  there  and  prowled  round  it  for 
some  time,  but  the  doors  and  windows  were  all  fast,  and  I 
dared  not  knock,  after  what  the  woman  had  said  about  her 
husband's  inveteracy  to  the  English.  At  last,  as  I  looked 
round  and  round,  quite  at  a  loss  what  to  do,  I  thought  I 
saw  a  figure  at  a  distance  proceeding  in  the  direction  of 
the  copse.  I  hastened  after  it  and  saw  it  enter.  I  then 
advanced  very  cautiously,  for  although  I  thought  it  might 
be  O'Brien,  yet  it  was  possible  that  it  was  one  of  the  men 
who  chased  the  wolf  in  search  of  more  plunder.  But  I 
soon  heard  O'Brien's  voice,  and  I  hastened  towards  him. 
I  was  close  to  him  without  his  perceiving  me,  and  found 
him  sitting  down  with  his  face  covered  up  in  his  two  hands. 
At  last  he  cried,  "  O  Pater  !  my  poor  Pater  !  are  you  taken 
at  last  ?  Could  I  not  leave  you  for  one  hour  in  safety  ? 
Ochone  !  why  did  I  leave  you  ?  My  poor,  poor  Pater ! 
simple  you  were,  sure  enough,  and  that's  why  I  loved  you  ; 
but,  Pater,  I  would  have  made  a  man  of  you,  for  you'd  all 
the  materials,  that's  the  truth — and  a  fine  man,  too.  Where 
am  I  to  look  for  you,  Pater  ?  Where  am  I  to  find  you, 
Pater  ?  You're  fast  locked  up  by  this  time,  and  all  my 
trouble's  gone  for  nothing.  But  I'll  be  locked  up  too, 
Pater.  Where  you  are,  will  I  be ;  and  if  we  can't  go  to 
England  together,  why  then  we'll  go  back  to  that 
blackguard  hole  at  Givet  together.  Ochone  !  Ochone  !  " 
O'Brien  spoke  no  more,  but  burst  into  tears.  I  was  much 
affected  with  this  proof  of  O'Brien's  sincere  regard,  and  I 
came  to  his  side  and  clasped  him  in  my  arms.  O'Brien 
stared  at  me,  "Who  are  you,  you  ugly  Dutch  frow  ? " 
(for  he  had  quite  forgotten  the  woman's  dress  at  the 
moment),  but  recollecting  himself,  he  hugged  me  in  his 
arms.  "  Pater,  you  come  as  near  to  an  angel's  shape  as 
you  can,  for  you  come  in  that  of  a  woman,  to  comfort  me  ; 
for,  to  tell  the  truth,  I  was  very  much  distressed  at  not 


208  Peter  Simple 

finding  you  here  ;  and  all  the  blankets  gone  to  boot.  What 
has  been  the  matter  ?  "  I  explained  in  as  few  words  as  I 
could. 

"Well,  Peter,  I'm  happy  to  find  you  all  safe,  and  much 
happier  to  find  that  you  can  be  trusted  when  I  leave  you, 
for  you  could  not  have  behaved  more  prudently  ;  now  I'll 
tell  you  what  I  did,  which  was  not  much,  as  it  happened. 
I  knew  that  there  was  no  cabaret  between  us  and  Flushing, 
for  I  took  particular  notice  as  I  came  along  ;  so  I  took  the 
road  to  Middelburg,  and  found  but  one,  which  was  full  of 
soldiers.  I  passed  it,  and  found  no  other.  As  I  came  back 
past  the  same  cabaret,  one  of  the  soldiers  came  out  to  me, 
but  I  walked  along  the  road.  He  quickened  his  pace,  and 
so  did  I  mine,  for  I  expected  mischief.  At  last  he  came  up 
to  me,  and  spoke  to  me  in  Dutch,  to  which  I  gave  him  no 
answer.  He  collared  me,  and  then  I  thought  it  convenient 
to  pretend  that  I  was  deaf  and  dumb.  I  pointed  to  my 
mouth  with  an  Au — au — and  then  to  my  ears,  and  shook 
my  head ;  but  he  would  not  be  convinced,  and  I  heard  him 
say  something  about  English.  I  then  knew  that  there  was 
no  time  to  be  lost,  so  I  first  burst  out  into  a  loud  laugh 
and  stopped ;  and  on  his  attempting  to  force  me,  I  kicked 
up  his  heels,  and  he  fell  on  the  ice  with  such  a  rap  on  the 
pate,  that  I  doubt  if  he  has  recovered  it  by  this  time. 
There  I  left  him,  and  have  run  back  as  hard  as  I  could, 
without  anything  for  Peter  to  fill  his  little  hungry  inside 
with.  Now,  Peter,  what's  your  opinion  ?  for  they  say  that 
out  of  the  mouth  of  babes  there  is  wisdom ;  and  although 
I  never  saw  anything  come  out  of  their  mouths  but  sour 
milk,  yet  perhaps  I  may  be  more  fortunate  this  time,  for, 
Peter,  you're  but  a  baby." 

"Not  a  small  one,  O'Brien,  although  not  quite  so  large 
as  Fingal's  babby  that  you  told  me  the  story  of.  My  idea 
is  this.— Let  us,  at  all  hazards,  go  to  the  farmhouse. 
They  have  assisted  us,  and  may  be  inclined  to  do  so 
again ;  if  they  refuse,  we  must  push  on  to  Flushing  and 
take  our  chance." 

"Well,"  observed  O'Brien,  after  a  pause,  "I  think  we 


Peter  Simple  209 

can  do  no  better,  so  let's  be  off."  We  went  to  the  farm- 
house, and,  as  we  approached  the  door,  were  met  by  the 
great  mastiff.  I  started  back,  O'Brien  boldly  advanced. 
"  He's  a  clever  dog,  and  may  know  us  again.  I'll  go  up," 
said  O'Brien,  not  stopping  while  he  spoke,  "  and  pat  his 
head :  if  he  flies  at  me,  I  shall  be  no  worse  than  I  was 
before,  for  depend  upon  it  he  will  not  allow  us  to  go 
back  again."  O'Brien  by  this  time  had  advanced  to  the 
dog,  who  looked  earnestly  and  angrily  at  him.  He  patted 
his  head,  the  dog  growled,  but  O'Brien  put  his  arm  round 
his  neck,  and  patting  him  again,  whistled  to  him,  and 
went  to  the  door  of  the  farmhouse.  The  dog  followed 
him  silently  but  closely.  O'Brien  knocked,  and  the  door 
was  opened  by  the  little  girl :  the  mastiff  advanced  to 
the  girl,  and  then  turned  round,  facing  O'Brien,  as  much 
as  to  say,  "Is  he  to  come  in  ?  "  The  girl  spoke  to  the 
dog,  and  went  indoors.  During  her  absence  the  mastiff 
lay  down  at  the  threshold.  In  a  few  seconds  the  woman 
who  had  brought  us  from  Flushing,  came  out,  and  desired 
us  to  enter.  She  spoke  very  good  French,  and  told  us 
that  fortunately  her  husband  was  absent ;  that  the  reason 
why  we  had  not  been  supplied  was,  that  a  wolf  had  met 
her  little  girl  returning  the  other  day,  but  had  been  beaten 
off  by  the  mastiff,  and  that  she  was  afraid  to  allow  her  to 
go  again ;  that  she  heard  the  wolf  had  been  killed  this 
evening,  and  had  intended  her  girl  to  have  gone  to  us 
early  to-morrow  morning ;  that  wolves  were  hardly 
known  in  that  country,  but  that  the  severe  winter  had 
brought  them  down  to  the  lowlands,  a  very  rare  circum- 
stance, occurring  perhaps  not  once  in  twenty  years. 
"  But  how  did  you  pass  the  mastiff? "  said  she ;  "  that 
has  surprised  my  daughter  and  me."  O'Brien  told  her, 
upon  which  she  said  "that  the  English  were  really  '  des 
braves?  No  other  man  had  ever  done  the  same."  So 
I  thought,  for  nothing  would  have  induced  me  to  do 
it.  O'Brien  then  told  the  history  of  the  death  of  the 
wolf,  with  all  particulars,  and  our  intention,  if  we  could 
not  do  better,  of  returning  to  Flushing. 
1.  o 


210  Peter  Simple 

"I  heard  that  Pierre  Eustache  came  home  yesterday," 
replied  the  woman ;  "  and  I  do  think  that  you  will 
be  safer  there  than  here,  for  they  will  never  think  of 
looking  for  you  among  the  casernes,  which  join  their 
cabaret." 

"  Will  you  lend  us  your  assistance  to  get  in  ? " 
"  I  will  see  what  I  can  do.     But  are  you  not  hungry  ?" 
"  About  as   hungry  as  men  who   have   eaten  nothing 
for  two  days." 

"  Mon  Dieu.l  <?est  vrai.  I  never  thought  it  was  so 
Jong,  but  those  whose  stomachs  are  filled  forget  those 
who  are  empty.  God  make  us  better  and  more 
charitable  ! " 

She  spoke  to  the  little  girl  in  Dutch,  who  hastened  to 
load  the  table,  which  we  hastened  to  empty.  The  little 
girl  stared  at  our  voracity ;  but  at  last  she  laughed  out, 
and  clapped  her  hands  at  every  fresh  mouthful  which  we 
took,  and  pressed  us  to  eat  more.  She  allowed  me  to 
kiss  her,  until  her  mother  told  her  that  I  was  not  a  woman, 
when  she  pouted  at  me,  and  beat  me  off.  Before  midnight 
we  were  fast  asleep  upon  the  benches  before  the  kitchen 
fire,  and  at  daybreak  were  roused  up  by  the  woman,  who 
offered  us  some  bread  and  spirits,  and  then  we  went  out 
to  the  door,  where  we  found  the  horse  and  cart  all  ready, 
and  loaded  with  vegetables  for  the  market.  The  woman, 
the  little  girl,  and  myself  got  in,  O'Brien  leading  as 
before,  and  the  mastiff  following.  We  had  learnt  the 
dog's  name,  which  was  "  Achille"  and  he  seemed  to  be 
quite  fond  of  us.  We  passed  the  dreaded  barriers  with- 
out interruption,  and  in  ten  minutes  entered  the  cabaret 
of  Eustache ;  and  immediately  walked  into  the  little  room 
through  a  crowd  of  soldiers,  two  of  whom  chucked  me 
under  the  chin.  Whom  should  we  find  there  but  Eustache, 
the  pilot  himself,  in  conversation  with  his  wife,  and  it 
appeared  that  they  v/ere  talking  about  us,  she  insisting, 
and  he  unwilling  to  have  any  hand  in  the  business. 
"Well,  here  they  are  themselves,  Eustache;  the 
soldiers  who  have  seen  them  come  in  will  never  believe 


Peter  Simple  211 

that  this  is  their  first  entry  if  you  give  them  up.  I  leave 
them  to  make  their  own  bargain ;  but  mark  me,  Eustache, 
I  have  slaved  night  and  day  in  this  cabaret  for  your 
profit ;  if  you  do  not  oblige  me  and  my  family,  I  no 
longer  keep  a  cabaret  for  you." 

Madame  Eustache  then  quitted  the  room  with  her 
husband's  sister  and  little  girl,  and  O'Brien  immediately 
accosted  him.  "I  promise  you,"  said  he  to  Eustache, 
"one  hundred  louis  if  you  put  us  on  shore  at  any  part  of 
England,  or  on  board  of  any  English  man-of-war ;  and  if 
you  do  it  within  a  week,  I  will  make  it  twenty  louis  more." 
O'Brien  then  pulled  out  the  fifty  napoleons  given  us  by 
Celeste,  for  our  own  were  not  yet  expended,  and  laid 
them  on  the  table.  "  Here  is  this  in  advance,  to  prove  my 
sincerity.     Say,  is  it  a  bargain  or  not  ?  " 

"  I  never  yet  heard  of  a  poor  man  who  could  withstand 
his  wife's  arguments,  backed  with  one  hundred  and  twenty 
louis,"  said  Eustache  smiling,  and  sweeping  the  money  off 
the  table. 

"  I  presume  you  have  no  objection  to  start  to-night  ? 
That  will  be  ten  louis  more  in  your  favour,"  replied 
O'Brien. 

"  I  shall  earn  them,"  replied  Eustache.  "  The  sooner  I 
am  off  the  better,  for  I  could  not  long  conceal  you  here. 
The  young  frow  with  you  is,  I  suppose,  your  companion 
that  my  wife  mentioned.  He  has  begun  to  suffer  hardships 
early.  Come,  now,  sit  down  and  talk,  for  nothing  can  be 
done  till  dark." 

O'Brien  narrated  the  adventures  attending  our  escape,  at 
which  Eustache  laughed  heartily ;  the  more  so,  at  the 
mistake  which  his  wife  was  under,  as  to  the  obligations  of 
the  family.  "  If  I  did  not  feel  inclined  to  assist  you 
before,  I  do  now,  just  for  the  laugh  I  shall  have  at  her 
when  I  come  back,  and  if  she  wants  any  more  assistance 
for  the  sake  of  her  relations,  I  shall  remind  her  of 
this  anecdote  j  but  she's  a  good  woman  and  a  good 
wife  to  boot,  only  too  fond  of  her  sisters."  At  dusk  he 
equipped   us  both   in   sailor's  jackets  and  trowsers,  and 


212  Peter  Simple 

desired  us  to  follow  him  boldly.  He  passed  the  guard, 
who  knew  him  well.  "  What,  to  sea  already  ?  "  said  one. 
"  You  have  quarrelled  with  your  wife."  At  which  they 
all  laughed,  and  we  joined.  We  gained  the  beach,  jumped 
into  his  little  boat,  pulled  off  to  his  vessel,  and,  in  a  few 
minutes,  were  under  weigh.  With  a  strong  tide  and  a 
fair  wind  we  were  soon  clear  of  the  Scheldt,  and  the 
next  morning  a  cutter  hove  in  sight.  We  steered  for 
her,  ran  under  her  lee,  O'Brien  hailed  for  a  boat,  and 
Eustache,  receiving  my  bill  for  the  remainder  of  his 
money,  wished  us  success  j  we  shook  hands,  and  in  a 
few  minutes  found  ourselves  once  more  under  the  British 
pennant. 


Chapter   XXVI 

Adventures  at  home — I  am  introduced   to   my  grandfather — He   obtains 
employment  for  O'Brien  and  myself,  and  we  join  a  frigate. 

As  soon  as  We  were  on  the  deck  of  the  cutter,  the 
lieutenant  commanding  her  inquired  of  us,  in  a  conse- 
quential manner,  who  we  were.  O'Brien  replied  that  we 
were  English  prisoners  who  had  escaped.  "  Oh,  midship- 
men, I  presume,"  replied  the  lieutenant ;  "I  heard  that 
some  had  contrived  to  get  away." 

"  My  name,  sir,"  said  O'Brien,  "  is  Lieutenant  O'Brien  ; 
and  if  you'll  send  for  a  *  Steel's  List,'  I  will  have  the 
honour  of  pointing  it  out  to  you.  This  young  gentleman 
is  Mr  Peter  Simple,  midshipman,  and  grandson  to  the 
Right  Honourable  Lord  Viscount  Privilege." 

The  lieutenant,  who  was  a  little  snub-nosed  man,  with 
a  pimply  face,  then  altered  his  manner  towards  us,  and 
begged  we  would  step  down  into  the  cabin,  where  he 
offered,  what  perhaps  was  the  greatest  of  all  luxuries  to 
us,  some  English  cheese  and  bottled  porter.  "Pray,"  said 
he,  "  did  you  see  anything  of  one  of  my  officers,  who  was 


Peter  Simple  213 

taken  prisoner  when  I  was  sent  with  despatches  to  the 
Mediterranean  fleet  ? " 

"  May  I  first  ask  the  name  of  your  lively  little  craft  ?  " 
said  O'Brien. 

"  '  The  Snapper, '  "  replied  the  lieutenant. 

"  Och,  murder ;  sure  enough  we  met  him.  He  was 
sent  to  Verdun,  but  we  had  the  pleasure  of  his  company 
en  route  as  far  as  Montpelier.  A  remarkably  genteel,  well- 
dressed  young  man,  was  he  not  ?  " 

"  Why,  I  can't  say  much  about  his  gentility ;  indeed,  I 
am  not  much  of  a  judge.  As  for  his  dress,  he  ought  to 
have  dressed  well,  but  he  never  did  when  on  board  of  me. 
His  father  is  my  tailor,  and  I  took  him  as  midshipman,  just 
to  square  an  account  between  us." 

"  That's  exactly  what  I  thought,"  replied  O'Brien. 

He  did  not  say  any  more,  which  I  was  glad  of,  as  the 
lieutenant  might  not  have  been  pleased  at  what  had 
occurred. 

"When  do  you  expect  to  run  into  port?"  demanded 
O'Brien ;  for  we  were  rather  anxious  to  put  our  feet 
ashore  again  in  old  England.  The  lieutenant  replied  that 
his  cruise  was  nearly  up ;  and  he  considered  our  arrival 
quite  sufficient  reason  for  him  to  run  in  directly,  and  that 
he  intended  to  put  his  helm  up  after  the  people  had  had 
their  dinner.  We  were  much  delighted  with  this  in- 
telligence, and  still  more  to  see  the  intention  put  into 
execution  half  an  hour  afterwards. 

In  three  days  we  anchored  at  Spithead,  and  went  on 
shore  with  the  lieutenant  to  report  ourselves  to  the  admiral. 
Oh !  with  what  joy  did  I  first  put  my  foot  on  the  shingle 
beach  at  Sallyport,  and  then  hasten  to  the  post-office  to 
put  in  a  long  letter  which  I  had  written  to  my  mother. 
We  did  not  go  to  the  admiral's,  but  merely  reported 
ourselves  at  the  admiral's  office ;  for  we  had  no  clothes  fit 
to  appear  in.  But  we  called  at  Meredith's  the  tailor,  and 
he  promised  that,  by  the  next  morning,  we  should  be 
fitted  complete.  We  then  ordered  new  hats,  and  every- 
thing we  required,  and  went  to  the  Fountain  inn.     O'Brien 


214  Peter  Simple 

refused  to  go  to  the  Blue  Posts,  as  being  only  a  receptacle 
for  midshipmen.  By  eleven  o'clock  the  next  morning,  we 
were  fit  to  appear  before  the  admiral,  who  received  us 
very  kindly,  and  requested  our  company  to  dinner.  As 
I  did  not  intend  setting  off  for  home  until  I  had  received 
an  answer  from  my  mother,  we,  of  course,  accepted  the 
invitation. 

There  was  a  large  party  of  naval  officers  and  ladies,  and 
O'Brien  amused  them  very  much  during  dinner.  When 
the  ladies  left  the  room,  the  admiral's  wife  told  me  to 
come  up  with  them ;  and  when  we  arrived  at  the  drawing- 
room,  the  ladies  all  gathered  round  me,  and  I  had  to 
narrate  the  whole  of  my  adventures,  which  very  much 
entertained  and  interested  them.  The  next  morning  I 
received  a  letter  from  my  mother — such  a  kind  one ! 
entreating  me  to  come  home  as  fast  as  I  could,  and  bring 
my  preserver  O'Brien  with  me.  I  showed  it  to  O'Brien, 
and  asked  him  whether  he  would  accompany  me. 

"Why,  Peter,  my  boy,  I  have  a  little  business  of  some 
importance  to  transact ;  which  is,  to  obtain  my  arrears  of 
pay,  and  some  prize-money  which  I  find  due.  When  I 
have  settled  that  point,  I  will  go  to  town  to  pay  my 
respects  to  the  First  Lord  of  the  Admiralty,  and  then 
I  think  I  will  go  and  see  your  father  and  mother :  for, 
until  I  know  how  matters  stand,  and  whether  I  shall  be 
able  to  go  with  spare  cash  in  my  pocket,  I  do  not  wish  to 
see  my  own  family ;  so  write  down  your  address  here,  and 
you'll  be  sure  I'll  come,  if  it  is  only  to  square  my  accounts 
with  you,  for  I  am  not  a  little  in  your  debt. 

I  cashed  a  cheque  sent  by  my  father,  and  set  off  in  the 
mail  that  night;  the  next  evening  I  arrived  safe  home. 
But  I  shall  leave  the  reader  to  imagine  the  scene  :  to  my 
mother  I  was  always  dear,  and  circumstances  had  rendered 
me  of  some  importance  to  my  father ;  for  I  was  now  an 
only  son,  and  his  prospects  were  very  different  from  what 
they  were  when  I  left  home.  About  a  week  afterwards, 
O'Brien  joined  us,  having  got  through  all  his  business. 
His  first  act  was  to  account  with  my  father  for  his  share 


Peter  Simple  215 

of  the  expenses;  and  he  even  insisted  upon  paying  his 
half  of  the  fifty  napoleons  given  me  by  Celeste,  which  had 
been  remitted  to  a  banker  at  Paris  before  O'Brien's  arrival, 
with  a  guarded  letter  of  thanks  from  my  father  to  Colonel 
O'Brien,  and  another  from  me  to  dear  little  Celeste. 
"When  O'Brien  had  remained  with  us  about  a  week,  he 
told  me  that  he  had  about  one  hundred  and  sixty  pounds 
in  his  pocket,  and  that  he  intended  to  go  and  see  his 
friends,  as  he  was  sure  that  he  would  be  welcome  even  to 
Father  M'Grath.  "  I  mean  to  stay  with  them  about 
a  fortnight,  and  shall  then  return  and  apply  for  employ- 
ment. Now,  Peter,  will  you  like  to  be  again  under  my 
protection  ? " 

"  O'Brien,  I  will  never  quit  you  or  your  ship,  if  I  can 
help  it." 

"  Spoken  like  a  sensible  Peter.  Well,  then,  I  was 
promised  immediate  employment,  and  I  will  let  you  know 
as  soon  as  the  promise  is  performed." 

O'Brien  took  his  leave  of  my  family,  who  were  already 
very  partial  to  him,  and  left  that  afternoon  for  Holyhead. 
My  father  no  longer  treated  me  as  a  child ;  indeed,  it 
would  have  been  an  injustice  if  he  had.  I  do  not  mean 
to  say  that  I  was  a  clever  boy ;  but  I  had  seen  much 
of  the  world  in  a  short  time,  and  could  act  and  think 
for  myself.  He  often  talked  to  me  about  his  prospects, 
which  were  very  different  from  what  they  were  when 
I  left  him.  My  two  uncles,  his  elder  brothers,  had 
died,  the  third  was  married  and  had  two  daughters.  If 
he  had  no  son,  my  father  would  succeed  to  the  title. 
The  death  of  my  elder  brother  Tom  had  brought  me 
next  in  succession.  My  grandfather,  Lord  Privilege, 
who  had  taken  no  more  notice  of  my  father  than  occa- 
sionally sending  him  a  basket  of  game,  had  latterly  often 
invited  him  to  the  house,  and  had  even  requested,  some 
day  or  another,  to  see  his  wife  and  family.  He  had  also 
made  a  handsome  addition  to  my  father's  income,  which 
the  death  of  my  two  uncles  had  enabled  him  to  do. 
Against   all"   this,   my  uncle's    wife  was   reported   to   be 


2i6  Peter  Simple 

again  in  the  family  way.  I  cannot  say  that  I  was  pleased 
when  my  father  used  to  speculate  upon  these  chances 
so  often  as  he  did.  I  thought,  not  only  as  a  man,  but 
more  particularly  as  a  clergyman,  he  was  much  to  blame ; 
but  I  did  not  know  then  so  much  of  the  world.  We 
had  not  heard  from  O'Brien  for  two  months,  when  a 
letter  arrived,  stating  that  he  had  seen  his  family,  and 
bought  a  few  acres  of  land,  which  had  made  them 
all  quite  happy,  and  had  quitted  with  Father  M'Grath's 
double  blessing,  with  unlimited  absolution  ;  that  he  had 
now  been  a  month  in  town  trying  for  employment,  but 
found  that  he  could  not  obtain  it,  although  one  promise 
was  backed  up  by  another. 

A  few  days  after  this,  my  father  received  a  note  from 
Lord  Privilege,  requesting  he  would  come  and  spend  a 
few  days  with  him,  and  bring  his  son  Peter  who  had 
escaped  from  the  French  prison.  Of  course  this  was  an 
invitation  not  to  be  neglected,  and  we  accepted  it  forth- 
with. I  must  say,  I  felt  rather  in  awe  of  my  grandfather ; 
he  had  kept  the  family  at  such  a  distance,  that  I  had 
always  heard  his  name  mentioned  more  with  reverence 
than  with  any  feeling  of  kindred,  but  I  was  a  little  wiser 
now.  We  arrived  at  Eagle  Park,  a  splendid  estate,  where 
he  resided,  and  were  received  by  a  dozen  servants  in  and 
out  of  livery,  and  ushered  into  his  presence.  He  was 
in  his  library,  a  large  room,  surrounded  with  handsome 
bookcases,  sitting  on  an  easy  chair.  A  more  venerable, 
placid  old  gentleman  I  never  beheld  ;  his  grey  hairs  hung 
down  on  each  side  of  his  temples,  and  were  collected  in 
a  small  queue  behind.  He  rose  and  bowed,  as  we  were 
announced ;  to  my  father  he  held  out  two  fingers  in 
salutation,  to  me  only  one,  but  there  was  an  elegance 
in  the  manner  in  which  it  was  done  which  was  indescrib- 
able. He  waved  his  hand  to  chairs,  placed  by  the  gentleman 
out  of  livery,  and  requested  we  would  be  seated.  I  could 
not,  at  the  time,  help  thinking  of  Mr  Chucks,  the  boatswain, 
and  his  remarks  upon  high  breeding,  which  were  so  true  : 
and   I   laughed   to   myself  when  I   recollected  that   Mr 


Peter  Simple  iiy 

Chucks  had  once  dined  with  him.  As  soon  as  the  servants 
had  quitted  the  room,  the  distance  on  the  part  of  my 
grandfather  appeared  to  wear  off.  He  interrogated  me 
on  several  points,  and  seemed  pleased  with  my  replies  -, 
but  he  always  called  me  "child."  After  a  conversation 
of  half  an  hour,  my  father  rose,  saying  that  his  lordship 
must  be  busy,  and  that  we  would  go  over  the  grounds 
till  dinner-time.  My  grandfather  rose,  and  we  took  a 
sort  of  formal  leave  ;  but  it  was  not  a  formal  leave,  after 
all,  it  was  high  breeding,  respecting  yourself  and  respect- 
ing others.  For  my  part,  I  was  pleased  with  the  first 
interview,  and  so  I  told  my  father  after  we  had  left  the 
room..  "  My  dear  Peter,"  replied  he,  "  your  grandfather 
has  one  idea  which  absorbs  most  others — the  peerage, 
the  estate,  and  the  descent  of  it  in  the  right  line.  As 
long  as  your  uncles  were  alive,  we  were  not  thought  of, 
as  not  being  in  the  line  of  descent ;  nor  should  we  now, 
but  that  your  uncle  William  has  only  daughters.  Still 
we  are  not  looked  upon  as  actual,  but  only  contingent, 
inheritors  of  the  title.  "Were  your  uncle  to  die  to- 
morrow, the  difference  in  his  behaviour  would  be  mani- 
fested immediately." 

"  That  is  to  say,  instead  of  two  fingers  you  would 
receive  the  whole  hand,  and  instead  of  one  finger,  I  should 
obtain  promotion  to  two." 

At  this  my  father  laughed  heartily,  saying,  "  Peter, 
you  have  exactly  hit  the  mark.  I  cannot  imagine  how 
we  ever  could  have  been  so  blind  as  to  call  you  the  fool 
of  the  family." 

To  this  I  made  no  reply,  for  it  was  difficult  so  to  do 
without  depreciating  others  or  depreciating  myself;  but  I 
changed  the  subject  by  commenting  on  the  beauties  of  the 
park,  and  the  splendid  timber  with  which  it  was  adorned. 
"  Yes,  Peter,"  replied  my  father,  with  a  sigh,  "  thirty-five 
thousand  a  year  in  land,  money  in  the  funds,  and  timber 
worth  at  least  forty  thousand  more,  are  not  to  be  despised. 
But  God  wills  everything."  After  this  remark,  my 
father  appeared  to  be  in  deep  thought,  and  I  did  not 
interrupt  him. 


218  Peter  Simple 

We  stayed  ten  days  with  my  grandfather,  during  which 
he  would  often  detain  me  for  two  hours  after  breakfast, 
listening  to  my  adventures,  and  I  really  believe  was  very 
partial  to  me.  The  day  before  I  went  away  he  said, 
"  Child,  you  are  going  to-morrow ;  now  tell  me  what  you 
would  like,  as  I  wish  to  give  you  a  token  of  regard. 
Don't  be  afraid ;  what  shall  it  be — a  watch  and  seals,  or 
— anything  you  most  fancy  ?  " 

"  My  lord,"  replied  I,  "if  you  wish  to  do  me  a  favour, 
it  is,  that  you  will  apply  to  the  First  Lord  of  the  Admir- 
alty to  appoint  Lieutenant  O'Brien  to  a  line  frigate,  and, 
at  the  same  time,  ask  for  a  vacancy  as  midshipman  for  me." 

"  O'Brien  !  "  replied  his  lordship  ;  "  I  recollect  it  was  he 
who  accompanied  you  from  France,  and  appears,  by  your 
account,  to  have  been  a  true  friend.  I  am  pleased  with 
your  request,  my  child,  and  it  shall  be  granted." 

His  lordship  then  desired  me  to  hand  him  the  paper  and 
ink-standish,  wrote  by  my  directions,  sealed  the  letter, 
and  told  me  he  would  send  me  the  answer.  The  next 
day  we  quitted  Eagle  Park,  his  lordship  wishing  my  father 
good-bye  with  two  fingers,  and  to  me  extending  one,  as 
before ;  but  he  said,  "I  am  pleased  with  you,  child  j  you 
may  write  occasionally." 

When  we  were  on  our  route  home,  my  father  observed 
that  "I  had  made  more  progress  with  my  grandfather 
than  he  had  known  anyone  to  do,  since  he  could  recollect. 
His  saying  that  you  might  write  to  him  is  at  least  ten 
thousand  pounds  to  you  in  his  will,  for  he  never  deceives 
any  one,  or  changes  his  mind."  My  reply  was,  that  I 
should  like  to  see  the  ten  thousand  pounds,  but  that  I  was 
not  so  sanguine. 

A  few  days  after  our  return  home,  I  received  a  letter 
and  enclosure  from  Lord  Privilege,  the  contents  of  which 
were  as  follow : — 

"  My  dear  Child, — I   send   you    Lord 's  answer, 

which  I  trust  will  prove  satisfactory.       My  compliments 
to  your  family. — Yours,  &c,  "Privilege." 


Peter  Simple  219 

The  inclosure  was  a  handsome  letter  from  the  First 
Lord,  stating  that  he  had  appointed  O'Brien  to  the  Sanglier 
frigate,  and  had  ordered  me  to  be  received  on  board  as 
midshipman.  I  was  delighted  to  forward  this  letter  to 
O'Brien's  address,  who,  in  a  few  days  sent  me  an  answer, 
thanking  me,  and  stating  that  he  had  received  his  appoint- 
ment, and  that  I  need  not  join  for  a  month,  which  was 
quite  time  enough,  as  the  ship  was  refitting ;  but,  that  if 
my  family  were  tired  of  me,  which  was  sometimes  the 
case  in  the  best  regulated  families,  why,  then  I  should 
learn  something  of  my  duty  by  coming  to  Portsmouth. 
He  concluded  by  sending  his  kind  regards  to  all  the 
family,  and  his  love  to  my  grandfather,  which  last  I 
certainly  did  not  forward  in  my  letter  of  thanks.  About 
a  month  afterwards  I  received  a  letter  from  O'Brien, 
stating  that  the  ship  was  ready  to  go  out  of  harbour,  and 
would  be  anchored  off  Spithead  in  a  few  days. 


Chapter  XXVII 

Captain  and  Mrs  To — Pork — We  go  to  Plymouth,  and  fall  in  with  our  old 

Captain. 

I  immediately  took  leave  of  my  family,  and  set  off  for 
Portsmouth,  and  in  two  days  arrived  at  the  Fountain  inn, 
where  O'Brien  was  waiting  to  receive  me.  "Peter,  my 
boy,  I  feel  so  much  obliged  to  you,  that  if  your  uncle 
won't  go  out  of  the  world  by  fair  means,  I'll  pick  a  quarrel 
with  him,  and  shoot  him,  on  purpose  that  you  may  be  a 
lord,  as  I  am  determined  you  shall  be.  Now  come  up 
into  my  room,  where  we'll  be  all  alone,  and  I'll  tell  you 
all  about  the  ship  and  our  new  captain.  In  the  first  place, 
we'll  begin  with  the  ship,  as  the  most  important  personage 
of  the  two  :  she's  a  beauty.  I  forget  her  name  before  she 
was  taken,  but  the  French  know  how  to  build  ships  better 
than  keep  them.  She's  now  called  the  Sanglier,  which 
means  a  wild  pig,  and,  by  the  powers !  a  pig  ship  she  is, 


22 o  Peter  Simple 

as  you  will  hear  directly.  The  captain's  name  is  a  very 
short  one,  and  wouldn't  please  Mr  Chucks,  consisting  only 
of  two  letters,  T  and  O,  which  makes  To ;  his  whole  title 
is  Captain  John  To.  It  would  almost  appear  as  if  some- 
body had  broken  off  the  better  half  of  his  name,  and  only 
left  him  the  commencement  of  it ;  but,  however,  it's  a 
handy  name  to  sign  when  he  pays  off  his  ship.  And  now 
I'll  tell  you  what  sort  of  a  looking  craft  he  is.  He's  built 
like  a  Dutch  schuyt,  great  breadth  of  beam,  and  very 
square  tuck.  He  applied  to  have  the  quarter  galleries 
enlarged  in  the  two  last  ships  he  commanded.  He  weighs 
about  eighteen  stone,  rather  more  than  less.  He  is  a 
good-natured  sort  of  a  chap,  amazingly  ungenteel,  not 
much  of  an  officer,  not  much  of  a  sailor,  but  a  devilish 
good  hand  at  the  trencher.  But  he's  only  part  of  the 
concern ;  he  has  his  wife  on  board,  who  is  a  red-herring 
sort  of  a  lady,  and  very  troublesome  to  boot.  What 
makes  her  still  more  annoying  is,  that  she  has  a  piano  on 
board,  very  much  out  of  tune,  on  which  she  plays  very 
much  out  of  time.  Holystoning  is  music  compared  with 
her  playing  :  even  the  captain's  spaniel  howls  when  she 
comes  to  the  high  notes ;  but  she  affects  the  fine  lady, 
and  always  treats  the  officers  with  music  when  they  dine  in 
the  cabin,  which  makes  them  very  glad  to  get  out  of  it." 

"  But,  O'Brien,  I  thought  wives  were  not  permitted  on 
board." 

"Very  true,  but  there's  the  worst  part  in  the  man's 
character  :  he  knows  that  he  is  not  allowed  to  take  his  wife 
to  sea,  and,  in  consequence,  he  never  says  she  is  his  wife, 
or  presents  her  on  shore  to  anybody.  If  any  of  the  other 
captains  ask  how  Mrs  To  is  to-day  ?  '  Why,'  he  replies, 
'  pretty  well,  I  thank  you  ; '  but  at  the  same  time  he  gives  a 
kind  of  smirk,  as  if  to  say,  '  She  is  not  my  wife  ; '  and 
although  everybody  knows  that  she  is,  yet  he  prefers  that 
they  should  think  otherwise,  rather  than  be  at  the  expense 
of  keeping  her  on  shore;  for  you  know,  Peter,  that 
although  there  are  regulations  about  wives,  there  are  none 
with  regard  to  other  women." 


Peter  Simple  221 

"  But  does  his  wife  know  this  ?  "  inquired  I. 

"I  believe,  from  my  heart,  she  is  a  party  to  the 
whole  transaction,  for  report  says,  that  she  would  skin  a 
flint  if  she  could.  She's  always  trying  for  presents  from 
the  officers,  and,  in  fact,  she  commands  the  ship." 

"  Really,  O'Brien,  this  is  not  a  very  pleasant  prospect." 

"  Whist !  wait  a  little ;  now  I  come  to  the  wind-up. 
This  Captain  To  is  very  partial  to  pig's  mate,  and  we  have 
as  many  live  pigs  on  board  as  we  have  pigs  of  ballast. 
The  first  lieutenant  is  right  mad  about  them.  At  the  same 
time  he  allows  no  pigs  but  his  own  on  board,  that  there 
may  be  no  confusion.  The  manger  is  full  of  pigs  ;  there 
are  two  cow-pens  between  the  main-deck  guns,  drawn  from 
the  dock-yard,  and  converted  into  pig-pens.  The  two 
sheep-pens  amidships  are  full  of  pigs,  and  the  geese  and 
turkey-coops  are  divided  off  into  apartments  for  four  soivs 
in  the  family  way.  Now,  Peter,  you  see  there's  little  or  no 
expense  in  keeping  pigs  on  board  of  a  large  frigate,  with 
so  much  j^-soup  and  whole  peas  for  them  to  eat,  and  this 
is  the  reason  why  he  keeps  them,  for  the  devil  a  bit  of  any 
other  stock  has  he  on  board.  I  presume  he  means  to  milk 
one  of  the  old  soivs  for  breakfast  when  the  ship  sails.  The 
first  thing  that  he  does  in  the  morning,  is  to  go  round  to 
his  pigs  with  the  butcher,  feeling  one,  scratching  the  dirty 
ears  of  another,  and  then  he  classes  them — his  bacon  pigs, 
his  porkers ,  his  breeding  sows,  and  so  on.  The  old  boar  is 
still  at  the  stables  of  this  inn,  but  I  hear  he  is  to  come  on 
board  with  the  sailing  orders  :  but  he  is  very  savage,  and 
is  therefore  left  on  shore  to  the  very  last  moment.  Now 
really,  Peter,  what  with  the  squealing  of  the  pigs  and  his 
wife's  piano,  we  are  almost  driven  mad.  I  don't  know 
which  is  the  worse  of  the  two ;  if  you  go  aft  you  hear  the 
one,  if  you  go  forward  you  hear  the  other,  by  way  of 
variety,  and  that,  they  say,  is  charming.  But,  is  it  not 
shocking  that  such  a  beautiful  frigate  should  be  turned  into 
a  pig-sty,  and  that  her  main-deck  should  smell  worse  than 
a  muckheap  ? " 

"  But  how  does  his  wife  like  the  idea  of  living  only  upon 
hog's  flesh  ?  " 


222  Peter  Simple 

"  She  !  Lord  bless  you,  Peter  !  why,  she  looks  as  spare 
as  a  shark,  and  she  has  just  the  appetite  of  one,  for  she'll 
bolt  a  four-pound  piece  of  pork  before  it's  well  put  on  her 
plate." 

"  Have  you  any  more  such  pleasant  intelligence  to  com- 
municate, O'Brien  ?  " 

"  No,  Peter  ;  you  have  the  worst  of  it.  The  lieutenants 
are  good  officers  and  pleasant  messmates  :  the  doctor  is 
a  little  queer,  and  the  purser  thinks  himself  a  wag  ;  the 
master,  an  old  north-countryman,  who  knows  his  duty,  and 
takes  his  glass  of  grog.  The  midshipmen  are  a  very 
genteel  set_  of  young  men,  and  full  of  fun  and  frolic.  I'll 
bet  a  wager  there'll  be  a  bobbery  in  the  pig-sty  before  long, 
for  they  are  ripe  for  mischief.  Now,  Peter,  I  hardly  need 
say  that  my  cabin  and  everything  I  have  is  at  your  service; 
and  I  think  if  we  could  only  have  a  devil  of  a  gale  of  wind, 
or  a  hard-fought  action,  to  send  the  pigs  overboard  and 
smash  the  piano,  we  should  do  very  well." 

The  next  day  I  went  on  board,  and  was  shown  down 
into  the  cabin,  to  report  my  having  joined.  Mrs  To,  a 
tall  thin  woman,  was  at  her  piano ;  she  rose,  and  asked 
me  several  questions — who  my  friends  were — how  much 
they  allowed  me  a  year,  and  many  other  questions,  which 
I  thought  impertinent :  but  a  captain's  wife  is  allowed  to 
take  liberties.  She  then  asked  me  if  I  was  fond  of  music  ? 
That  was  a  difficult  question,  as,  if  I  said  that  I  was,  I 
should  in  all  probability  be  obliged  to  hear  it :  if  I  said 
that  I  was  not,  I  might  have  created  a  dislike  in  her. 
So  I  replied,  that  I  was  very  fond  of  music  on  shore, 
when  it  was  not  interrupted  by  other  noise.  "  Ah ! 
then  I  perceive  you  are  a  real  amateur,  Mr  Simple," 
replied  the  lady. 

Captain  To  then  came  out  of  the  after-cabin,  half- 
dressed.  "  Well,  youngster,  so  you've  joined  us  at  last. 
Come  and  dine  with  us  to-day?  and,  as  you  go  down  to 
your  berth,  desire  the  sentry  to  pass  the  word  for  the 
butcher ;  I  want  to  speak  with  him." 

I  bowed  and  retired.     I  was  met  in  the  most  friendly 


Peter  Simple  223 

manner  by  the  officers  and  by  my  own  messmates,  who 
had  been  prepossessed  in  my  favour  by  O'Brien,  previous 
to  my  arrival.  In  our  service  you  always  find  young 
men  of  the  best  families  on  board  large  frigates,  they 
being  considered  the  most  eligible  class  of  vessels ;  I 
found  my  messmates  to  be  gentlemen,  with  one  or  two 
exceptions,  but  I  never  met  so  many  wild  young  lads 
together.  I  sat  down  and  ate  some  dinner  with  them, 
although  I  was  to  dine  in  the  cabin,  for  the  sea  air  made 
me  hungry. 

"Don't  you  dine  in  the  cabin,  Simple?"  said  the 
caterer. 

"Yes,"  replied  I. 

"  Then  don't  eat  any  pork,  my  boy,  now,  for  you'll 
have  plenty  there.  Come,  gentlemen,  fill  your  glasses ; 
we'll  drink  happiness  to  our  new  messmate,  and  pledging 
him,  we  pledge  ourselves  to  try  to  promote  it." 

"  I'll  just  join  you  in  that  toast,"  said  O'Brien,  walking 
into  the  midshipmen's  berth.  "  What  is  it  you're  drinking 
it  in?" 

"Some  of  Collier's  port,  sir.  Boy,  bring  a  glass  for 
Mr  O'Brien." 

"Here's  your  health,  Peter,  and  wishing  you  may  keep 
out  of  a  French  prison  this  cruise.  Mr  Montague,  as 
caterer,  I  will  beg  you  will  order  another  candle,  that 
I  may  see  what's  on  the  table,  and  then  perhaps  I  may 
find  something  I  should  like  to  pick  a  bit  off." 

"Here's  the  fag  end  of  a  leg  of  mutton,  Mr  O'Brien, 
and  there's  a  piece  of  boiled  pork." 

"  Then  I'll  just  trouble  you  for  a  bit  close  to  the 
knuckle.  Peter,  you  dine  in  the  cabin,  so  do  I — the 
doctor  refused." 

"  Have  you  heard  when  we  sail,  Mr  O'Brien  ? "  inquired 
one  of  my  messmates. 

"  I  heard  at  the  admiral's  office,  that  we  were  expected 
to  be  ordered  round  to  Plymouth,  and  receive  our  orders 
there,  either  for  the  East  or  West  Indies,  they  thought  j 
and,  indeed,  the  stores  we  have  taken  on  board  indicate 


224  Peter  Simple 

that  we  are  going  foreign,  but  the  captain's  signal  is 
just  made,  and  probably  the  admiral  has  intelligence  to 
communicate." 

In  about  an  hour  afterwards,  the  captain  returned, 
looking  very  red  and  hot.  He  called  the  first  lieutenant 
aside  from  the  rest  of  the  officers,  who  were  on  deck 
to  receive  him,  and  told  him,  that  we  were  to  start  for 
Plymouth  next  morning ;  and  the  admiral  had  told  him 
confidentially,  that  we  were  to  proceed  to  the  West 
Indies  with  a  convoy,  which  was  then  collecting.  He 
appeared  to  be  very  much  alarmed  at  the  idea  of  going 
to  make  a  feast  for  the  land  crabs  ;  and  certainly,  his  gross 
habit  of  body  rendered  him  very  unfit  for  the  climate. 
This  news  was  soon  spread  through  the  ship,  and  there 
was  of  course  no  little  bustle  and  preparation.  The 
doctor,  who  had  refused  to  dine  in  the  cabin  upon  plea 
of  being  unwell,  sent  up  to  say,  that  he  felt  himself  so 
much  better,  that  he  should  have  great  pleasure  to 
attend  the  summons,  and  he  joined  the  first  lieutenant, 
O'Brien,  and  me,  as  we  walked  in.  We  sat  down  to 
table  •,  the  covers  were  removed,  and  as  the  midshipmen 
prophesied,  there  was  plenty  of  pork — mock-turtle  soup, 
made  out  of  a  pig's  head — a  boiled  leg  of  pork  and  peas- 
pudding — a  roast  spare-rib,  with  the  crackling  on — sausages 
and  potatoes,  and  pig's  pettitoes.  I  cannot  say  that  I 
disliked  my  dinner,  and  I  ate  very  heartily ;  but  a  roast 
sucking-pig  came  on  as  a  second  course,  which  rather 
surprised  me ;  but  what  surprised  me  more,  was  the 
quantity  devoured  by  Mrs  To.  She  handed  her  plate  from 
the  boiled  pork  to  the  roast,  asked  for  some  pettitoes,  tried 
the  sausages,  and  finished  with  a  whole  plateful  of  sucking- 
pig  and  stuffing.  We  had  an  apple  pie  at  the  end,  but  as 
we  had  already  eaten  apple  sauce  with  the  roast  pork,  we 
did  not  care  for  it.  The  doctor,  who  abominated  pork, 
ate  pretty  well,  and  was  excessively  attentive  to  Mrs  To. 

"  Will  you  not  take  a  piece  of  the  roast  pig,  doctor  ?  " 
said  the  captain. 

"Why,   really  Captain  To,  as   we   are  bound,  by  all 


Peter  Simple  225 

reports,  to  a  station  where  we  must  not  venture  upon  pork, 
I  think  I  will  not  refuse  to  take  a  piece,  for  I  am  very  fond 
of  it." 

"How  do  you  mean?"  inquired  the  captain  and  his 
lady,  both  in  a  breath. 

"Perhaps  I  may  be  wrongly  informed,"  replied  the 
doctor,  "  but  I  have  heard  that  we  were  ordered  to  the 
West  Indies  ;  now,  if  so,  everyone  knows,  that  although 
you  may  eat  salt  pork  there  occasionally  without  danger, 
in  all  tropical  climates,  and  especially  the  West  Indies,  two 
or  three  days'  living  upon  this  meat  will  immediately 
produce  dysentery,  which  is  always  fatal  in  that  climate." 

"  Indeed  !  "  exclaimed  the  captain. 

"  You  don't  say  so  !  "  rejoined  the  lady. 

"  I  do  indeed  :  and  have  always  avoided  the  West  Indies 
for  that  very  reason — I  am  so  fond  of  pork." 

The  doctor  then  proceeded  to  give  nearly  one  hundred 
instances  of  messmates  and  shipmen  who  had  been  attacked 
with  dysentery,  from  the  eating  of  fresh  pork  in  the  West 
Indies  j  and  O'Brien,  perceiving  the  doctor's  drift,  joined 
him,  telling  some  most  astonishing  accounts  of  the  dreadful 
effects  of  pork  in  a  hot  country.  I  think  he  said,  that  when 
the  French  were  blockaded,  previous  to  the  surrender  of 
Martinique,  that,  having  nothing  but  pigs  to  eat,  thirteen 
hundred  out  of  seventeen  hundred  soldiers  and  officers  died 
in  the  course  of  three  weeks,  and  the  others  were  so 
reduced  by  disease,  that  they  were  obliged  to  capitulate. 
The  doctor  then  changed  the  subject,  and  talked  about  the 
yellow  fever,  and  other  diseases  of  the  climate,  so  that,  by 
his  account,  the  West  India  islands  were  but  hospitals  to 
die  in.  Those  most  likely  to  be  attacked,  were  men  in 
full  strong  health.  The  spare  men  stood  a  better  chance. 
This  conversation  was  carried  on  until  it  was  time  to 
leave — Mrs  To  at  last  quite  silent,  and  the  captain  gulping 
down  his  wine  with  a  sigh.  When  we  rose  from  the 
table,  Mrs  To  did  not  ask  us,  as  usual,  to  stay  and  hear  a 
little  music  5  she  was,  like  her  piano,  not  a  little  out  of 
tune. 

1.  p 


226  Peter  Simple 

"  By  the  powers,  doctor,  you  did  that  nately,"  said 
O'Brien,  as  we  left  the  cabin. 

"  O'Brien,"  said  the  doctor,  "  oblige  me,  and  you,  Mr 
Simple,  oblige  me  also,  by  not  saying  a  word  in  the  ship 
about  what  I  have  said ;  if  it  once  gets  wind,  I  shall  have 
done  no  good,  but  if  you  both  hold  your  tongues  for  a 
short  time,  I  think  I  may  promise  you  to  get  rid  of  Captain 
To,  his  wife,  and  his  pigs."  We  perceived  the  justice  of 
his  observation,  and  promised  secrecy.  The  next  morning 
the  ship  sailed  for  Plymouth,  and  Mrs  To  sent  for  the 
doctor,  not  being  very  well.  The  doctor  prescribed  for 
her,  and  I  believe,  on  my  conscience,  made  her  worse  on 
purpose.  The  illness  of  his  wife,  and  his  own  fears, 
brought  Captain  To  more  than  usual  in  contact  with  the 
doctor,  of  whom  he  frequently  asked  his  candid  opinion, 
as  to  his  own  chance  in  a  hot  country. 

"  Captain  To,"  said  the  doctor,  "  I  never  would  have 
given  my  opinion,  if  you  had  not  asked  it,  for  I  am  aware, 
that,  as  an  officer,  you  would  never  flinch  from  your  duty, 
to  whatever  quarter  of  the  globe  you  may  be  ordered  ;  but, 
as  you  have  asked  the  question,  I  must  say,  with  your  full 
habit  of  body,  I  think  you  would  not  stand  a  chance  of 
living  for  more  than  two  months.  At  the  same  time,  sir, 
I  may  be  mistaken  $  but,  at  all  events,  I  must  point  out 
that  Mrs  To  is  of  a  very  bilious  habit,  and  I  trust  you  will 
not  do  such  an  injustice  to  an  amiable  woman,  as  to  permit 
her  to  accompany  you." 

"  Thanky,  doctor,  I'm  much  obliged  to  you,"  replied 
the  captain,  turning  round  and  going  down  the  ladder  to 
his  cabin.  "We  were  then  beating  down  the  channel  j  for, 
although  we  ran  through  the  Needles  with  a  fair  wind,  it 
fell  calm,  and  shifted  to  the  westward,  when  we  were 
abreast  of  Portland.  The  next  day  the  captain  gave  an 
order  for  a  very  fine  pig  to  be  killed,  for  he  was  out  of 
provisions.  Mrs  To  still  kept  her  bed,  and  he  therefore 
directed  that  a  part  should  be  salted,  as  he  could  have 
no  company.  T  was  in  the  midshipman's  berth,  when 
some  of  them  proposed  that  we  should  get  possession  of 


Peter  Simple  227 

the  pig ;  and  the  plan  they  agreed  upon  was  as  follows  : — 
they  were  to  go  to  the  pen  that  night,  and  with  a  needle 
stuck  in  a  piece  of  wood,  to  prick  the  pig  all  over,  and 
then  rub  gunpowder  into  the  parts  wounded.  This  was 
done,  and  although  the  butcher  was  up  a  dozen  times 
during  the  night  to  ascertain  what  made  the  pigs  so  uneasy, 
the  midshipmen  passed  the  needle  from  watch  to  watch, 
until  the  pig  was  well  tattooed  in  all  parts.  In  the 
morning  watch  it  was  killed,  and  when  it  had  been  scalded 
in  the  tub,  and  the  hair  taken  off,  it  appeared  covered  with 
blue  spots.  The  midshipman  of  the  morning  watch,  who 
was  on  the  main-deck,  took  care  to  point  out  to  the 
butcher,  that  the  pork  was  measly,  to  which  the  man 
unwillingly  assented,  stating,  at  the  same  time,  that  he 
could  not  imagine  how  it  could  be,  for  a  finer  pig  he  had 
never  put  a  knife  into.  The  circumstance  was  reported 
to  the  captain,  who  was  much  astonished.  The  doctor 
came  in  to  visit  Mrs  To,  and  the  captain  requested  the 
doctor  to  examine  the  pig,  and  give  his  opinion.  Although 
this  was  not  the  doctor's  province,  yet,  as  he  had  great 
reason  for  keeping  intimate  with  the  captain,  he  immedi- 
ately consented.  Going  forward,  he  met  me,  and  I  told 
him  the  secret.  "That  will  do,"  replied  he;  "it  all 
tends  to  what  we  wish."  The  doctor  returned  to  the 
captain,  and  said,  "  that  there  was  no  doubt  but  that  the 
pig  was  measly,  which  was  a  complaint  very  frequent  on 
board  ships,  particularly  in  hot  climates,  where  all  pork 
became  measly — one  great  reason  for  its  there  proving  so 
unwholesome."  The  captain  sent  for  the  first  lieutenant, 
and,  with  a  deep  sigh,  ordered  him  to  throw  the  pig  over- 
board ;  but  the  first  lieutenant,  who  knew  what  had  been 
done  from  O'Brien,  ordered  the  master's  mate  to  throw  it 
overboard :  the  master's  mate,  touching  his  hat,  said,  "  Ay, 
ay,  sir,"  and  took  it  down  into  the  berth,  where  we  cut  it 
up,  salted  one  half,  and  the  other  we  finished  before  we 
arrived  at  Plymouth,  which  was  six  days  from  the  time  we 
left  Portsmouth.  On  our  arrival,  we  found  part  of  the 
convoy  lying  there,  but  no  orders  for  us ;  and,  to  my  great 


228  Peter  Simple 

delight,  on  the  following  day  the  Diomede  arrived,  from  a 
cruise  off  the  Western  Islands.  I  obtained  permission  to 
go  on  board  with  O'Brien,  and  we  once  more  greeted  our 
messmates.  Mr  Falcon,  the  first  lieutenant,  went  down  to 
Captain  Savage,  to  say  we  were  on  board,  and  he  requested 
us  to  come  into  the  cabin.  He  greeted  us  warmly,  and 
gave  us  great  credit  for  the  manner  in  which  we  had 
effected  our  escape.  When  we  left  the  cabin,  I  found  Mr 
Chucks,  the  boatswain,  waiting  outside. 

"  My  dear  Mr  Simple,  extend  your  flapper  to  me,  for  I'm 
delighted  to  see  you*  I  long  to  have  a  long  talk  with 
you." 

"  And  I  should  like  it  also,  Mr  Chucks,  but  I'm  afraid 
we  have  not  time  \  I  dine  with  Captain  Savage  to-day,  and 
it  only  wants  an  hour  of  dinner-time." 

"Well,  Mr  Simple,  I've  been  looking  at  your  frigate, 
and  she's  a  beauty — much  larger  than  the  Diomede" 

"  And  she  behaves  quite  as  well,"  replied  L  "  I  think 
we  are  two  hundred  tons  larger.  You've  no  idea  of  her 
size  until  you  are  on  her  decks." 

"  I  should  like  to  be  boatswain  of  her,  Mr  Simple  ;  that 
is,  with  Captain  Savage,  for  I  will  not  part  with  him."  I 
had  some  more  conversation  with  Mr  Chucks,  but  I  was 
obliged  to  attend  to  others,  who  interrupted  us.  We  had 
a  very  pleasant  dinner  with  our  old  captain,  to  whom  we 
gave  a  history  of  our  adventures,  and  then  we  returned  on 
board. 

Chapter  XXVIII 

We  get  rid  of  the  pigs  and  piano-forte — The  last  boat  on  shore  before 
sailing — The  First  Lieutenant  too  hasty,  and  the  consequences  to  me. 

We  waited  three  days,  at  the  expiration  of  which,  we 
heard  that  Captain  To  was  about  to  exchange  with  Captain 
Savage.  We  could  not  believe  such  good  news  to  be  true, 
and  we  could  not  ascertain  the  truth  of  the  report,  as  the 
captain  had  gone  on  shore  with  Mrs  To,  who  recovered 


Peter  Simple  229 

fast  after  she  was  out  of  our  doctor's  hands ;  so  fast, 
indeed,  that  a  week  afterwards,  on  questioning  the 
steward,  upon  his  return  on  board,  how  Mrs  To  was, 
he  replied,  "  O  charming  well  again,  sir,  she  has  eaten 
a  whole  pig,  since  she  left  the  ship.  But  the  report  was 
true :  Captain  To,  afraid  to  go  to  the  "West  Indies,  had 
effected  an  exchange  with  Captain  Savage.  Captain  Savage 
was  permitted,  as  was  the  custom  of  the  service,  to  bring 
his  first  lieutenant,  his  boatswain,  and  his  barge's  crew 
with  him.  He  joined  a  day  or  two  before  we  sailed,  and 
never  was  there  more  joy  on  board :  the  only  people 
miserable  were  the  first  lieutenant,  and  those  belonging  to 
the  Sanglier  who  were  obliged  to  follow  Captain  To  ;  who, 
with  his  wife,  his  pigs,  and  her  piano,  were  all  got  rid  of 
in  the  course  of  one  forenoon. 

I  have  already  described  pay-day  on  board  of  a  man-of-war, 
but  I  think  that  the  two  days  before  sailing  are  even  more 
unpleasant ;  although,  generally  speaking,  all  our  money 
being  spent,  we  are  not  sorry  when  we  once  are  fairly  out 
of  harbour,  and  find  ourselves  in  blue  water.  The  men 
never  work  well  on  those  days  :  they  are  thinking  of  their 
wives  and  sweethearts,  of  the  pleasure  they  had  when  at 
liberty  on  shore,  where  they  might  get  drunk  without 
punishment ;  and  many  of  them  are  either  half  drunk  at 
the  time,  or  suffering  from  the  effects  of  previous  intoxica- 
tion. The  ship  is  in  disorder,  and  crowded  with  the 
variety  of  stock  and  spare  stores  which  are  obliged  to  be 
taken  on  board  in  a  hurry,  and  have  not  yet  been  properly 
secured  in  their  places.  The  first  lieutenant  is  cross,  the 
officers  are  grave,  and  the  poor  midshipmen,  with  all  their 
own  little  comforts  to  attend  to,  are  harassed  and  driven 
about  like  post-horses.  "  Mr  Simple,"  inquired  the  first 
lieutenant,  "  where  do  you  come  from  ?" 

"From  the  gun  wharf,  sir,  with  the  gunner's  spare 
blocks,  and  breechings." 

"Very  well — send  the  marines  aft  to  clear  the  boat, 
and  pipe  away  the  first  cutter.  Mr  Simple,  jump  into  the 
first  cutter,  and  go  to  Mount  Wise  for  the  officers.     Be 


2^o  Peter  Simple 

careful  that  none  of  your  men  leave  the  boat.  Come,  be 
smart." 

Now,  I  had  been  away  the  whole  morning,  and  it  was 
then  half-past  one,  and  I  had  had  no  dinner  :  but  I  said 
nothing,  and  went  into  the  boat.  As  soon  as  I  was  off, 
O'Brien,  who  stood  by  Mr  Falcon,  said,  "  Peter  was 
thinking  of  his  dinner,  poor  fellow  !  " 

"  I  really  quite  forgot  it,"  replied  the  first  lieutenant, 
"  there  is  so  much  to  do.  He  is  a  willing  boy,  and  he 
shall  dine  in  the  gun-room  when  he  comes  back."  And  so 
I  did — so  I  lost  nothing  by  not  expostulating,  and  gained 
more  of  the  favour  of  the  first  lieutenant,  who  never  forgot 
what  he  called  zeal.  But  the  hardest  trial  of  the  whole,  is 
to  the  midshipman  who  is  sent  with  the  boat  to  purchase 
the  supplies  for  the  cabin  and  gun-room  on  the  day  before 
the  ship's  sailing.  It  was  my  misfortune  to  be  ordered 
upon  that  service  this  time,  and  that  very  unexpectedly.  I 
had  been  ordered  to  dress  myself  to  take  the  gig  on  shore 
for  the  captain's  orders,  and  was  walking  the  deck  with 
my  very  best  uniform  and  side  arms,  when  the  marine 
officer,  who  was  the  gun-room  caterer,  came  up  to  the  first 
lieutenant,  and  asked  him  for  a  boat.  The  boat  was 
manned,  and  a  midshipman  ordered  to  take  charge  of  it ; 
but  when  he  came  up,  the  first  lieutenant  recollecting  that 
he  had  come  off  two  days  before  with  only  half  his  boat's 
crew,  would  not  trust  him,  and  called  out  to  me,  "  Here, 
Mr  Simple,  I  must  send  you  in  this  boat ;  mind  you  are 
careful  that  none  of  the  men  leave  it ;  and  bring  off  the 
sergeant  of  marines,  who  is  on  shore  looking  for  the  men 
who  have  broken  their  liberty."  Although  I  could  not 
but  feel  proud  of  the  compliment,  yet  I  did  not  much  like 
going  in  my  very  best  uniform,  and  would  have  run  down 
and  changed  it,  but  the  marine  officer  and  all  the  people 
were  in  the  boat,  and  I  could  not  keep  it  waiting,  so  down 
the  side  I  went,  and  we  shoved  off.  We  had,  besides  the 
boat's  crew,  the  marine  officer,  the  purser,  the  gun-room 
steward,  the  captain's  steward,  and  the  purser's  steward ; 
so  that  we  were  pretty  full.     It  blew  hard  from  the  S.E., 


Peter  Simple  231 

and  there  was  a  sea  running,  but  as  the  tide  was  flowing 
into  the  harbour  there  was  not  much  bubble.  We  hoisted 
the  foresail,  flew  before  the  wind  and  tide,  and  in  a  quarter 
of  an  hour  we  were  at  Mutton  Cove,  when  the  marine 
officer  expressed  his  wish  to  land.  The  landing-place  was 
crowded  with  boats,  and  it  was  not  without  sundry  ex- 
changes of  foul  words  and  oaths,  and  the  bow-men  dashing 
the  point  of  their  boat-hooks  into  the  shore-boats,  to  make 
them  keep  clear  of  us,  that  we  forced  our  way  to  the 
beach.  The  marine  officer  and  all  the  stewards  then  left 
the  boat,  and  I  had  to  look  after  the  men.  I  had  not  been 
there  three  minutes  before  the  bow-man  said  that  his  wife 
was  on  the  wharf  with  his  clothes  from  the  wash,  and 
begged  leave  to  go  and  fetch  them.  I  refused,  telling  him 
that  she  could  bring  them  to  him.  "  Vy  now,  Mr 
Simple,"  said  the  woman,  "ar'n't  you  a  nice  lady's  man,  to 
go  for  to  ax  me  to  muddle  my  way  through  all  the  dead 
dogs,  cabbage-stalks,  and  stinking  hakes'  heads,  with  my 
bran  new  shoes  and  clean  stockings  ? "  I  looked  at  her, 
and  sure  enough  she  was,  as  they  say  in  France,  Men 
chaussee.  "  Come,  Mr  Simple,  let  him  out  to  come  for  his 
clothes,  and  you'll  see  that  he's  back  in  a  moment."  I 
did  not  like  to  refuse  her,  as  it  was  very  dirty  and  wet, 
and  the  shingle  was  strewed  with  all  that  she  had  men- 
tioned. The  bow-man  made  a  spring  out  with  his 
boat-hook,  threw  it  back,  went  up  to  his  wife,  and  com- 
menced talking  with  her,  while  I  watched  him.  "If  you 
please,  sir,  there's  my  young  woman  come  down,  mayn't  I 
speak  to  her  ?  "  said  another  of  the  men.  I  turned  round, 
and  refused  him.  He  expostulated,  and  begged  very  hard, 
but  I  was  resolute ;  however,  when  I  again  turned  my 
eyes  to  watch  the  bow-man,  he  and  his  wife  were  gone. 
"  There,"  says  I  to  the  coxswain,  "  I  knew  it  would  be 
so  ;  you  see  Hickman  is  off." 

"  Only  gone  to  take  a  parting  glass,  sir,"  replied  the 
coxswain  ;  "  he'll  be  here  directly." 

"  I  hope  so  ;  but  I'm  afraid  not."  After  this,  I  refused 
all  the   solicitations  of  the  men   to  be  allowed  to  leave 


232  Peter  Simple 

the  boat,  but  I  permitted  them  to  have  some  beer  brought 
down  to  them.  The  gun-room  steward  then  came  back 
with  a  basket  of  soft-tack,  i.e.  loaves  of  bread,  and  told 
me  that  the  marine  officer  requested  I  would  allow  two 
of  the  men  to  go  up  with  him  to  Glencross's  shop,  to 
bring  down  some  of  the  stores.  Of  course,  I  sent  two 
of  the  men,  and  told  the  steward  if  he  saw  Hickman,  to 
bring  him  down  to  the  boat. 

By  this  time  many  of  the  women  belonging  to  the  ship 
had  assembled,  and  commenced  a  noisy  conversation  with 
the  boat's  crew.  One  brought  an  article  for  Jim,  another 
some  clothes  for  Bill ;  some  of  them  climbed  into  the 
boat,  and  sat  with  the  men  ;  others  came  and  went,  bring- 
ing beer  and  tobacco,  which  the  men  desired  them  to 
purchase.  The  crowd,  the  noise,  and  confusion  were 
so  great,  that  it  was  with  the  utmost  difficulty  that  I 
could  keep  my  eyes  on  all  my  men,  who,  one  after  another, 
made  an  attempt  to  leave  the  boat.  Just  at  that  time 
came  down  the  sergeant  of  the  marines,  with  three  of 
our  men  whom  he  had  picked  up,  roaring  drunk.  They 
were  tumbled  into  the  boat,  and  increased  the  difficulty, 
as  in  looking  after  those  who  were  riotous,  and  would 
try  to  leave  the  boat  by  force,  I  was  not  so  well  able  to 
keep  my  eyes  on  those  who  were  sober.  The  sergeant 
then  went  up  after  another  man,  and  I  told  him  also 
about  Hickman.  About  half  an  hour  afterwards  the 
steward  came  down  with  the  two  men,  loaded  with 
cabbages,  baskets  of  eggs,  strings  of  onions,  crockery 
of  all  descriptions,  paper  parcels  of  groceries,  legs  and 
shoulders  of  mutton,  which  were  crowded  in,  until  not 
only  the  stem-sheets,  but  all  under  the  thwarts  of  the 
boat  were  also  crammed  full.  They  told  me  that  they 
had  a  few  more  things  to  bring  down,  and  that  the 
marine  officer  had  gone  to  Stonehouse  to  see  his  wife, 
so  that  they  should  be  down  long  before  him.  In  half 
an  hour  more,  during  which  I  had  the  greatest  difficulty 
to  manage  the  boat's  crew,  they  returned  with  a  dozen 
geese  and  two  ducks,  tied  by  the  legs,  but  without  the 


Peter  Simple  233 

two  men,  who  had  given  them  the  slip,  so  that  there 
were  now  three  men  gone,  and  I  knew  Mr  Falcon  would 
be  very  angry,  for  they  were  three  of  the  smartest  men 
in  the  ship.  I  was  now  determined  not  to  run  the  risk 
of  losing  more  men,  and  I  ordered  the  boat's  crew  to 
shove  off,  that  I  might  lie  at  the  wharf,  where  they  could 
not  climb  up.  They  were  very  mutinous,  grumbled  very 
much,  and  would  hardly  obey  me  ;  the  fact  is,  they  had 
drunk  a  great  deal,  and  some  of  them  were  more  than 
half  tipsy.  However,  at  last  I  was  obeyed,  but  not  with- 
out being  saluted  with  a  shower  of  invectives  from  the 
women,  and  the  execrations  of  the  men  belonging  to  the 
wherries  and  shore  boats  which  were  washed  against  our 
sides  by  the  swell.  The  weather  had  become  much  worse, 
and  looked  very  threatening.  I  waited  an  hour  more, 
when  the  sergeant  of  marines  came  down  with  two  more 
men,  one  of  whom,  to  my  great  joy,  was  Hickman.  This 
made  me  more  comfortable,  as  I  was  not  answerable  for 
the  other  two ;  still  I  was  in  great  trouble  from  the 
riotous  and  insolent  behaviour  of  the  boat's  crew,  and 
the  other  men  brought  down  by  the  sergeant  of  marines. 
One  of  them  fell  back  into  a  basket  of  eggs,  and  smashed 
them  all  to  atoms  ;  still  the  marine  officer  did  not  come 
down,  and  it  was  getting  late.  The  tide  being  now  at 
the  ebb,  running  out  against  the  wind,  there  was  a  heavy 
sea,  and  I  had  to  go  off  to  the  ship  with  a  boat  deeply 
laden,  and  most  of  the  people  in  her  in  a  state  of  intoxica- 
tion. The  coxswain,  who  was  the  only  one  who  was 
sober,  recommended  our  shoving  off,  as  it  would  soon  be 
dark,  and  some  accident  would  happen.  I  reflected  a 
minute,  and  agreeing  with  him,  I  ordered  the  oars  to  be 
got  out,  and  we  shoved  off,  the  sergeant  of  marines  and 
the  gun-room  steward  perched  up  in  the  bows — drunken 
men,  ducks  and  geese,  lying  together  at  the  bottom  of  the 
boat — the  stern  sheets  loaded  up  to  the  gunwale,  and  the 
other  passengers  and  myself  sitting  how  we  could  among 
the  crockery  and  a  variety  of  other  articles  with  which 
the  boat  was  crowded.     It  was  a  scene  of  much  confusion 


234  Peter  Simple 

— the  half-drunken  boat's  crew  catching  crabs,  and  falling 
forward  upon  the  others — those  who  were  quite  drunk 
swearing  they  would  pull.  "  Lay  on  your  oar,  Sullivan  ; 
you  are  doing  more  harm  than  good.  You  drunken  rascal, 
I'll  report  you  as  soon  as  we  get  on  board." 

"  How  the  divil  can  I  pull,  your  honour,  when  there's 
that  fellow  Jones  breaking  the  very  back  o'  me  with  his 
oar,  and  he  never  touching  the  water  all  the  while  ? " 

"  You  lie,"  cried  Jones ;  "  I'm  pulling  the  boat  by 
myself  against  the  whole  of  the  larbard  oars." 

"  He's  rowing  dry,  your  honour — only  making  bilave." 

"  Do  you  call  this  rowing  dry  ?  "  cried  another,  as  a  sea 
swept  over  the  boat,  fore  and  aft,  wetting  everybody  to 
the  skin. 

"  Now,  your  honour,  just  look  and  see  if  I  ain't  pulling 
the  very  arms  off  me  ?  "  cried  Sullivan. 

"  Is  there  water  enough  to  cross  the  bridge,  Swin- 
burne ?  "  said  I  to  the  coxswain. 

"  Plenty,  Mr  Simple  j  it  is  but  quarter  ebb,  and  the 
sooner  we  are  on  board  the  better." 

"We  were  now  past  Devil's  Point,  and  the  sea  was  very 
heavy :  the  boat  plunged  in  the  trough,  so  that  I  was 
afraid  that  she  would  break  her  back.  She  was  soon  half 
full  of  water,  and  the  two  after-oars  were  laid  in  for  the 
men  to  bale.  "  Plase  your  honour,  hadn't  I  better  cut 
free  the  legs  of  them  ducks  and  geeser  and  allow  them  to 
swim  for  their  lives  ?  "  cried  Sullivan,  resting  on  his  oar ; 
"  the  poor  birds  will  be  drowned  else  in  their  own  foment  P 

"  No,  no — pull  away  as  hard  as  you  can." 

By  this  time  the  drunken  men  in  the  bottom  of  the  boat 
began  to  be  very  uneasy,  from  the  quantity  of  water  which 
washed  about  them,  and  made  several  staggering  attempts 
to  get  on  their  legs.  They  fell  down  again  upon  the 
ducks  and  geese,  the  major  part  of  which  were  saved  from 
being  drowned  by  being  suffocated.  The  sea  on  the 
bridge  was  very  heavy ;  and  although  the  tide  swept  us 
out,  we  were  nearly  swamped.  Soft  bread  was  washing 
about  the  bottom  of  the  boat  ;  the  parcels  of  sugar,  pepper, 


Peter  Simple  235 

and  salt,  were  wet  through  with  the  salt  water,  and 
a  sudden  jerk  threw  the  captain's  steward,  who  was  seated 
upon  the  gunwale  close  to  the  after-oar,  right  upon  the 
whole  of  the  crockery  and  eggs,  which  added  to  the  mass 
of  destruction.  A  few  more  seas  shipped  completed  the 
job,  and  the  gun-room  steward  was  in  despair.  "That's 
a  darling,"  cried  Sullivan :  "  the  politest  boat  in  the 
whole  fleet.  She  makes  more  bows  and  curtseys  than  the 
finest  couple  in  the  land.  Give  way,  my  lads,  and  work 
the  crater  stuff  out  of  your  elbows,  and  the  first  lieutenant 
will  see  us  all  so  sober,  and  so  wet  in  the  bargain,  and 
think  we're  all  so  dry,  that  perhaps  he'll  be  after  giving  us 
a  raw  nip  when  we  get  on  board." 

In  a  quarter  of  an  hour  we  were  nearly  alongside,  but 
the  men  pulled  so  badly,  and  the  sea  was  so  great,  that  we 
missed  the  ship  and  went  astern.  They  veered  out  a  buoy 
with  a  line,  which  we  got  hold  of,  and  were  hauled  up  by 
the  marines  and  after-guard,  the  boat  plunging  bows  under, 
and  drenching  us  through  and  through.  At  last  we  got 
under  the  counter,  and  I  climbed  up  by  the  stern  ladder. 
Mr  Falcon  was  on  deck,,  and  very  angry  at  the  boat  not 
coming  alongside  properly.  "  I  thought,  Mr  Simple,  that 
you  knew  by  this  time  how  to  bring  a  boat  alongside." 

"  So  I  do,  sir,  I  hope,"  replied  I ;  "  but  the  boat  was  so 
full  of  water,  and  the  men  would  not  give  way." 
"What  men  has  the  sergeant  brought  on  board  ?" 
"  Three,  sir,"  replied  I,  shivering  with  the  cold,  and 
unhappy  at  my  very  best  uniform  being  spoiled. 
"  Are  all  your  boat's  crew  with  you,  sir  ?" 

"  No  sir  ;  there  are  two  left  on  shore ;  they " 

"  Not  a  word,  sir.  Up  to  the  mast-head,  and  stay  there 
till  I  call  you  down.  If  it  were  not  so  late,  I  would  send 
you  on  shore,  and  not  receive  you  on  board  again  without 
the  men.     Up,  sir,  immediately." 

I  did  not  venture  to  explain,  but  up  I  went.  It  was 
very  cold,  blowing  hard  from  the  S.E.,  with  heavy  squalls  5 
I  was  so  wet  that  the  wind  appeared  to  blow  through  me, 
and  it  was  now  nearly  dark.     I  reached  the  cross-trees, 


23 6  Peter  Simple 

and  when  I  was  seated  there,  I  felt  that  I  had  done  my 
duty,  and  had  not  been  fairly  treated.  During  this  time, 
the  boat  had  been  hauled  up  alongside  to  clear,  and  a 
pretty  clearance  there  was.  All  the  ducks  and  geese  were 
dead,  the  eggs  and  crockery  all  broke,  the  grocery  almost 
all  washed  away;  in  short,  as  O'Brien  observed,  there  was 
"  a  very  pretty  general  average."  Mr  Falcon  was  still 
very  angry.  -"  Who  are  the  men  missing  ? "  inquired  he, 
of  Swinburne,  the  coxswain,  as  he  came  up  the  side. 

"Williams  and  Sweetman,  sir." 

"  Two  of  the  smartest  topmen,  I  am  told,  It  really  is 
too  provoking ;  there  is  not  a  midshipman  in  the  ship 
I  can  trust.  I  must  work  all  day,  and  get  no  assistance. 
The  service  is  really  going  to  the  devil  now,  with  the 
young  men  who  are  sent  on  board  to  be  brought  up  as 
officers,  and  who  are  above  doing  their  duty.  What 
made  you  so  late,  Swinburne  ? " 

"Waiting  for  the  marine  officer,  who  went  to  Stone- 
house  to  see  his  wife  ;  but  Mr  Simple  would  not  wait 
any  longer,  as  it  was  getting  dark,  and  we  had  so  many 
drunken  men  in  the  boat." 

"  Mr  Simple  did  right.  I  wish  Mr  Harrison  would 
stay  on  shore  with  his  wife  altogether — it's  really  trifling 
with  the  service.  Pray,  Mr  Swinburne,  why  had  you 
not  your  eyes  about  you  if  Mr  Simple  was  so  careless? 
How  came  you  to  allow  these  men  to  leave  the  boat  ? " 

"  The  men  were  ordered  up  by  the  marine  officer  to 
bring  down  your  stores,  sir,  and  they  gave  the  steward 
the  slip.  It  was  no  fault  of  Mr  Simple's,  nor  of  mine 
either.  We  lay  off  at  the  wharf  for  two  hours  before 
we  started,  or  we  should  have  lost  more;  for  what  can 
a  poor  lad  do,  when  he  has  charge  of  drunken  men  who 
will  not  obey  orders  ? "  And  the  coxswain  looked  up 
at  the  mast-head,  as  much  as  to  say,  Why  is  he  sent 
there?  "I'll  take  my  oath,  sir,"  continued  Swinburne, 
"that  Mr  Simple  never  put  his  foot  out  of  the  boat, 
from  the  time  that  he  went  over  the  side  until  he  came 
on  board,  and  that  no  young  gentleman  could  have  done 
his  duty  more  strictly." 


Peter  Simple  237 

Mr  Falcon  looked  very  angry  at  first  at  the  coxswain 
speaking  so  freely,  but  he  said  nothing.  He  took  one 
or  two  turns  on  the  deck,  and  then  hailing  the  mast-head, 
desired  me  to  come  down.  But  I  could  not;  my  limbs 
were  so  cramped  with  the  wind  blowing  upon  my  wet 
clothes,  that  I  could  not  move.  He  hailed  again ;  I  heard 
him,  but  was  not  able  to  answer.  One  of  the  topmen 
then  came  up,  and  perceiving  my  condition,  hailed  the 
deck,  and  said  he  believed  I  was  dying,  for  I  could  not 
move,  and  that  he  dared  not  leave  me  for  fear  I  should 
fall.  O'Brien,  who  had  been  on  deck  all  the  while, 
jumped  up  the  rigging,  and  was  soon  at  the  cross-trees 
where  I  was.  He  sent  the  topman  down  into  the  top 
for  a  tail-block  and  the  studding-sail  haulyards,  made 
a  whip,  and  lowered  me  on  deck.  I  was  immediately 
put  into  my  hammock ;  and  the  surgeon  ordering  me 
some  hot  brandy-and-water,  and  plenty  of  blankets,  in 
a  few  hours  I  was  quite  restored. 

O'Brien,  who  was  at  my  bedside,  said,  "Never  mind, 
Peter,  and  don't  be  angry  with  Mr  Falcon,  for  he  is  very 
sorry." 

"I  am  not  angry,  O'Brien;  for  Mr  Falcon  has  been  too 
kind  to  me  not  to  make  me  forgive  him  for  being  once 
hasty." 

The  surgeon  came  to  my  hammock,  gave  me  some  more 
hot  drink,  desired  me  to  go  to  sleep,  and  I  woke  the  next 
morning  quite  welL 

When  I  came  into  the  berth,  my  messmates  asked  me 
how  I  was,  and  many  of  them  railed  against  the  tyranny 
of  Mr  Falcon ;  but  I  took  his  part,  saying,  that  he  was 
hasty  in  this  instance,  perhaps,  but  that,  generally 
speaking,  he  was  an  excellent  and  very  just  officer. 
Some  agreed  with  me,  but  others  did  not.  One  of 
them,  who  was  always  in  disgrace,  sneered  at  me,  and 
said,  "Peter  reads  the  Bible,  and  knows  that  if  you 
smite  one  cheek,  he  must  offer  the  other.  Now,  I'll 
answer  for  it,  if  I  pull  his  right  ear  he  will  offer  me 
his  left."     So  saying,  he  lugged  me  by  the  ear,  upon 


238  Peter  Simple 

which  I  knocked  him  down  for  his  trouble.  The  berth 
was  then  cleared  away  for  a  fight,  and  in  a  quarter  of 
an  hour  my  opponent  gave  in ;  but  I  suffered  a  little, 
and  had  a  very  black  eye.  I  had  hardly  time  to  wash 
myself  and  change  my  shirt,  which  was  bloody,  when 
I  was  summoned  on  the  quarter-deck.  When  I  arrived, 
I  found  Mr  Falcon  walking  up  and  down.  He  looked 
very  hard  at  me,  but  did  not  ask  me  any  questions  as 
to  the  cause  of  my  unusual  appearance. 

"  Mr  Simple,"  said  he,  "I  sent  for  you  to  beg  your 
pardon  for  my  behaviour  to  you  last  night,  which  was 
not  only  very  hasty  but  very  unjust.  I  find  that  you 
were  not  to  blame  for  the  loss  of  the  men." 

I  felt  very  sorry  for  him  when  I  heard  him  speak  so 
handsomely ;  and,  to  make  his  mind  more  easy,  I  told 
him  that,  although  I  certainly  was  not  to  blame  for  the 
loss  of  those  two  men,  still  I  had  done  wrong  in  permitting 
Hickman  to  leave  the  boat ;  and  that  had  not  the  sergeant 
picked  him  up,  I  should  have  come  off  without  him,  and 
therefore  I  did  deserve  the  punishment  which  I  had 
received. 

"  Mr  Simple,"  replied  Mr  Falcon,  "  I  respect  you,  and 
admire  your  feelings  ;  still,  I  was  to  blame,  and  it  is  my 
duty  to  apologise.  Now  go  down  below.  I  would  have 
requested  the  pleasure  of  your  company  to  dinner,  but  I 
perceive  that  something  else  has  occurred,  which,  under 
any  other  circumstances,  I  would  have  inquired  into,  but 
at  present  I  shall  not." 

I  touched  my  hat  and  went  below.  In  the  meantime, 
O'Brien  had  been  made  acquainted  with  the  occasion  of 
the  quarrel,  which  he  did  not  fail  to  explain  to  Mr  Falcon, 
who,  O'Brien  declared,  "  was  not  the  least  bit  in  the 
world  angry  with  me  for  what  had  occurred."  Indeed, 
after  that,  Mr  Falcon  always  treated  me  with  the  greatest 
kindness,  and  employed  me  on  every  duty  which  he  con- 
sidered of  consequence.  He  was  a  sincere  friend ;  for  he 
did  not  allow  me  to  neglect  my  duty,  but,  at  the  same 
time,  treated  me  with  consideration  and  confidence. 


Peter  Simple  239 

The  marine  officer  came  on  board  very  angry  at  being 
left  behind,  and  talked  about  a  court-martial  on  me  for 
disrespect,  and  neglect  of  stores  entrusted  to  my  charge ; 
but  O'Brien  told  me  not  to  mind  him,  or  what  he  said. 
"  It's  my  opinion,  Peter,  that  the  gentleman  has  eaten  no 
small  quantity  of  flap-doodle  in  his  lifetime." 

"  What's  that,  O'Brien  ? "  replied  I ;  "  I  never  heard  of 


Why,  Peter,"  rejoined  he,  "  it's  the  stuff  they  feed fools 


on, 


Chapter  XXIX 

A  long  conversation  with  Mr  Chucks — The  advantage  of  having  a  prayer- 
book  in  your  pocket — We  run  down  the  trades — Swinburne,  the  quarter- 
master, and  his  yarns — The  Captain  falls  sick. 

The  next  day  the  captain  came  on  board  with  sealed  orders, 
with  directions  not  to  open  them  until  ofFUshant.  In  the 
afternoon,  we  weighed  and  made  sail.  It  was  a  fine 
northerly  wind,  and  the  Bay  of  Biscay  was  smooth.  We 
bore  up,  set  all  the  studding-sails,  and  ran  along  at  the 
rate  of  eleven  miles  an  hour.  As  I  could  not  appear  on 
the  quarter-deck,  I  was  put  down  on  the  sick-list.  Captain 
Savage,  who  was  very  particular,  asked  what  was  the 
matter  with  me.  The  surgeon  replied,  "  An  inflamed  eye." 
The  captain  asked  no  more  questions ;  and  I  took  care  to 
keep  out  of  his  way.  I  walked  in  the  evening  on  the 
forecastle,  when  I  renewed  my  intimacy  with  Mr  Chucks, 
the  boatswain,  to  whom  I  gave  a  full  narrative  of  all 
my  adventures  in  France.  "  I  have  been  ruminating,  Mr 
Simple,"  said  he,  "  how  such  a  stripling  as  you  could  have 
gone  through  so  much  fatigue,  and  now  I  know  how  it  is. 
It  is  blood,  Mr  Simple — all  blood — you  are  descended  from 
good  blood  ;  and  there's  as  much  difference  between  nobility 
and  the  lower  classes,  as  there  is  between  a  racer  and  a 
cart-horse." 

"  I  cannot  agree  with  you,  Mr  Chucks.    Common  people 


240  Peter  Simple 

are  quite  as  brave  as  those  who  are  well-born.  You  do  not 
mean  to  say  that  you  are  not  brave — that  the  seamen  on 
board  this  ship  are  not  brave  ?  " 

"  No,  no,  Mr  Simple ;  but  as  I  observed  about  myself, 
my  mother  was  a  woman  who  could  not  be  trusted,  and 
there  is  no  saying  who  was  my  father  j  and  she  was  a 
very  pretty  woman  to  boot,  which  levels  all  distinctions 
for  the  moment.  As  for  the  seamen,  God  knows,  I 
should  do  them  an  injustice  if  I  did  not  acknowledge  that 
they  were  as  brave  as  lions.  But  there  are  two  kinds  of 
bravery,  Mr  Simple — the  bravery  of  the  moment,  and  the 
courage  of  bearing  up  for  a  long  while.  Do  you  under- 
stand me  ? " 

"  I  think  I  do ;  but  still  do  not  agree  with  you.  Who 
will  bear  more  fatigue  than  our  sailors  ? " 

"  Yes,  yes,  Mr  Simple,  that  is  because  they  are  endured 
to  it  from  their  hard  life  :  but  if  the  common  sailors  were 
all  such  little  thread-papers  as  you,  and  had  been  brought 
up  so  carefully,  they  would  not  have  gone  through  all  you 
have.  That's  my  opinion,  Mr  Simple — there's  nothing  like 
blood." 

"I  think,  Mr  Chucks,  you  carry  your  ideas  on  that 
subject  too  far." 

"  I  do  not,  Mr  Simple ;  and  I  think,  moreover,  that  he 
who  has  more  to  lose  than  another  will  always  strive  more. 
Now  a  common  man  only  fights  for  his  own  credit ;  but 
when  a  man  is  descended  from  a  long  line  of  people  famous 
in  history,  and  has  a  coat  in  arms,  criss-crossed,  and  stuck 
all  over  with  lions  and  unicorns  to  support  the  dignity  of — 
why,  has  he  not  to  fight  for  the  credit  of  all  his  ancestors, 
whose  names  would  be  disgraced  if  he  didn't  behave  well  ? " 

"  I  agree  with  you,  Mr  Chucks,  in  the  latter  remark,  to 
a  certain  extent." 

U  Ah !  Mr  Simple,  we  never  know  the  value  of  good 
descent  when  we  have  it,  but  it's  when  we  cannot  get  it 
that  we  can  'predate  it.  I  wish  I  had  been  born  a  nobleman 
— I  do,  by  heavens !  "  and  Mr  Chucks  slapped  his  fist 
against  the  funnel,  so  as  to  make  it  ring  again.     "  Well, 


Peter  Simple  241 

Mr  Simple,"  continued  he,  after  a  pause,  "  it  is,  however,  a 
great  comfort  to  me  that  I  have  parted  company  with  that 
fool,  Mr  Muddle,  with  his  twenty-six  thousand  and  odd 
years,  and  that  old  woman,  Dispart,  the  gunner.  You 
don't  know  how  those  two  men  used  to  fret  me ;  it  was 
very  silly,  but  I  couldn't  help  it.  Now  the  warrant 
officers  of  this  ship  appear  to  be  very  respectable,  quiet 
men,  who  know  their  duty  and  attend  to  it,  and  are  not 
too  familiar,  which  I  hate  and  detest.  You  went  home  to 
your  friends,  of  course,  when  you  arrived  in  England  ? " 

"  I  did,  Mr  Chucks,  and  spent  some  days  with  my 
grandfather,  Lord  Privilege,  whom  you  say  you  once  met 
at  dinner." 

"  Well,  and  how  was  the  old  gentleman  ? "  inquired  the 
boatswain,  with  a  sigh. 

"  Very  well,  considering  his  age." 

"  Now  do,  pray,  Mr  Simple,  tell  me  all  about  it ;  from 
the  time  that  the  servants  met  you  at  the  door  until  you 
went  away.  Describe  to  me  the  house  and  all  the  rooms, 
for  I  like  to  hear  of  all  these  things,  although  I  can  never 
see  them  again." 

To  please  Mr  Chucks,  I  entered  into  a  full  detail,  which 
he  listened  to  very  attentively,  until  it  was  late,  and  then 
with  difficulty  would  he  permit  me  to  leave  off,  and  go 
down  to  my  hammock.  The  next  day,  rather  a  singular 
circumstance  occurred.  One  of  the  midshipmen  was  mast- 
headed by  the  second  lieutenant,  for  not  waiting  on  deck 
until  he  was  relieved.  He  was  down  below  when  he  was 
sent  for,  and  expecting  to  be  punished  from  what  the 
quarter-master  told  him,  he  thrust  the  first  book  into  his 
jacket-pocket  which  he  could  lay  his  hand  on,  to  amuse 
himself  at  the  mast-head,  and  then  ran  on  deck.  As  he 
surmised,  he  was  immediately  ordered  aloft.  He  had  not 
been  there  more  than  five  minutes,  when  a  sudden  squall 
carried  away  the  main-top-gallant  mast,  and  away  he  went 
flying  over  to  leeward  (for  the  wind  had  shifted,  and  the 
yards  were  now  braced  up).  Had  he  gone  overboard,  as 
he  could  not  swim,  he  would,  in  all  probability,  have  been 
1.  c. 


242  Peter  Simple 

drowned ;  but  the  book  in  his  pocket  brought  him  up  in 
the  jaws  of  the  fore-brace  block,  where  he  hung  until 
taken  out  by  the  main-topmen.  Now  it  so  happened  that 
it  was  a  prayer-book  which  he  had  laid  hold  of  in  his 
hurry,  and  those  who  were  superstitious  declared  it  was 
all  owing  to  his  having  taken  a  religious  book  with  him. 
I  did  not  think  so,  as  any  other  book  would  have  answered 
the  purpose  quite  as  well :  still  the  midshipman  himself 
thought  so,  and  it  was  productive  of  good,  as  he  was  a  sad 
scamp,  and  behaved  much  better  afterwards.  But  I  had 
nearly  forgotten  to  mention  a  circumstance  which  occurred 
on  the  day  of  our  sailing,  which  will  be  eventually  found 
to  have  had  a  great  influence  upon  my  after  life.  It  was 
this.  I  received  a  letter  from  my  father,  evidently  written 
in  great  vexation  and  annoyance,  informing  me  that  my 
uncle,  whose  wife  I  have  already  mentioned  had  two 
daughters,  and  was  again  expected  to  be  confined,  had 
suddenly  broken  up  his  housekeeping,  discharged  every 
servant,  and  proceeded  to  Ireland  under  an  assumed  name. 
No  reason  had  been  given  for  this  unaccountable  proceed- 
ing ;  and  not  even  my  grandfather,  or  any  of  the  members 
of  the  family,  had  had  notice  of  his  intention.  Indeed,  it 
was  by  mere  accident  that  his  departure  was  discovered, 
about  a  fortnight  after  it  had  taken  place.  My  father  had 
taken  a  great  deal  of  pains  to  find  out  where  he  was 
residing ;  but  although  my  uncle  was  traced  to  Cork, 
from  that  town  all  clue  was  lost,  but  still  it  was  supposed, 
from  inquiries,  that  he  was  not  very  far  from  thence. 
"Now,"  observed  my  father,  in  his  letter,  "I  cannot  help 
surmising,  that  my  brother,  in  his  anxiety  to  retain  the 
advantages  of  the  title  to  his  own  family,  has  resolved  to 
produce  to  the  world  a  spurious  child  as  his  own,  by  some 
contrivance  or  other.  His  wife's  health  is  very  bad,  and 
she  is  not  likely  to  have  a  large  family.  Should  the  one 
now  expected  prove  a  daughter,  there  is  little  chance  of 
his  ever  having  another ;  and  I  have  no  hesitation  in 
declaring  my  conviction  that  the  measure  has  been  taken 
with  a  view  of  defrauding  you  of  your  chance  of  eventually 
being  called  to  the  House  of  Lords." 


Peter  Simple  243 

I  showed  this  letter  to  O'Brien,  who,  after  reading  it 
over  two  or  three  times,  gave  his  opinion  that  my  father 
was  right  in  his  conjectures  "Depend  upon  it,  Peter, 
there's  foul  play  intended,  that  is,  if  foul  play  is  rendered 
necessary." 

"  But,  O'Brien,  I  cannot  imagine  why,  if  my  uncle  has 
no  son  of  his  own,  he  should  prefer  acknowledging  a  son 
of  any  other  person's,  instead  of  his  own  nephew." 

"  But  I  can,  Peter  :  your  uncle  is  not  a  man  likely  to  live 
very  long,  as  you  know.  The  doctors  say  that,  with  his 
short  neck,  his  life  is  not  worth  two  years'  purchase. 
Now  if  he  had  a  son,  consider  that  his  daughters  would  be 
much  better  off,  and  much  more  likely  to  get  married  ; 
besides,  there  are  many  reasons  which  I  won't  talk  about 
now,  because  it's  no  use  making  you  think  your  uncle  to  be 
a  scoundrel.  But  I'll  tell  you  what  I'll  do.  I'll  go  down 
to  my  cabin  directly,  and  write  to  Father  M'Grath,  telling 
him  the  whole  affair,  and  desiring  him  to  ferret  him  out, 
and  watch  him  narrowly,  and  I'll  bet  you  a  dozen  of  claret, 
that  in  less  than  a  week  he'll  find  him  out,  and  will  dog 
him  to  the  last.  He'll  get  hold  of  his  Irish  servants,  and 
you  little  know  the  power  that  a  priest  has  in  our  country. 
Now  give  the  description  as  well  as  you  can  of  your  uncle's 
appearance,  also  of  that  of  his  wife,  and  the  number  of 
their  family,  and  their  ages.  Father  M'Grath  must  have 
all  particulars,  and  then  let  him  alone  for  doing  what  is 
needful." 

I  complied  with  O'Brien's  directions  as  well  as  I  could, 
and  he  wrote  a  very  long  letter  to  Father  M'Grath,  which 
was  sent  on  shore  by  a  careful  hand.  I  answered  my 
father's  letter,  and  then  thought  no  more  about  the  matter. 

Our  sealed  orders  were  opened,  and  proved  our  destina- 
tion to  be  the  West  Indies,  as  we  expected.  We  touched 
at  Madeira  to  take  in  some  wine  for  the  ship's  company  ; 
but  as  we  only  remained  one  day,  we  were  not  permitted 
to  go  on  shore.  Fortunate  indeed  would  it  have  been  if 
we  had  never  gone  there  ;  for  the  day  after,  our  captain, 
who  had  dined  with  the  consul,  was  taken  alarmingly  ill. 


244  Peter  Simple 

From  the  symptoms,  the  surgeon  dreaded  that  he  had  been 
poisoned  by  something  which  he  had  eaten,  and  which  most 
probably  had  been  cooked  in  a  copper  vessel  not  properly 
tinned.  We  were  all  very  anxious  that  he  should  recover  ; 
but,  on  the  contrary,  he  appeared  to  grow  worse  and  worse 
every  day,  wasting  away,  and  dying,  as  they  say,  by  inches. 
At  last  he  was  put  into  his  cot,  and  never  rose  from  it 
again.  This  melancholy  circumstance,  added  to  the  know- 
ledge that  we  were  proceeding  to  an  unhealthy  climate, 
Caused  a  gloom  throughout  the  ship ;  and,  although  the 
trade  wind  carried  us  along  bounding  over  the  bright  blue 
sea — although  the  weather  was  now  warm,  yet  not  too 
warm — although  the  sun  rose  in  splendour,  and  all  was 
beautiful  and  cheering,  the  state  of  the  captain's  health  was 
a  check  to  all  mirth.  Every  one  trod  the  deck  softly,  and 
spoke  in  a  low  voice,  that  he  might  not  be  disturbed  ;  all 
were  anxious  to  have  the  morning  report  of  the  surgeon, 
and  our  conversation  was  generally  upon  the  sickly  climate, 
the  yellow  fever,  of  death,  and  the  palisades  where  they 
buried  us.  Swinburne,  the  quarter-master,  was  in  my 
watch,  and  as  he  had  been  long  in  the  West  Indies,  I  used 
to  obtain  all  the  information  from  him  that  I  could.  The 
old  fellow  had  a  secret  pleasure  in  frightening  me  as  much 
as  he  could.  "  Really,  Mr  Simple,  you  ax  so  many  ques- 
tions," he  would  say,  as  I  accosted  him  while  he  was  at  his 
station  at  the  conn,  "  I  wish  you  wouldn't  ax  so  many 
questions,  and  make  yourself  uncomfortable — '  steady  so ' 
— '  steady  it  is  ; ' — with  regard  to  Yellow  Jack,  as  we  calls 
the  yellow  fever,  it's  a  devil  incarnate,  that's  sartain — 
you're  well  and  able  to  take  your  allowance  in  the  morning, 
and  dead  as  a  herring  'fore  night.  First  comes  a  bit  of  a 
head-ache — you  goes  to  the  doctor,  who  bleeds  you  like  a 
pig — then  you  go  out  of  your  senses — then  up  comes  the 
black  vomit,  and  then  it's  all  over  with  you,  and  you  go  to 
the  land  crabs,  who  pick  your  bones  as  clean  and  as  white 
as  a  sea  elephant's  tooth.  But  there  be  one  thing  to  be 
said  in  favour  of  Yellow  Jack,  a'ter  all.  You  dies  straight, 
like  a  gentleman — not  cribbled  up  like  a  snow-fish,  chucked 


Peter  Simple  245 

out  on  the  ice  of  the  river  St  Lawrence,  with  your  knees 
up  to  your  nose,  or  your  toes  stuck  into  your  arm-pits,  as 
does  take  place  in  some  of  your  foreign  complaints  ;  but 
straight,  quite  straight,  and  limber,  like  a  gentleman.  Still 
Jack  is  a  little  mischievous,  that's  sartain.  In  the  Euridiscy 
we  had  as  fine  a  ship's  company  as  was  ever  piped  aloft — 
■  Steady,  starboard,  my  man,  you're  half-a-pint  off  your 
course  ; ' — we  dropped  our  anchor  in  Port  Royal,  and 
we  thought  that  there  was  mischief  brewing,  for  thirty- 
eight  sharks  followed  the  ship  into  the  harbour,  and 
played  about  us  day  and  night.  I  used  to  watch  them 
during  the  night  watch,  as  their  fins,  above  water, 
skimmed  along,  leaving  a  trail  of  light  behind  them ; 
and  the  second  night  I  said  to  the  sentry  abaft,  as  I  was 
looking  at  them  smelling  under  the  counter — '  Soldier,' 
says  I,  *  them  sharks  are  mustering  under  the  orders  of 
Yellow  Jack,'  and  I  no  sooner  mentioned  Yellow  Jack, 
than  the  sharks  gave  a  frisky  plunge,  every  one  of  them, 
as  much  as  to  say,  '  Yes,  so  we  are,  d — n  your  eyes.'  The 
soldier  was  so  frightened  that  he  would  have  fallen  over- 
board, if  I  hadn't  caught  him  by  the  scruff  of  the  neck,  for 
he  was  standing  on  the  top  of  the  taffrail.  As  it  was,  he 
dropped  his  musket  over  the  stern,  which  the  sharks  dashed 
at  from  every  quarter,  making  the  sea  look  like  fire — and 
he  had  it  charged  to  his  wages,  JT I  16s.  I  think.  However, 
the  fate  of  his  musket  gave  him  an  idea  of  what  would 
have  happened  to  him  if  he  had  fallen  in  instead  of  it — and 
he  never  got  on  the  tarTrail  again.  '  Steady,  port — mind 
your  helm,  Smith — you  can  listen  to  my  yarn  all  the  same.' 
Well,  Mr  Simple,  Yellow  Jack  came,  sure  enough.  First 
the  purser  was  called  to  account  for  all  his  roguery.  We 
didn't  care  much  about  the  land  crabs  eating  him,  who  had 
made  so  many  poor  dead  men  chew  tobacco,  cheating  their 
wives  and  relations,  or  Greenwich  Hospital,  as  it  might 
happen.  Then  went  two  of  the  middies,  just  about  your 
age,  Mr  Simple :  they,  poor  fellows,  went  off  in  a  sad 
hurry  ;  then  went  the  master — and  so  it  went  on,  till  at 
last  we  had  no  more  nor  sixty  men  left  in  the  ship.     The 


246  Peter  Simple 

captain  died  last,  and  then  Yellow  Jack  had  filled  his  maw, 
and  left  the  rest  of  us  alone.  As  soon  as  the  captain  died, 
all  the  sharks  left  the  ship,  and  we  never  saw  any  more  of 
them." 

Such  were  the  yarns  told  to  me  and  the  other  midship- 
men during  the  night  watches  ;  and  I  can  assure  the  reader, 
that  they  gave  us  no  small  alarm.  Every  day  that  we 
worked  our  day's  work,  and  found  ourselves  so  much 
nearer  to  the  islands,  did  we  feel  as  if  we  were  so  much 
nearer  to  our  graves.  I  once  spoke  to  O'Brien  about  it, 
and  he  laughed.  "  Peter,"  says  he,  "  fear  kills  more  people 
than  the  yellow  fever,  or  any  other  complaint,  in  the  West 
Indies.  Swinburne  is  an  old  rogue,  and  only  laughing  at 
you.  The  devil's  not  half  so  blackf  as  he's  painted — nor 
the  yellow  fever  half  so  yellow,  I  presume."  We  were 
now  fast  nearing  the  island  of  Barbadoes,  the  weather  was 
beautiful,  the  wind  always  fair  j  the  flying  fish  rose  in 
shoals,  startled  by  the  foaming  seas,  which  rolled  away, 
and  roared  from  the  bows  as  our  swift  frigate  cleaved 
through  the  water ;  the  porpoises  played  about  us  in  thou- 
sands— the  bonetas  and  dolphins  at  one  time  chased  the 
flying  fish,  and  at  others,  appeared  to  be  delighted  in 
keeping  company  with  the  rapid  vessel.  Everything  was 
beautiful,  and  we  all  should  have  been  happy,  had  it  not 
been  for  the  state  of  Captain  Savage,  in  the  first  place,  who 
daily  became  worse  and  worse,  and  from  the  dread  of  the 
hell,  which  we  were  about  to  enter  through  such  a  watery 
paradise.  Mr  Falcon,  who  was  in  command,  was  grave 
and  thoughtful ;  he  appeared  indeed  to  be  quite  miserable 
at  the  chance  which  would  insure  his  own  promotion.  In 
every  attention,  and  every  care  that  could  be  taken  to  insure 
quiet  and  afford  relief  to  the  captain,  he  was  unremitting ; 
the  offence  of  making  a  noise  was  now,  with  him,  a  greater 
crime  than  drunkenness,  or  even  mutiny.  When  within 
three  days'  sail  of  Barbadoes,  it  fell  almost  calm,  and  the 
captain  became  much  worse ;  and  now  for  the  first  time 
did  we  behold  the  great  white  shark  of  the  Atlantic. 
There  are  several  kinds  of  sharks,  but  the  most  dangerous 


Peter  Simple  247 

are  the  great  white  shark  and  the  ground  shark.  The 
former  grows  to  an  enormous  length — the  latter  is  seldom 
very  long,  not  more  than  twelve  feet,  but  spreads  to  a  great 
breadth.  We  could  not  hook  the  sharks  as  they  played 
around  us,  for  Mr  Falcon  would  not  permit  it,  lest  the 
noise  of  hauling  them  on  board  should  disturb  the  captain. 
A  breeze  again  sprang  up.  In  two  days  we  were  close  to 
the  island,  and  the  men  were  desired  to  look  out  for  the 
land. 


Chapter    XXX 

Death  ef  Captain  Savage — His  funeral — Specimen  of  true  Barbadian  born — 
Sucking  the  monkey — Effects  of  a  hurricane. 

The  next  morning,  having  hove-to  part  of  the  night,  land  was 
discovered  on  the  bow,  and  was  reported  by  the  mast-head 
man  at  the  same  moment  that  the  surgeon  came  up  and  an- 
nounced the  death  of  our  noble  captain.  Although  it  had 
been  expected  for  the  last  two  or  three  days,  the  intelligence 
created  a  heavy  gloom  throughout  the  ship ;  the  men  worked 
in  silence,  and  spoke  to  one  another  in  whispers.  Mr  Falcon 
was  deeply  affected,  and  so  were  we  all.  In  the  course  of  the 
morning,  we  ran  in  to  the  island,  and  unhappy  as  I  was, 
I  never  can  forget  the  sensation  of  admiration  which  I  felt 
on  closing  with  Needham  Point  to  enter  Carlisle  Bay. 
The  beach  of  such  a  pure  dazzling  white,  backed  by  the 
tall,  green  cocoa-nut  trees,  waving  their  spreading  heads 
to  the  fresh  breeze,  the  dark  blue  of  the  sky,  and  the 
deeper  blue  of  the  transparent  sea,  occasionally  varied 
into  green  as  we  passed  by  the  coral  rocks  which  threw 
their  branches  out  from  the  bottom — the  town  opening  to 
our  view  by  degrees,  houses  after  houses,  so  neat,  with 
their  green  jalousies,  dotting  the  landscape,  the  fort  with 
the  colours  flying,  troops  of  officers  riding  down,  a  busy 
population  of  all  colours,  relieved  by  the  whiteness  of 
their  dress.     Altogether  the  scene  realised  my  first  ideas 


248  Peter  Simple 

of  Fairyland,  for  I  thought  I  had  never  witnessed  anything 
so  beautiful.  "  And  can  this  be  such  a  dreadful  place  as  it 
is  described  ?  "  thought  I.  The  sails  were  clewed  up,  the 
anchor  was  dropped  to  the  bottom,  and  a  salute  from  the 
ship,  answered  by  the  forts,  added  to  the  effect  of  the  scene. 
The  sails  were  furled,  the  boats  lowered  down,  the  boat- 
swain squared  the  yards  from  the  jolly-boat  ahead.  Mr 
Falcon  dressed,  and  his  boat  being  manned,  went  on  shore 
with  the  despatches.  Then,  as  soon  as  the  work  was  over, 
a  new  scene  of  delight  presented  itself  to  the  sight  of  mid- 
shipmen who  had  been  so  long  upon  his  Majesty's 
allowance.  These  were  the  boats,  which  crowded  round 
the  ship,  loaded  with  baskets  of  bananas,  oranges,  shad- 
docks, soursops,  and  every  other  kind  of  tropical  fruit, 
fried  flying  fish,  eggs,  fowls,  milk,  and  everything  which 
could  tempt  a  poor  boy  after  a  long  sea  voyage.  The 
watch  being  called,  down  we  all  hastened  into  the  boats, 
and  returned  loaded  with  treasures,  which  we  soon 
contrived  to  make  disappear.  After  stowing  away  as 
much  fruit  as  would  have  sufficed  for  a  dessert  to  a 
dinner  given  to  twenty  people  in  England,  I  returned  on 
deck. 

There  was  no  other  man-of-war  in  the  bay ;  but  my 
attention  was  directed  to  a  beautiful  little  vessel,  a 
schooner,  whose  fairy  form  contrasted  strongly  with  a 
"West  India  trader  which  lay  close  to  her.  All  of  a  sudden, 
as  I  was  looking  at  her  beautiful  outline,  a  yell  rose  from 
her  which  quite  startled  me,  and  immediately  afterwards 
her  deck  was  covered  with  nearly  two  hundred  naked 
figures  with  woolly  heads,  chattering  and  grinning  at  each 
other.  She  was  a  Spanish  slaver,  which  had  been 
captured,  and  had  arrived  the  evening  before.  The  slaves 
were  still  on  board,  waiting  the  orders  of  the  governor. 
They  had  been  on  deck  about  ten  minutes,  when  three  or 
four  men,  with  large  panama  straw  hats  on  their  heads, 
and  long  rattans  in  their  hands,  jumped  upon  the  gunnel, 
and  in  a  few  seconds  drove  them  all  down  below.  I  then 
turned  round,  and  observed  a  black  woman  who  had  just 


Peter  Simple  249 

climbed  up  the  side  of  the  frigate.  O'Brien  was  on  deck, 
and  she  walked  up  to  him  in  the  most  consequential 
manner. 

"  How  do  you  do,  sar  ?  Very  happy  you  com  back 
again,"  said  she  to  O'Brien. 

"  I'm  very  well,  I  thank  you,  ma'am,"  replied  O'Brien, 
"  and  I  hope  to  go  back  the  same  ;  but  never  having  put 
my  foot  into  this  bay  before,  you  have  the  advantage 
of  me." 

"  Nebber  here  before,  so  help  me  Gad  !  me  tink  I 
know  you — me  tink  I  recollect  your  handsome  face — I 
Lady  Rodney,  sar.  Ah,  piccaninny  buccra  !  how  you  do  ?  " 
said  she,  turning  round  to  me.  "  Me  hope  to  hab  the 
honour  to  wash  for  you,  sar,"  courtesy ing  to  O'Brien. 

"  What  do  you  charge  in  this  place  ?  " 

"  All  the  same  price,  one  bit  a  piece." 

"  What  do  you  call  a  bit  ?  "  inquired  I. 

"  A  bit,  lilly  massa  ? — what  you  call  um  bit?  Dem  four 
sharp  shins  to  a  pictareen." 

Our  deck  was  now  enlivened  by  several  army  officers, 
besides  gentlemen  residents,  who  came  off  to  hear  the 
news.  Invitations  to  the  mess  and  to  the  houses  of  the 
gentlemen  followed,  and  as  they  departed  Mr  Falcon  re- 
turned on  board.  He  told  O'Brien  and  the  other  officers, 
that  the  admiral  and  squadron  were  expected  in  a  few 
days,  and  that  we  were  to  remain  in  Carlisle  Bay  and  refit 
immediately.  But  although  the  fright  about  the  yellow 
fever  had  considerably  subsided  in  our  breasts,  the 
remembrance  that  our  poor  captain  was  lying  dead  in 
the  cabin  was  constantly  obtruding.  All  that  night 
the  carpenters  were  up  making  up  his  coffin,  for  he 
was  to  be  buried  the  next  day.  The  body  is  never 
allowed  to  remain  many  hours  unburied  in  the  tropical 
climates,  where  putrefaction  is  so  rapid.  The  following 
morning  the  men  were  up  at  daylight,  washing  the 
decks  and  putting  the  ship  in  order ;  they  worked 
willingly,  and  yet  with  a  silent  decorum  which  showed 
what  their  feelings  were.     Never  were  the  decks  better 


250  Peter  Simple 

cleaned,  never  were  the  ropes  more  carefully  flemished 
down ;  the  hammocks  were  stowed  in  their  white  cloths, 
the  yards  carefully  squared,  and  the  ropes  hauled  taut. 
At  eight  o'clock,  the  colours  and  pennant  were  hoisted 
half-mast  high.  The  men  were  then  ordered  down  to 
breakfast,  and  to  clean  themselves.  During  the  time  that 
the  men  were  at  breakfast,  all  the  officers  went  into  the 
cabin  to  take  a  last  farewell  look  at  our  gallant  captain. 
He  appeared  to  have  died  without  pain,  and  there  was  a 
beautiful  tranquillity  in  his  face ;  but  even  already  a 
change  had  taken  place,  and  we  perceived  the  necessity  of 
his  being  buried  so  soon.  We  saw  him  placed  in  his 
coffin,  and  then  quitted  the  cabin  without  speaking  to 
each  other.  When  the  coffin  was  nailed  down,  it  was 
brought  up  by  the  barge's  crew  to  the  quarter-deck,  and 
laid  upon  the  gratings  amidships,  covered  over  with  the 
Union  Jack.  The  men  came  up  from  below  without 
waiting  for  the  pipe,  and  a  solemnity  appeared  to  pervade 
every  motion.  Order  and  quiet  were  universal,  out  of 
respect  to  the  deceased.  When  the  boats  were  ordered 
to  be  manned,  the  men  almost  appeared  to  steal  into  them. 
The  barge  received  the  coffin,  which  was  placed  in  the 
stern  sheets.  The  other  boats  then  hauled  up,  and 
received  the  officers,  marines,  and  sailors,  who  were  to 
follow  the  procession.  When  all  was  ready,  the  barge 
was  shoved  off  by  the  bow-men,  the  crew  dropped  their 
oars  into  the  water  without  a  splash  and  pulled  the  minute 
stroke:  the  other  boats  followed,  and  as  soon  as  they  were 
clear  of  the  ship,  the  minute  guns  boomed  along  the 
smooth  surface  of  the  bay  from  the  opposite  side  of  the 
ship,  while  the  yards  were  topped  to  starboard  and  to  port, 
the  ropes  were  slackened  and  hung  in  bights,  so  as  to  give 
the  idea  of  distress  and  neglect.  At  the  same  time,  a 
dozen  or  more  of  the  men  who  had  been  ready,  dropped 
over  the  sides  of  the  ship  in  differents  parts,  and  with 
their  cans  of  paint  and  brushes  in  a  few  minutes  effaced 
the  whole  of  the  broad  white  riband  which  marked  the 
beautiful  run  of  the  frigate,  and  left  her  all  black  and  in 


Peter  Simple  251 

deep  mourning.  The  guns  from  the  forts  now  responded 
to  our  own.  The  merchant  ships  lowered  their  colours, 
and  the  men  stood  up  respectfully  with  their  hats  off,  as 
the  procession  moved  slowly  to  the  landing-place.  The 
coffin  was  borne  to  the  burial-ground  by  the  crew  of  the 
barge,  followed  by  Mr  Falcon  as  chief  mourner,  all  the 
officers  of  the  ship  who  could  be  spared,  one  hundred  of 
the  seamen  walking  two  and  two,  and  the  marines  with 
their  arms  reversed.  The  cortege  was  joined  by  the  army 
officers,  while  the  troops  lined  the  streets,  and  the  bands 
played  the  Dead  March.  The  service  was  read,  the 
volleys  were  fired  over  the  grave,  and  with  oppressed 
feelings  we  returned  to  the  boats,  and  pulled  on  board.  It 
then  appeared  to  me,  and  to  a  certain  degree  I  was  correct, 
that  as  soon  as  we  had  paid  our  last  respect  to  his  remains, 
we  had  also  forgotten  our  grief.  The  yards  were  again 
squared,  the  ropes  hauled  taut,  working  dresses  resumed, 
and  all  was  activity  and  bustle.  The  fact  is,  that  sailors 
and  soldiers  have  no  time  for  lamentation,  and  running  as 
they  do  from  clime  to  clime,  so  does  scene  follow  scene 
in  the  same  variety  and  quickness.  In  a  day  or  two,  the 
captain  appeared  to  be,  although  he  was  not,  forgotten. 
Our  first  business  was  to  water  the  ship  by  rafting  and 
towing  off  the  casks.  I  was  in  charge  of  the  boat  again, 
with  Swinburne  as  coxswain.  As  we  pulled  in,  there 
were  a  number  of  negroes  bathing  in  the  surf,  bobbing 
their  woolly  heads  under  it,  as  it  rolled  into  the  beach. 
"  Now,  Mr  Simple,"  said  Swinburne,  "  see  how  I'll  make 
them  niggers  scamper."  He  then  stood  up  in  the  stern 
sheets,  and  pointing  with  his  finger,  roared  out,  "  A 
shark !  a  shark  ! "  Away  started  all  the  bathers  for  the 
beach,  puffing  and  blowing,  from  their  dreaded  enemy ; 
nor  did  they  stop  to  look  for  him  until  they  were  high 
and  dry  out  of  his  reach.  Then,  when  we  all  laughed, 
they  called  us  "  all  the  hangman  tiefs?  and  every  other 
opprobrious  name  which  they  could  select  from  their 
vocabulary.  I  was  very  much  amused  with  this  scene, 
and  as  much  afterwards  with  the  negroes  who  crowded 


252  Peter  Simple 

round  us  when  we  landed.  They  appeared  such  merry 
fellows,  always  laughing,  chattering,  singing,  and  shov/ing 
their  white  teeth.  One  fellow  danced  round  us,  snapping 
his  fingers,  and  singing  songs  without  beginning  or  end. 
"  Eh,  massa,  what  you  say  now  ?  Me  no  slave — true 
Barbadian  born,  sir.     Eh  ! 

**  Nebba  see  de  day 
Dat  Rodney  run  away, 

Nebba  see  urn  night 
Dat  Rodney  cannot  fight. 

Massa  me  free  man,  sar.  Suppose  you  give  me  pictareen, 
drink  massa  health. 

"  Nebba  see  de  day,  boy, 
Pompey  lickum  de  Caesar. 

Eh !  and  you  nebba  see  de  day  dat  de  Grasshopper  run  on 
de  Warrington." 

"  Out  of  the  way,  you  nigger,"  cried  one  of  the  men 
who  was  rolling  down  a  cask. 

"  Eh !  who  you  call  nigger  ?  Me  free  man,  and  true 
Barbadian  born.     Go  along  you  man-of-war  man. 

"  Man-of-war,  buccra, 
Man-of-war,  buccra, 
He  de  boy  for  me  ; 
Sodger,  buccra, 
Sodger,  buccra, 
Nebba,  nebba  do, 
Nebba,  nebba  do  for  me ; 
Sodger  give  me  one  shilling, 
Sailor  give  me  two. 

Massa,  now  suppose  you  give  me  only  one  pictareen  now. 
You  really  handsome  young  gentleman." 

"Now,  just  walk  ofF,"  said  Swinburne,  lifting  up  a 
stick  he  found  on  the  beach. 

"Eh!  walk  off. 

"  Nebba  see  de  day,  boy, 
'Badian  run  away,  boy. 

Go,  do  your  work,  sar.  Why  you  talk  to  me  ?  Go, 
work,  sar.     I  free  man,  and  real  Barbadian  born. 


Peter  Simple  15$ 

"  Negro  on  de  shore 
See  de  ship  come  in, 
De  buccra  come  on  shore, 
Wid  de  hand  up  to  the  chin  }■ 
Man-of-war  buccra, 
Man-of-war  buccra, 
He  de  boy  for  me, 
Man-of-war,  buccra, 
Man-of-war,  buccra, 
Gib  pictareen  to  me." 

At  this  moment  my  attention  was  directed  to  another 
negro,  who  lay  on  the  beach  rolling  and  foaming  at  the 
mouth,  apparently  in  a  fit.  "  What's  the  matter  with  that 
fellow  ? "  said  I  to  the  same  negro  who  continued  close  to 
me,  notwithstanding  Swinburne's  stick.  "  Eh !  call  him 
Sam  Slack,  massa.  He  ab  um  tic  tic  fit."  And  such  was 
apparently  the  case.  "Stop,  me  cure  him;"  and  he 
snatched  the  stick  out  of  Swinburne's  hand,  and  running 
up  to  the  man,  who  continued  to  roll  on  the  beach,  com- 
menced belabouring  him  without  mercy.  "  Eh,  Sambo  !  " 
cried  he  at  last,  quite  out  of  breath,  "you  no  better  yet — 
try  again."  He  recommenced,  until  at  last  the  man  got  up 
and  ran  away  as  fast  as  he  could.  Now,  whether  the  man 
was  shamming,  or  whether  it  was  real  tic  tic,  or  epileptic  fit, 
I  know  not ;  but  I  never  heard  of  such  a  cure  for  it  before. 
I  threw  the  fellow  half  a  pictareen,  as  much  for  the  amuse- 
ment he  had  afforded  me  as  to  get  rid  of  him.  "  Tanky, 
massa ;  now  man-of-war  man,  here  de  tick  for  you  again 
to  keep  off  all  the  dam  niggers."  So  saying,  he  handed  the 
stick  to  Swinburne,  made  a  polite  bow,  and  departed.  We 
were,  however,  soon  surrounded  by  others,  particularly 
some  dingy  ladies  with  baskets  of  fruit,  and  who,  as  they 
said,  "  sell  ebery  ting."  I  perceived  that  my  sailors  were 
very  fond  of  cocoa-nut  milk,  which,  being  a  harmless 
beverage,  I  did  not  object  to  their  purchasing  from  these 
ladies,  who  had  chiefly  cocoa-nuts  in  their  baskets.  As  I 
had  never  tasted  it,  I  asked  them  what  it  was,  and  bought 
a  cocoa-nut.  I  selected  the  largest.  "  No,  massa,  dat  not 
good  for  you.  Better  one  for  buccra  officer."  I  then 
selected  another,  but  the  same  objection  was  made.    "  No, 


254  Peter  Simple 

massa,  dis  very  fine  milk.  Very  good  for  de  tomac."  I 
drank  off  the  milk  from  the  holes  on  the  top  of  the  cocoa- 
nut,  and  found  it  very  refreshing.  As  for  the  sailors,  they 
appeared  very  fond  of  it  indeed.  But  I  very  soon  found 
that  if  good  for  de  tomac,  it  was  not  very  good  for  the 
head,  as  my  men,  instead  of  rolling  the  casks,  began  to 
roll  themselves  in  all  directions,  and  when  it  was  time  to 
go  off  to  dinner,  most  of  them  were  dead  drunk  at  the 
bottom  of  the  boat.  They  insisted  that  it  was  the  sun 
which  affected  them.  Very  hot  it  certainly  was,  and  I 
believed  them  at  first,  when  they  were  only  giddy  j  but  I 
was  convinced  to  the  contrary  when  I  found  that  they 
became  insensible  ;  yet  how  they  had  procured  the  liquor 
was  to  me  a  mystery.  When  I  came  on  board,  Mr  Falcon, 
who,  although  acting  captain,  continued  his  duties  as  first 
lieutenant  almost  as  punctually  as  before,  asked  how  it  was 
that  I  had  allowed  my  men  to  get  so  tipsy.  I  assured  him 
that  I  could  not  tell,  that  I  had  never  allowed  one  to  leave 
the  watering-place,  or  to  buy  any  liquor :  the  only  thing 
that  they  had  to  drink  was  a  little  cocoa-nut  milk,  which, 
as  it  was  so  very  hot,  I  thought  there  could  be  no  objection 
to.  Mr  Falcon  smiled  and  said,  "  Mr  Simple,  I'm  an  old 
stager  in  the  West  Indies,  and  I'll  let  you  into  a  secret. 
Do  you  know  what  '  sucking  the  monkey*  means  ?"  "No, 
sir."  "  Well,  then,  I'll  tell  you  ;  it  is  a  term  used  among 
seamen  for  drinking  rum  out  of  cocoa-nuts,  the  milk  having 
been  poured  out,  and  the  liquor  substituted.  Now  do  you 
comprehend  why  your  men  are  tipsy  ? "  I  stared  with  all 
my  eyes,  for  it  never  would  have  entered  into  my  head ; 
and  I  then  perceived  why  it  was  that  the  black  woman 
would  not  give  me  the  first  cocoa-nuts  which  I  selected. 
I  told  Mr  Falcon  of  this  circumstance,  who  replied, 
"Well,  it  was  not  your  fault,  only  you  must  not  forget  it 
another  time." 

It  was  my  first  watch  that  night,  and  Swinburne  was 
quarter-master  on  deck.  "  Swinburne,"  said  I,  "  you 
have  often  been  in  the  West  Indies  before,  why  did  you 
not  tell  me  that  the  men  were  '  sucking  the  monkey '  when 


Peter  Simple  155 

I  thought  that  they  were  only  drinking  cocoa-nut 
milk  ? " 

Swinburne  chuckled,  and  answered,  "Why,  Mr  Simple, 
d'ye  see,  it  didn't  become  me  as  a  ship-mate  to  peach. 
It's  but  seldom  that  a  poor  fellow  has  an  opportunity  of 
making  himself  a  '  little  happy,'  and  it  would  not  be  fair 
to  take  away  the  chance.  I  suppose  you'll  never  let  them 
have  cocoa-nut  milk  again  ? " 

"  No,  that  I  will  not ;  but  I  cannot  imagine  what 
pleasure  they  can  find  in  getting  so  tipsy." 

"  It's  merely  because  they  are  not  allowed  to  be  so, 
sir.     That's  the  whole  story  in  few  words." 

"Well,  I  think  I  could  cure  them  if  I  were  permitted 
to  try." 

"  I  should  like  to  hear  how  you'd  manage  that,  Mr 
Simple." 

"  Why,  I  would  oblige  a  man  to  drink  off  a  half  pint 
of  liquor,  and  then  put  him  by  himself.  I  would  not 
allow  him  companions  to  make  merry  with  so  as  to 
make  a  pleasure  of  intoxication.  I  would  then  wait  until 
next  morning  when  he  was  sober,  and  leave  him  alone 
with  a  racking  headache  until  the  evening,  when  I  would 
give  him  another  dose,  and  so  on,  forcing  him  to  get 
drunk  until  he  hated  the  smell  of  liquor." 

"Well,  Mr  Simple,  it  might  do  with  some,  but  many 
of  our  chaps  would  require  the  dose  you  mention  to  be 
repeated  pretty  often  before  it  would  effect  a  cure ;  and 
what's  more,  they'd  be  very  willing  patients,  and  make 
no  wry  faces  at  their  physic." 

"  Well,  that  might  be,  but  it  would  cure  them  at  last. 
But  tell  me,  Swinburne,  were  you  ever  in  a  hurricane  ? " 

"  I've  been  in  everything,  Mr  Simple,  I  believe,  except 
at  school,  and  I  never  had  no  time  to  go  there.  Do 
you  see  that  battery  at  Needham  Point  ?  Well,  in  the 
hurricane  of  '82,  them  same  guns  were  whirled  away  by 
the  wind,  right  over  to  this  point  here  on  the  opposite 
side,  the  sentries  in  their  sentry-boxes  after  them.  Some 
of  the  soldiers  who  faced  the  wind  had  their  teeth  blown 


2 $6  Peter  Simple 

down  their  throats  like  broken  'baccy-pipes,  others  had 
their  heads  turned  round  like  dog  vanes,  'cause  they 
waited  for  orders  to  the  '  right  about  face?  and  the  whole 
air  was  full  of  young  niggers  blowing  about  like  peelings 
of  ingons." 

<*  You  don't  suppose  I  believe  all  this,  Swinburne  ? " 

"  That's  as  may  be,  Mr  Simple,  but  I've  told  the  story 
so  often,  that  I  believe  it  myself." 

"  What  ship  were  you  in  ?  " 

"In  the  Blanche,  Captain  Faulkner,  who  was  as  fine 
a  fellow  as  poor  Captain  Savage,  whom  we  buried 
yesterday  ;  there  could  not  be  a  finer  than  either  of  them. 
I  was  at  the  taking  of  the  Pique,  and  carried  him  down 
below  after  he  had  received  his  mortal  wound.  We  did 
a  pretty  thing  out  here  when  we  took  Fort  Royal  by  a 
coup-de-main,  which  means,  boarding  from  the  main-yard 
of  the  frigate,  and  dropping  from  it  into  the  fort.  But 
what's  that  under  the  moon  ? — there's  a  sail  in  the  offing  " 

Swinburne  fetched  the  glass  and  directed  it  to  the 
spot.  "  One,  two,  three,  four.  It's  the  admiral,  sir,  and 
the  squadron  hove-to  for  the  night.  One's  a  line-of-battle 
ship,  I'll  swear."  I  examined  the  vessels,  and  agreeing 
with  Swinburne,  reported  them  to  Mr  Falcon.  My  watch 
was  then  over,  and  as  soon  as  I  was  released  I  went  to 
my  hammock. 


END   OF   VOL.   I. 


TURNBULL  AND  SPEARS,  PRINTERS,  EDINBURGH. 


7     %H\,.     3o- 


